Name: Mark Zuckerberg | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #579
Uploaded: 2025-04-28T16:00:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mark Zuckerberg | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #579' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Mark Zuckerberg | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #579' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-04-28. Transcript available.

Mark Zuckerberg | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #579

i have some tour dates to tell you about miami florida on may 10th cedar rapids
iowa on june
19th st paul minnesota on june 20th fargo north dakota on june 21st rapid city
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please go through those links so you get accurate pricing and i appreciate your
support for the
return of the rat tour today's guest is an entrepreneur he's an inventor he's a
philanthropist
um he is one of the richest men in the world and it's you know and a consensus
of wealth and power
exists in only so few people he co-founded facebook in 2004 when he was 19
years old the company that
turned into meta which is where we are today in their headquarters i'm thankful
to spend time
and get to know mr mark zuckerberg
you drink coffee man or no no
really yeah i mean you've you've had it i have um sometimes on vacation i'll
drink it recreationally
it's like every once in a while just like it yeah it's like like a celebration
yeah yeah no i i just
like hate anything that messes with like i don't i don't like any kind of
chemicals or anything like that
oh really so you like to keep everything the equilibrium yeah my sister gives
me such a hard
time about this she's like you're just sitting there raw dogging reality wow it's
kind of true
like so you but have you you've had it before yeah but you just don't like it i
don't like it so when
you get up in the morning that's not your thing like is there something you do
no no no yeah i mean
i wake up and i uh fight people yeah um yeah no i mean i wake up in the morning
and are are we going
by the way i mean we should we should get this yeah we're going what's up all
right oh you mean you
wake up and do jujitsu you mean oh yeah no i mean yeah so i probably wake up
like i don't know 7 7 30
whenever like the kids start making noise around the house it's like all right
and sleep is done yeah
and and then like it's like i look at my phone and i'm just like all these
things that these people are
doing like you did what are you kidding me it's like i have to go deal with
this it's like
like it's like this partner really god damn it all right so and then it's like
i compose myself and
go fight for two hours like recenter myself then it's like now i can go deal
with the stuff but no
it's uh so that helps it's almost like your coffee in the morning sometimes
like rolling like rolling
jujitsu kind of yeah and i mean right now i'm doing more striking so i mean
that's really fun i i just i
think it's like the greatest sport i mean it's um it's like neurologically
stimulating it's uh you know it's
good cardio good strength oh yeah um a little bit of a threat right so it keeps
you on you know it's
not not like just like running i used to like run around the neighborhood but
running is not that
thrilling running compared to jujitsu is for running is a running is not really
neat once you can do jujitsu
because i think one cool thing about jujitsu is just like you can lose a match
with somebody right
you can lose like um like they can submit you but you'll learn something along
the way right and they
a lot of times the guy submitting you also wants to help you learn too so it's
like you can lose and
win at the same time i think that's what's kind of masterful about it yeah
totally do you do it i don't
do it as much as i would like to you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no i
never got into striking
but i would just kind of like um but i would just do jujitsu on the mats you
know oh yeah no it's so
fun it's just like fun to do with friends oh yeah and some guy chokes you so
hard and then you're just
like uh you're like uh it's a good day it's yeah it's just yeah it's a cup of
coffee yeah a big fella
just squeeze yeah you can't handle it it's a cup of coffee better than caffeine
for me yeah i don't know
i i'm just not into that stuff is there like a is there like um a vitamin or
some staple that you
kind of keep in your diet if it's not caffeine is there some like i mean i
drink a very large amount
of protein i mean creatine do you got that i mean i don't know yeah um i don't
know vitamin d like
all that stuff uh yeah vitamins good but um but like yeah it's not your thing
no no never been my thing
i um yeah we're not sure oh well we saw each other the ufc and you and your
wife were there right
uh yeah which one was that i'm trying to think it wasn't 312 was that that was
alex fighting magomed
oh yeah yeah i was sad about that man yeah yeah did your wife i could see she
like really it like
she was like head in her hands sometimes yeah no i think um she uh i think she
would say she enjoys it
but i think she mostly goes to uh to support me um yeah no she's into it i
think um you know it's
tough i mean we've gotten to know a bunch of the fighters and it's just like
when you see someone
who you know and like get hit or go down that's like that's tough right i mean
it's like i i've
gotten to uh like train with volk a few times and um you know we were there at
298 when he fought
ilia and like oh yeah that was like and that was like really did you get to
walk out with him or no
yeah i mean he asked me to to walk out with him i was like all right yeah this
will be a cool
experience and then i'm just like you know standing there while they're walking
did you see that whole
meme where we're there uh like he's like passing off all his clothes and i'm
just like sitting there
like uh useless yeah no there you go that's that was uh that was a fun that was
a fun one was that
scary like what because i guess you feel like yeah what do i do now no i mean
this was a fun moment
but but i mean but watching him um get hit by ilia so i mean it was like right
cage shot it was like
three feet from us and i mean he's like a big he's like a tough guy right and
uh so that that was that
was tough um but something after that priscilla was like oh man i don't know if
i can go watch volk
in in person again but but we i mean you know i mean we just have friends over
it was fun watching him
fight diego it was good yeah it was a great fight great um it was awesome tough
tough moments in in
round two and four but he's his heart man like i mean the way he described it
after like did you see
the the shot in round four where diego grazed his eyelid with his glove yeah
and he lost his vision
yeah and and he like and you could see it was kind of like like just the head
movement and everything
trying to stay in a good place watching an animal try to survive on one of
those animal planet shows
or something when you're cheering for the yeah you're like oh it's not gonna go
well but then he
does good yeah no um he he's an amazing guy um he's he's he's really cool very
talented a lot of heart
oh yeah and you get to know some of the fighters i think that's one thing that
um is great about
social media these days that you get to know the fighters a little bit more
some of their regular life
like you can get involved in who they are yeah it gives you so much more of a
person to cheer for
um is it tough to take your wife since you're a um and i'm just gonna just
gonna
go for it since you're a go for it i'm gonna say the word really fast just so
it's like uh
she won't dwell on it but since you're a billionaire is it tough to take your
wife on a date like at
that you know like do you have to live up to a standard or what's like a debt
like a nice date night
what is that like um i don't know no i think she's pretty chill um
she's a chillionaire huh sorry my niece will like it yeah there you go um no i
mean i think the the
main thing for me is like like life is busy there's like a million things that
i could be doing at any
given point in time i i just think it's important to like take time you know
each week like you know
wednesday night we really try to have a date night um you know try to hang out
with the kids and put
them to bed every night it's like that that's just like an important part of my
routine i think that's
important stuff to do but but no i mean uh we we try to like go out somewhere
but every once in a while
we'll just cook or eat at home and and that's all good the ufc stuff i think is
probably more for me
than for her yeah but she's she's she's a good sport about it is there
something you'll do for her like
or is there like a fancy date because you can you could afford to take your
wife on like a date of
yeah like that that a lot of us could only dream of right the most that most
people could only dream
of is there something that you're like uh is there some magical date that you
took her on one time
um i don't know that is a good question let's see she's she's pretty simple on
this stuff i think most
of the you know i i like doing i like making things right so i don't know if
you saw this thing i like
i i like working with like great artists and stuff so i did this project where
i've always admired
daniel arsham and and um he's he's this like great sculptor and we and i worked
with him to make this
sculpture of priscilla because i thought it was cool and um yeah you're pulling
this up and the
and like oh first of all i think it's like you know make a sculpture of priscilla
partially because
that's cool partially because i'm like i'm not going to make a sculpture of
myself it's like that
that's crazy right it's like whoa like who the fuck does that but like yeah um
so so it's like she's
kind of the target of my creative energy like the muse in a way so there's all
these memes online after
yeah there you go where people like wow i wonder what zuckerberg did wrong that
he had to make a
sculpture of his wife and i'm like no you guys are totally missing this this is
the thing i did
wrong it's like you can't like you're gonna have to wait to see what i have to
do to make up for
having made a sculpture and putting it on our front lawn it's like she didn't
want a sculpture of her
in the front lawn it's like that's that's weird right it's like you know it's
but um no but she's
a good sport about it and um that and at least you can tell the doordash guy
like just set it
by the sculpture by the sculpture yeah yeah that's kind of nice it becomes like
um yeah and i think
having like a woman as you look out in your yard is kind of nice you know yeah
no it's got like a good
angelic form factor thing it's a it's a good vibe did she make you make any
adjustments to it or she
was like okay i'll accept it as is um no i mean i don't think she was that
happy with it um because
again i mean like who wants a sculpture of themselves and in the in the in the
front yard
but um but you know i think she thinks it's sweet and i think she appreciates
that um i mean there's
a lot of like more destructive things i could be doing with my creative energy
yeah you made an effort
too yeah yeah so um and so it's like i i designed her this um this uh porsche
minivan thing it's like
we took like a cayenne and extended it to be bigger and it's like i do that
because it's like all right
i like cars but i'm not gonna design a supercar for myself let's like just
design a sweet minivan
for my wife right it's like yeah it's just fun yeah yeah yeah so i guess
creative stuff like that
trying to be creative and show her some creativity oh that's nice there you go
i mean look at that
and where did you meet your wife at um i met her in school so at we were in
college and i had just
done this prank um and all my friends and everyone was convinced we were all
convinced i was going to
get thrown out of school okay and where were you in school at mark harvard okay
and so so i was a
sophomore she was a freshman um my friends were convinced i was about to get
kicked out of school
i was like going in front of this like trial for the kind of like school
discipline committee
um my friends threw a going away party for me and it was in the bathroom line
at the end of the party
um where i was just like next to priscilla and we were talking and nothing to
lose it's your last
m