Name: Baby Me | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #626
Uploaded: 2025-11-26T23:50:37.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Baby Me | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #626' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Baby Me | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #626' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-11-26. Transcript available.

Baby Me | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #626

i want to say that we have new collegiate gang gang hoodies that have just
dropped two new
colorways plus stuff from the return of the rat tour if you missed merchandise
out there on that
tour i think we still have some remaining that's available there all of that at
theovonstore.com
and uh thank you guys for all of the support love y'all all right
oh here we are here we are thanksgiving it's thanksgiving time it's uh seasonal
i want to wish
a happy thanksgiving to everyone i know there are some people out there that
are not
probably ecstatic about it and i'm going to say who it is really fast so it's
not you know i don't
want there to be like the um the elephant in the room or whatever but native
americans so and i know
that everything that happened with that with those with the beautiful
indigenous indigenous indigen
indigenous uh people the original people of this land um and i know that
if you know that the things that happened to them were not fair and that's that
but and not that
not that's not that that's not that um but yeah anyway i don't know why i
brought it up i just
i feel weird if you're saying happy thanksgiving and then somebody's indigenous
and they're like
well so i just wanted to honor those people um and say look
you know our bad or whatever i didn't do it somebody did it and um and i hope
we catch them i'll tell you
this if we ever get a time machine to go back in time and catch the people that
are coming here
i will enlist i will go i will be happy to go um but yeah we just have to we
have to live where we are
and the country is you know all of existence is kind of stacked on sin
excuse me yeah the history of time is just stacked on sin right things get
stacked on sin
over time and that's and you know in mistakes and accidents and um let's eat
that's where we're at
so anyway it's the time of year to finally sit down with people and eat and get
you a little something
i like to stare somebody right in the eyes and say pass that big cut
pass that sweat potato souffle i want that pass that back and garlic bread
god don't you want some garlic bread right now
this uh this this goes out to just anybody right now anybody anywhere i don't
care if you are
incarcerated i don't care if you're working a double i don't care if you're in
a coma but somebody put
some headphones on you don't you want some garlic bread god i want that i love
dude i love garlic bread
and even if people make it like bad i like bad garlic bread sometimes you go to
a restaurant and they have
the fascia or whatever i don't give a about the fascia i want garlic ass bread
i don't care if somebody
i don't care if it's some and uh she just has a like she has a you know even if
she just has a spoon
and she puts a little just like some trap house cook she just has a spoon with
a little bit of bread in it
puts a little butter on it a little garlic and then just cooks it with a
lighter under the spoon like
that i don't care if she you know and then she puts that in a crack pipe and we
smoke it dude all i'm
saying is bro garlic bread is so good underrated it's the bacon of breads i'll
go ahead and say that
shit is fire but i do want to say happy thanksgiving to everybody i want to say
thank you to everybody
that bid in the charity jersey auction we had a series of jerseys that were
given to us in certain
cities along the last comedy tour and we got to auction all those off and we
raised about forty
thousand dollars for a local um rehabilitation place called cumberland heights
and uh that's going to
go towards helping people get um recovery helping subsidize the recovery costs
for people so uh thank
you so much if you even listen to this podcast or if you have and you're like i
feel like i haven't
done anything this year i haven't you were a part of this so that's on behalf
of us that we make that
donation and um and then we all made a donation last week to the gary sinise
foundation so that was
really great so um if yeah i just want everybody out there to feel like uh we're
doing that sort of
thing together and um and yeah that's how i feel about it so thank you you know
what a blessing to know
that people are going to be able to get some help um what have i been thinking
about
you know it's you know it's a there's a you know it's just there's a it's a
wild time in the in the
world and it's it feels like it's happened fast you know just a wild time and
it's like who are we
and where are we going what does the future look like um and i think it's times
like this i'm realizing
you kind of have to just lock back into like things are most important you know
because if you get caught up in a lot of the info it gets gets kind of you know
you're sitting there at thanksgiving you're staring across the table at
somebody
and they're just like do you want the baked beans and you're like
i think i know who killed charlie kirk there was a second shooter there was 12
israeli cell phones
just you know it can get deep you got to be careful there somebody's like do
you want the baked beans
and you're like not if you think we landed on the moon i don't
i'm like okay all right get your own sides then um yeah there's just it's just
a lot there's some
there's a lot of conspiracies out there and and they're not even conspiracies a
lot of them anymore
they're all coming true and so you know as we go it is this wild time where we're
kind of going through
this it feels like this awakening where you know i mentioned it on joe rogan's
show where it was like
you know the video game and like there's the there you know there's like uh mario
or um link or um
and suddenly like you're you're playing with the character you're controlling
them
but suddenly the character just comes over to the front of the screen and just
looks right at you
it's like hey who's controlling me and that's when the controllers are like
oh shit so that's just i feel like we're just in an interesting space there
and i think instead of like i think you there can be fear about it but also it
can be excitement about
it but no matter which which like which cup you're putting your straw in at the
moment fear excitement
i do believe that uh there is the fact that around the holidays or around any
time that that
the one thing you have to lock into even more is um things that are real things
that are tangible
in your world your family your your friends familiarity you know connecting
with people
and i wrote me a little list we have some great calls that came in from people
um i wrote me a little
list here uh of things that i enjoy about life some little things that i enjoy
and if you want to call
in we'll we'll uh we'll put some of these up next year just and they can just
be brief things
and you can even text them as well um you can go to the website theovon.com and
there's a ways
on there where you can contact the podcast but some things that i like about
life small things
accidentally touching someone's leg that you don't know very well
now it's weird it's all you know it's kind of weird how it has you know you
might be sitting
somewhere at a movie theater you drop something you drop um a lip balm or you
drop a um
you know a couple grams or whatever whatever i don't know how you you know i
don't know i don't
but what i don't know what you do but whatever you drop some uh um you know a
couple funyuns or
whatever and you're like oh i'm getting those but it's dark in the theater so
you reach down
there to get them and bam you touch somebody's leg you didn't really see it and
it's weird because
you don't know them they don't know you all don't know each other but you've
touched their leg and
that's weird and uh but there's something unique about it there's something
very human about it
um what else petting a cat if you're petting a cat and it strikes at you like
that
and you call it a little i like that if you or ever somebody's like oh this is
my cat this is
cheryl or whatever or this is aunt cheryl i had a friend his cat name his cat
his cat was named aunt
cheryl i'm like okay so i'm not gonna be friends with this guy too long but um
but he'd be like oh
don't you want to pet my don't you want to pet aunt cheryl and uh and at first
i was like no i do not
want i do not want to but he's like he kept kind of give me the like he kept
like giving me like the um
i guess the warm shoulder he kept like wanting me to do it you know if like i
guess that's called
warm shouldering what is cold shouldering
cold oh yeah intentionally cold or unsympathetic treatment so yeah this is this
guy was giving me
more like he's kind of warm shouldering me and be like oh don't you know don't
you want to pet aunt
cheryl and uh and i didn't want to pet i didn't want to pet aunt cheryl and
then finally i was like
all right i'll pet aunt cheryl and i go to pet this cat i pet one time and i
don't pet i don't
pet more than two times usually because if you do if you keep doing that you
know what i'm saying
somebody's gonna get active you know somebody's gonna get activated in their
body so i pet one
and i go for the second pet and the cat aunt cheryl strikes me like that and i'm
like this little
bitch and uh anyway i don't like it when that happens but i also do respect
that it's a unique
thing about life and so i'm grateful for that i'm grateful for the times that i
get to pet a cat
and it strikes at me and i call it a little bitch that's something i like oh
showing up for a loved
one that's number three that's one thing i really really uh enjoy um showing up
for a loved one
that's important um making loud noises around your grandmother because she is
hard of hearing
and you can do that you can you know it's very rare you can be around someone
and
rattle off a loud slur right and it can be a racial slur it can be non-racial
if you want
i mean we know which ones are more fun but that can be exciting if the person
can't hear but you're
right there with them because it's very rare you can do that but that's
something i'm grateful for
um burying something somewhere that no one will ever know about
and some people are like what do you mean what are you talking about but go do
it get you a shovel
get you a trowel which is just a little baby shovel um and they should just
call it baby shovel
you know uh and get something get a little something get you get an earrings
get a set of earrings get a
um
get a uh little sack of underpants or whatever whatever get something get a uh
yeah get a bag of hair get us
you know pair of earrings get um you know get a thing of get a little uh
just get something you know what things are get something right
get something and then go just bury it somewhere bury it somewhere don't tell
anybody always fun
uh calling the cops on someone there's nothing more fun than that people kind
of
poo poo it or whatever i love it i used to live next door i used to live under
a guy over there on
claiborne avenue in new islands bro and his family they were uh
bolt they were out of their baltic or russian or you're they was like
you know they was i don't know you could hear some of the women kind of it felt
like there was some
abuse up there sometimes and they would and they were heavy set they had them
big fatty calves you
know what i'm saying big fucking knees i mean god like this dude had a spray wd-40
on his knees or
whatever to get them bitches to go you know he was he just had them god baby
them leg knuckles homie
this motherfucker was all all knees he had knees in his damn arms he was just
big bone like that anyway i would call the police a lot i'd be like hey there's
they have a gun upstairs
that's what i would say did they have it i don't know but the police get there
quick if you say oh
there's some guy with big knees upstairs who's causing a lot of maybe abusing
people
they don't come dude but you say that you know big dog up there some fucking
european construction
worker up there has got that pew pew on him bam 11 minutes they're over and
then i take off my shirt
when i tal