Name: Jim Norton | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #608
Uploaded: 2025-09-05T20:49:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Norton | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #608' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Jim Norton | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #608' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-09-05. Transcript available.

Jim Norton | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #608

Today's guest is his first time on the podcast. He's a legendary stand-up
comedian and host.
He helped give me my start in getting on the airwaves. He has a new special on
YouTube called
Unconceivable and his own podcast called Jim Norton Can't Save You. Today's
guest
is the one of one, Mr. Jim Norton.
And I will find a song I've been singing just before.
Well, I was just telling you, we can get started if you want to.
Yeah, whenever you want, yeah.
Yeah, I was just telling you that I feel like...
All right, just let me know if I'm off mic. I'm obsessed with that too, with
sound, like
when I'm interviewing somebody, if they're like, they're off mic, I'm like, you
know.
Oh, I feel horrible. The other day I did somebody's podcast and I chewed gum
the whole time.
We've had that. Yeah, it happens.
But the fact that I did, it's like I do it for a living.
I know. You're like, how did I do that?
Every day it still haunts me a little bit.
That you chewed the gum?
Yeah, just feel... Because I'm like, you know, we came, they came and we all
put our time in,
you know, just to be there and do it. And I freaking just like, you know,
sometimes you show up and you
just do the most Bush League thing.
I'd like to ask them, did you notice it while it was happening? And did you
want to say something?
Because we've had like, we had Marin on one time and he was eating like oatmeal
or something the
whole time or chewing something. And the fans were furious and were like, why
didn't we just say
something when he was eating? Sometimes when you're hosted, you don't tell the
person like
you're chewing gum, stop chewing gum.
Yeah, he should feel embarrassed.
You feel embarrassed.
Yeah.
But he still should have told you.
I mean, I've had instances where somebody's mouth will be very dry.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yes. That fucking sticky fruit roll-up sound. Yeah.
And you know, all you can think of is the listeners being like, this dry mother...
This fucking pasty mouth idiot. Yeah.
This fire survivor fucking showing up. And it's so true. Like it, but you can't
sit over
there and like baby bird somebody, some water, but you want to say to them,
like, you want
some water? And then they don't, they're like, no, it's like when someone's
breath stinks.
You're like, you want a piece of gum? And they're like, no, I'm good. You're
not good.
So, you know, but trying to be courteous.
Yeah. You want me to pressure wash your face for a second? Like that's another
thing you
could offer them.
But you see like how you just said that. Now I'm making sure I'm opening my
water. People
have to be self-aware too. Like anybody who's doing something, if your mouth is
pasty and
dry and sticky and sounds like shit, you should be aware of it. You have ears.
Yeah. Yeah. And then that you just realize, oh, that person is offline. They
are just not,
they don't know what's going in. Or sometimes it'll be a woman's lipstick is a
little thick
and it kind of just. A little crack. Yes. A little pop. Yeah. That stuff drives
me crazy.
I pick up on it and I sniffle a lot. I get like, I'm, I, I'm a noisy,
uncomfortable to
be around in person. Like I get it. So I have no right to tell other people,
but like, I'm
always clear, clear my throat. It's really horrible. Yeah. Well, as we get
older too, it's
just like, you're just like kind of a, you're just hoping that every now and
then you, you're
a little bit of the semblance of what you once were. Yeah. Oh no. I've given up
on
that. I I've thrown in the towel. I will never again be what I once was. And I
was only mediocre
to begin with. So I went from mediocre to kind of shitty. Um, but it's funny. I
like, I'm
so self-conscious about how I look. Uh, and my wife is like, oh, you look fine.
And, and
I got a text from, uh, Gutfeld the other night, a random text. He's like, Hey
man, I saw
you on that, uh, kill Tony thing. That's a good look for you. That's a good
weight for
you. Like, so people are telling me I look okay, but I'm like, I don't feel
okay. I feel
fucking fat and just mushy. And my neck is fat. I just dropped 20 pounds.
Oh, you want to drop? Well, it's so funny. Cause I saw you last time. I was
like, man,
Jim, you kind of look, I feel like you have looked better as you've gotten
older, kind
of as you've grown more into an adult. Thank you. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, I,
I look
back on my old pictures. I'm not impressed with them either. So I can't go like,
ah, I want
to get back to those days. It's like rush, rush back to what, you know what I
mean?
Do you ever feel like, cause sometimes comedians are so uncomfortable. Um, and
I was just, I
was watching you have a, you have a news special that's on YouTube, unconceivable,
right? And
it's so funny. Cause I've thought of things being inconceivable before, but to
go as far
to be like unconceivable, like I should never even have been like contemplated.
Fuck. That's
intense, dude. Because I think at the depth of some comedians and artists and
not, not
trying to sound like, like we're special, but we're fucked up. There's
something a little
wrong with a lot of people in the world. Yeah. Um, and we choose to try to put
it out there.
Sometimes all artists do even strippers. I think they do that in their way, but
like, like
there's something like, God, I should never even have been here. Well, the
reason I named
it that, honestly, people thought I fucked up and spelled it wrong, but I didn't.
It's
unconceivable on purpose. It's an old way of saying it. It's actually
technically correct
in the English language. Uh, but it was also like a nod to my wife, uh, who is,
you know,
cannot conceive obviously. So it was, I haven't gotten that far through it. Oh,
okay. Yeah.
It was part of, uh, about 20 minutes in. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I talk about her.
It was,
it was part, part of it's about her being not able to conceive. That was kind
of why I called
it unconceivable. Oh, I see what you're saying. I thought, I guess I just took
that somewhere
in it just because you've always kind of operated on the fringes of like depravity
or what's
okay in the world sort of in your own space. Is that okay to say that? Oh yeah.
It's a hundred
percent accurate, but if it was about me and my existence, I would have called
it should
have been a load and a sock. That's what I would have named it. Yeah. It should
have been
a practice round. Yeah. I should have been like, I should, yeah. Like I should
not have been
in the gun. No, no, no, no. My father should have wiped me out of his belly
button with a
Dunkin Donuts napkin.
Shemokin. Remember the Dunkin Donuts? Dude, you turned me on to that. Yeah. The,
uh, the,
Oh, the iced coffee, cold coffee. Cold, what do they call cold coffee? Yeah.
Her name is Edna
Faust. Yes. And, uh, I remember we love them. So the joy we got from them. You
gave me that
joy, dude. And I've showed that over the years. We've had people sitting here
and I'm like,
you gotta see this because the thing that's amazing about Edna is, is, was her,
her deductive
reasoning was that she knew that like a ice coffee, a cold coffee, like she
just watching her go
through the clues as to what to call it is why I love her so much. Yeah. Drop
it real quick. Cause
I also want to tell you Dutch came to one of my shows one time you met Dutch. I
met him Dutch and
Smith. What's his last name? Dutch. What would he, would he, would he just
Smith? There you go.
A coffee shop in Shemokin is closed following an arson over the weekend.
It's definitely going to miss it. No doubt about it.
A teenager is charged with starting the fire inside the restaurant on Saturday
night.
Shemokin police officer, Ray Psycho says, no one was hurt, but the place has
extensive damage.
Psycho says the fire was started inside the women's bathroom. The toilet paper
dispenser was lit on fire.
and within about a minute, the entire place was filled up with smoke. The
mother did explain that
she's recently been put on new medication, but as far as for what reason, we're
unsure right now.
The 13 year old who admitted to setting the fire is currently at a juvenile
detention center.
Many people who live in Shemokin are upset that Dunkin Donuts is closed.
Now I have to rely on myself to go to maybe a Turkey Hill or something where I
don't like their donuts.
I'd rather the donuts at Dunkin Donuts, and I'm kind of dealing with it, but I
really miss Dunkin Donuts.
I go there every day. I get a chicken baker croissant, or I get some coffee,
Powerade, if I'm dehydrated.
I sit there all the time. If I have any legal work that I need to do, I go
there, I meet with my attorneys there.
I'm going to miss that place if it don't open up. A lot of my friends go in
there, get the cold coffee, ice coffee I guess it's called.
Oh, there she goes. She figures it out. She knows. Edna Faust's Unsolved Mysteries,
she gets to it.
And Dutch Smith doing his legal work. I mean, there really is. And by the way,
I hate to bum the podcast vibe out, but the first woman at Turkey Hill Donuts,
she passed away.
Nuh-uh.
I'm almost positive we did a deep dive on her, and I do think that
unfortunately she is no longer with us.
God, she seemed like the most healthy of the three of them, I thought.
She did, too. She's definitely the one I was, if I had to be attracted to one
of the three, it would have been, Faust was a close second.
Yeah, yeah.
Dude, you could play Faust in like a biopic one day.
I would love to. Brian Dennehy right now has her, but I think.
Oh, but Dutch Smith came out to a show, dude. He's doing great now. So, but
that was amazing, bro. But yeah, you put me onto this, and I've like shared it
with so many people over the years, so thank you, dude.
Oh, that was such a bizarre, I remember it was on with myself, and it was on Opie
and Jim, and I think that was the show, and yeah, we would play all these weird
clips, and once in a while you'd find one, and it's like, fuck, that's a gem.
Yeah.
That's a gem. But I never heard, I never had any follow about Edna Faust. I'm
dying to know how she is.
Mm.
Because I think she's the best.
Yeah, let's put it, we'll put it out on all call. Hopefully somebody can send
something in, man, and we'll see if we can get a little follow-up. The Faust
over there, outside of Turkey Hill and Dunkin' Donuts and Shemokin.
They've rebuilt it, by the way.
Oh, they have?
I have. We did follow up. They have rebuilt the Dunkin' Donuts, and it's a big
thing in Shemokin.
I was going to stop in there, go into a gig one time, but I'm like, no, I can't.
I just, I cared while I was on the air, and then as soon as I was in the car, I
said, fuck Shemokin. I'm not stopping.
Yeah. It is funny how you make little plans, like, oh, I gotta be, and then
things come along, and you're like, nah, let's just keep hitting those, stay on
the road.
Stay on the road. It was fun in theory. It was fun to think about and to talk
about, but now that I'm actually going to be 25 minutes out of my way that way,
and then 25 minutes out of my way that way, I'm not doing it.
Yeah, fuck them. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah, fuck them, dude.
Yeah, so unconceivable was your wife, because your wife can't conceive. You're
married now.
Yeah, yes, yeah.
And do you feel like you kind of gave, like, what was it like, because, like,
that was your first marriage?
Yeah, hopefully my first, and hopefully my only, yeah. I only did it because
when she came into the, she was having a hard time, so we did a 90-day fiancé
visa to get her in.
So we got married 90 days after she came in. Otherwise, I would have just dated,
but it's okay.
You fight different when you're married, because you can't just go, fuck you,
get out. Like, you're there.
So you got to resolve it faster.
You have to go back to your corner, kind of.
Got to go back to your corner, kind of. I used to have three and four, like, I
would fight with girlfriends, and then they would leave, and then for three or
four days, I would just have hookers come over.
Like, it really was