Name: Ep. 210 - Welcome Back
Uploaded: 2020-06-10T23:36:23.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 210 - Welcome Back' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ep. 210 - Welcome Back' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-10. Transcript available.

Ep. 210 - Welcome Back

hmm yeah so yeah i have a fucking i have a soundboard now adam so sick like on
your computer
check it out the fuck why isn't it working
what the hell now i'm pissed my soundboard's not working all right it's live
now what
fuck this soundboard's not working i'm fucked i i i'm like samson without his
hair
well which is ironic because now i'm more powerful than ever how you feeling
with that warm dude i
feel great you feeling warm up top i feel yeah honestly a little too hot i miss
being able to
splash some water all over my fucking dome the shoe the horseshoe baby i'm sick
back here if i didn't
have an incredibly unsightly mole on the top of my head i would have shaved my
head no you couldn't
politically you know politically you want to be a jewish skinhead yeah you know
i like you know
inhabiting a gray zone you would look you wouldn't look like this kid we know
we know what you would
look like i would look like a a patient yeah a patient or terminally a survivor
of something
yes of something that may or may not have happened in many ways i consider
myself
do you yeah are we live right now i guess we are shit i gotta record
start recording why the fuck will my fucking shit work i'm pissed check check
yeah check check my dick is
small your soundboard
yeah voice mod is launched you motherfucker let me try it out wow i'm fucking
pissed off
okay what about now we should we should go to this taco spot though are you not
ready to leave the
house yet i don't know maybe i am oh there we go damn dude you can do that god
damn
mhm wait now i can't turn it off fuck shit it's just stuck this way
god damn it fuck stop turn off dude all right there we go stop 30 20 you know
dude i'm pissed though
because it's not working now oh well
this is so fucked i added a bunch of new sounds
and now the fucking the people out there aren't gonna be able to hear them
was this supposed to be the debut or have you been a couple fun ones previously
okay i don't know why the fuck now i'm hearing myself
all right i have to fucking end this shit
what's up dude oh shit so all right record
uh okay recording
i'll publish now select here
i don't hear stov
can you hear me
um
stov has no sound
uh fuck i literally just
it was working and i literally just fucking started this shit
i guess stov maybe restart your fucking computer
this zoom shit sucks i'm glad this is the last of
are we switching what do you mean switching
you're saying that zoom sucks and this is the last one
well yeah we're gonna i guess um either turn my office or you can turn that
room into we got to just figure out how to do
we can make this into a studio for sure we got to keep doing uh video but stop
here you got to restart your computer
we can't hear you bro we can't hear you so
stop video um ask to start video um ask to start video yeah no sound
wait it it looks like he's muted though no i'm muting and unmuting him stop
just to just restart your shit
you got to restart your shit and come back yeah i guess we'll have to um
you know figure out some other video thing i'll ask lewis how to do it
yeah because they do video streaming
well tell us about now how about now bitch i got it yeah
volume down wait i'm back i'm back
right wait your shit's all blown out you got to turn the volume down
fuck all right god damn it
yeah it sounds like you're on an air you're in an airplane bathroom yeah it
doesn't sound good
fuck you guys maybe you don't have to go soundboard you had to go
that's probably what did it you flew too close to the sun i did
i fucking did mate
okay um
all right i'm i think that should be good i lowered my shit okay cool
i want to suck your dick damn but i had to turn the soundboard off
the hell oh no
okay all right we're starting back up and i'm recording
what the fuck now the recording won't work
we had everything figured the fuck out
and then somebody had to make a coffee
oh that's right it's nick's fault
no it's probably your mic you probably have a bad mic
it's not my mic you might have to go buy a new one
it's not my mic don't don't you dare say it's my mic
buy a new mic new computer
no no
oh yeah absolutely not
you've been down imagine you guys convinced me to buy another computer
your computer was fucked up
my computer was fucked up yes
okay
but it was not my fault
all right i got it back i'm in i'm all in
we had to pretend you were dealing with an emergency while you spent three
weeks
yes
you had this buy a new computer
adam was haggling for three weeks
i had to go
i had to go stay with my parents to bargain
entire months to cry about having invited
to buy a new computer
oh fuck what's going on fellas i'm pissed my soundboard's not working
i had i had i had a new sound that was going to be like
i had a boo set up so whenever one of you i was i was going to be like
what do people think about nick's penis and then i would hit it and it would go
boo
and i'd be like what about stop's penis and then i had a cheering one too
where it'd be like yeah
that's cool dude
that's basically all i had ready for today
you should have had a nice fart loaded you know what i'm saying
yeah
but the thing is i can't go back to not having like a digital fart
honestly that's true
um but i can't go back to not having a soundboard
i don't have to bring in my own soundboard
to the live to the in-person ones
yeah
yeah i believe so
i kind of consider myself to be like a michael winslow style human soundboard
beep beep beep beep beep beep that kind of shit
yeah i do the old dial-up noise
oh yeah
yep that's one that's in my repertoire
that's good i like that a lot
nice to be back in new york guys
yeah
why it sucks here
well it really sucked where i was
that's true
i was contacted by the black lives matter movement
they said they need me back here
so you had to cut you had to cut family time short
mm-hmm
yep
i said i said black lives matters needs me
they need we need someone to do a bob dylan cover
they said they need a song
we need yep
end it all
we need the hurt we need somebody to do a hurricane
remix but make sure he says the more n words
yeah you gotta add a couple more
you gotta sprinkle in a couple more n words
i gotta say i'm not gonna name names
yeah don't please don't
i know one guy whose new year's resolution was to stop saying
the word
who has been very active in the protests
and it's cool i think it's good that people are growing
that's a hilarious new year's resolution because you just can't tell anyone
about it
yeah who was it a white guy
yeah yeah i think it was like you know recreationally saying it
he's like it's not good i gotta stop
it's like my new year's resolution is to stop saying the n-word
and it's like oh look who doesn't look who suddenly now wants to use the n-word
right yeah yeah you're angry
in the protests oh right so as a form of anger and solidarity you scream it if
you're a black guy
yeah yeah yeah yeah i see you see the point that i'm making here i see the
point you're making
and it's it's solid it's a solid point i get it i don't know i'm i've got like
heat stroke or something
yeah you got you got you don't have an ac in your seat i don't have my ac
installed either i feel
like i'm gonna die it's in the living room so it's on the other side of the
apartment
oh you guys gotta get those titties ice cold it's pretty uncomfortable are you
being hosed down
i have i have a crew that comes in and mists me and scrubs me down with ice
cold water
the hose screw gets underneath each titty those are my my titties are my main
flaps
you've been going through car washes it's got to stay cool one way or the other
i put on i put on a
one-piece bathing suit with the straps and i go through car washes pretty cool
a romper a romper
style put on a romper 1920 style beachwear you guys see that the new york
something health something or
other said that uh they don't suggest you have casual sex but if you do maybe
consider a wall or
sexual positions where you're not face to face so they said a wall like a glory
holes baby
oh because kissing is the date sanctioned glory holes brother well they said
something about
rimming asses being dangerous too uh-oh for covid no kissing no rimming asses
you're out of luck adam
that's your favorite two things those are the only two things i do
kissing eating ass with your pants completely in your with your cock completely
in your pants
it's honestly guys it's really nice to be i'm so scared there's been that i
okay here
it is good dude do your we'll wave we'll talk about eating ass and glory holes
i just
set up my dad's grinder account you know these folks you know these old folks
with the technology
i i always i always find there's a read to do i always find the email before we
start to show
and something else happens and i click out of it and then it's like like
where the did this thing go and it's buried in 15 emails yeah i don't know how
to star it
i need to just get a regular job i need to not star you can stop trying to be a
businessman
and having you definitely don't need to be a businessman but you can't have a
regular job either
no come on we can't have a boss at this point we're completely you imagine
useless if i had to go go
back to working minimum wage didn't you say you wanted to work you wanted to
sell volvos
i've had days in my life where i've made like 80 000 in a day yeah go back dude
i was thinking that
too because i was like for a while i was like you know what maybe let's just
get a job at a grocery store
just like fill in my mornings do something be a part of the community and then
i just did some quick
ass math about how little everyone gets paid and i'm like oh absolutely not i
will not be doing that
do you remember getting paid a hundred dollars for stand-up dude my dick was on
double hard i i remember
like getting a hundred dollars for the first time and i was like if i make this
every single night
i'll make 36 000 a year yep yeah if i damn i never get a hundred dollars paid
to me every single night
every night he gets paid 40 million dollars to stand up so here he makes 18
billion dollars
who jeff bezos dan ninon oh why don't we do corp we should start doing corporates
man
there's got what about like what about like uh we'll do whatever i don't care
dude it's like
it's like as soon as you hit 30 it's like i will do literally i will have gay
sex with mice i will
yeah listen my ass that's i don't care what it is i like how you're spinning
this as a neat as a as a
age thing you're like as soon as you hit 30. no it is finally literally i do
not give a
shit i just want to follow it's true it's like it's like i've you know i mean
you want to have gay sex my 20s there was that i would turn down if i got like
offered like
at this point now i know i wouldn't get it but if i like still had management
and they were like
do you want to do snl i'm like i'll figure if i do one if i somehow got it they
would at least have
to pay me for the day before they fired me you know what i mean yeah like 27
yeah i would you know
my bluter they'll take it i'm not i don't want to do that i don't want to
audition but now i will
have gay sex on camera it means i can get a house with a garage and not have to
worry about the bank
taking away from me in five years yep it dude why can't we just steal a house
yeah if anything
these protests have told me is that people power so if the three of us we show
up we get a house
we got guns and and we're like this is our out on out on those streets west
virginia dude west
virginia something you could cruise out on 70 from your place we'll start off
your place barbecue love
that backyard greek town barbecue quick two hour drive we're in wv panhandle we're
zooming baby
right up 70 pass for we stop at catonsville we go to honey pig right off 70
right there yeah we get
a little honey pig yeah meal number two we're getting meal number two fuel up
and it's out to i'm thinking
bare minimum 40 acres somewhere west virginia panhandle yeah well we stop at hagerstown
of course also
