Name: Post Malone | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #529
Uploaded: 2024-09-04T22:10:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Post Malone | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #529' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Post Malone | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #529' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-04. Transcript available.

Post Malone | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #529

we have some new new tour dates to announce bloomington indiana on november 13th
at the
indiana university auditorium columbus ohio november 14th at the schottenstein
center
champagne illinois up there november 15th at the state farm center and grand
rapids michigan on
november 16th at the van and dell arena get your tickets early starting thursday
september 5th
at 10 a.m local time with pre-sale code rat king general on sale starts friday
september 6th at 10
a.m local time we also have shows in bend oregon spokane portland oregon vancouver
in the canada
oklahoma city north little rock springfield and kansas city missouri sioux
falls south dakota
lacrosse green bay moline colorado springs casper billings missoula lafayette
and beaumont texas
get all your tickets at theovan.com slash t-o-u-r make sure to buy through that
link
so you aren't visiting a secondary site and thank you so much for all of your
love and support looking
forward to seeing you there we've got new merch check out the new return of the
rat tie-dye tees
in green and purple we also have the be good to yourself collection gang gang
hoodies and much more
you're welcome to see you there we're welcome to see you there we have a new
album coming out called f1 trillion
actually it's out now uh you can go enjoy it um it's him and some of my
favorite artists i saw him perform at the grand old opry last night and it was
magnificent
i'm so thankful for the energy that he's given to the world uh to bring us
together really
today's guest is mr post malone
a little wine little wine little wine little wine
is good it's good for the heart doctors say pregnant ladies can drink it can
they really
that's what they say yeah but have you seen the babies
they're pretty fucking awesome whenever they come out
that's the point dude i'll just say this dude
they shred their hearts they're like i've been fucking drinking before i was
born
yeah a lot of them have real pale skin and their gingers which are good
citizens of the society
and they wear north carolina jersey so they fucking go hard bro
depends on what wine it is if you drink like a nice bordeaux as opposed to like
uh franzia which i love fucking franzia
uh a little bag of wine yeah put in the saddlebag put in well franzia was
always like that wine that um
every now and then your parents would have a party or something and then you
would like go into the kitchen late to get a little snack or a little like
square of cheese or cracker somebody had left and you'd go in there and some
lady would come just just stumbling out of the christmas tree and she'd be like
hey hey hey yeah
and gave it to you no she'd want she'd have frank she'd have it like tucked
under her arm or at that
point sometimes they would have the they'd have it out of the box or naked as
they well you have to
you have to have it out of the box i believe oh you do yes sir it's like a
water skin you know it's
like it makes me feel like a frontiersman whenever they have those like
fucking what what shape are those like a kidney shaped deal you know what i
mean water kidney oh yeah
yeah it is it has a very at that point it gets a like a camelback vibe it's
like a fucking uh bagpipe
yeah i'm not surprised if some of those bagpipe players aren't just uh well you
can actually hear
a bagpipe it's right but a bagpipe is the blowout and the franzia is on the way
in but you think you
might bring two bagpipes one is franzia oh yeah yeah you could get put it in a
camelback it's genius it
makes so much sense yeah i had a bag of wine in my bed under my pillow all of
for all of school i
don't know if i should say this now what school was it at school that's a
school and my parents never
found it no way yeah because it it's kind of like a i told him i bought like a
water bed pillow and you
could just lean over and just it's like sucking on romulus or mother rome's teat
oh yeah yeah like sucking on
mother rome's teeth man nothing like it there's nothing like it that's them
there's nothing like
you do good is everybody in there okay okay cool thank you so much you got like
a big lightsaber that
hit that that thing that like it's like you hit it and like somebody's whoop
bracelet goes off in
the distance or whatever you know what i'm talking about it's like you that
vapor you hit it and
somebody's whoop is like i'm fat or whatever it's like a whoop bracelet a whoop
bracelet is like um
bring it up
a whoop bracelet it's like a bracelet that tells you you're sleeping well it
like monitors your
heartbeat and then there's like a little plug or something maybe i think
allegedly you can put into
your side or something to monitor your sugar and it'll send the information to
it so it can tell if
you're dreaming or if you like if you if you're you know you've never met your
father can tell you
everything dude don't they have them on apple watches i think they have to find
your dad app on the
apple oh yeah well yeah then they just somebody didn't trademark it then
because a lot of people
are doing it because sometimes it'll say on the whoop bracelet it'll say whoop
there he is and it'll
play that song you know for your dad yeah like if you get close enough to him
yeah exactly it gets
louder it's when the closer it's like whoop there he is and that's showing my
age possible good to
see you hey thanks for having me yeah man congratulations dude i saw you at the
uh
grand old opry last night thank you sir thank you for coming thank you was that
your first time there
yes sir that was my first time and i remember i i laid down after i got home
last night and i was
like was theo vaughn there because i'm 85 sure i said hi but i didn't know if i
was just dreaming
but lo and behold you were there yeah and you said hey man it was nice well i
imagine it was such a
tough place to be i mean there were so many stars in the building and that was
your first time
performing there yes sir terrifying terrifying yeah because it's like going to
like the mount
everest of performances of live venues yes sir yeah it's terrifying it's um
yeah and you brought out
john michael montgomery uh laney wilson brad paisley came out and played three
or four songs with you
you brought out um warren treaty yep you brought out warren treaty um and who
else those dudes are
handsome oh vince gill vince gill so cool it's so cool man i i'm just like i'm
i'm absolutely floored i
can't even um begin the crowd was so amped man i i you know i i never know what
to expect but it was
someone said that there were two tickets sold for like 22 grand a piece what
which is awesome that's
insane oh somebody someone is so disappointed well no they got to see laney and
and somebody else is
buying their wife a set of supreme tits or hip replacements you could have got
two yeah two tickets
44 grand think of the boobs oh pull that up what kind of breast can you get at
44 grand and i have a
blocker on this computer because i used to have a pornography issue but it's um
so i don't know if we if
we can pull that up see what they allow how much breast can you get for 44k
44k just like that yeah exactly okay there's gonna be some track 44 44 large
i'm 44k oh chest 44 large bro that was good that was really good uh okay what's
44k size breast yeah let's
see that and just tell me tell me to look away if it gets too crazy um this is
science i'm five six
and 245 pounds i've always had a severe back and neck problems because of them
in quotations and
they're talking about them okay ever since and look i don't want to use
pronouns but we're talking about
us them sure titties yeah exactly that's mine yeah ever since i was in high
school those are k's oh wow
those are double k what's the biggest size ever since i was in high school i've
been medicated i don't
think you need to be okay that's an excuse to use drugs that's right my a cups
i mean that's i need
something whoa oh my god bro that ain't the san andreas fault dog that is
amazing wow what if someone fell in
there oh the best the funnest thing to do there would be order one of those
like you know you go
to a um restaurant and they put the little shots of different tequilas sure and
you just put them
right in do a whole flight yeah yeah you do a whole fight which you guys can't
see it wow wow these are
she's killing it oh she's killing something they're natural you can tell oh
those are yeah you couldn't do
that i mean one of them look like it washed up on the edge of the ocean this is
i like i like this
asymmetric look i think that's the dress no i think obviously all women are
beautiful and this but this
is a lot of breasts what we're saying here what we're saying it's not like an
analyst what we're
seeing here is a lot of breasts this is amazing now this is something else now
that is a lot of
breasts for someone how would you couldn't even see your kid if you're feeding
you're like is he done
good hugs oh yeah best hugs that's a that's a wholesome response yeah she gives
great hugs i can't
believe i've never googled this before yeah i didn't know that either that's 44k
double k 44k that's
the breast size okay so i think we put in 44 000 wait you get that for 44k no
that's l m and n she's
in the ends okay okay so i think we put in 44k as the money and it took the
computer took it as
a breast size 44 sure i didn't know they went to k's me neither and this she's
in the ends yeah l m and n
yeah that's i mean she's got more k's than uh joe musgrove during a good game
brother she's
that's a lot um anyway uh nice it's been five minutes yeah we went from the aubry
to boobs but
it is nice to look at something and also it's not pornography yes sir no it's
science it's strictly
science it's just like my feet pick stuff like just science have you ever had
any you didn't even have
an account on there what on feet finder one of those no but i was highly rated
oh really i was
like i came in at like a four four eight people put you on there yeah oh four
eight wow you have
good feet that's what i hear good i go yeah boy well i don't know about this
one don't um wiki feet
men what does it say on wiki feet men yeah let's go to actually it's a top one
and i'm not going to say
that i know this but let's go to wiki feet men okay yeah i mean that that's the
only trusted source
yeah go ahead type type type me up yeah that guy was at manfoot.org look at
this look at my rating
let me see it i got a four nine i'm like four nine right now is that what that
says
dude i'm coming in are there any pics of the actual hoofs though
yeah they're in these okay check these out look at all the data this is data
okay oh there's a hoof
oh so you really are a barefoot little soldier i love it yeah it's the best
people call it earthing
i just call it postman gives you his dirty sock and draws you a tattoo oh yeah
pov and then you got loke in the background i love how he's making sure this is
okay yeah this is
kosher this is your bodyguards in the background like nobody why am i smelling
it yeah hey look dude
what goes on at these shows that's the kind of behavior you gotta that you
gotta offer off to
people absolutely um when you do your live shows do you have a big ensemble
like what goes on what
goes into your live shows because everybody kind of has different stuff you
know yes sir yeah um you
know now we we started doing like a band a couple years ago as opposed to just
me but now we have
now we brought cheese out play steel oh uh chandler yeah from earnest's band
yeah yeah uh urn is
so sweet and so is cheese but urn you know he's played with urn forever yeah he
was just like go
go you know and um yeah it was the other day they were so excited sweet thing
both of them were so
excited that he was going to play with you i was just like blown away like
because cheese is he's 21
years old you know what i mean and he's beautiful he's a stud absolutely i mean
and also if all the
men died or something he would immediately he'd become number one look at that
one right there he'd be
referred to as 