Name: How To Write a Desk Piece with Nick & Adam | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-03-28T03:45:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How To Write a Desk Piece with Nick & Adam | The Adam Friedland Show' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'How To Write a Desk Piece with Nick & Adam | The Adam Friedland Show' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-28. Transcript available.

Call action whenever you want.
Well, you should need to take the stuff off the desk.
This is the Adam Friedland Show, and today's desk piece is a little behind the
scenes on how to make a desk piece.
For fans of the show, or anyone who's been following, we usually have a desk
piece at this segment.
Hey, what kind of cream do you use on your head for dandruff?
I use a company called Deveans.
What are you doing right now?
Oh, a desk piece.
Yeah.
Okay.
Alright, frame them up.
Let's go.
The biggest, the only component left we have missing from this show is the desk
piece.
Yes.
Shouldn't I have an old-timey microphone?
Sure.
You know, let them even do top ten lists.
Yeah.
So we've got to find our own kind of signature stuff.
There's got to be a thing, a refillable, like, word of the day, like Pee Wee
Herman's kind of word of the day.
But then in the Larry, the cable guy, sort of way you...
Is this desk a little high?
No, refillable bits.
So the word of the day, I'm thinking the word of the day is...
Vagina.
You don't know beforehand.
Put it on your forehead.
Okay.
And you have to say, well, today is word of the day.
You pretend to be a Muslim that's like a psychic.
He's got psychic powers.
That's a big late night thing.
Boyoyoyoyoy.
Oh, I am the Muslim psychic.
Oh, I am the Muslim psychic.
And welcome to today's word of the day.
All right.
Well, read the word.
I can't read it if it's on my forehead.
Just take it...
I'll take it off.
I don't know.
I've never watched Carson.
I'm not...
People talk...
You ever meet comics now?
They're like 25 years old, and they're like, oh, dude, Carson was the best.
Shut the fuck up, bro.
What are you talking about?
Oh, you know what my favorite car is?
The Ford Model T.
Okay, so...
But then you go, and then instead of saying it that way, you do like a Larry
the Cable
Guy thing where you're like, you know, you're like a black guy, and he's like,
I'm Vagina.
I'm Vagina.
Get a damn job.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, I'm Vagina.
I'm Vagina.
Find out.
I'm Vagina.
Find out.
Oh, how about Alligator?
It's like, Alligator pregnant when I put a gun to her head and fuck her and
come and
shot her.
You know, they do that.
Yeah, yeah, that is very funny.
Ooh, ooh, I want you.
I don't know if I need you, but ooh, I'm Vagina.
Find out.
Yeah, so that would be the word of the day, and then you'd say it that way for
the...
Vagina.
I'm Vagina.
By Shavage Gardner.
By Shavage Gardner.
Okay.
By Shavage Gardner.
Perfect.
So we can do that whenever.
And then I do a throw, right?
The top 10 Irish drinks on St. Patrick's.
Okay.
Here's a fun Irish cocktail.
The woman Bill O'Reilly raped.
I don't know if that's kind of weird.
I want to be back on the show.
All right.
The woman Ted Kennedy.
Almost killed.
No, he did kill a drowner.
He killed.
You're going to be so drunk on this St. Patrick's that you'll be more, you'll
have more liquid
in you.
Yeah.
Than the woman Ted Kennedy.
It might be important.
Who do you think it could be?
Hello?
Hi.
We're shooting the desk piece right now.
Top 10 girlfriend phone calls.
Okay, I'm just warning you, my mom is coming over.
Why?
Top 10.
Uh-oh.
The mother-in-law.
She's coming over.
Top 10 bitch mother-in-law minutes.
No, Nick.
Don't put that on the show.
Maya, we're shooting the show right now.
You're actually on air.
Well, I don't want to be on air.
Well, you shouldn't have called.
Well, you shouldn't have called.
I hung up on air.
Okay, top 10 characters based on horoscopes.
Bob Sagittarius, who got the vaccine and fucking died.
Aries Spears.
Aries Spears.
Very good.
Gemini the science guy.
I saw him walking on the street the other day.
Bill Gemini the science guy.
Bill Gemini the science guy.
I saw him walking.
It's crazy that he just wears it out of his pants.
I don't understand how he keeps getting away with it.
I don't know, because he's a science guy.
Well, I asked him.
Good luck trying to convict that guy in court.
Yeah.
I don't care if you're the best prosecutor in the world.
As soon as he gets that chalkboard out and starts throwing equations up there,
it's lights
out, pal.
And we will be having science guys on the show.
Top 10 races, James Bond.
Top 10 Andrew Callahan rapes.
No, come on.
Sorry.
Things you can do in New Orleans.
Top 10 Jewish holidays.
What if when I died, Nick, I had a New Orleans-style parade funeral kind of
thing?
Well, I said at my funeral, I don't care how much it costs.
I want nothing but just fat, old black women.
Just saying.
Just crying.
With fans.
Uh-huh.
Right.
Fainting.
Yeah, the whole time.
Yeah.
I don't know if we want to bash women, really.
That's not a woman.
Come on, man.
No, I'm going to start misgendering.
Can you imagine?
Can you imagine?
We've got to get this desk piece going.
I make love to the president's daughter and outside there's a fucking guy with
an earpiece
waiting in the hallway.
Like, did he come yet?
Yeah.
Why the hell do they call them the secret service?
What are they, gay?
It's our little secret.
What are they, gay or something?
Write that down.
So these are good ideas?
Here's another desk piece idea.
Chat GPT.
We type things in and we ask chat GPT questions.
I asked them to write a monologue joke on chat GPT in the style of Jay Leno.
It was pretty good.
You know, I live in here in Los Angeles and, you know, I'm sitting on the
highway with so
much traffic, the freeway, L.A.'s freeway.
I'm sitting on the freeway with so much traffic and I see a sign that says, Los
Angeles, city
of angels.
And I think to myself, why don't they call it Los Angeles, city of angels and
traffic?
Okay, chat GPT.
You've been caught by your girlfriend cheating.
Get out of it in an Adam Friedland style way.
In the style of Adam Friedland.
In the style of Adam Friedland.
How would you lie to your girlfriend?
Can we actually just look that up?
I'd like to know what they're doing.
Yeah.
We've had a fucking revolving door until this episode of why people coming on
as guests.
So I'm thinking really just get ahead of it.
Queer, female, ethnic, ethnic minority and potentially.
Bald for sure.
Disabled.
Yeah.
Did you get a short round from the Oscars?
We could get a short round.
Yeah.
But he's in demand.
He's just got an Oscar.
Like, he's going to ask for too much money.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe a giant spider.
Mm-hmm.
So, Dave, thanks a lot for whatever that was.
So, just as a quick outro, folks.
Well, that's how you do it.
That's how you write a desk piece.
Hey, guys, stay tuned.
Why are you facing it to Nick?
Guys, stay tuned.
Beloved actor Ernie Hudson is here today.
Okay.