Name: Anger Professor Dr. Ryan Martin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #543
Uploaded: 2024-11-08T15:00:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anger Professor Dr. Ryan Martin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #543' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Anger Professor Dr. Ryan Martin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #543' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

Anger Professor Dr. Ryan Martin | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #543

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Today's guest is an expert in the world of anger.
He's an author.
He's a researcher.
He's a dean at the College of Arts, Humanities, and Social Sciences at the
University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.
We covered a lot of ground, and he has some insightful thoughts.
Just talking about anger in general, and then just things that spaces I've had
trouble with anger in.
I'm very grateful today to have spent time with Dr. Ryan Martin.
I think the thing I was really, I thought was cool, is just the variety of
guests you've had on over the years.
I mean, it was like, it was impressive.
It's a cool group.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, it was a cool group.
Yeah, I mean, there's been some real smart people, some real perverts that have
come on here, some real creeps.
We've had all kinds.
Yeah, well, good.
Well, I hope I fall in that first category.
I hope I'm not one of the perverts or the creeps.
Yeah.
TBD, brother.
We'll see where we end.
Dr. Ryan Martin is here.
You're a professor at University of Wisconsin-Green Bay.
Yep.
Yep, that is right.
Yeah, and we wanted to talk with you today about anger because that's the world
you work in, right?
Anger?
Yep, exactly.
Yeah, so I've been working at the university for the last 19 years.
I've been teaching psychology for 18 of those years.
I actually just started a year ago as the dean of arts, humanities, and social
sciences.
But most of that time, I've been researching, and actually, even before that, I
was researching anger and teaching and writing about anger.
And what made you get into it?
Did you have, like, some things when you were a child that got you really angry?
Yeah.
Yeah, some of it was that.
Some of it, you know, there's this long story about my family and what was
called the Martin temper, right?
And it referred to mostly the men in my family who had, who were, like, quick
to get mad.
Oh, yeah.
Starting with my dad, but not ending with him, right?
Yeah.
And so both my brothers, me.
And, you know, so something I was just, it's interesting because I think people
assume, you know, anger is, you know, that it was, like, hostile or
uncomfortable or that we didn't love each other.
Professional wrestling or something.
Yes, exactly.
But it wasn't that.
It was, like, it was a really loving home.
Like, I get along great with my siblings.
We've got really great relationships.
All of us have chilled out quite a bit since then.
But so it's just something I grew up with.
It was a theme.
Yeah.
And when I went to college, decided I was interested in studying it more.
And then I went to grad school and started working with a professor who studied
it.
His name is Dr. Eric Dolan.
And he was researching anger.
And it just became something I was really passionate about and really
interested in.
So, yeah, it seems like it was kind of a family affair then, kind of.
And so, obviously, that's maybe that's just a sign out of the gate that it's
something for you to, like, reflect on and learn about, you know?
So, when people, like, because I get angry all the time.
I'm pretty angry a lot, even though maybe sometimes I don't seem like it.
But when people say anger, like, what do they mean?
Like, what, like, I know it's so basic, but, like, what is anger?
Yep.
Yeah.
And so I think what you just said is really, really important.
Like, you know, you said I'm angry a lot of the time, but people don't realize
it.
And I think that's because something I think you realize that a lot of people
don't is that anger is just the feeling.
It's just the emotion.
We can express that emotion, that emotion, in a gajillion different ways.
And some people express that anger by yelling and screaming.
Some people express that anger by suppressing it.
Some people, like me, they just do a relatively good job of controlling it, of
using it to problem solve and so on.
To answer your question, what is it?
It's the emotional desire to lash out.
And it's associated with having been wronged, having been treated unfairly, or
having had your goals blocked.
Like, I want to do something, and something's interfering with me trying to get
that thing done.
So it's why road rage is so common.
It's because, by definition, you're on your way somewhere, stuff's getting in
your way, and you start to get mad about it.
Yeah.
What are your triggers?
Like, when you say you get angry all the time, what are some of the things that,
if I can ask?
Yeah, no, thanks for asking, Ryan.
For me, I've been noticing recently a lot of it is unrealistic expectations.
So I have a lot of just generally unrealistic expectations that people should
know how to do things the way I would like them to be done.
Got it.
So that, out of the gate, has been a big one for me.
Would you describe yourself as, like, kind of type A?
Do you know what that means?
Like, type A personality?
Like blood or whatever?
No, no, no.
Like, it's a personality type of being competitive, really aggressive.
A lot of successful people are type A.
I'm type A, right?
And even, it's like, I'm really competitive, I'm really aggressive, I'm really…
Type A, let me see it right here, we have it.
Our personality is defined by traits like ambition, drive, and competitiveness,
which can lead to a high level of success.
But type A personalities can also be impatient, hostile, and even have trouble
relaxing.
Yeah, I wouldn't go to hostile.
I don't get there.
But I can get, like, yeah, very impatient, have trouble relaxing.
Dude, I'll notice I will be urinating, right?
And in the middle of urinating, I will flush the toilet just because I don't
want to, I want to get it off my checklist.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, it's already done.
You got a to-do list, right?
Yeah.
Right.
And so, it's still weird because I'll then still urinate into the toilet.
Yeah.
But it's like, I've already, it's like…
Yeah.
But so, impatience, yeah, is definitely a big one for me.
You got to learn to time that just right so that it's like, just as you're
finishing, it's going down.
Yeah, I'm sure that's how I started, but then after a while, it was like, well,
why do I, you know, but I noticed that about myself.
Like, that's a real thing that I noticed that it's like, that for me was like,
wow, I have a lot of impatience.
Yeah, the reason I ask is because what you said about like setting unrealistic
expectations is that's really common for people who are kind of type A, right,
who have these high, this competitive trait is that they think, hey, the people
should, I want to accomplish a lot.
And me accomplishing a lot relies on other people to get their stuff done and
taken care of.
And if they don't, if they let me down, that slows me down and I don't like it,
right?
And so, it's, this is something I actually deal with relatively often too.
I get an idea in my head that idea is reliant on other people doing their job
in a particular way.
And I think to myself, they should be able to get that done by whatever day.
Right.
And then they don't, you know, and it, and in fairness to them, it's because
they've got other stuff they're doing, right?
I mean, yeah, totally.
Yeah.
It makes sense that they don't, or that things don't go a certain way.
It's just like in certain moments, it's tough for me, you know, it's tough for
me to notice that.
It's like, that's not what I'm thinking.
Right.
But that for sure is a big trigger for me.
I noticed is unrealistic expectations.
Yeah.
So, and I'm sure I'm not the only person that deals with this type of thing.
Yeah.
So, why, why do people get mad, like, or get angry in, in any given moment?
Kind of like, is it, is there a real science behind it?
Yep.
And this is the stuff I study.
So, okay.
So, why people get angry in a particular moment is usually a confluence of like
three things, right?
There's so, so there's a trigger and there's the thing that happened, right?
And, and I, I tend to, I encourage people to be really specific about what that
thing is, right?
So, uh, driving down the street, um, yellow light in front of you, you think
you can make
it car in front of you stops though, right?
So now you've got to stop.
Um, so that's the trigger, right?
Then there is your mood at the time of that trigger.
So are you stressed?
Are you fatigued?
Are you, um, already angry about something?
Are you anxious?
Whatever.
Are you, are you too warm or too cold, physically uncomfortable, hungry, all
those things make
it more likely that you're going to respond with, with anger in that moment.
And then there's, um, there's how you interpret that behavior.
And this is where those expectations come in, right?
So do I interpret this person as, do I look at this and say, oh, this is going
to ruin my
day.
I'm now, I'm going to be late to work.
I'm not going to get done what I need to get done.
Do you interpret it as, oh, that idiot.
Why did they slow down?
Right.
And so do you label them in that sort of negative way?
You totally could have made that man.
Yeah.
Um, you know, or do you interpret it as, um, Hey, it's going to slow me down
two minutes.
I'll still get to work.
Everything's going to be okay.
Right.
That third one sounds like the healthiest one.
Yep.
But I'll even go.
So now I'm like, this bastard left his house just to fucking strain me here.
Yep.
He's just here to ruin my life.
Like, yeah, or I'll, yeah.
So now there are a part of my brain will even go there.
Yeah.
You know, um, we, we have these thoughts.
There's like, there are a couple of specific types of thoughts that we have
when we're faced
with that kind of provocation.
Okay.
And one of them is what you just described.
It's, it's this inflammatory labeling, right?
So I label this guy as a bastard, as an asshole, as a loser, whatever.
Right.
Another one is, um, that demandingness that we talked about.
And it's like, you know, God, why can't they just do the job the way they're
supposed to do whatever.
Um, you know, the, what we call like making these dictatorial demands, like
things need
to be done the way I want them.
When, when I want them, there's, uh, what we call overgeneralizing.
So it's, uh, I don't know if you ever say like, God, this always happens to me.
And it's, you know, where you label things in that sort of super exaggerated
way.
Um, there's catastrophizing, which is when you blow things out of proportion,
you say,
this is going to ruin my day, my week, my month, my year, right?
This is the, my career is over now.
Right.
This ruins everything.
Christmas is done.
Yep.
Exactly.
Right.
Yep.
Um, and then there's, uh, the last one is what we call, uh, misattributing causation,
but it's where you, you just blame the wrong people for things.
You know, you, you, you say, or you decide they did it on purpose, right?
What you were saying before about like, this guy's just do