Name: Joey Diaz | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #508
Uploaded: 2024-06-04T20:54:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #508' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joey Diaz | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #508' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-04. Transcript available.

Joey Diaz | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #508

I have some new tour dates to announce. I'm going to be in St. George, Utah on
July 2nd,
Moncton, New Brunswick on August 10th, Bend, Oregon on September 11th, and
Portland, Oregon
on September 13th. Get your tickets early starting Tuesday, June 4th at 10 a.m.
local time with code
Rat King. General on sale starts Wednesday, June 5th at 10 a.m. local time. As
well, we have shows in
Montreal, Quebec, Portland, Maine, Spokane, Washington, Belfast, Ireland, Cork,
Ireland,
London, United Kingdom, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas. Get all
tickets through
theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Make sure not to use a secondary site. Thank you for
your support.
New merch. We've got some new gang gang hoodies. We've just done crewnecks
before. We've got some
hoodies now available in Heather Gray, tan, light blue, and duck camo. Get all
that and more at
theovonstore.com. That's the only merch site that is run by us. I know there's
some other fictional
ones out there. Just watch out for fakes, and thank you guys for your support.
Coming to you live from
Austin today, today's guest is a comedian. Probably one of the most unique
comedians of all time. He has a
new book out called Tremendous, which you can check out on Amazon. He was the
host of the fame podcast,
legendary podcast, The Church of What's Happening Now. He has his own podcast
now with Lee Syatt
called The Check-In. I'm grateful to catch up
today with one of my heroes, Mr. Joey Coco Diaz.
"Shine that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. Shine on me, and I
will find a song I'll be singing for you."
"I'll be singing for you."
"I'm gonna stay."
"I'm gonna stay."
"I'm gonna stay."
"I'm gonna stay."
"I'm gonna stay."
"What'd he say?"
"Jelly Roll?"
"What'd he say?"
"Jelly Roll?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"Alright."
"So, this is Jelly Roll. Like, Jelly Roll every time he wins an award, he gets
up there and he's like,
I just wanna thank, right now there's somebody who's stuck under a bridge,
there's somebody out there
who's got a size 11 foot and a size 8 tennis shoe, and I just wanna say you can
live your dreams."
"Dude, every time they call his name for any, every time Jelly gets an award,
man, he just,
he's so full of feelings, bro, he gets up there and he's just like, I just
wanna, I wanna tell you that
I was a, I was a maitre d' at a macaroni grill, and now I'm a Grammy award-winning
artist."
"Like, sometimes it's just fucking like, bro, if they even, like, at a fat,
like, I feel like even at
Chipotle, if they just call his name to come get his order, he goes up there,
he picks it up,
he's like, I wanna let every illegal alien in this know, in 40 days, and with
only 90 singing lessons,
you can win a fucking American Music Award."
"90 singing lessons."
"Dude, it was better last night when I did it."
"Oh my god, I was dying, I was dying in my sleep."
"He was, uh, you do 'em to the T, it's fucking crazy, everybody was dying last
night."
"Some people do 'em real good, um, yeah, Joey Diaz, man, good to see you,
brother."
"Good to see you too, my friend."
"You too, man, that was fun last night."
"That was a lot of fun, before just seeing you, it's been four fucking years,
Theo."
"I know, dude."
"Since the pandemic, man, I haven't seen anybody."
"Yeah, I really, it's so funny, I realized, I didn't realize how much I missed
seeing you until
I got out of the car, out of the Uber at the, um, mothership, and I was like,
is Joey here?"
"And they're like, yeah, and I literally, my legs, like I ran upstairs."
"Oh, I was so happy, first person I asked for when I got there, I'm like, where's
fucking Theo?"
"Yeah, like he'll be here later."
"No, man, we haven't seen each other, it's been, uh, it's fucking crazy, man,
what happens to life sometimes."
"Yeah, has it been good, have you been feeling good in Jersey?
It seems like everything's good, you look great."
"The first fucking year was a struggle, because I was lost, I was fucking lost,
I was like,
you know, what I was trying to do was, honestly, was just figure out what
happened the last 30 years.
After the pan, when the pandemic hit, we were all gung-ho, we were very all gung-ho."
"Oh yeah."
"But like, by May of the pandemic, I was like, what the fuck happened?
I came here, I auditioned for Mitzi Shaw, and I don't know what happened.
Like, here we are."
"Yeah."
"You know, movies talking to this guy, talking to that guy, the store at the
end, before the pandemic,
it was something that you'll never ever see again. I still remember I would do
spots and then go to the kitchen
after my spot and just sit for a minute and look out into the bar area and
stuff.
And it would be like celebrities, MMA people, the Clippers, you know, it was
something every night.
It was just too overwhelming.
"Yeah."
"Every time you left the store on Tuesdays or Thursdays, you got in your car
and you had to
fucking drive 30 minutes just to decompress.
"Yeah."
"Dr. Dre was hanging out at night before the fucking thing, he was coming into
the store every night.
It was just a scene that was, you know, hard to believe. We had our own fucking
thing.
Kennison, Dice, those guys had their thing and we had our thing."
"It's really true. I didn't realize it either until I went back like over the,
I've gone back over the past
two years and it's like, it's not even, it's not even the same thing anymore.
It was like a, it was
like lightning striking when everybody was there, dude. Dude, the lineup
sometimes like on a Tuesday night,
I still have them. I saved them, everything. I would clip a lineup, I would
take a picture of it or
something and go, "This is where you were with these guys. I want to see
somebody try to take
something away from me." Like, do you know what I'm saying? Like people always
go, "Whoa, you didn't do it."
Listen, bitch.
And this is these lineups in 2019. What about the lineups? Well, 2009 I wasn't
there, but in 99 I was there.
And I remember looking at those lineups and they weren't good, but you had
fucking animals, like three of them there on the lineups. It wasn't like nine
motherfuckers coming
at you. Yeah. From Ali Wong to you to D'Elia. It was a cavalcade every Tuesday
and Thursday and
everybody got along. Whitney, you, Burt, Joe, Segura. Fucking Tripoli. Brennan.
Eddie Bravo. Owen Smith.
It was fucking crazy what was down there. It was crazy. Crazy. Bro, they had
MMA fighters that weren't
even comedians fucking doing 20 minutes down there. It was fucking crazy. Eddie
Bravo was doing like 40
fucking minutes, bro. Fucking crazy. You think about it. And people walked in
there and it's like they
got high. Yeah. As soon as people walked in, it's like walking into the mothership.
You know, you walk
in and you're just taken. You're just taken. And this is, you know, I didn't do
it for one summer. I did
it for 30 fucking years. So now I got to figure out where they took me. Yeah.
You know, where the
fuck did they take me? I mean. Yeah. Just to look at that lineup and be like,
it doesn't even feel
like you're really the person doing it. No. You ever see Oh God, You Devil? Any
of those Oh God
movies with George Burns? Is it like a black movie or not? No, no, no. George
Burns. Oh yeah. Plays God and
he fucks with people. Yeah. And he got the Coke bottle or whatever. And it's
really weird. Yeah. Those
things there. Fucking one of the guys he went to. I'll never forget. Like I,
this is way before I got into
comedy. Way before I got into comedy. I started watching them. You know, I like
movies. And there
was one particular guy that the guy was a musician and he was struggling and he
was like a Bruce
Springsteen type guy. And then he came to him and he fucking shut out the light
because he was the
devil. He plays the devil. Oh, he plays the devil. He cuts a deal with you to
sell your soul. Oh God,
you devil. I remember the gods must be crazy. Was that him? No, no, that's okay.
That's why you're getting
confused with the Africans and stuff. Yeah. But it was, that's what I feel like.
The guy during the movie,
after he became a star, he would go, what the fuck? What the fuck? And then he
would go to a restaurant.
After he knew the devil took his soul, he would go to a restaurant and see the
girl he was engaged
with. And now she was about to have a baby. And this was his life. Like, it's
fucking crazy. And
that's what I felt like. Yeah. A lot of times, like, did I just do that? Why do
people want to take a
picture of me? I'm a felon. Yeah. Your mother told you to stay away from people
like me and you
want to take a picture of me. And it was just mind boggling. So that was the
first year in Jersey.
It was just trying to figure out coming down. It was, I was coming down. I was,
I had committed to
coming down and seeing what life was like with the fucking and the sticks, you
know, and, uh,
started going to softball games and basketball games with my daughter. And were
you playing or you
were just coaching or what? Nah, I don't even coach. I just sit there, I get
high and I sit there and
watch. Oh yeah. Don't your fucking girls go. You know, it's so funny. I used to
go to my
father-in-law's house in Nashville. That motherfucker's always watching girls
softball.
And I would look at him and go, I'm not even gonna say nothing to my wife, but
this is the most
pedophilia fucking thing ever. An old guy watching girls softball. Well, guess
what? I became that
fucking old guy. Now I go to her games. I go to her basketball game. You know,
it's, there's so much.
Listen, man, I, I, for me to get into comedy, I lost her family. I lost her
daughter. You know,
she's 34. I haven't talked 30 fucking four. Like this was part of the whole,
like, what happened?
Like I left Boulder when she was five and now she's 30 fucking four. We haven't
spoken in 20 years.
No way. 20 years, 20. Yeah, it's gotta be 20 years now.
Is it, are there times where it just hits you and it just hurts sometimes?
It really hurt in the beginning for years. It really took me part of the
addiction and all that
shit was that. And then I made peace with it. I knew that this wasn't going to
work. It wasn't in
the cards and you got to move on. Then I had this, then God gave me a second
chance and they threw
another girl at me and I'm like, what am I going to do here? So I said, let me
sink in, you know,
and fucking be a dad. Just get, I got a second chance to do this the right way
this time.
And this is what I'm going to do. And that was a real thought in your head. You're
like, I got this,
this is God giving me a second chance. Fuck yeah. Yeah. You know, I've gotten
feel,
how many second chances have I fucking got a decent amount. So some second
chances you gotta jump on and
go, you know what? This ain't going to happen again. Yeah. I can make peace
with myself. You know,
I heard things. I wasn't a good dad. I heard tons of shit from my ex-wife and
now I'm living it.
You know, now I'm living, I got a nice house, cars, you know, we don't, I'm not
a jet setter,
you know that I'm not a BMW guy or nothing. I'm just happy and comfortable.
Yeah. You know,
I retire in four fucking years. My daughter collects social security for three
of those years.
The ones I didn't get when my mother died. So everything comes full fucking
circle, man.
Oh really? So social security, you get it for how long? So when my mother died,
I didn't get social security because they said she didn't work enough quarters.
She owned a business.
So I had no money coming in when I was a kid, you know, for all those years.
And it's weird now,
I got a letter about six months ago about retiring and all this shit with
benefit. And I'm like,
I don't want to retire. I want to keep slinging dick. I feel great to go out
there. I'm not in the
mood to go on planes every weekend. No, it's a lot. It's a young man. It's not
a young man's game.
It's a young man's game. But it's a really, it's not even that you can't do it.
It's just,
can you put up with it? It's like the stress, it just wears on you. And you did
it for so l