Name: Mike Rowe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #577
Uploaded: 2025-04-22T13:01:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Rowe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #577' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mike Rowe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #577' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-22. Transcript available.

Mike Rowe | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #577

i have some tour dates to tell you about i'll be in chicago illinois on april
24th
miami florida on may 10th cedar rapids iowa on june 19th st paul minnesota on june
20th fargo
north dakota on june 21st rapid city south dakota on june 22nd winnipeg and calgary
in the canada
all tickets at theovon.com slash t-o-u-r please go through those links so you
get accurate pricing
and i appreciate your support for the return of the rat tour today's guest is a
host you know him
from dirty jobs he's also so an author and a podcaster he has a new show coming
out in may
called people you should know where he travels the country interviewing regular
people who are
making a difference in the world around them it's always a good time chatting
with the one and only
mr mike roe
oh he's bringing oh good he got me a cup of coffee
that's how they used to like you really got to work for it you want to be in
the labor force
is there a cream in there see this is the difference between today look this is
the difference between
my parents and us today this is how you got a cup of coffee like my
grandparents yeah man they would
serve it like this yep and you figure it out good luck figure it out man you're
on your own and here we
are well remember the last time i was at your place i had i had rolled out of
the hotel come to your house
i wasn't quite sure who you were or where i was or anything and all i knew was
i needed coffee and you
ordered some for me and they brought it in and it was so freaking hot i didn't
make a big deal about it
but we were like two minutes into our conversation i thought damn it man i just
i literally cleaved my
tongue to the roof of my mouth there for a second i wonder if i could still be
interesting and i just
powered through and decided you know what it's uh whatever it's just pain well
thanks for doing that
man oh that's the worst bro when you drink something so hot but you want to be
a man that's
why i think our grandfathers no wonder they couldn't express their feelings
they couldn't
talk you know how hot the coffee was then it was it was magma yeah and and how
jacked up their teeth
were they were in constant pain yeah like people died of their teeth back then
all the time yeah we
lost at least a grandfather to his to teeth infection or to gum infection at
least but yeah people died it
was crazy bananas yeah i um i bit my lip the other day and this is a this is a
funny thing for me
anyway but the third like the first time you do it it's it's it's annoying and
it really takes you out
of your meal takes you out of your conversation yeah and part of the reason is
because you know it's
going to happen again and then when you do it again it's a different kind of
rage right and because
it's tinged with the inevitability like it's going to happen and then when you
bite it the third time
it's just white hot pain and like an anger at the universe and it's irrational
yeah but it's it's
just one of those things when i and and maybe four or five times you're going
to bite it and it's going
to be like that for the next 24 hours until your body finally sends some sort
of message and and the
swelling starts to go down but it is a it's a it's a horrible moment in your
day when you start that
crucible it's an oral vietnam man there's nothing like that going down that
journey the d-day of
every bite you take and one of them is going to land step on that on that
hidden ied of a
previously bitten inner lip an oral vietnam can we get him some coffee it's
going to happen again
some cream they just bring you more coffee more you know what maybe i should i
used to drink i used
drink black all the time and then i went two creams and one cream and you know
what i find my uh it it
upsets people when you change your coffee order like the people around you in
your circle like i
always thought you were a black coffee oh yeah and now what's with the cream or
what's with the almond
milk you don't want to do that that sends a whole different message yeah
definitely in some communities
that is not good well there's no uh it's not good there's no nipples on the
almond yeah and if you're
looking for them you are a randy character well you can't i mean curiosity
would require some some
kind of cursory inspection from this milk delivery system with no nipples oh
look at you zach that's
amazing thank you very much where do you get those out of did you go into the
cow i saw the one we had
was expired so i was in the food did you really oh my you went to the corner to
get me some of these
little poisonous pods this these are good there's a whole oh yeah why why is
everything they have
melatonin in them now i'm like should coffee creamer have melatonin in it i don't
know is that isn't that
stuff that makes you tired yeah it's like what's going on that is a mixed
message i know here's some
here's some caffeine with a little sedative for you let's just let your body
sort it out yeah it's
where we are next thing you know you're biting through your lip cursing the
universe oral vietnam
dying of your teeth oh dude did you have any idea how much i mean feedback i
got i don't i don't know if
this happens to you like you see yourself maybe on youtube and it's clearly you
right this is a thing
you're like you don't dispute it it's you you did whatever it is whatever
conversation you're having
yeah but you don't have any real recollection of the conversation yeah you're
just seeing yourself
right like this happened to me a lot years ago when uh people started uploading
these uh these
incidents on qvc you know like in the middle of the night where i'd been you
know fired for various
inappropriate interactions with product oh you were on qvc oh yeah yeah but but
when like when i look at those
old clips and and and i can't deny that it's me but i have absolutely no idea
what's going to happen
yeah or what or what i'm going to say next it's very unusual it's like biting
your lip yeah because
nothing you do about it you just sit there and you watch yourself doing things
you don't remember doing
and you just hope you just hope to god you don't you know blow it i didn't know
you got involved in
this seriously involved this is the dark arts selling jewelry to people that
are high on sleeping pills
yeah i mean they're lonely hearts they're you know that look at my nails so
nicely manicured and all
that that was 1989 selling those or 90. were you going to a poison concert
where were you even wearing
those for you know i mean as long as you're gonna do it find the cat sack that's
when i knew my life
had taken a weird turn this was 1990 it was my first job in tv was it really
that's crazy i didn't even know
that oh yeah yeah oh my gosh look at you look at that right where were you from
transylvania so this
is a lava lamp right and i'm uh i have no idea how to behave i i just want to
know if it's really hot
well guess what dude it's hot man put two creamers in it's like that lava i
mean obviously it's not
really lava it's magma no no it's not lava i open this thing up on the air just
because it's three in
the morning right and you're just trying to make sense out of whatever they
bring you next it could
be the amp core negative ion generator it could be the health team infrared
pain reliever could be a
lava lamp oh yeah it could be a child's diaper that sorts coins they brought me
a um a cat sack k-a-t
essay case cat sack uh i thought it was a joke it's not it's a it's like a
grocery bag lined with mylar
right and your cat crawls in it it makes a crinkling sound and cats love it oh
that's nice so this is the
kind of thing man you just i would sit there for three hours in the middle of
the night uh trying to
there's no there was no training program or anything you know they would just
bring you these things that
look look like you'd get them out of that machine on the carnival midway with
the claw oh yeah yeah
you know it was it was really just stuff that had failed to sell in prime time
uh and so if you're
new there's no training program they just put you on the middle of the night
and they just bring you
this stuff man one thing after the next and you talk for eight minutes i love
that we should bring
that back what if we brought something like that back well i mean qvc is still
on it's just that back in
those days uh no one really knew about it um they didn't have any big vendors
or anything today you
know they do six seven billion dollars a year do they really giant it's huge
home shopping is huge
i wonder if we should do what if we did a fun one on like youtube and we sold
american products that
were american made mike i'm not i'm in i'm in look there are no new ideas like
i joked the last time i was
at your pad in nashville it was like i really felt like you had tapped into
like a wayne's world
meets charlie rose right and and so all those old ideas are will come back telethons
will come back
oh i love that home shopping never really went away telethons were great though
you'd call up and you'd be
like who's crippled sometimes my stepdad would get drunk or whatever right and
he'd like want to impress
on mom so we'd ring up one of those telethons that we're on just to he'd be
like all right hey is randy
who's crippled over there and they'd like tell you who's crippled or whatever
and he'd be like yeah
put thirty dollars on that one well do you remember jerry lewis doing the telethons
i yep jerry's kids
jerry's kids um he was real i mean he raised like a lot of money he did a lot
of good in that world but
you got in 36 hours into a telethon right you're you've been up 36 hours yeah
you're on qvc then
that's like and i did there were times on qvc where it snowed and like the the
next ghost couldn't come
in so when you're when you've been up for that long and you're on live tv and
they bring you like a
collectible doll yeah and you're hallucinating and you don't even understand
that people collect dolls
but they do right they do yeah and so you're just sitting there like this doll
would be next to me
and her name would be rachel and she'd be dressed up like a tramp from little
women or something and
you give yeah and you just give them stories you know pride and prejudice
exactly i loved him as
he loved me so emily bronte or was it charlotte uh i'm not sure i think they've
dated for a while
i'm not sure who was they may have one of them took the other one's name well
this is like what you just
did is exactly what i would do every night it was free associating over
whatever they brought i wasn't
a very good salesman but i was good at like starting sentences with no clear
end oh and just keep going
so the next thing you know you're you're giving these dolls like very elaborate
backstories you know
like you know she's a doll that gives you just a hint of possibility she says
no but there's yes yes in
those eyes and then the camera guy pushes in close really close yeah and i'm
sitting here like this
looking at a monitor looking at myself looking at the doll and a million people
are watching like she's
new in town she's new in town and she's keen to make some friends and there's
really no telling how
far she'll go or how far you'll let her because it's really up to you caller
for three easy payments
at 29.95 young rachel here will be on her way to you and whatever you do with
her and the privacy of
your own curio is between you and your lord i'm just here to tell you that uh
she's on sale and she
looks like a sport all righty what's next next up mike we actually have the
princess diana beanie babies
that are in town hey that's fantastic they're just passing through actually
mike there's not many of
them well you know aren't we all just passing through theo when you really
think about it this
whole notion of permanence as it relates to porcelain dolls i think that's
something we can dive into
to kill three four maybe five minutes oh i believe that and i'll tell you that
i'll tell you this that
these beanie babies are stuffed with um 