Name: Ep. 206 - John Slick
Uploaded: 2020-05-07T00:33:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 206 - John Slick' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-07. Transcript available. http://patreon.com/cumtown - Watch Live http://cum.town - Merch.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 206 - John Slick' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-07. Transcript available. http://patreon.com/cumtown - Watch Live http://cum.town - Merch.

Ep. 206 - John Slick

Hmm, maybe you have a bitch ass computer.
Hmm, maybe you have a bitch ass computer.
Uh, I don't know. Numbers? Do we number our episodes?
That's a good-ass question.
Do the patrons count in the numbering or is it just...
I'll figure it out, give me a second.
206.
Nice.
206.
When we get to 305, we gotta have Pitbull.
Miami episode.
Mr. 305.
Okay.
All right, yeah, we're live now.
Nice.
We're live.
We're live and we're getting pussy over the internet.
All right.
Well, Adam didn't figure his shit out, so...
Adam's computer can't connect, so...
Guess what?
Guess what? We're doing it this way.
Ideally, I'd like to have this set so that it's like fucking...
It drives me insane to start the podcast and then I broadcast to YouTube and it
gets a couple seconds before.
And there's, oh, every single one is gonna start with me shoving my beard in my
mouth.
Not fucking do it while I'm trying to figure something out.
Dude, you gotta fucking fix your oral fixation.
I tried. I used to put, 'cause I chewed like a hole in my lip years ago.
Damn.
23, 24, I had like a goatee and I fucking like chewed like all...
Did this?
All the time. I can't stop fucking doing it.
And then it gets even like, like it doesn't...
The hair just stopped growing at this point because I'm just like constantly
like just chewing on it.
You were like a fucking cow.
You know when a cow is, is mauling on some grass and it's a little brown patch.
Right.
You did that. You were grazing on your shit.
I got hot spots like a dog.
Yeah.
But now I look at the, I look at the, the fucking...
Here, look, I'll just screen cap it and send it to you.
Yeah.
Look how fucking stupid I look.
I've seen it.
I mean, it's just like, that's how, that's the still now for the video.
Uh-huh.
Oh, that's the beginning still.
It's just you going...
It's me shoving.
Like a little bitch.
Yeah, dude.
Um...
Yeah, you look, you look gay.
You look comfortable.
You look like...
You look sad your boyfriend said he can't come over in this screen cap.
That's a little too far.
I wouldn't say that's exactly what the vibe is.
That's actually exactly.
No.
Yeah.
You look forlorn.
You look like you've been rejected by a lover in this.
No, I think the look is that I'm upset because my morbidly obese friend is all
of the Toblerones in the world.
You snooze, you lose, pal.
You can't trust me around a fucking Toblerone.
You know that about me, dude.
Too many Toblerones, or not enough Toblerones.
Don't leave me around your Toblerones or your bitch.
Yeah.
That's the thing about me, dude.
Adam says he's in.
He might be in the waiting room.
Oh, okay.
Very, very good timing, Adam.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to join us.
Look who...
Hi, guys.
Look who thought it'd be a cool idea to wait till 2:59 PM to see if his
computer...
I don't know.
I was doing it for like five minutes.
I had to restart my computer.
Mr. Tanktop back in the mix.
Supposed to wait until 2:55 PM to see him.
It's Mahalo vibes over here.
I love it, dude.
Are you waxing your board?
I'm waxing a lot these days, including my, uh...
Your hole?
My vagina.
Waxing your vagina.
Is that what you're doing, Adam?
I was waxing my asshole.
Nice.
What do you think about waxing the shit out of your ass and your balls, but
leaving your
gooch, Harry?
You know, people say waxing philosophical or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, but they're just like...
Not to wax vaginally here.
Yeah.
I'm going to wax my asshole-ly.
Yeah.
I think that would be anally, wouldn't it?
Um...
Not to wax anally or wax penis-ly.
Asshole...
Asshole-ly?
Asshole-ly.
Mm-hmm.
Not to wax us...
Now, you guys did kind of gloss over, though, my idea of a little gooch mohawk.
Yeah.
Like a little...
Just like a little Hitler mustache in between your...
What do you think of that as a look?
In between your pussy and a...
Yeah.
Isn't that how it looks, anyways?
Unless you shave it.
No, I'm saying you wax your dick in balls, and you wax your ass, and you let
the gooch
go crazy.
So you get a nice little fur.
I'm getting, like, very, like, caucuses vibes from that.
Caucus?
Like, that's like a tribesman in the Urals.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yes.
You don't get...
You're not a real male in the tribe unless you grow out your gooch hawk.
You have to shave all your pubes and ball hair and your asshole, but then you
have that, and
then there's bells at the end.
And you're allowed into the army by memorizing a dance.
Yeah.
After, for three days, you're on a fucking vision quest drinking nothing but
goat's blood.
No, yeah.
Like, yeah, milk, like, goat milk.
Curdled milk.
Curdled milk.
Ugh.
Eating bark.
And then you're in the army, and you're allowed to go into Turkey to rape women.
Yeah.
That's right.
And then you come home.
That's how you earn your SIM back.
No, here's what happens.
You come home, they snip off your goo chair.
They smell it.
If it smells like Turkish pussy, you're allowed in the army.
You're allowed in the army.
That's beautiful, man.
Yeah.
That's a beautiful people over there in the Balkans.
The savages.
I'm excited.
Greeks are kind of like the white people of the Balkans.
I went to Home Depot, and it was like a fucking hour and 45 minutes.
I don't know about that.
What?
His statement about Greeks being white.
In terms of, like, I don't like the racism exists, but in a world where it
doesn't
In a world where it does.
In a world.
But Croatians, Croatians are.
Greeks are at the top of that racist pyramid.
And I'm not even saying it's good.
I'm pointing it out as a sort of ethno historian.
What if racism actually existed?
20th century Fox presents the black mind in reality.
Yeah.
The black mind in reality.
Yeah.
The Merrill black minding.
Who's rank your Balkan break the Balkans then, bitch.
If Greeks are.
What are the Balkans again?
It's like Albania is are the Yugoslavian countries.
The Balkan.
I would say so.
Slavs.
Yeah.
So Croatians are white.
I don't think Greeks are whiter than Croatians.
I'm saying we're at the top.
Oh, you're the, you're the best ones.
We're in a world where that kind of thing.
That's what you're saying.
If you subscribe to that kind of thinking, which I don't.
I don't personally, but if you did, we would be Serbs.
I guess Serbs are probably, you know, let me, let me walk that back.
Let me not say we're the white ones.
Let me say.
You're saying you're the superior ones.
We're the superior Balkan race, which I, I don't, but some people do is what I
say.
I would say, look, either nobody is white except the English or everybody's
white except Sub-Saharan Africans.
Indians, like East Asians, and like the, you know, Tasmanian devil kind of
folks that got down there.
Yes.
Sure.
The, I think they're called Negritos is.
I think it's aboriginals.
No.
I think that's the new Bud Light.
Bud Light Negrito.
Negrito with wine.
That sounds delicious.
Whatever Negrito is.
Negrito is the racial category of people that are like dark as hell, but they're
not actually from Africa.
Oh, nice.
Huh?
Yeah.
That's cool.
Negrito are several diverse ethnic groups who inhabit isolated parts of Austronesia.
Austronesia.
Yeah.
See, that's fucked up.
Cause to me, that sounds like a black guy from Brazil.
Negrito.
Yeah.
Or Columbia or something like that.
The other bounty hunter.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Like they would do some dancing like that.
Wait, do you guys see those operators get owned in Venezuela?
Yes.
That's so fucking funny.
So sick.
So sick.
What were they called?
Silvercore?
Yeah, dude.
So sick.
That shit rocks, dude.
Look, those guys, what were they from Iraq?
They were like Iraq and Afghanistan guys that were like, we're going to be
fucking.
They were seals, I think.
That's hysterical.
They came in so cocky.
They got their shit split, dude.
Maduro sucked their dicks clean off.
They probably were the guys that got like rejected from Blackwater.
You know, they're like, you're not a good enough operator to kill Arab people
for money.
All they've ever done is like, they were like, they were security for Trump.
Like one time.
Were they?
I think, yeah.
Dude, those guys suck.
Yeah.
They definitely did.
And Maduro, he was the guy, before him was the guy, some guy that the CIA hit
with the cancer gun, right?
What was that guy's name?
Chavez?
Chavez, yeah.
Yeah.
That.
Didn't they get his ass with the cancer ray?
I mean, he got cancer out of nowhere.
Is that a real thing?
Dude, you know, they got some shit like that.
I know.
But why wouldn't they be doing that all the time?
I think they do.
Maybe because it like whatever crystals or human sacrifice it takes is too much.
Maybe you can only use it every once in a while.
Who knows what kind of occult shit the CIA is on, dude.
Yeah, I guess.
Chavez, right?
Didn't he get like some crazy form of cancer and just die out of nowhere?
I don't know.
All I know is he liked track suits.
So he's one of our brothers.
That guy rocked.
Yeah.
He's one of the brethren.
He did look cool.
He would give speeches with track suits.
I didn't.
I messed up.
I got the Velour.
Those Burgundy, Velour, Beckenbauer.
Like the Adidas.
Yeah.
You got the Beckenbauer's in Velour.
Oh, wait, no.
We have the same one.
We have.
I have the only guy.
I got the track bottoms as a present.
No tops?
The time I was like, you know what?
I'll go get the top.
Because they were $80 each.
The top and the bottom.
Oh, they went on sale, brother.
They went on sale, but they discontinued them.
And now the fucking top is $450 on eBay.
And I can't go around with half a track suit on, bro.
No, that's pathetic.
Cut the check right now.
What are we waiting for?
Yeah.
Make the check out to eBay right now, dude.
I can't find it.
But now I'm thinking about like, you know, because we all got to think about
different economies
after this shit.
And it's like, I should be buying every type of new track suit from Adidas and
not wearing
it.
I'm just waiting to see if I can flip that shit on eBay in two years.
Yeah.
You're going into the world of hypebeast resale.
Yeah.
I mean, this thing is fucking hot.
The problem is I love wearing the track suits and I wear them.
Big problem.
You wear them with joy.
Let them give you.
This shit's fucking dirty as hell now.
Yeah.
What do you need?
Use what you need.
One to stock, one to cut, one to rock.
No.
One to cop.
There it is.
That's awesome.
That's one of the best ones.
Yeah.
What I've been doing with.
The best of the Puma Motorsport tracks.
Without question.
Without question.
And I've taken a good look at all of them.
Yeah.
BMW one.
Very good.
Well, because it's the M Motorsports one.
The Ferrari one's fucking gay.
Ferrari ones.
You think it's going to be awesome.
It sucks.
Ferraris are for fags, dude.
I don't know.
But it doesn't look cool.
Ferraris are cool.
Nah, I'm not.
Dude, I got beef with them ever since I saw Ford versus Ferrari.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha.
What?
Ha, ha, ha.
They're disrespectful.
I'm not.
That's very funny.
I'm laughing at it.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
I'm just, I'm just, I stated a fact.
Ha, ha, ha.
What about them with disrespectful, Adam, would you say?
They're rude and disrespectful.
They think they're sculptors of gorgeous machines.
I agree with them.
I like a Ferrari.
It looks cool.
I think.
What movie did I just watch where somebody had a Ferrari?
It's like says boomer shit, you know?
Yeah.
Like the, if you're, if I've said this before, but the, the like millennial car
culture is
about having autism and appreciating every type of car.
Boomer shit is like, yeah, they're like, oh, wow.
What if I'm one day I'm a stockbroker millionaire and I have a Ferrari?
Yeah, dude.
That shit is for fucking Persians.
I'm listen, bro.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm Eastern European.
I got a little bit of that in my blood.
You know, some Persians came over in the old days and raped one of my fucking
great, great
grandmas.
You should get into a colognes in a sense.
Dude.
It's a, it's on its way.
It honestly is honest.
This summer was going to be the return of jewelry.
Cause I feel like it's a, jewelry's for summertime.
Uh, and I was going to ge