Name: Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #633
Uploaded: 2026-01-12T20:08:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #633' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #633' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-12. Transcript available.

Trevor Wallace | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #633

If you missed out on any of the holiday merch, which I get it for sure, it's a
busy time.
We still have stuff available if you're interested.
We've got the Bobby collab and the Gang Gang Collegiate hoodies and the Gang
Totes.
You can check it all out and see what speaks to you, if anything, at TheovanStore.com.
And thank you so much for your support.
Today's guest is a stand-up comedian.
He's a content creator.
He has his own podcast called Stiff Socks.
And his new tour is happening right now called Alpha Beta Male.
You can go check that out.
I'm grateful for his return.
Today's guest is Trevor Wallace.
That's crazy.
I'm going to start poaching.
I don't give a fuck, dude.
I've had people poach me.
Mr. Beast is taking some of my guys.
Has he really?
Yeah, dude.
No way.
I'm poaching.
I don't give a fuck anymore.
Mr. Beast took some of your guys.
Let's start right there.
That's wild.
Mr. Beast, well, I mean, he hires just the best of the best.
And what he does is he'll like, kind of like, it's not him.
It's like people who work under him.
Just finding all the best people in the industry.
And honestly, I don't blame him.
Because I've worked with some people that like, the line on the resume is so
strong.
Because you get them in and you're like, this is a very simple thing.
The simple edit.
You can do this, right?
Mock this edit and this edit.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you get it back.
And you just want to be like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Coloring the lines first.
Let me see that.
Spell your name alphabetically first.
Yeah.
People will put trap beats and shit to your head.
But he just takes the best of the best.
And like people in that town, where's Greenville?
Greensboro?
Maybe.
It's near ECU, wherever that one is.
Okay.
And they got a pirate as a mascot, which 2026, I don't know if you can do that
anymore.
Greenville, North Carolina.
That's true, dude.
Everybody, yeah.
Nick Shirley will show up and bust all your mascots.
And honestly, after losing a leg, why would you still want to be on a ship?
That doesn't seem like a very steady place to be.
There's a lot of wobbles going on there.
And I love Mr. Beast.
I'll say that.
He's a good guy.
But he's smart for just taking the best of the best.
Well, I think at a certain point, you realize like.
It's almost good.
It's like if you have a hot girlfriend and she gets hit on at a bar, I'm not
mad.
Yeah.
I'm mad if nobody hits on my girlfriend.
Yeah, dude.
If somebody just comes up and talks to you and you introduce me to your
girlfriend and they don't
even look at her again.
Oh, yeah.
Dude, I think the most disrespectful thing you can say to a guy after they like
show
them their girlfriend, be like, oh, man, as long as you're happy.
Stuff.
As long as you're happy.
Not anymore.
I'm going to take my own life.
She's free now.
Yeah.
Bro, I'm going to definitely go get her hair braided or something.
Or like get her rode up or something.
You have to do something then.
But then if somebody looks at your girlfriend three times, dude, you're like,
whoa, dude.
You get two free glimpses.
It's like Monopoly.
You get two free out of jails.
You get two free glimpses.
And they better be up top glimpses.
They better.
I mean, looking at her hairline.
Clavicles up.
Yeah.
But it is funny that like if you're.
And I don't think this happens the older you get in life.
But like when you are.
Well, I'll tell you.
Go on.
Sciatica.
As you get older, it's not as much.
But like when you start dating somebody, it's almost like your boys are like,
yo, check her out.
She's hot.
Right.
Look at her tits.
Yeah.
And then those people get married eventually.
And you're like, I've seen your wife's tits.
Yeah.
Why am I even at the wedding?
I've seen.
I've seen them.
Yeah.
I think it's wild.
Like that's one of the things that I think would be wild sometimes about if
somebody marries like somebody that has like a lot of OnlyFans stuff out there
and stuff like that.
If that can be.
Because I don't look at OnlyFans, but I don't know.
And some of the stuff might just be photos.
I know some of it's sex.
But that could be.
It's all.
It's all SEX.
It's crazy.
You're like, truly, they don't go all the way.
And you do one Reddit search and they're in the dark webs.
They're going all the way?
All the way.
Oh, my God.
It's crazy.
Well, I think they do it because it's like behind so many paywalls.
They're like, nobody's going to see this.
And do they even have a shirt on or anything or nothing?
No.
I don't even know if they have the AC on.
It's like a sweaty place.
I don't know, man.
There's always music in the background.
It's always like Wiz Khalifa, like Young, Wild, and Free.
And you're like, I don't know if this is the most.
I feel like this is a song for like a high school graduation.
Yeah, dude.
If you're getting kind of shanked down somewhere, I think you got to have the
AC on, I feel like.
AC on and windows down.
Or like the blinds down.
It's too bright in there.
Oh, yeah.
But then if some of the dark, I will say this, I haven't been a user of
pornography.
You're still off, yeah?
I've had some setbacks.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And what sparked that setback?
Oh, I'll tell you.
Not to trigger anything.
No, dude.
You triggered something that night.
Frustrated, lonesome, laying there, like reading.
And then being like, oh, this book isn't enough, you know?
And it's just a book.
It's like a good book.
Is it on photos or no?
It's like all's quiet on the Western Front or something.
It's like, oh, this book isn't enough to make me spray, you know?
Oh, yeah.
You're talking about the Dust Bowl?
Yeah.
I mean, there are a couple scenes in Grapes of Wrath that kind of like-
Really?
Well, there is a very like, there's a scene where the mom at the end or a woman
who's breastfeeding
at the end has to breastfeed a person because, like an adult, because they just
don't have
anything to eat.
Yes.
I've been that hungry before, though.
But that's like, I mean, that's-
Oh, we're already on Reddit.
It's about to happen.
We're two clicks away from some tits.
Yeah.
Well, let's back out of here because I'm already-
Well, I'm already, I'm looking at the Louis C.K. book behind you and something
about that
cover, like that, that feels like, I'm going to get a little-
Oh, this is rough.
Um, but yeah, dude, I think that's the kind of thing that gets me, you know?
Yeah.
And if I haven't been meditating, I have a little, like a moment of peace
before, like,
I like react and do something.
Mental masturbation, yeah.
Or it's, I feel like, well, it's like, I'm just not as reactive.
It's like, I have a moment of like, okay, well, what do I really want to do
here,
you know?
Because then I'll jerk off, then I feel bad, that type of thing.
But overall, it's kind of a lot better.
I mean, it's instant.
The second it leaves the body, it's like, come out, regret in.
And it's like a baton.
Like, it's like a handoff.
It's like, goodbye, good night.
Yeah.
And then you're just sitting there with shame.
Oh, how are you in hotel rooms?
Are you like, after shows, are you like, okay, I can just go straight to sleep?
Or you're just kind of sitting there pacing a little bit?
Oh, man.
I mean, I think it's a variety of stuff, you know?
I think, I don't know if hotel rooms do it for me anymore, which is kind of sad,
because that used to be the thing.
Like, you get in a nice room, you got to jerk off right when you get in there.
That's the key card.
Yeah, it's like, oh, I thought this thing runs on DNA.
You're just spraying on the freaking, on the swipe out front.
Exactly.
And then you stick the do not disturb sign on the nut.
But I just feel like any room, I just, it's just not home.
So it's always going to feel awkward.
It's just like the AC, the AC needs to pick a lane.
It's on, then it's off.
Yeah.
It's on, then it's, and you're like, why are you edging me with AC?
The AC does feel like it's edging all the time.
Shit piss me off.
It's a crazy time here, I think, too, in the winter.
You can never get the heat right in your house or your room, whatever it is.
The heat is the worst because it's like, it's blazing hot for a second
and then it kind of disappears really fast.
It's like, I don't know.
All that stuff's kind of hectic, dude.
I mean, getting through the winter, getting through these days, I kind of,
I never want the year to start.
That's what I realized.
I do not.
Yes.
It's like, I'm still like trying to relax and chill and the year just starts
back so fast.
You've been taking a break though.
Yeah.
How are you feeling?
Good.
Yeah, I'm feeling better for sure.
Yeah.
Nice.
But I want to just keep doing that.
And that's fine.
But I think the calendar is just like, here, we're going again.
You know, it's going to be.
I feel that.
It takes me a while to like calm down.
And then the second I started to calm down, that's when it starts ramping back
up.
Yeah.
It's like to, if you really need to enjoy vacation, let's say you want a week
off, you almost need like two or three days before and two or three days after
to like build in and then to like build up to get out.
Do you think like, do you think it's like, do you think it's tougher for people
to find like spouses and stuff these days because there's so much like data?
Like so many people that like you've dated your friends and all that kind of
stuff.
Does that ever affect you, you think at all?
What's the question?
Like if you wanted to find like a girlfriend or something, is it tough?
Because it's like, oh man, my buddies date her.
It's like, there's just so much.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
In the same town, I guess it just depends on like the town capacity.
I mean, like where my dad grew up, it's like 5,000 people.
Yeah.
I mean, at that point, it's like, you might have to run it back once or twice.
You might have to date somebody you dated years back just to be like, we've hit
the cycle.
You know, at a strip club on like a Tuesday when it's slow and then like the
same dancers come out.
Yeah.
Every like three songs.
With a new hat or whatever.
Yeah, exactly.
And they just put like la in front of their name.
Yeah.
There's diamond now.
There's la diamond.
Yeah.
You're like, is this Spanish diamond?
Yeah, la gina.
So it's L diamond.
And she's next.
I think it just depends on the town.
Yeah, dude.
I think that's why guys randomly just move though.
Yeah.
Like, fuck it, I'm going to Oregon.
And dudes will be like, hey, is there, they'll just say, some dude will send
out like a tweet like,
hey, is there some good puss out in Oregon or whatever?
The craziest shit to me.
Some dudes will reply like, bro, no puss in Oregon, dude.
Yeah, bro.
And they're with a girl right there.
They're with a wife.
The craziest shit is the people that like, and I'm sure you've had people like
this on your tour.
I have a girlfriend now, so I don't do this, but like, I don't, like, there'll
be guys on your tour who are like swiping in the next city.
They're like meal prepping swipes.
Yes.
They're like, oh, I'm already in Chattanooga.
Yeah.
We're in San Diego, brother.
What the hell are you on?
Yeah, I've had some openers that are like that.
They're already in the next city and they're like, oh, I got a girl maybe
coming through.
And I'm like, how'd you meet her?
And like, I met her on Hinge or whatever.
We're, we're, we're together now.
It's crazy.
Yeah.
The, the pre swipes.
I don't know.
I mean, it's, it's, I guess, I don't know.
I guess it's like, kind of like ordering an Uber for the next day or something.
I don't know.
Like there's some smart strategy behind it.
That's Uber Eats, dude.
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Uber Eats out.
Dude, a lot of crazy stuff.
What did I see that?
There was a one girl, um, Trish, Trisha Paytas, Paytas is running for office.
Did you see that?
Do you know her kids' names?
Uh-uh.
I don't know why you would.
Um, I don't know why I do, but her kids' names are something.
Can you pull that up somewhere, someone?
It's fun.
Yeah.
It's, uh, Elvis and Aquaman, who should be in the new Jason Momoa mo