Name: Ep. 210 - Regis and Kathy
Uploaded: 2020-06-04T02:25:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 210 - Regis and Kathy' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 210 - Regis and Kathy' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-04. Transcript available.

Ep. 210 - Regis and Kathy

right i'm gonna figure this out that's a very good one thanks man suck my dick
i'm gay you know
what's yeah because i'm gay suck my dick i'm gay i'm gay um let me just get
this going here
okay publish now select here publish now
okay well and now i don't know why you're fucking you're muted again can you
hear me
can you hear me well folks uh this is the podcast today um we should have just
postponed it for an
hour we might still do that that might still be the answer because stov is
having trouble he
couldn't join and now he can't um he's invisible um i i it's been a tough year
for comtown uh there's
been personal tragedies um but the this is the worst yet is now that stov is uh
become too fat
for the camera which is why we can see now his virtual background but none of
his body completely
fills the frame and so he's just now background space that zoom is uh stop i
can't i can't hear you
now your audio is not working either let's go do me a favor stov if you can
hear me
if you're out there we're gonna you're gonna do stop video stop audio and then
restart it
and then try again that way god damn this zoom shit is great it's uh it's
really cool that uh
that we have to use this this software and it continues to fuck up and it's no
good and uh
we're now months into quarantine and it's completely fucking unreliable
especially for
how much this shit costs and today i don't know if you guys saw but zoom
announced that
they are making it so that you can't encrypt the free uh zoom meetings because
they want to work with
law enforcement never mind the fact that this is not the time for as as cynical
as it is to fucking for
any company to come out right now and and say that you know they don't like
cops or whatever as if that's
not a cash grab to announce that you're want to make efforts to work with law
enforcement by making
it impossible to encrypt the free the free zoom meetings because they don't
want anybody using
zoom for nefarious purposes unless they pay money if you pay for it then you
can encrypt it so they
don't they want to make sure that they're on the up and up with law enforcement
and criminals unless you
pay that which is literally you're just bribing zoom they're just announcing
that they're okay
with with criminal behavior on zoom as long as you bribe them to do it
um and i don't know if we're probably unless this is just gonna this we're
slowly losing members of
comtown and eventually it's just gonna be me it's gonna be great it'll be like
um it'll be like the
bill burr show i'm like oh did you did you see uh the the fucking it's rioters
in uh there's people
stealing glass prescription glasses is that i can't usually i can do burr but
not today you know let's
say i'm i'm doing in my support for blackout tuesday is all of my impressions
will be bad
they're not they're going to be subpar and that's the way like apple music uh
removing the browse
function from apple music in support of black lives my support of black lives
matter will be that my
impressions will be slightly off today um and if hopefully that frustrates the
consumers can you
hear me now i can hear you now yes all right i'm back in i'm back well what
about check this out
okay pretty cool that is cool but you still can't see me for some reason i can't
see you yeah i don't
know why that's gay it is gay because your hair is finally i know my hair rules
dude that's why i got
all the x-men stuff because i'm looking like wilverine finally have the
ponytail well not the ponytail
let's not let's not tell people yeah it's not you know break their hearts break
their hearts and have
them pretend to have the ponytail but that's one of that's one of black lives
matters demands is that
you have a ponytail that i would keep get down with that if it's for the cause
covering that extensively
on fox and friends i didn't know that that's pretty cool i don't actually like
watch fox news but i guess
they're already starting with like uh they don't have any demands who uh oh
that's what they're saying
oh wait i think i might know why the my my my shit isn't working why is the
camera off no it's not
that i think some kind i did not eat the camera yeah that's rude of you to say
yeah how could i even
do that i'm sorry i guess you're right we need more in the words of mark walberg
in these times we need
more peace more great right more getting or get we're going more peace more
getting pussy and
i don't know why this isn't working this is gay as i mean it doesn't
matter you i mean this has always been a podcast first that's true
i like to be able to see you're right you don't make eye contact anyway i don't
get to see you
so what does it even matter right all right that's fair i'll just make my
background a cool picture
of my hair i'll make the background the picture i sent you yeah you should
everyone so that everyone
can see what i look like you should get a picture of like you should get like
um you know it would be
cool if the camera never works again yeah get like uh sort of like uh like an
old like either
like metal gear solid or like you know like eight bit you know like with your
head just like
bobbling you know yes
like that that would make that sound effect yeah some kind of super nintendo
thing i like that a lot
actually that would be sick i like that a lot yeah so i also got this one
dude the end is so good what if this was like a regular bottle of soda that
would be awesome
you're just drinking a giant ass two liters back in the soda respect dude that
would be awesome if you
got ripped and i got ripped and then got fat as this is a regular bottle of
soda and i'm i'm a mouse
sized yeah oh that would be awesome i was thinking what if you started drinking
you just got ripped and
you're just gonna get fat as oh yeah i'm just drinking like a two liter yeah
two liters oh yeah
if i was an x-man my power would be able to change my i would change sizes oh
that's cool i keep my whole
body yeah i keep my aspect ratio my clothes change too but i can just scale up
or down however i want
i love that that's what you should do so but so you could you could become so
if you're having sex
you could become like eight or nine feet tall so your dick would be a normal
size yeah
yeah that would be good man you should do that my name would be cyzoid cyzoid
my dick isn't small anymore yeah now that i'm nine feet tall i mean more often
than not i would go
tiny you go like pocket size for what reasons uh espionage yeah most of the day
you could spend just like
the size of uh like a christmas ornament yeah that's cool i mean you live
longer too the smaller
you are the longer you live the longer you live dude i would get a little like
tech deck
and just go all oh hell yeah all over my desk all day long oh you could make an
awesome skate park
where you're normal sized and then shrink yourself you make the gnarliest skate
park of all time that
it's little in your house and you shrink oh you're right dude yeah and then but
you also think too is
like you know because you're i guess your bone density stays the same because
it's a material you know
interesting like how that makes sense the the chemical makeup of all the
materials that go
into you like that stays the same well okay so when you get smaller it's like
you'll be much stronger
technically compared oh nice you know if you're yeah it's like you'd be a bitch
yeah imagine it's like
so if like like get take a piece of paper with your hand right like a strip of
paper and you hold it
out flat and you can probably make it stay straight if it's like an inch of
paper right yeah now if you
had the same like the same dimensions of paper but twice the size it's gonna
bend and that's because
like the rigidity of the material the density of the material doesn't change i
see you know it's like
the same kind of material the same thing with like steel like a steel i-beam
this big is going to be
able to comparatively you know take more stress what the point i'm making is
this yeah i'm listening
what's your point so i'll be able to like fucking i'll be able to like like ollie
off of like you know
do like a 15 stare and if i completely wreck my shit you know on the tech deck
won't hurt at all doesn't even matter because you're super invincible well i'm
not a little guy
well yeah because you're tiny so it's like it's there's less impact there's
less inertia
i love that yeah because the mass is so scaled down that you're you know my
point is is that if i
made myself like fucking if i went too big then my organs would just crush my
body ah i see and that's
so you couldn't so you could never have a big penis that's how i kill myself is
i go up to
my skin rips off my frame and my bone damn that would be up you just get a bile
and all over the
place i just basically melt when i get too big you know so i go like king they're
like we need someone
to fight king kong and i'd forget that because i've been spending so much time
in the tech deck skate park
that the opposite the opposite works the same way oh you're you're you're
coming you're feeling so
good because because i've been just killing it crushing doing 720 all the tony
hawk yeah and then
you're like yeah king kong i'll suck his i don't give a about king kong
you ever see that movie training day yeah i have it's a good ass movie yeah
that would be my other
x-men power is the guy who's seen every movie
every single movie that's ever come out he's seen and he can talk about all of
them i like that that's
good sorry dude i'm getting my background together here are you still trying to
figure out like no i've
i've given up on that i'm just trying to get a picture of me with my hair yeah
oh yeah we got it
it'll be up really soon folks figured it out well i haven't figured out the
most important thing which
is seeing my face but you i'm gonna have a really good background real soon
here where everyone can
see my beautiful hair because i do look like and you'll admit this i look
basically like hugh jackman
yeah huge huge ass man no no batman no stop it people like is that the actor
huge fat guy that's
not a guy's name that australian actor huge fat guy that's who is that he
played it's not a guy wolver
there we go what's this what is i don't know it was
it was in the app that i use you look great you look like a greenwich village
artist
thanks man so anyway that's what i look like folks right now you can't see me
live but it doesn't
matter you get you get a picture but i look just like hugh jackman jonathan st
samuel i make i do
modern installations i do installations soho i love that soho is getting
destroyed yeah that is pretty
funny what a bitch-ass neighborhood soho dude i agree dude i'm so jealous i
want to be looting
what would you loot that looks hilarious whatever oh i wasn't i wasn't
recording because
because i was trying to figure out the video here's this podcast
i agree man this this sucks we should be looting right now we should be looting
yeah i would love
to be getting stuff dude i want to get this over with so i can get high and
watch akira for the first
time oh are you gonna watch it i'll watch akira dude i've never seen akira my
uh my roommates
were watching it and i never did because i got too high and i fell asleep so
yeah well i'm gonna
discuss a cure on the next episode i'm gonna get too high and stay awake and
just watch it and be
freaked out and be like up i'm like that's what i like to hear shut up just
watch akira shut up and
watch akira bitch shut up you've been getting stoned uh once or twice i got a
somebody just gave me a pre-roll in the street and i'll like hit it and put it
out
yeah i love that it's taken like a month to smoke a single joint yeah dude i
did the same thing
except i smoked the whole damn thing yesterday and i went right to bed at like
9 p.m i'm on my couch
i just woke up 3 a.m like seven episodes of the sopranos have auto-played yeah
i'm on hbo max too by
the way i'm in there have you seen have you watched any mad tv i w