Name: School Lunch Lady | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #507
Uploaded: 2024-05-30T18:45:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'School Lunch Lady | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #507' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'School Lunch Lady | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #507' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-30. Transcript available.

School Lunch Lady | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #507

New tour dates to announce. We've got Montreal on August 3, Portland, Maine on
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and Spokane, Washington on September 12. Tickets for these shows are on sale
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all that and more at TheovanStore.com. That's the only merch site that is run
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guys for your support.
Today's guest is that midday meal maiden. She's that belly-filling bad girl
between breakfast and
dinner. A lunch lady. That's right. Out of Cleveland, Ohio. She's been in the
game more than 31 years.
We're going to learn about all of it. The lunch, the children, the lifestyle.
We want to thank all of
the lunch ladies that reached out and who we spoke with, and we are so grateful
to have one in studio
today. Lunch lady Melissa Ansel.
Shine that light on me
I'll sit and tell you my stories
Shine on me
And I will find a song
Lunch lady Melissa
Lunch lady Melissa, how are you?
I'm doing great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You feel good?
Oh, yeah. I flew for the first time today.
So did you really?
Yes. I've never flown in my life and I said I'd never get on a plane. So thank
you.
And you changed it all up. I changed it all up the last couple of days. Yeah. I've
been feeling like I'm going to pee a lot, but that's all.
Really?
Yeah, because I'm nervous.
Oh, nerves you think.
Yeah, just nerves.
I didn't know if you meant like because of the altitude or something.
Oh, no, no. Just because I was nervous because I was doing something. So.
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Really? So it's been a while.
Oh, a while. I've never flew.
What's the highest you've ever been up then on a building or something on a
slide?
Oh, yeah, maybe a slide or, you know, roller coaster or something.
Gosh.
I know, right?
And was it nerve wracking?
You know, it wasn't as bad, I guess, as what I thought. But yeah, you know, I
had to take a pill, just calm myself down.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've popped a couple of pills just to get through a tough
episode of Cops before.
Well, you know, I mean, this is true.
You know?
Yeah.
So, but thank you for coming in.
No, thank you so much. This was awesome. Thank you for having me.
Yeah, you're very welcome.
And yeah, we just, you know, everybody has had lunch ladies in their lives.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I mean, a lot of children really, it goes from like breastfed to
bottle fed
to being fed by a woman, like, kind of vaguely covered in plastic, you know?
And so it's kind of like, you know, it's almost mom's third breast in a way. It's
like you're that
next liaison to sustenance for a child, you know? True, true.
Um, how did you get into the game? How did you get into it?
Well, you know, I mean, I kind of fell into it, you know, I graduated, got
pregnant,
needed a job, and there I was.
And then it worked out really good.
Yeah, okay. So let's just go back. So you graduated from what?
I graduated from high school.
Okay, you graduated from high school. And where are you? What part of the
nation are you in?
Oh, I'm from Cleveland, Ohio.
Okay, so you're from Ohio. And you graduate from high school. And then you get
knocked up by a man.
Sure.
You know, and then I didn't really want the man that much. So then I moved out.
Oh, you moved out. So you separated. But how did that? So how do you go from
there?
How did somebody go from getting knocked up by a guy?
I kind of wanted to, you know, feed in children.
Yeah, I guess actually.
Well, you know, I fell into the job, but when I started to do it, I was like, I
really like it.
And I had, and my son, then he started going to school there, you know?
Oh, okay.
So he got to stay when I was off, he was off. So it was so much easier to, you
know, follow with him, you know?
Oh, that's kind of perfect, huh?
Oh, it was perfect. Oh, yeah. That was awesome. So we would have the summers
off if I wanted to,
or, you know, whenever the holidays, I didn't have to look for a babysitter,
you know?
Oh, that's pretty magical.
Yeah.
And how did you actually, who got you the job there?
Oh, I just went down to, I went down to the board of education, looked around
and got some jobs.
And then I just slowly like moved up because I've been there so long, you know?
Oh, they move you. So there's different, is there different?
Yeah, there's kind of like different positions.
Like you'd start out like the, the really kind of the lunch lady, then you like
move up to the general prep,
then the cook, then the manager, things like that, you know?
Okay. Okay. So you're in Cleveland, you have a child, your child, now you start
lunch ladying at the school
where your child is.
And so take me to like a typical shift of a lunch lady. Like they get there. Do
you walk to school? Do you, do you guys carpool? How does it work?
I mean, I didn't have a car for a minute. So when I don't have a car, I would
walk or sometimes somebody would pick me up. But I mean, I have a car now and
we're actually in the, we're transitioning there.
They tore my school down. So I'm over at a swing site. So it's a little bit
further, not too much further. And I drive there and back. But once I get the
other one, really, I can kind of walk down there if I had to.
Oh, nice. So it's been perfect since I also have anxiety, I don't drive as much.
Driving's hard, huh?
I don't like the other people driving. If they could just stay away from me
when I'm on the road, I'd be cool.
Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, here's my thing. I've met a lot of people, right?
Something's wrong with them.
So all driving is, is those people are in cars now. Right, right. So it's not
like they've changed suddenly because they're in a vehicle, something's still
wrong with them.
I said, just because I'm nervous and don't drive a lot like that, you know, so
them guys, you know, and I live in the lower Cleveland. So let me just say some
of the drivers aren't even supposed to be in those cars.
Oh yeah? Yeah, because they sold them.
Yeah, I guess. Well, about 15 years ago, I did wake up one morning and my car
got stolen out of my driveway. And I was like, dude, where's my car? And it
really wasn't there. But they never found it.
Oh yeah? So they must have, yeah, they probably took parts off it and had a
good time with it, but I was violated.
Well, yeah, well, what kind of car was it?
It was an old Cutlass.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, they wanted it bad in the, you know, how those doors slammed good and
stuff, yeah.
And look, let's say there's definitely brothers love a Cutlass.
Somebody was loving it, yeah.
Yes, people's love a Cutlass. My dad had a Delta 88 and he had, and he also had
a Cutlass.
Bring that up. Bring up a Cutlass. Let's see the one that got stolen here from
lunch lady, Melissa.
Do you know what year, uh, model it was, Melissa?
Oh goodness, I don't really remember that much.
But just ballpark it, like 1940, 1990?
No, like 1990.
That kind of looked like that white one over there.
Yeah.
Yeah, kind of like, but the doors just shot good and everything, but I didn't
protect it.
Should have put the club or something on the wheel, you know?
Yeah, I got the club on it right now. I'm a beater in the driveway right now.
Do you?
Heck yeah.
Yeah, my mom puts it on all the time.
Oh, I'm, I'm, yeah. I put it on. I don't care, because now that they took it, I'm
like, ah, this is it?
Now, if they could get past all those, they could have it.
Hey, yeah, you've earned it, huh?
Yeah, you earned it. Take it. Go ahead.
Okay, so take me through a typical shift at work. You show up at what time do
you get over there?
Well, I get there at 730.
Okay.
And, you know, I, we turn on all the warmers, oven, all that stuff, you know,
start putting everything out, make hot breakfast.
You had a breakfast.
Yeah, we do a hot breakfast, and we also do a breakfast cart, so they could
choose. So, like, you know, if I have a pancake with a sausage in it.
Oh, yeah.
They could choose a hot, you know, their juice and milk, or they can go over to
the cart, and I have, like, muffins, blueberry muffins, lemon bread, cereal.
Maybe apple?
Oh, all the time, fruits and stuff, yeah.
Yeah.
This new guy's stepping it up with the, the fruit now.
Oh, yeah, they're really.
Yeah, we got a new man in charge of food service, and, yeah, some of the kids
didn't even know what a kiwi and stuff was, but they do now.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, it was interesting. The other day, I would cut them all up, and I'm, like,
oh, I ain't got to worry about it, you know, and then I come over and look, and
the kid's, like, Miss Melissa, I ate the whole kiwi, and I'm, like, what? Why'd
you eat that fuzz?
And I was, like, oh, I didn't know you guys didn't know that. So, yeah, it's,
it's crazy.
Yeah, I think, yeah, the first time you get that kiwi, you don't know how much
to have or how much not to have, you know?
Well, I know I wouldn't eat that outside, though.
I don't know that. I think it depends on what you're into, you know?
Well, yeah, that's true. I mean, it's a fuzzy feeling.
Well, some people like a little bit of, you know, yeah.
They like a different environment.
Right, I get it.
Okay, so you get in there, you got the warmers on. Do you have a team? Do you
guys have a team meeting or something?
Well, no, I'm, like, I'm the manager or whatever. Me and Shayla Cruz, my lady
that cooks and stuff, we come in together, and we do most of the work.
And that's breakfast work?
Breakfast, everything.
So, breakfast comes, some of the kids come. How much percent of the children
come to get breakfast, do you think?
Oh, like 460. I'd say we have 600 we feed a day. So, we could do about 460
breakfast.
Wow.
So, a lot of them eat.
Yeah.
A lot of them eat, yeah.
Yeah, we would get to school for breakfast if we got there in enough time.
Sometimes our bus, if it were, like, six minutes late.
Well, you know what? But now, though, we're, no, we have to stay open for if
their buses are late. Yeah, all that stuff.
So, yeah, we don't close up. We pretty much, kids come in sometimes at, like,
one in the afternoon.
Ms. Melissa, can I get breakfast? I mean, they're eating in two minutes, but
sure, here's your breakfast and your lunch.
Yeah, they don't even care, huh?
I know, they don't care.
They don't know.
As long as they eat.
Yeah.
That's how they are.
Right.
Okay, so you guys got the breakfast done. You shut it down. How do you start to
transition to lunch? Is there an opportunity if people want to smoke between
lunch and breakfast?
Like, what is that? Like, you guys get a little break or anything or do a video
game on your phone or something?
Well, I mean, we're really busy. So, it all depends on what we're making that
day. Because if it's something, like, hard, like, for breakfast, we have to do
all that. If it's just like a pancake, we just heat it up or something, that's
real easy.
Right.
You know what I mean? So, you got more time. But if it's something and I'm
making sausage, egg, cheese, I have to put it all on one, wrap it. No. We're
swinging right in, you know?
Right.
As the kids are coming through, we're still, hey, you know, still working.
Breakfast, lunch, whatever, brunch.
That's what I said. Yeah.
And, like, when I do the turnover, people are like, wow. I'm like, phew, move
the color. We're turning over. Breakfast is over.
So, really, is there a hard line where it's just like breakfast is done?
Well, I say that, but I'm lying. Because whenever they come in, I'll still fill
in breakfast, even if they came in later. So, I always just tease.
But still, you kind of draw a line in the sandwich.
Well, there should be a line, yeah, to at least a limit. Because I'm about to
serve lunch pretty soon. I'll tell them, 