Name: Pickle Chili | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #572
Uploaded: 2025-04-01T13:01:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pickle Chili | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #572' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pickle Chili | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #572' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-01. Transcript available.

Pickle Chili | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #572

ah just clearing the winter out of my throat baby be gone be gone snow be gone
ice
or hail dude what is hail it's basically it's like italian snow or whatever i
mean that shit
just you up it's like memphis snow it's like what are we what it's definitely i
gotta look that up what is
hail because sometimes it's like you're relaxed and it's raining and then the
rain's like oh yeah
guess what mother and it just shows up and it just starts like pinging off your
car bouncing off your
wife's shoulders and shit it's bouncing off your stepson or whatever and you
makes you care about
him hail is just yeah we gotta look into that and see what they're doing they're
probably charging us
for it you know we're probably getting charged for that i'm sure um welcome to
the episode happy
springtime everybody good to be here with you today uh what's happening oh i'll
tell you dude so oh i
went to a little chili cook off around me and you know i like man i'm lying
chili is always it's
it's suspect chili is a suspect soup really that's what it is it's just a bunch
of it's like the hail of
soups it's like all right all right soup i see what you doing we ride here it's
just that kind of soup
you know it's thickened up baby it's a it's like soup got a bbl baby that's
chili
and so i went to a little i stopped by a little uh they had a small chili tent
cook-off area
and they had four vendors or something in there just ladling booty gas edibles
into uh small bowls for
people and uh so i get up there and i got me some chili and they had one place
they were saying we got
all the fixings toppings and this and that you know you could put anything on
that bitch you could put
cheese onions a little bit of ghb and they one place was offering um but i just
said hey to your pickles
and the guy just i mean this guy looked at me i mean this dude he was stirring
this big pot of chili he
was just a damn just a damn chili witch you know and he was just stirring a big
cauldron of
booty goop you know just and i said yeah do you have any pickles for it and he's
like you you want pickles
on your chili and i was like yeah yeah that's what i because that's what i like
i i just i like
i like putting just pickles on there and he's like you want pay you want
pickles on your salad
and it was like he couldn't unders i was like yes yes sir and he's like you
you want pickles on your salad he couldn't handle it man the dude couldn't
handle it so i guess the
moral of that's i don't you want to pack up i don't know what the moral of that
story is dude who gives
a dang the moral of the story is sometimes you want things that people can't
give you i think maybe that's
the moral of the story um i got this shirt on this is a beautiful beautiful
shirt this was given to me
by the bronx fire department baby engine 43 son quattro dose baby qd in the
house
i'll tell you what happened so i was walking down the street i'd broken my toe
right and so when you
break your toe you suddenly everything you see everything a lot clearer because
you can't go fast
so you go very slow you ever see that guy that's crossing the crosswalk like
backwards in a wheelchair by
himself and you're like jesus dude you know you you pray for him but you're
also a little bit pissed you
know you're like dear god help this motherfucker hurry up well dude when you
break your toe you go slower than
that dude he is the hair you are the tortoise you go slower than that dude so i'm
in new york city i'm
walking around and you know and i just broke my toe probably 48 hours before
and so that
bitch was big and dark and you could feel it had a little bit of heartbeat of
its own you know like
it had a damn bass track running through it and i'm wearing some hey dudes that
i have that uh
because it's easy to get in and out of them the shoes and anyway i'm you're
just slowly going everywhere
you know so you start meeting people and people are saying stuff at you and
yelling you know
hey you know i love their podcast get out the street just different just new york
just new york
hellos you know and uh and i'm walking past this one spot and this guy comes up
and he's like hey
you wanna and he he'd been drinking and he was either he was italian or he was
uh like fast polish
you know or poli or or he was he was either polish or uh slow italian one of
the you know what i'm
saying he was in that cross and he's like come on hey he's like my cousin jeremy
just got promoted to um
whatever the top of the fire department like lead arsonist or whatever so he
brings he there's just
a door he oh we go inside and it's a huge it's like everybody's like hey you
want some fire it's
like a fire department party and i think this guy jeremy or something had just
won like hose of the
month or whatever like i think whoever's got the most psi coming out of them
they give them
you know uh lat you know you know he'd done something you know it was an
achievement for him
so all of his buddies are there and everybody they're toasting and cheering and
fucking like
hey get look at this you know and they're like hey if you ever have a fire here's
my number like dude i'm
not if there's a fire i'm not looking through my phone if there's a fire you
know
and i'm gonna call antonio up you know in the south bronx i'm calling the fire
department
so they're just like and then they gave me this shirt that we took some photos
and they're like
cheers and then offer me uh they're like hey you want some matches you know
keep us in business
keep us in business they gave me like an eight pack of matches that was like
the cool looking the
old school like regular looking matchbooks um they gave me this shirt they're
like hey it's flammable
um but yeah it was just like a great experience so shout out to them shout out
to all the fire
departments out there congratulations to the guy that got the promotion i dated
a girl in junior high
school her dad um great guy threatened to kill me once but outside of that
awesome you know he was a
fire chief and we used to go over there and watch him eat hot dogs and shit and
uh
this was before a lot of firemen are getting in shape and stuff now this is
back when
they were just over there just snorting oscar myers and and just squirting
ketchup on each other's backs
you know and uh and just basically just gambling a lot of them but anyway uh i'm
not sure what i'm
talking about what i'm rambling about but that was the first time at day at her
dad's fire department
that ever had chili in my life that i ever had somebody served it i didn't know
what it was i had a
little bit of it and then that and then and then i'd had it you know that's how
that all works you know
but you want to pick around your killing you won't pick up um what else has
been going on thank you to
the people that have come out to the shows recently we did we've done some
dates uh we went up to the
pacific northwest that was really amazing up there so the bill just the way the
buildings are
the people everybody a lot of people they look clean up there because it rains
so much you just
get cleaned even if you're just not even if you're dirty um yeah we did a huge
show in seattle that was
amazing i think it maybe was too many people i know that sounds like a i'm
grateful everybody came but
i just never been in a venue and it was a it was a big venue right and i just
felt a little bad like maybe
the people um like some of the seats they it was hard to hear i don't know
i think some of that's just a fear of mine but i don't think that we will do
that again
um but it's just a learning curve
and yeah we had a nice time there though i got to see mac's girlfriend uh we
got to go to the fish
market dude you go to the fish market i know i'd never uh been to the seattle
fish fair or whatever
it's like a little circus or whatever that they have every day and people come
there's dead fish and you
can look at them right and you can eat them you know it's pretty it's pretty uh
neanderthalic in a way
but um so anyway we go and amir k that's a guy that's touring with me a great
comedian
he like points at the guys running the um fish fair and so next thing you know
they do a thing where you
somebody throws a fish and somebody catches a fish and so they let me catch the
fish and i
fucking you know one toss one kill homie i gripped that bitch and yeah it was
awesome i didn't know
you're not supposed to spike it after you catch it so that that was i think frowned
upon or whatever
but i didn't know that and um and i'd been watching too many of those gronk
commercials or whatever
anyway i'm rambling um what else is going on let's get into the episode how
about that we got a bunch
of calls that came in from you guys and i'm going to focus on those today uh i
got one story i went to
the um grand old opry's 100th anniversary i'm going to talk about that and we're
going to speak to a
miracle today uh a gentleman named matt up there in canada calgary he's up
there and he um
he has he's a miracle and we're going to get to uh have a moment with him let's
go
thank you for joining us
we can be free there is a light shining for you
we can be free
from the mountaintops down to the deepest shadows
um
you like pickles on your chili
you like pickles on your chili
you like pickles on your chili
um yeah my mother came in town uh for my birthday actually was last week and
we said thank you if you're wishing me a happy birthday in your head and if you're
not
and you're just like dude keep talking that's fine um
she came in and they had the 100th anniversary at the grand old opry
and my mom likes uh country music and she likes older country music
and blake shelton was hosting the event and uh jelly roll was going to perform
and my mom likes the likes both of them and so i was like oh well that would be
fun for my birthday
i'll have mom i'll see if mom wants to come in and then we'll go and so
she came in and we went
and uh what was it like we got dressed up kind of
i didn't do a good job of it i what i wanted to wear didn't really fit once i
put it on and so it was just
you know
i just had to change it and
wore a jacket actually that somebody had thrown on stage uh in montana to a
comedy shop i wore that
um but yeah we went over there and it was nice
who who performed oh allison krauss performed and
i mean she has the voice of the evening that i heard a lot of great voices in
there but my god
that was just exceptional uh clint black we got to listen to um
who's that other guy but don't rock did you alan jackson
uh just it was awesome man we got to sit there and listen to some music
together and
and you know there was kind of a point in like there's one point we're sitting
there and um
this is kind of i guess a childish thought or whatever but i was like
you know i wish i kind of wish my mom would um give me a little hug or hold my
hand or something
i know that sounds crazy to say i don't mean like hold my hand but just kind of
squeeze my hand
just something you know like we don't see each other that much and
i don't know this this sounds crazy to say this kind of i guess but
i've said a lot of weird over the years um i just i i was thinking man it'd be
nice if she gave me some
sentimental but physical sign like sign of affection that's what i was thinking
right and so i'm sitting
there next to her and uh and then i just reached over and grabbed my mom's hand
that's what i did
and
and then we were just kind of held hands for maybe 30 seconds or something you
know
just put my hand on top of hers let her know that i care um
and it was just something like
for me like a moment like that is interesting because a lot of my life i would
just sit there
and be like man i wish there was this moment of affection
but i wish somebody else would do it right or i i'm upset that they're not
doing it you know
and then i just did it
i just reached over and yeah my mom's an older lady you know and at some point
i gotta be
no that's not it i don't have to but i don't know it was just like