Name: Ep 209 - Summer Pussy
Uploaded: 2020-05-28T02:31:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 209 - Summer Pussy' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep 209 - Summer Pussy' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-28. Transcript available.

Ep 209 - Summer Pussy

that's actually gay it's actually i don't like it it's actually one of the gayest
things we've
ever seen one of the gayest things on record what many experts being gay many
experts are referring
to the gayest thing they've ever seen yeah i was over here and apparently when
you go on youtube
you gotta sign in that's gay yeah they're calling it one of the gayest things
of all time
it just gets funnier than what you're referring to yes many are calling let me
sign let me use my
official uh background wait hold on it's it's i just posted it so nobody's
watching it yet okay
and then we're gonna switch to gallery view here interesting oh i just kind of
what
and you had a sign made yeah every doctor told me and it doesn't make this sign
yeah well it doesn't
make any sense and then you had a sign made i had to tell you to just for
information i can see now
here that when you move your hand it's uh his background is fake so no yeah it's
a virtual
background whereas you could have just made a sign no you could have very
digital no you could have
very easily made a sign hung it on the wall you didn't do that much which means
the sign is fake
that's not how that works brother absolutely we live in a digital world we live
in a social
distancing world this is a digital sign pal there's no string there's no string
there's none of this
whatever's going on over here yeah it looks nice no i dressed it up what you
have is a fake sign
that speaks the truth that extends the information on it all right well you
know what i actually bought
a program that tells you tells us the most true statement in the world so why
don't i play why
don't i run that program first of all i don't for starters you know we'll just
i i'm not going to
refute all of the information but i'm certain that every doctor in the world
didn't tell you that
every single one man i don't know what to tell you and why would you wish it
wasn't true because i
don't want you to have a small dick you're my friend but you're my friend and i
want you to have
a small dick well that's that's what we're different kind of guys i root for my
friends i root for my
friends too i want you to triumph over a hardship well i know you don't have it
that's that's true
who the fuck is rooting for a guy with a big dick
i want my friends to have every advantage in life yeah that's the kind of guy i
am privilege
i know you couldn't handle having a small dick you couldn't live in this world
i'm i'm like i'm
quietly praying for all of my black friends to become white and privileged
i just want them i've dear god please fix marcus's skin please his skin it's
too much melanin
make him white yeah well the cop yeah speaking of that cops have been murdering
people and
also uh they got that sexy birder guy it's funny that that's like the only
thing from the pre-corona
world that's still going on every other bullshit type of news story that like
everyone stopped caring
about it's like like because you know seven months ago it was like stop the
presses leslie jones tried
on a mini skirt yeah and then that nobody cares about that anymore no not at
all that stuff's happening
like you know a trans kid fucking like did tianaman square to yeah fucking a
picture of donald trump or
something yeah but now the only thing that's still going on is the cops are
like let's let's just keep
doing it it ain't no problem i've been cooped up too long my murdering fingers
itching
yeah cops are like look the world's got to go back to normal why not us we'll
start it off and it'll be
a beacon of hope that things will get back to normal as they were before the
pandemic yeah we'll get to
keep murdering people it's funny they're just doing that because they're bitter
that like once again
you know 9-11 happened and everybody's talking with the first responders and
they're talking about
firemen right and then you know that's come on say us too yeah well we're
putting it on the car
anyways we're putting on yeah we were there sort of we were driving around and
now this happens they're
like now it's our turn because we got to be out here and then it's like grocery
store guys yeah dude
they got jumped completely grocery nurses of course but then even grocery store
guys delivery guys
they're more heroes to me than cops easy this is this is like cop land
happening to them so that's
saloon who they thought was a retard yep groceries the retard bagging groceries
at the grocery store
i wanted to be a cop but all i could do is because i'm deaf in one ear all i
could do is which it's
like i never made sense to me it's like what i feel like you could be a cop if
you're deaf in one ear
especially considering that like he's knows all these cops yep they're covering
up for their friend who
murdered somebody that's right and they're like what are you talking about rig
the system to let a deaf
guy in we'll get 30 years there's no way we could get away with that we gotta
do things by the book
now help me grind up this child's toes yeah what if somebody whispers something
sensual into his ear
and then everybody thinks we got gay cops on the on the block we can't do that
we couldn't have that
what if somebody tries to bribe him and he doesn't accept it he doesn't hear
the brothers he can't
hear it can't hear it because he's a fucking ear talk
damn salute cop but i enjoyed copland but it was one of the it was a movie i
saw just high as shit
yeah i mean that was like part of the when i was a teenager was that michael
mangold was that who did
that just jewish michael man yeah michael mangold oh yeah james mangold hold on
mangold director
i think that's who it is it was a good it was a solid one who what michael raport
plays the guy
who killed someone super boy yeah he was cute james mangold yeah somebody told
me that um yeah james
mangold did uh logan too oh hell yeah best movie of all time bro and the godfather
to logan that's
the best movie yeah and then ford versus ferrari and walkthrough oh dude this
man has nothing but
bangers no he's a good director he's made he's made some good movies eaters
from james big james
yeah copland girl interrupted kate and leopold identity which was kind of a
piece of shit uh
what's identity 310 to yuma remake which i liked people say that's good i
should watch it yeah
i fuck with russ so is that uh the the other guy the fucking wormy guy ben
foster oh yeah whatever
happened to ben foster what's he up to these days he must have gotten some kind
of strange but all those
guys got pussy they didn't deserve i wonder who he fucked yeah he died of uh
coronavirus what yeah
this would be a really convenient way to double up on conspiracy theories and
it i guess that is what they said was going to happen right that they were
going to kill all the
pedophiles or something empty the jails yeah i mean that's kind of that's got
to be the end of q anon
that's that's the point where you got to be like okay this is fake
yeah i feel like they're gonna marshal on brother i don't know what could they
possibly
you know just pay attention to the clues
i know we said that there were underground tunnels where they're arresting
they're going to arrest all the pedophiles and it didn't happen but that's just
one of the clues
it's part of the clue it's part of the clue mentality the clutality of a q
genius
yeah shouts out to q anon they really are all keep hey keep digging brothers
you're almost there
people keep saying this karen thing is like uh they're like it's basically like
using the n-word
i love that which i mean can we start using it that way yeah because i've seen
karen fly
if we can say the if it's like the n-word then what the hell yeah there was a
couple of uh oh
i got you man i knew i forgot something i got you bro go ahead no what i forgot
to do was record the
podcast that's all right we can get it off the feed yeah we can what minute is
this minute seven
yeah clap hard as shit we'll get it off the feed we'll just get it off the feed
we'll just wait
until somebody else steals it and yeah we'll just take one of the one of the
stolen ones and re-upload it
yes sir damn honestly it's crazy how quickly something is a word becomes
horrible and useless and
yeah care i hate i don't want to hear about karen anymore people people say
what what else i don't i
don't karen the only karen i'm interested in is the big titty bitch from will
and grace how about care
ends and it's c-a-r-e hyper hi hi hyphen hyphen and then n and then an asterisk
you know okay a bunch
of karens all over the timeline complaining about something again because they
care yeah so caring n-words
caring is what you would classify them as someone who cares about anything care
ends yeah yeah
what is that's something i think i think if you say karen you should have to
post a picture of megan
mulally with her tits out because i'm thinking about her from will and grace
and i want to see them
i want to see the girls the big fat titty titties yeah the bird guy was hot
though i will give him
credit which even though he was a nerd you see him which bird guy well so
because the cops murdered a
guy they they up the racism times a thousand versus that lady who was going to
like call the tried to
essentially get the cops to murder oh the guy that made the video yeah oh yeah
i forgot that he was a
bird watcher he's a bird watcher he's a nerd but he was hot dude he was ripped
well that's what i was
i was thinking it's so funny it's like we see the other side of the video and
that guy's like seven
foot three and he looks like ronnie coleman and he's just like like he's like i
was doing my knife
tricks he just got like a uh like a kente cloth shirt on that says i eat white
for breakfast
and he's just taping her he's like can you put your dog on the leash please
and she's like i please get away from please
yeah this guy's just the scariest looking dude of all time but with such a cute
voice
right well because the voice makes you you're thinking like you know cee-lo
green yeah
just a guy with like a scarf on and a little like session musician hat hell
yeah like a pork
pie hat with feathers yes yes a little fat guy that loves watching hummingbirds
right he looks
like he's just wearing nothing but samples from diane's fabrics just sashaying
around the park i'm
trying to watch birds can you make your dog please tell your dog to stop he's
staring birds
oh yeah yeah well what are you gonna do man shout out to america that's right
that video is great
that's an all-timer yeah i'd actually watch the whole thing there's an african-american
man threatening my
dog and my life ending my life yeah what a dumb bitch it's great because it's
like just this
fucking like storm of the worst kinds of people in the world all tattling on
each other to death
yeah it's just it's just the natural end to the the tattletale mexicans yeah
yeah because honestly
it's like even if that woman had not made that call then that guy's a fucking
asshole yeah you give a
a nerd yeah like who cares whether the dog's on a fucking leash well apparently
the reason they have
to be on a leash is because they eat birds her dog eat birds so her dog was
eating a bird i don't
i didn't actually read anything into it but apparently it's the reason those
leash things are there because
dogs go buck wild and even even if let me ask you if you were walking through
the park and you saw
somebody without their dog on a leash you start making a video and trying to
shame them on social
100 no of course not so that's oh so he just made the video without even asking
her beforehand or
i have no idea but i mean even if it's like truly i would not yes i wouldn't
even now if somebody was
cutting in line for eclairs yeah for you know something near and dear to my
heart the way this man cares about birding
yeah if this if said if it was if somebody stole one of my tokens for the
getting pussy factory
yeah which is something i hope exists yeah maybe i'm taking my phone out i'm
saying
excuse me i was in line to get 