Name: Antonio Brown | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #560
Uploaded: 2025-02-07T22:08:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Antonio Brown | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #560' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Antonio Brown | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #560' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-02-07. Transcript available.

Antonio Brown | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #560

Today's guest is a former NFL wide receiver, a pro bowler, maybe one of the
greatest NFL receivers of all time.
He played for the Pittsburgh Steelers, the New England Patriots, briefly for
the Buccaneers, and possibly for the Raiders.
Since then, he found himself in multiple endeavors, like his prestigious Cracker
of the Day Awards, where he gives out awards to whites and honkies and others.
I had a good time getting to know him. He is very unique.
Today's guest is the C-T-E-S-P-N bad boy, Mr. Antonio Brown.
Like, damn, get off my DG.
Yeah, people on it? Oh, I didn't see them, but I believe you. Yeah, they got a
lot of lurkers around here.
A lot of lurkers.
Yo, I like this haircut, though. What is that? A mullet?
Let me think of how they call it. I'm trying to think of the term for it.
That shit is swaggy, though. I ain't gonna lie.
I think it's, yeah, some people call it that. I never...
Oh, it's a rat.
I know how your hat say rat tail.
That's rat king, baby.
Rat king.
But I think, for me, it's just...
Oh, we on right now. We live?
No, we can wait.
I'm live. I'm ready. Come on.
Shit, we in this...
We on...
We fucking here, though.
Some people call it a mullet. I think it's just as is, man.
You want to go shades today? We can do them.
What do we got?
Oh, we can wait to put them on, whatever.
Whenever you...
We got to step into the shade time.
All right, we'll do that.
Let's put like a shade on.
I need a pair, though.
Bring my guys some shades.
Let me see what we got.
You got some of those?
Yeah, put those shit on.
These are the 7-11 classics.
Are they?
Yeah, gas station movie theaters.
7-11, 7-12.
Bitch, welcome.
Let's go.
We taking it to the next level in these bitches.
We going to the movie theaters.
We got to go 3-D.
All right, we going 3-D out the gate, boy.
Right to the movies.
I'm with TV, baby.
Good to see you today, man.
Good to see you, TV.
My movie theater.
Why they don't call you TV?
They always say Theo Vaughn.
They don't just say TV.
I'm trying to think of if some people says TV or not.
Some people might say it, but I don't know.
It's a good question.
Come on, man.
Your nickname should be television.
Yeah.
Listen, I'm trying to think of what a good nickname for me would be.
What's your nickname, AB?
Gold Diva.
Good dick.
Oh.
Mr. Catch-em-all.
You never heard of Ash Ketchum?
Ash Ketchum?
Ash Ketchum.
Uh-uh.
He catched Pokemons.
He does?
But his slam was Ketchum-all.
And it's an Asian guy?
Yeah, Asian guy, yeah.
Oh, they love to get out there and catch some drawings, you know, animations.
They should have an Asian, um, like a Asian Pokemon.
Catch-em-all.
Championships.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
I didn't see a, that's something I would love to witness more of.
AB, good to see you, man.
Thank you, man.
How you doing?
I'm alive, man.
You know, it's a lot of pressure out there.
Facts.
The trenches are getting fucking tight.
Real tight.
It's, ugh.
It's getting sticky.
It's getting, whoa.
Sticky.
Bro, somehow I have to leave my shoes and just walk off in my socks, bro,
because.
Got to.
Right, bro.
Got to leave your footprint and we out, bro.
Pull an AB, bro.
Just be out, bro.
Fuck it.
That's it, huh?
Yeah, that's it, bro.
That must have been the best day whenever you quit your job.
Yeah, that was the best, bro.
Because I think there's a part of that, bro, where everybody could feel.
Because everybody wants to take their shirt off and walk out there.
Take that moment, right?
But some people can't.
Buy FedEx.
Buy fucking.
What's another good company?
Buy.
UPS.
UPS, Target, anything.
Yeah.
It's always good, man, when you go walk out on your own freedom and make the
moves that you believe in.
You know, because in life, life is already written for everyone.
If you want to be a football player, you know.
If you're in high school, you got to pass the clearinghouse.
You got to have the right grades for the SAT.
It's a certain requirements that they lay out for what you got to be to be that.
Yeah.
In my life, you got to lay out what you want to be within yourself.
And most of the time, you know, the most important thing is to be in tune with
God.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, because I guess as a football player, the path is kind of there.
It's like you got to do this.
You got to be.
Everything lined up for you.
Right.
In my life, you got to create your own life, man.
You got to have the freedom and the balls to, you know, choose what you want.
Football don't last forever.
You know, there's injuries.
There's a lot of things that go into it.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh, damn.
Y'all got the honey pack.
Y'all got the backwoods, huh?
Yeah, I brought some Zion.
Yo, I know you.
You can smoke it, man.
I'll watch you.
All right, bet.
I'll fucking watch you smoke that shit.
This is like therapy.
You know, as a black man, they always want to fuck me over.
Who does?
Backwoods?
How many is in there?
They put five in there, huh?
Yeah.
Why?
You think they shorten you?
They're always short.
Oh, God.
You got to have one on the bench.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how you get your rebooters right here.
Oh, damn.
And what's in there?
That reminds me of Poppy Steak.
They bring that steak out to you.
You been there?
Of course.
That's what all the girls like to go.
Poppy Steak, huh?
Yeah, they like that beef at Poppies.
Ooh.
Dang.
That's when everybody comes running.
You shake that.
I like you shake that eight ball at a party.
Everybody.
Bro, you have them Coke ghosts.
They show up like, ooh, they've been dead, but they show, they hear that eight
ball shaking.
They go crazy when they see that 80.
Dude, oh, there's Poppy Steak right there.
That's where they pull up.
Yeah, that's the movie steak.
They grilling that meat right there.
Yeah, they're going crazy.
That meat came in a Lunchable.
That's a fucking, bro, that's a rich-ass Lunchable.
That's a fireable, right?
That's a fucking rich-ass Lunchable right there.
That shit came in a hot pocket.
Dude, my mom, we used to put silverware.
She would fucking, she put silverware in a lunchbox.
Nothing in that bitch.
Try to open it up.
Bam, boy.
Yeah, like what the fuck you just eating?
Nothing, bro.
Stay hungry, huh?
Yeah, stay hungry, motherf***er.
Keep going.
Yeah, keep going, boy.
You're the chitches.
Hey, what do you want to get, bro?
My mom had a good sense of humor.
She'd be like, ha, ha, I love you.
That's what she put in there.
So she had a, the note was nice, but it's still, yeah, I would have preferred
some proteins
or something in there.
But, yeah, what you smoking, Backwoods?
Yeah, I smoke Backwoods.
You know, I got my nephew some good Backwoods clothing for her.
Oh, yeah, they do come out with some clothes.
Christmas last year.
Sweats and hoodies, right?
Yes.
He's a Backwood guy?
He's a, he's, I think he's nine.
I don't know if he is or not.
You know, he's still pretty young.
He's young.
He's a Roblox guy.
Yeah, okay.
But if they did a Roblox Backwood collab, he'd be on it.
That's him right there, Max, in the middle.
Oh, yeah, handsome kid.
Yeah, he's pretty good.
He got a good hairline on him.
I know, kid's swaggy.
Yeah, I don't look at him too much.
Where you from, Theo?
You from New Orleans?
I'm from outside of Louisiana.
I'm outside of New Orleans.
Trying to think if we had any pro athletes that came out of our area.
Yeah, one of my baby moms said they went to, they came from the same spot you're
in.
Really?
Yeah, you know I got a baby mom collection.
How many, oh, damn, how many you got?
I got, I think I got enough that's in the Backwoods, maybe five.
Oh, wow.
You got a pack.
You got a starter pack.
I got a, yeah.
I woke up a sour patch.
Where's my starter pack?
Dude, I heard somebody say you're not a real black father until you've had
three kids.
Is that true or not?
Like in the black community, that's what I heard.
Nah, I think you ain't a black father until you get on child support.
Cause then you know, like what it take to be a black father.
I think my dad was on child support years and years.
I think it's just like in a black community, I feel like the government is
taking our woman.
It's like, yo, if you grew up in an inner city community, you had a kid with a
woman.
It's like, if you're going to go out of the way and try to make some of
yourself, the government
going to take your spouse.
Because now they tell the spouse, yo, you're going to be in section eight.
You're going to get free food, food stamps.
The government just took, took my mom.
Now they took my mom.
Now my dad can't even come back to the house.
So it's like.
Why?
Cause if he comes back, then she loses the.
The benefits.
So it's like, exactly.
So it's like, the government really just took your bitch.
So as a black father, it's like, man, to experience that, you really, you know
what I mean?
To be a black dad and in all seriousness, it's like really bad because you have
a kid and
you're trying to go out and make some of yourself and these women, the
government come in and
take it right out.
Cause it's like, yo, it's hard to be a dad.
My dad had me when he was in college at Louisiana tech.
Oh, he went to Louisiana tech.
Yeah.
I've been rustin.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Was he playing ball up there?
No.
Boys, my dad was touchdown, Eddie Brown, like, uh, I'm going to see a picture
of him, man.
Touchdown, Eddie Brown.
Pull up the Louisiana tech.
That he go right there.
Eddie, bro.
If you need him, he's in the end zone.
That's where you're going to have to pull him up.
Yeah.
They call him touchdown.
He got like 300 tutties.
Yo, he's like the number one arena league football player all time.
Really?
Did he play, um, in Boise?
Where'd he play arena at?
He played in Albany, uh, Fibers, the team I just bought.
And I realized they don't want us to own shit either, bro.
I bought the team.
They was kicking me off the field.
I think I just got to move out of America.
What do you think, TV?
I'm trying to think where we would, you could, because you would be considered
an export at
that point.
Yes.
So that's a trade agreement we'd have to get with another continent, I would
guess.
I'm trying to think of who we could get for you.
Who could we get on the international market?
That's a good question.
That's what I'm saying.
Who could we do it?
How could we do it?
Who could we trade an AB for?
That's what I'm saying.
What's the market value for this shit?
Yeah, what's the, uh...
What's the pussy rate on that?
Yeah, what's the exchange rate on the Nasdick?
You know, what's the exchange rate on the AB if we put you out there?
For real, I be feeling like a cow or a dog.
Like, these bitches, Theo, these bitches want to milk me like a cow.
Who you talking about when you say them?
People in general.
People that's around you that know your position.
Like, Theo, you real successful now.
Like, do people just take photos of you everywhere?
Or do people expect more out of you?
Like, if you was going to a restaurant with your buddies, like, who covering
the town?
Yeah, I think I would like to cover it most of the time just because I know
that I have
the ability to cover it without having to worry about it as much, maybe, you
know, the next
day or week, you know, or...
Yeah.
But sometimes, yeah, somebody...
You don't feel like a cow?
I feel like a cow, but I feel like I'm my own shepherd at the same time.
Okay, I like that.
You gotta be your own shepherd, but you don't want people to treat you like a
cow.
You don't want people to treat you like a cow.
Yeah, no, I think...
No, I don't...
I think...
What makes me kind of uncomfortable?
Yeah, sometimes if people are recording you for no reason, that's weird.
Exactly.
But that's weird.
But that's the new world we live in.
Everyone want to get that film of you just that...
So they can show somebody later or just feel like they...
They cool by association.
And it's like, yo, boy, I didn't want you to record me right now.
I'm relaxed.
Yeah, we don't even...
You don't need cameras right now.
Dude, I saw one one time.
It was me just walkin