Name: The Inauguration | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #557
Uploaded: 2025-01-24T15:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Inauguration | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #557' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Inauguration | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #557' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-01-24. Transcript available.

The Inauguration | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #557

i have some tour dates to let you know about east lansing michigan february 27th
will be
performing their victoria bc in the canada on march 16 college station texas
belton texas over
there oxford mississippi and the hottie-tottie belt tuscaloosa alabama nashville
tennessee
my home currently and maybe forever we'll see how god does the zoning in my
life winnipeg
in the canada in calgary in the canada right there get all your tickets at theovon.com
t-o-u-r thank you so much for your support and this is still the return of the
rat tour i think
we're going to end this tour at some point this year but that's the one it is
for now um thank you
good day sir i said good day it's been a week it's been a week what's been
happening oh this i um
a good day first of all let me say that to you and um this is the day that we
have been given and um
yeah and i'm happy to be here and alive with you today on planet earth
at this time in existence and here we are um what is going on i'll tell oh this
i freaking um i'm in
los angeles right and i forgot that i have a uh jeep cherokee out here and um
it's probably maybe six
seven years old or something and i forgot that um i wasn't driving my uh car at
home right in nashville
so the other day i thought my car got stolen so i call the um police or
whatever or you know yes the
author authorities they come the guy we're standing i'm like telling him
describing uh my car which is a
cyber truck and i know that's alarming and it makes a lot of people sad and
that's okay um but i'm
described and it is it's a it's very it's it's like driving like a um molar
filling for the statue of
liberty you just feel like you're driving this huge molar filling for some
gigantic thing but um anyway
besides all that i call the police i'm telling the guy uh took a while waited
probably 40 minutes i'm
telling the officer explaining the vehicle and stuff and i reach him my um
pants i have car keys right
i have car keys and the guy and i said well these are the keys to it and i gave
them to him
and he presses the button and the dude i uh the car the car was like five cars
away
i thought that i had i was driving my cybertruck i just forgot i thought i was
driving my truck and
i just i forgot because i i just hadn't been in los angeles in so long and i
just forgot that um i was
driving um this chair the the jeep so the jeep like i'm a multi-car owner but
um anyway absolutely
embarrassing and just ridiculous and just you know i was like i was to describe
the vehicle to him
you know so turn that off and describe the vehicle and first of all when you're
describing a cybertruck
you're like yeah it looks like uh uh if you can't you know it looks like a ufo
that couldn't make it
you know that's kind of what you know it's just very it's like you know it
looks like a uh like
you're driving a sand wedge or something so just that of that alone is is
bizarre and then i was like
yeah i don't know what happened i ran inside here for a little bit and i came
out and it was gone
so i'm telling that and then i have the keys and then i i think i that's where
my glitch was i was
like yeah and i guess i um i still have the keys and i give them to him he
presses the thing
the keys to the uh my jeep and bam it's right there so anyway whatever that's
where i'm at
um what else let's get into it man i just got back from the inauguration in the
usa and i was
uh let's play some let's play let's lead into it with a little instrumental
you usa inauguration
very beautiful that's canon in d major right there if you're into that sort of
thing um
yeah i was just uh i took a red eye flight and so i got in probably 6 30 in the
morning
had to get dressed in the car and took this uh suit that i have on got dressed
in the car went to
got dropped off at a hotel right and you couldn't you couldn't go within like
five blocks of the hotel
you had there you couldn't drive up to it so it got dropped off so when it's
walking um and it's cold
you know when you're like you know you're hurrying because we had to get there
by a certain time by
8 a.m to make sure um that i could be like legit or whatever so i guess so i'm
changing in this thing and
i didn't know the man the man the driver of the um car that picked me up he was
a
he was from a like a united nations area or whatever you know what i'm saying
he this guy was a
he we probably got him in a trade or something i don't know how he got him
but he didn't uh speak a lot of english and that's okay and i didn't speak a
lot of his language so we just
were you know we were different we were verbally kind of different people and
so anyway i'm like
and i've never you know i'd have to change in this car and so it's just like um
yeah it's weird first
of all i had to change down to complete nudity you know down to just um you
know just down to the lord's
matt finish you know what i'm talking about baby that first layer and so it was
just a lot you know so
anyway that happened and um and so anyway we get we get like you can only get
within five blocks of this
hotel to where i had to go uh check in by 8 a.m and it was called hotel wilfred
hotel wilfred wrote it
down and it was fancy i mean you go in and there's like a there's like a truck
like somebody has a
trumpet or whatever they're not even playing it but they're holding it or
whatever like a guy standing
by the door and there's some guy whose job he stands outside his only job is to
just be cold
he just looks he's like you know it's like a nice place it's like like a place
you would see on home
alone where he goes where kevin goes and but yeah there's a guy out out front
his job is just to get
cold for the rich people inside so they don't have to do that right so he's
just outside just being
freezing that guy was out there dude and so i go inside and there's nice carpet
and everything
and this wasn't where i was staying this place was probably i don't even know
how much it was
but they wouldn't like it was a lot but anyway everything had carpet the walls
had carpet the
ceiling had carpet everything had kind of flooring or whatever everything and
but very fancy like pictures
of um like uh like rich somebody rich eating something you know like oh um sirloin
or whatever
so anyway all that so go in there and ask to use the restroom they had a guy
like the place was
nice they had a guy who was just looking at you who looked like do we let this
dude use our toilets
type of dude you know like kind of like a uh bouncer or whatever they call it
you know just a dude
and he looked at me and i could tell he was like visually on the fence right
but then i just kind
of gave him like a you know i can handle it um type of thing you know and then
i went in the bathroom
i'm in there changing or whatever um i'm in there um getting uh my toothbrush
get toothbrush and put some
lotion on my arms and legs right because uh yeah because i didn't want to you
know it was winter
time and i get pretty chapped out so anyway i go and i meet our group in the
lobby and i meet up there's
a guy named alex brusiewicz and he was um the guy who got us in to be able to
go and he was a guy
also who his yeah his last name i think brusiewicz i don't know it's a letters
that don't even know
each other right it's like you could tell some of the letters if you write it
out you're like oh these
they never even these letters don't know each other you know and if you look on
the faces of
some of the letters if you had them lined up you see some of the letters like i
don't i don't know this
guy you know pointing at the letter next to him or whatever yeah brook sure brook
sure brook sure
something like that anyway i get there this is the people that is in the group
okay it is um
it is kyle from nelk boys right john shahidi um from uh shots and happy dad um
jake paul's logan paul's
uh who else let me think jake paul's logan paul's pam paul's uh pam logan paul's
let me see logan paul's mom
is called pam um and then uh connor mcgregor and um evander holyfield and danica
patrick
right the race car um you know she was like at first they had like princess and
mario kart and
then right after that they had uh danica patrick so you know one of only two
female racers ever
so anyway that is our group that's our group right and like i don't even know
let me see i'd never
oh i'd met evanders one time okay so i'd met event i'll tell you this story i
met evanders
so evanders is uh he one time i'm at an airport i think it's chicago and they
had a mcdaniels right
there and they had it all you know what i'm talking about they got it
they got it all baby they got a uh the mcdouble the whopper the nuggets the mac
nuggets everything
you know they got it all the mcflurry you know uh the ice cream machines down
turn it on jack
that bitch ain't broken um anyway so one time i'm at the chicago airport i see
uh evander's holyfield
sitting right there he was at a table by himself he had himself he got himself
a medium fry okay and
i'll you know i'm the kind of guy that who i guess i'm the kind of guy who if i'm
walking by and i see
evander's holyfield eating a medium fry i'm gonna stop and watch them you know
and you don't know
you're you're you're you're that type of guy until you're that type of guy so i'm
walking by i see the
fry i see the holy field bam brother you know what i'm saying it's the thriller
for vanilla mcflurry you
know what i'm saying like i just had to watch this so if anders is sitting
there he's putting fries into
his mouth and he'd been over the years he's accumulated a lot of punches to his
face right
and that's no that's historical facts so some of the fries he wasn't even
opening his mouth right
he was just pushing them through just pushing on through the uh you know that
pantomouth canal baby
that you know through his face through his mouth just putting them in and there
was a girl who had
been working at the cinnabon down about maybe 70 yards okay they had a cinnabon
about 70 yards down
the terminal and i saw her run up i saw her run up and she stopped right in
front of advantage and he's
out he's there he's in the you know he's halfway through the fourth round of a
medium fry
and this girl runs right up dude and you could tell she was uh she'd left the
counter unattended i'm not
trying to rat anybody out but this was a young sister and she left the counter
unattended chicago airport
probably nine years ago right probably 7 p.m she runs down she points right at
evanders and she says
i used to watch you wrestle i used to watch you wrestle
so it just goes to show you can work your whole life doing something and
somebody
just they don't know people don't know they think you wrestle you know you
could be one of the
greatest heavyweights of all time and somebody thinks you are coco beware right
somebody thinks you
should have a bird on your shoulder you know it's just it is what it is no
shade to any of those men
um so anyway that's the group dude so now i'm getting on so you had to you had
to uh go outside
i asked the people at the front desk of the willard hotel nice bro them bitches
damn they like it was
old too like they had ghosts i bet and even the ghosts would have a wallet on
them that's how i'm
rich people they you see a ghost in there and he'd be you know he'd be like oh
i'm rich
he wasn't even scaring people he's like that's from poor ghost homie he was at
the at the uh at
the strip club dude you know um but um okay so we get to the back of the bus we
sit down
um oh so as we're going to get outside to get on to the bus that's like leaving
the hotel we go out
out of the out of the area they had now they have like secret service and
everything is very show your
id like every 30 feet you're showing your id to somebody letting somebody look
at you look at you
you know some uh people touching your um glands the sides of your neck or
whatever every somebody's
you know somebody's asking you who your mother is you know that kind of so yeah
there's
just somebody like every