Name: ERNIE HUDSON | Ghost Busters, Broadway
Uploaded: 2023-03-21T03:57:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ERNIE HUDSON | Ghost Busters, Broadway' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ERNIE HUDSON | Ghost Busters, Broadway' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

ERNIE HUDSON | Ghost Busters, Broadway

Guys. Guys, enough. Please, please, please, please, guys. Please. Thank you.
Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm your host,
Adam Friedland.
Get your seat belts on, and you may want to tighten them, because it seems that
two clocks
have moved forward this week. The regular clock, an observance of daylight
savings time,
and a different theoretical clock. No, not a cuckoo clock, where the little
guys come out and suck
your dick. I'm talking about the economic doomsday clock. Although, I would
love to get my hands on
one of those dick-sucking cuckoo clocks, if anyone knows where to... I can get
one. Just let me know.
But before we get into the bank stuff, I just want to say how happy I am that
we're getting rid of
daylight savings time. I got to lose an hour of sleep just so some dumbass
farmer can have a better
time riding a tractor around. How many farmers even are there? Five?
Sacrificing the comfort of most Americans for a small group of lazy rednecks is
literally
the definition of white supremacy and privilege. Daylight savings time is
racist, and it needs to
be torn down just like the statues of those confederate generals that we did
during George Floyd.
For all the shit that Monsanto gets, replacing the American farmer with
automatic Zamboni
machines and corn made out of COVID vaccines is 100% absolutely worth it to me
if it means I never have
to deal with daylight savings time again. So with that, I say, good riddance,
daylight savings time.
And if you're a farmer, kill yourself.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get back to the other clock, the doomsday
clock or whatever the fuck
they're calling it. From what I understand, this week, it struck one minute
closer to midnight
as federal regulators stepped in and shut down not just one, but two banks due
to fears of insolvency.
Both Signature Bank and Silicon Valley Bank have been placed in FDIC receivership.
And what's receivership, you ask? I'm not exactly sure. But I guarantee you, it's
Donald Trump's fault.
Unless, of course, it's a good thing, in which case, thank you, Kamala Harris.
The main bank in question, Silicon Valley Bank, is the second largest bank
failure in United States history
after Washington Mutual collapsed during the 2008 financial crisis.
The third largest was some other bank I've never even heard of.
Honestly, I was shocked the World Trade Center didn't make the list.
And like most liberals that lived through the 2008 crisis, I can tell you right
now
that if there's anything I hated more than the Islamophobia in those years,
it was the goddamn bailouts. Yes, the big bank bailouts.
We all hated banks and they shouldn't be bailed out.
And I agree with that. We shouldn't bail out Silicon Valley Bank.
I mean it. A bailout is a bad idea, but this time, it's different.
Wait, hear me out. Yes, shareholders should lose their money.
Anyone dumb enough to invest it in the bank should get fucked.
That's a machine I'm willing to rage against.
Let's not forget who had their money deposited in the banks.
We're not talking about a bunch of Wolf of Wall Street finance bros here.
Everyone hates those guys.
We're talking about the tech industry.
The people that brought us beloved services like Twitter and TikTok and Grindr
and the Dominion voting machines.
These are the people that fund every progressive
idea that we've basically ever had in this country.
If the tech industry were around in the 1960s,
I guarantee you they would have built a social media platform for MLK.
We can all agree on that.
The tech industry is literally the only industry in America that still has a
dream.
Think about how much good the tech industry has done.
Think about Steve Jobs.
Sandals used to be gay.
Think about the push for more climate responsibility in business.
You think Exxon would have done that?
No.
Just the idea of ESG businesses would have seemed Yahoo before a bunch of
computer nerds
changed the way that we think about the environment.
If we don't bail out the tech industry, we're sending a message to the only
good
capitalists in the world that they will have to pay for the sins of their
social cohort.
And I'm sorry, but that sounds like racism to me.
I'm serious.
Isn't that what racism is at its core?
Judging an entire group based upon the actions of a few?
Is there really that much of a difference between Silicon Valley bank customers
and George Floyd in this instance?
By refusing the depositors of Silicon Valley,
a guarantee that their money is safe, aren't we basically unfairly punishing
the brightest and most innovative members of our society?
Because people that look like them, financially speaking, have made our lives
miserable.
And maybe you're okay with that.
Maybe you're thinking, "Fuck them."
They're a casualty in the war against capital.
But to me, that sounds fascist.
That sounds like something Hitler would say.
If you believe that we should punish the most progressive capitalists in the
world.
Just to make some silly point, well, if you believe that,
you might as well set your clocks back.
All the way to the 1950s.
This is the Adam Friedland Show.
And we'll be right back.
Thank you.
Call action whenever you want.
Well, you should take the stuff off the desk.
This is the Adam Friedland Show.
And today's desk piece is a little behind the scenes on how to do to make a
desk piece.
For fans of the show, anyone who's been following, we usually have a desk piece
at this segment.
Hey, what kind of cream do you use on your head for dandruff?
I use a company called Deveen's.
What are you doing right now?
Oh, a desk piece.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, frame them up.
Let's go.
The biggest, the only component left we have missing from this show is the desk
piece.
Yes.
Shouldn't I have an old-timey microphone?
Sure.
You know, like Letterman would do top ten lists.
Yeah.
So we got to find our own kind of signature stuff.
There's got to be a thing, a refillable, like word of the day, like Pee Wee
Herman's kind
of word of the day.
Okay.
But then in the Larry, the cable guy sort of way you.
Is this desk a little high for me?
No.
Refillable bits.
So the word of the day, I'm thinking word of the day is vagina.
I don't know.
You don't know beforehand.
Put it on your forehead.
Okay.
And you have to say, well, today is word of the day.
And you pretend to be a Muslim that's like a psychic.
Okay.
He's got psychic powers.
That's a big late night thing.
I am the Muslim psychic.
And welcome to today's word of the day.
All right.
Well, read the word.
I can't read it if it's on my forehead.
Just take it.
I'll take it off.
I don't know.
I've never watched Carson.
I'm not.
People talk.
Do you ever meet comics now?
They're like 25 years old and they're like, oh,
dude, Carson was the best.
Shut the fuck up, bro.
What are you talking about?
Oh, you know what my favorite car is?
The Ford Model T.
Okay.
But then you go and then instead of saying it that way,
you do like a Larry the Cable Guy thing where you're like,
you know, you're like a black guy.
And he's like, I'm vagina.
I'm vagina.
Get a damn job.
Oh, I'm vagina find out.
I'm vagina find out.
Oh, how about alligator?
It's like alligator pregnant when I put a gun to her head and fuck her and come
and shot her.
You know, they do that.
Alligator.
That is very funny.
Oh, I want you.
I don't know if I need you, but it will.
Oh, I'm vagina find out.
Yeah.
So that would be the word of the day.
And then you'd say it that way for the vagina.
I'm vagina.
I'm vagina.
By Shavage Gardner.
By Shavage Gardner.
Okay.
By Shavage Gardner.
Perfect.
So we can do that.
And then I do a throw, right?
The top ten Irish drinks on St. Patrick's Day.
Okay.
Here's a fun Irish cocktail.
The woman Bill O'Reilly raped.
I don't know if that's kind of weird.
I want to be back on the show.
All right.
The woman Ted Kennedy killed.
Almost killed.
No, he did kill a drowner.
He killed.
He killed.
You're going to get so drunk on this St. Patrick's Day.
You'll be, you'll be more, you'll have more liquid in you.
Yeah.
Than the woman Ted Kennedy.
It might be important.
Who do you think it could be?
Hi, um, we're shooting the desk piece right now.
Top ten girlfriend phone calls.
I'm just warning you my mom is coming over.
What, why?
Top ten, uh oh, the mother-in-law.
She's coming over.
Top ten bitch mother-in-law moods.
No, Nick, don't put that on the show.
We're shooting the show right now.
You're actually on air.
Well, I, I don't want to be on air.
Well, you shouldn't have called.
Well, you shouldn't have called.
I hung up on air.
Okay, top ten characters based on horoscopes.
Um, Bob Sagittarius, who, who got the vaccine and fucking died.
Uh, Aries Spears.
Aries Spears.
Yeah, uh, very good.
Uh, Gemini the science guy.
I saw him walking on the street the other day.
Bill Gemini the science guy.
Bill Gemini the science guy.
I saw him walking.
It's crazy that he just wears it out of his pants.
I don't understand how he keeps getting away with it.
I don't know because he's a science guy.
Well, I asked him.
Good luck, good luck trying to convict that guy in court.
Yeah.
I don't care if he's the best prosecutor in the world.
As soon as he gets that chalkboard out and starts throwing equations up there,
it's lights out, pal.
And we will be having science guys on the show.
Top ten races, James Bond.
Top ten Andrew Callahan rapes.
No, come on.
Sorry.
Things you can do in New Orleans.
Top ten Jewish holidays.
What if, what if when I died, Nick, I had a New Orleans style, um, parade,
funeral kind of thing?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I'd say at my funeral, I don't care how much it costs.
I want nothing but just fat old black women.
Just saying.
They're just crying.
With fans.
Uh-huh, right, fainting.
Yeah, the whole time.
Yeah.
I don't know if we want to bash women, really.
It's not, that's not a woman.
Come on, man.
No, I'm going to start misgendering.
Can you imagine, can you imagine, I-
We've got to get this desk piece going.
I make love to the president's daughter, and outside there's a fucking guy with
an earpiece.
Yeah.
Waiting in the hallway, like, did he, did he come yet?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why the hell do they call him the secret service?
What are they, gay?
It's our little secret.
What are they, gay or something?
That, write that down.
Okay.
So these are good ideas?
Okay.
Uh, here's another desk piece idea.
Chat GPT.
We type things in and should we ask chat GPT questions?
I, I asked them to write a monologue joke on chat GPT in the style of Jay Leno.
Mm-hmm.
It was pretty good.
You know, I, I've been in, I live in here in Los Angeles and, uh, you know, I'm
sitting
on the, in the highway with so much traffic, the freeway, LA's freeway.
I'm sitting on the freeway, there's so much traffic.
Mm-hmm.
And I see a sign, it says, Los Angeles, city of angels.
Mm-hmm.
And I think to myself, why don't they call it Los Angeles, city of angels and
traffic?
Okay, chat GPT, you've been caught by your girlfriend cheating.
Get out of it in an Adam Friedland style way.
In the style of Adam Friedland.
In the style of Adam Friedland.
How would you lie to your girlfriend?
Can we actually just look that up?
I'd like to know what they're doing.
Yeah.
We've had a fucking revolving door until this episode of why peepo coming on as
guests.
So I'm thinking really just get ahead of it.
Queer.
Mm-hmm.
Female.
Fat, morbid movies.
Ethnic, ethnic minority, and potentially.
Bald, for sure.
Disabled.
Yeah.
Did you get a short round from the Oscars?
We could get a short round.
Yeah.
But he's in demand.
He's just got an Oscar.
Like he's going to ask for too much money.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe a giant spider.
Mm-hmm.
So Dave, thanks a lot for whatever that was.
So just as a quick outro, folks.
Well, that's how you do it.
That's how you write a desk piece.
Hey guys, stay tuned.
Why are you facing it to Nick?
Guys, stay tuned.
Beloved actor Ernie Hudson is here today.
Our next guest is a beloved entertainer, veteran of over 50 years.
I can't believ