Name: Fiona Cauley | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #634
Uploaded: 2026-01-16T14:08:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fiona Cauley | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #634' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Fiona Cauley | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #634' from Theo Von on Comedy Buff. Published 2026-01-16. Transcript available.

Fiona Cauley | This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von #634

Today's guest is a comedian and a podcaster.
You may know her from her appearances on Kill Tony.
She has her own podcast called Rampin' Up,
and I'm thankful that she's here today.
Today's guest is Miss Fiona Cauley.
Your house is beautiful, by the way.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, I feel lucky to have a place to live.
I got to get, I think, a new couch or something.
How many times after you sit on a couch, you have to get a new one?
That's a thing.
They should put, like, a little counter on the side that kind of goes down.
I like that.
It's like the lollipop question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, like, how many sits does it take to...
Like, oh, you're out, and it catapults you out.
Yeah, dude.
The springs just activate at a certain point.
Yeah, I like that.
No nonsense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what we need now.
It's like, yeah, how many sits does it take to get to the center of your sofa?
I would be screwed.
Really?
Because all I do is sit.
Oh, that's true, huh?
Mm-hmm.
You're right here.
You're what some people would consider a heavy sitter, huh?
Yeah, I'm professional.
Yeah.
Yeah, y'all ain't got shit on me.
For some of our listeners that don't know, so you have, you live with an ailment.
What do people, do people call it a disease, an ailment, just because you're
already talking
about it?
Yeah, it's a disease, a disability.
It's called Friedrich's ataxia.
Yeah, what is it?
Is it okay to ask you about it?
You okay?
Yeah, yeah.
It, so it's like a really rare neurological disease, and it's progressive.
And there are, like, 5,000 people in the U.S. that have it, and I'm one of them.
And the only difference between us, the reason you can walk and I can't, is I
don't make enough
of a protein called fritaxin.
And that's kind of it.
Like, both my parents were carriers, didn't know, and then they had kids, and
we're screwed.
And do, duh, and so are you the only child that has it?
No.
So, if two parents have it, and they have a child, any child they have can have
it?
Can, yeah.
But also, they might not, some of them.
But I'm one of three.
I'm the middle, and we all have it.
I got diagnosed first, so they can suck it, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like that twin that's born later.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you don't really count.
Did you feel like they were copying off you at any point?
Yeah, I mean, I'm the middle child, so it's like, I can't have anything to
myself.
Yeah.
My sister's even in the same wheelchair as me now.
Rude.
No, same brand?
Yeah.
Oh.
I know.
But is she the younger sister?
Older.
Oh, that's, we're not good.
Because I noticed my nephews at Thanksgiving were dressing the same as each
other, but they're
like two years apart, and I was like, oh, it kind of makes sense, the younger
one
is dressing like the older one.
Yeah.
It's even, well, imagine if, like, your siblings, like, got the same car as you.
Yeah.
It's the same thing.
Oh.
Yeah.
Do you have to have a, do you have to have a cane?
How do you, because, no, you have a wheelchair.
Well, good question.
I mean, it's progressive, so I used to be an athlete before I knew, and then I
walked
weird, like, kind of like, I'm drunk, I spoke, still do speak that way, because
your
tongue's a muscle.
Oh.
And then I went into a cane phase when I was 21, because they wouldn't serve me
at bars.
And I was like, I got to find a way to, like, show them.
It's like, I'm not drunk.
I was drunk, but I was, you know.
Did a lot of brothers hit on you when you had that cane?
Honestly, I would go to bars not bring the cane, and if a guy hit on me, I was
like, that's
a bad person, because I look like the drunkest person in this, but right?
It was a litmus test.
You're just reporting people?
At one point, did you and your sisters have canes?
Because that's almost like a black prom, I feel like, if you guys had that.
I did have, like, 14 to match every outfit.
Nuh-uh.
Yeah.
Oh, that's kind of hot.
Thank you.
Yeah.
I have one that was like a sword cane.
You unscrew the top and a sword came out.
Really?
Oh, that's the one you definitely needed, probably an Irish bar.
Yeah, I took it on every date, just in case, you know, I don't fuck with pepper
spray, just
sword canes.
Oh, that's, dude, that's the British pepper spray.
The sword cane, that's exactly what they're, that's exactly the wildest thing
there is.
That's unbelievable.
Fiona Cawley, thanks for joining us.
Yeah.
Thanks for stopping by.
I appreciate it.
We got to do a show together not long ago that was at the lab, and that was
really
awesome, and, um, and I saw you're going to be on the Kill Tony, are you on the
Kill Tony,
the live from Texas, what's it called?
Once Upon a Time in Texas, yeah.
The one that just came on Netflix.
That's you right there, right?
Yeah.
Oh.
How crazy is that to see yourself on, like, kind of, like, because stuff like
this, I
think, is kind of, it's not monumental, but it's interesting in a comic's
career when
they see themselves on, like, a Netflix poster, something that gives us some
semblance
of what we deem as, a lot of us deem as success.
Was that interesting for you?
Yeah.
I mean, I'm grateful it put me on the poster, you know what I mean?
But, yeah.
I mean, being on Netflix, this is actually the second time with Kill Tony I've
been on the
Netflix.
Oh, nice.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, the other one was at Madison Square Garden.
Dude, that's wild.
And they kind of, and they hid your legs, too, which is, are they?
Which was nice, and then it grows with people out.
They don't want to see this.
Oh, I bet a lot of dudes.
I know some dudes who would.
For sure.
And also, you think they could have had you sitting on his shoulder or
something?
Right, that would have been way funnier.
I like that.
So, you've been doing comedy for...
About five years.
Okay.
Yeah.
And was, did Kill Tony feel like a big break for you?
Like, what does that feel like?
Because...
Yeah, I would say so.
I was, you know, I live in Nashville, so I was really just working zanies.
And I was starting to feature and whatever, and then I heard about Kill Tony,
and people
were like, you should go on that.
And I was like, okay.
It changed my life.
Overnight.
Wow.
Like, fully.
You know, from like 30,000 followers, and now I have like more than half a
million.
Are you kidding me?
It's insane.
Yeah.
Wow.
Dude, kudos to Tony and Red Band just for making that thing stick and thrive,
and the
years they went through it at the Comedy Store, where there were times when it
was big, and
times where it was kind of like in between buildings, and like they were
switching it around.
Even when they got to Austin, I think they went to three different places,
and they kept that thing alive.
That's unbelievable.
Was your first time there, what's it like when your first time there, did you
know you
were going to get up, or was it?
Yeah.
So, he, basically what happened was, I didn't know what Kill Tony was.
I heard about it.
Yeah, because you're already, you know, you're already having health problems.
Kill Tony sounds.
Right, and I'm like, I'll stay away from that word, you know.
Yeah, it's like, I'm not seeing another surgeon, you know.
I'm like, what's next, Kill Fiona?
No, I, uh, my uncle.
Sorry, am I joking too much or no?
No, I like it.
Okay.
I thought you did.
That's the only reason why I'm joking.
No, I'll take it too far.
You let me know.
So, you go there, and for people that don't know, most of our listeners know,
but Kill
Tony, it's a show that's run by Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Redman, and they
basically bring
in kind of newcomers.
It's kind of the new Tonight Show in a lot of ways, and they have regular
guests on there,
and a lot of people go on there and get their first minute.
It's kind of their first minute that's in front of the Kill Tony crowd, and
sometimes
those minutes are amazing, and sometimes those minutes are very nerve-wracking.
I think they're probably nerve-wracking no matter what, but yeah, take me
through that
minute.
Like, what's that first minute on Kill Tony?
What is it?
What is that like?
Especially for somebody that's had five years in comedy, like, because you, you
know, it's
not, some of these people, it's their first time ever getting on stage, and
some people
are just hiding from their wives or something.
Some people are just hiding from ice for a minute.
They're like, this is one minute away from ice, right?
They won't find me here.
But yeah, can you kind of take us through that?
Yeah.
So, it's very, it's stressful, because it's not, you, you realize it's not just
the room
you're in that's going to see it.
It's not just the 300 people.
The platform is so big.
So, you're like, everything I do right now is going to be seen by millions of
people.
Like, you're stressed, you know?
And also, the whole thing is like, the panel gets to be mean to you, and the
crowd loves
that.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's very Roman Coliseum, huh?
It feels, the arena shows for Kill Tony feels so Roman.
I say that all the time.
Wow.
And every time I go out in an arena show with them, I swear the person right
before me gets
booed by the entire arena, and then I'm like, oh my God.
That's kind of nice, because then if somebody else has taken that L, then you're
like...
Could have been me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But, it was them.
I've been through enough.
Okay.
Before you went on the first time, are you just, are you like, waiting in the
wings?
What's, what's the setup?
Um, so, I have, because I'm in a wheelchair, I have to like, go around the
building and get
carried up these stairs.
Are we by the dumpsters and stuff?
Yeah.
Yeah.
It smells real bad.
And, but it reminds you, you're alive, you know?
So, like, I'm grateful.
For sure.
And, yeah, they have you waiting back there.
You smell like trash.
You're looking at Heidi, the best-looking woman I've ever seen in real life.
Oh, does she work on Kill Tony?
Yeah, I have, you know, the beautiful blonde Heidi member.
Oh, yes.
She's very nice.
Wow.
Look at her.
Are you joking?
I know, I'm not joking.
Oh, wow, she looks like Geena Davis.
And, she's got strong cheekbones.
She looks like Jean Davis, too.
Who used to play catcher for us when I was growing up, actually.
Great kid, Italian, good guy.
I'm like, I don't know that.
No, she's stunning.
I'm just joking.
I'm sure if she's on Kill Tony, she can take a couple of jokes.
Do they joke about her a lot, too?
Oh, yeah.
She, she's very funny, takes jokes very well, very smart.
I've got to go back on.
Yeah, because of Heidi.
No, well, it is funny that, yeah, you show a cute girl.
You're like, God, I'm going to get there.
I'm going to get back out there.
It's like, you could show a picture of the North Pole, and guys are like, that
looks cold,
I ain't doing that shit.
And then you show a guy, and you show just like a silhouette of some tits on
the edge of
a glacier, and some guy's like, man, we got to get back.
I got to get back out there.
Yeah, I got to warm up the old ice pick, Bubba.
It's warm.
And so, as you're going along, like, dude, I cannot imagine how overwhelming
that feels.
It reminds me of, I did a late night set one time for Craig, Craig Ferguson,
yeah.
And it never aired, because I think it was too edgy or something, they said.
And I was heartbroken, dude.
I was like, oh, I worked so hard and put the set together.
But that was nerve-wracking.
That was, like, one of the most nerve-wracking moments, because you kind of
know what you
want to do, but you haven't been in this instance where, like, there's, like,
for me,
there was, like, a lot of heat would build up around my neck, and you want to
make sure
your words get out clearly.
That was super frustrating for me.
I know you did a late night set.
Did you do Fallon?
Yeah.
Which one?
Congratulations, by the way.
Thank you.
Was there any different feeling between those two things, or did one feel
easier?
I think Fallon felt easier.
Because he's not there to be mean to me.
That's a good point.
But I don't like...
Yeah, he's not hiding your wheelchair while you're up there, like, Redband will
sell it
on E