Name: Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #628
Uploaded: 2025-12-10T04:46:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #628' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #628' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-12-10. Transcript available.

Tucker Carlson | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #628

just wanted to let you know we got those gang gang tote bags that are available
now in the shop
you can carry whatever you need in there you can carry your problems uh you can
carry your
um gratitude you can carry whatever you want put some baby diapers in there
baby you know it
all that and more is available only at theovanstore.com as well through there
you can get
a link to all of the uh american made companies um that we featured on the
micro episode so you can go
support your fellow americans and uh thank you guys so much merry christmas
happy holidays today's
guest is a host he's an interviewer he's a provocateur if you will um we had
him on previously
and we had a great time he has his own podcast called the tucker carlson show
um he was just
ranked one of the top 10 podcasts in america um looking forward to spending
time with him
today's guest is mr tucker carlson
we want to support alp too so i'm excited about that that started on the show
which is kind of
weird that alp started on the show oh yeah that's right it was your show you
did it it's when they
threatened me it's when pmi philip morris wrote me this letter you were on a
well-known comedian's
podcast and you said there's a better product i was like you and started my own
and it's been
really successful so i'm grateful so did they get upset about anything you said
on the show on your
show yeah yeah because they said it it was like a boner cure or whatever oh
yeah it's viagra which
it totally is you think uh nicotine helps your erection yeah oh i don't i don't
think it helps
mine you know i don't think you're using enough i mean i've i've hit a you know
hit a vape like i'm
just you know like i'm keeping a train going you know mid-act like keeping like
a amtrak like i'm
leading an amtrak but it's hard to vape while you're actually engaged in right
but that's the
beauty of a pouch you can double up during oh i like that i mean that's well
let's have like a
battery pack doctors recommend i'm not obviously nothing to do with me i'm
still like using fire
you know it's like if i'm sitting there just huffing on a vape killing time
also if you're not
getting an erection you're trying to kill time until you get one that's the
toughest thing that
people never talk about about erectile dysfunction really yeah because you're
like it's like waiting
at the dmv kind of yeah kind of waiting for some lady to call you is that yeah
it's it's the same
if it's maybe it's that girl bonnie blue she's like number 49 or whatever um
not ready
yeah that'd be crazy uh just give me a couple minutes no dude the lies i would
used to have to
make up because i had pretty bad erectile dysfunction like in my 20s and the
lies i'd have to make up
wait wait wait wait without getting too personal how did you have erectile
dysfunction in your 20s
dude i moved in with a guy who okay mistake number one right for sure that didn't
help but that's
because he had a uh he had a script of wiener pills and so i'd get over there
so i'd nibble off of his
wiener pills and this is when wiener pills were really first popular when they
were first out of the
gate when people like you had to get prescription right now you can just do
like telehealth now you can
get some indian guy i'll just mail you a bag of them you know um and they have
saffron on them
which is sometimes it's kind of a lot but you take what you can get but um but
dude i would stay over
with him and he would uh and he didn't notice he would drink a lot so he didn't
notice sometimes i
would like cut one in half or just take one you know but so i was living with
like a 70 year old
dude just to cops part of his wiener pills script because you were kept man viagra
kept you there
but dude that was a crazy when i when i think back of the reality of that that
was bomb
yeah i fair even by la standards that's pretty far out yeah usually you move in
with a sugar daddy for
like the cocaine or something but you were there for the boner pills but can i
ask how do you how do
you think you wind up needing him in the first place at that age just too much
mental too much in my
head you know like i would try to be getting a boner or whatever and my brain
would be like you
got a little boner bitch or whatever like my brain did not like me you know so
and we had and we
lived together and so it was like a constant battle but then i think as i've
gotten older and gotten
more calm um it's been easier it's just been more calm that's so that's so
interesting so you were
like trying to defeat yourself yes i would be like uh or if i couldn't get it
started it was just like
man you know so then you're killing time like hey you know it's like you want
to watch a pro you know
it's like let's put on a move you know just like trying to kill time while you're
waiting to get a
boner it's very you know you're it's a that's a tough gig that should be an olympic
sport i think
like the biathlon yeah it's weird but there are a few people in the world
really good at it
really yeah well biathlon for sure i don't know boner waiting biathlon is the
cross country
right i don't think it's quite it's not actually certified yet um but no biathlon
is the cross
country skiing and then shooting oh yeah i have seen that that's pretty fun
well it's wild because
these guys are just like huffing you know imagine being oxygen deprived and
then trying to shoot
straight or do anything really oh it look this is the skill we're all going to
need probably in a few
years if we want to survive so i think that this this is very important totally
agree um but does
alp so alp is your brand alp is our brand we started it um because of your show
uh because the
first and only other time i've ever been here we were in some other city we're
in bellagio we were
in vegas right sorry uh and i had it and you said what's that and i made a joke
about how it was a
marital aid or something not even a funny joke and then about a week later i
got a letter from the
general counsel's office at philip morris international which owns zinn and
they said you
know how dare you make unsubstantiated medical claims about our product and i
was like first of all
i'm shilling your product just to be nice because i like it and now you're
scolding me for making a
boner joke which by the way was a compliment yeah if somebody's in and then
they're suddenly they got
that dong going who cares you know what i'm saying i thought it was funny i
thought it was a compliment
and but they were so corporate and nasty with me yeah that i decided i'm going
to make a competing
product and we did and then around that time probably about a week or two later
i asked around i never
really asked anyone about zen and i found out that almost every other person
using zen was using it
rectally i literally had no idea they were using it what they were rectally
yeah they use it rectally most
zen users use it rectally and i didn't know that what we're at like cap like
five kappas or whatever
no no no no just normal consumers of it like in fact in a lot of places when
you buy it you get a
little tube of i don't know if you ever bought it but you get a little tube of
vaseline and some
surgical gloves no i'm serious and i had no idea and i was like in a country of
350 million people
like there should be a pouch for your mouth yeah you know it shouldn't all be
rectally used and by the
way i'm not in any way judging at all i think it's consistent with like other
parts of their lives but
but whatever i was like this country needs an oral use only pouch yeah yeah
yeah oh so we made
one and so you guys made one yeah but i didn't know any of that and i'm like hapless
you know i'm
putting in my mouth and occasionally people look at me like on a plane or
whatever i put in my mouth
and they would give me that look like that's not what you're supposed to do
with that but i didn't
even know i didn't have any reference points for it um but you know you you
learn stuff as you age yeah
yeah if you're using that third jaw i think to catch a to catch a nicotine hit
that's pretty
wild the problem is you can you can overdo it and you forget it's hard to keep
track of how many are
there oh yeah and you can just a lot of things happen i've never done it but i
have talked to
people who are into oh it'll build up like a beaver dam back there i feel like
you know that's crazy
uh tucker good to see you man here we are we've already discussed erectile
dysfunction which i
admitted i had which is definitely never is going to help my dating life but
here we are no i think
it makes you more more relatable less threatening i bet you get a lot of calls
after this actually
well i will say this though if you took an erection pill say you went on a date
or something
it was going pretty well and you took part of or you nibbled off a little piece
because do not make
the mistake of taking a whole one what happened dude i couldn't even hug
somebody goodbye i was just like
you know like you're like in seventh grade again oh dude yeah yeah calves were
stopping it was like
what do you want you know uh so that wasn't that wasn't good dude like that was
um yeah you take a
whole one dude uh yeah people will start hanging their coats on you and stuff
it's really it can be a
lot but yeah you would just nibble off enough you started to gauge how much you
needed you'd nibble
i feel like you could become dependent on it though oh you definitely did but
at a certain point it
like alleviated like the fear of like of this of uh kind of of the it alleviated
the fear your
performance anxiety right it kind of like it so then after a while you didn't
need it all the time
so it kind of that sounds helpful yeah it was kind of like training wheels in a
way type of thing you
know i'm saying totally yeah like you use it and then you don't need it um but
yeah dude that was a
weird time dude i one time i was over there and uh so the dude like we only had
we only had one
bedroom so i would just sleep on the couch right are you sure there's not more
to the story there's
nothing more okay so an older man moves you into his house and gives you boner
pills but it's totally
on the level like there was nothing weird at all my friend's dad oh okay okay
good okay it's my friend's
dad and i think he'd like cheated on his wife or something so he got kicked out
yeah and so and i was
looking for a place to live anyway i used to go like i was learning the guitar
at the time and so
he would have this lady stay over sometimes and he would have me come in there
playing music to him
in the dark and i just learned how to play um tears in heaven just again to
stand back and you know with
no prior knowledge of the story at all but just to like assess the facts as you've
laid them out
you get invited to live with an older man yeah and a girl he was athletic he
played tennis yeah yeah for sure
who has a stash of boner pills and then he invites you into the bedroom with
him and the girl
to serenade them yes at night kind of and this never got freaky at all like not
for one
so you're like that's totally normal yeah not at all but it just it was weird
enough
it's the most la story ever it happened in louisiana oh no way i was thinking
you were
like kato kalen in the guest house this happened in downtown new orleans dude
and i used to borrow his
car it wouldn't turn off if you turned it off you couldn't turn it back on so
you had to
leave it running all the time and you had to like put gas into it so i'd go to
i'd use this car to
go to school over there there over there at loyola and uh i would just leave it
run i would just like
leave it running all day dude uh anyway tucker carlson good to see you man
great to see you
great to see you congrats on alp is it is it doing well i remember i went to y'all's
party last year
and there was a lot of neat neat people there yeah um josh smith was there i
remember um lexi was
there um mel gibson was there last year did he come yeah that was really nice
he's a great