Name: BINGING WITH BABISH | Food, Resturants
Uploaded: 2023-04-26T05:54:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BINGING WITH BABISH | Food, Resturants' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'BINGING WITH BABISH | Food, Resturants' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-26. Transcript available.

BINGING WITH BABISH | Food, Resturants

- All right, thank you, thank you, thank you so much,
thank you, you guys are crazy, thank you.
Thank you very much, I'm touched.
Folks, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show,
I'm your host Adam Friedland, let's do the news.
The Boston Marathon just wrapped up and without incident,
it's hard to believe it's already been 10 years
since the tragic bombing that resulted
in the deaths of at least four or five
Mark Wahlberg movies at the box office.
The Marathon is of course famous
for being the one time a year in Massachusetts
where the words Boston and race can appear in a sentence
without immediately being followed by or .
And who won the Marathon, you may ask?
Well, do I even have to tell you?
A Kenyan, of course.
Losing every single year to an African
must really sting for the world's most racist city,
and frankly, it seems a bit unfair.
You don't see a bunch of translucent Southie
going to Kenya to participate in a skin cancer contest now,
do you?
Which is ironic because I think the guy that won
the Boston Marathon this year was named Melanoma.
The CEO of Herman Miller is under fire
after yelling at employees on a Zoom call,
lambasting them for worrying about their bonuses
after she herself took a million dollars in bonuses.
This really looks bad for Herman Miller, a company that makes office chairs for
their rich asses to sit around playing executive on.
And I'm sure they'll never sell another $5,000 chair again.
The Justice Department has accused New York City residents of running a secret
Chinese police
department controlled by Beijing.
The so-called police officers were tasked with silencing critics of the Chinese
Communist Party
through intimidation and monitoring.
Which is, of course, exactly what our police do,
except stop.
Many are calling it a real life police story,
but this rumble in the Bronx is certainly no tuxedo.
I certainly hope we rush our police officers up there to shang on their high
till I noon.
Medbath and Beyond has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy,
which is bad news if you're trying to buy a Snuggie in 2023.
And wonderful news if you're the guy that thought Beyond meant you're allowed
to
**** off into the display curtain.
Both Tucker Carlson and Don Lemon have been fired by their respective media
employers.
With any luck, the two will team up to start a new show where they **** each
other's ****.
Beloved comedian Richard Lewis and co-star of the show Curb Your Enthusiasm
has announced that he has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease.
Good.
President Biden's approval rating among young Americans has dropped to a new
low of 36%.
When told of his declining popularity with young people, the president said,
"I didn't get it. I've tried everything."
Smelling them, touching them, getting closer to them, kissing their necks,
touching them on ****, reaching around and touching their developing **** and
****.
Controversy of the Putin-run version of Amazon.
Female employees of the Russian online retailer Wildberries have accused the
company of mandating
strip searches. Employees were dismayed, thinking that Wildberries was the only
Russian business that
doesn't involve getting **** on camera. A giant animatronic dragon caught fire
during a show
at Disneyland this weekend. After clearing Donald and Goofy of wrongdoing, the
police discovered
The dragon self-immolated in protest of the $35 souvenir cups.
In the ongoing blue check Twitter controversy, the museum at Auschwitz-Birkenau
death camp
clarified to its followers that it never paid for Twitter blue.
And Nick, I refuse to read the rest of this joke. Hunter Biden may be hiding
out in the White House to avoid a subpoena
sent by the mother of his child. It seems the hunter has become the hunted.
The NYPD rolled out a new line of crime-fighting subway robots that resemble R2-D2.
In response,
criminals have rolled out train ****ers that talk like C-3PO, you know, they're
both from Star Wars.
Yeah.
The manslaughter charges against actor Alec Baldwin have been dropped and he
has returned to the set of Rust,
where he famously murdered the film's cinematographer in a premeditated act
outlined on a 78-page manifesto.
The actor said, "I'm so happy this is all cleared up so I can get back to doing
what I love:
shooting and killing women."
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and no one
**** cares.
Okay, guys, we got a great show for you today.
Okay, so we'll pick up here.
Okay.
And, uh, yeah, and finally...
Was your shirt open before?
I don't remember.
What's wrong?
I don't remember.
Well, you just don't seem like you're into this.
No, we'll do it. We'll do this thing.
We can argue. We can have this argument about how long...
There's no argument.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and no one
cared.
That's not how you did it.
You didn't read it like a joke on there.
You were like...
Yeah, no one **** cares.
And no one **** cares.
Yeah, no one **** cares about this.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and no one
**** cares.
Don't act. Do what you just...
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and no one
**** cares.
So we got a great show for you today.
That's not how you did it.
How did I do it?
Read it like there's no joke written and...
Because that's what you did.
And lastly, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and nobody
gives a ****.
Let's get started.
The Adam Friedland Show, you know, like that.
And lastly, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died and no one
gives a ****.
Let's get started.
It's the Adam Friedland Show.
We got a good...
Hold on. Hold on a second, Adam.
What?
Let's, um...
What was the Australian jockey?
I think we should stay on that.
We didn't really have a joke for it, though.
I mean, there's so much there.
It's so rich.
He's Australian.
He's Australian.
He's small.
Jockeys are small.
He's tiny.
It's Australia.
It's a man being killed by wildlife.
It's the tapestry.
They die from animals a lot there.
As a personal favor to me, I would like there to be something about this jockey.
Okay.
He's survived by his horse.
No.
See, no ironic stuff.
There's got to be...
Look, we need a good monologue joke.
And this is sort of the...
This is the perfect storm of things.
Something about Christopher Reeves, perhaps.
They're calling him the Christopher Reeves of Australia.
Not because he fell off a horse, but because he's a tiny man who probably lives
in Smallville.
Smallville's good because of a jockey.
A jockey would live in a place called Smallville.
Smallville because he's small.
Because he's tiny.
Yeah.
And so it's a misdirection.
Okay.
So the audience hears that and they think, "Oh, why?
Because he fell off a horse?"
And then we go the other direction.
No, because he's tiny and he lives in Smallville.
Because he's probably from Smallville.
Probably because he's probably from Smallville.
Try that.
Okay.
Less soft-talking also.
In Austra...
What do you mean?
Why are you on about this soft-talking?
There's a lot of soft-talking.
All right.
All right.
An Australian jockey died this week, tragically, after dying during a race.
No.
People are calling...
No, in the audience.
Okay.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died.
In what people are calling an Australian Christopher Reeves.
Not because he's Superman, but because he's probably from a place called Smallville.
Dave, do you think that's funny?
Don't ask Dave.
He doesn't have a comment.
Okay.
Let's go a different direction.
What if he becomes the horse?
It's like surrealist or something?
I don't know.
No.
Maybe there's a way that could happen.
Maybe the horse fell off him.
A Catherine the Great situation.
Let's go back.
Let's go back.
Let's reverse course.
All right.
A jockey has fallen off a horse.
Yes.
What's the funny part?
That he's Australian, that he's a jockey, or it's a horse?
I thought you want to synthesize all of that.
I know, but let's isolate the one that's the funniest.
Well, jockeys are always on horses.
We know that.
Yeah.
Okay.
So it's an Australian jockey who tragically died on a horse.
Maybe something about the horse having a pouch.
Yeah.
That he fell out of the horse's pouch.
He fell out of the horse's pouch.
Yeah.
When asked what he was doing in there in the first place,
I'm looking for my tiny Australian clothes.
An Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died.
The horse was carrying him in his pouch.
And when asked what he was...
How would they ask him what he was doing in there?
How would they ask him if he's died?
He died on the scene.
That's it.
That's the one.
We're going with that one.
Okay.
Dave, stop sneezing.
You've got to take care of your health, Dave.
He's laughing.
Which is an allergy.
He's laughing.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died.
He was riding in the horse's pouch.
When asked what he was doing there from heaven when he was being interviewed in
heaven,
he said, "I was trying to find my tiny clothes."
My tiny Australian clothes.
My tiny Australian clothes.
Dave, steady the camera, please.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died.
He was, of course, riding in the horse's pouch.
When asked what he was doing in there, he remarked, "I was looking for my tiny
Australian clothes."
Because I'm a jockey and I'm Australian.
Don't explain the joke to people.
They'll get it.
A good joke doesn't need to be explained.
You're right.
And finally, an Australian jockey has fallen off his horse and died.
Of course, he was riding in the horse's pouch.
When asked what he was doing in the horse's pouch, he said, "I was looking for
my tiny Australian clothes."
Folks, we've got a great show for you tonight.
Perfect.
Who's excited?
Great show for you tonight.
Perfect.
Stay tuned.
We've got a lot of big things.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Absolutely perfect.
Thanks a lot.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
If you can't write the joke, write the joke about the joke.
And it gives Ginsburg some work to do.
Okay.
Hello, and welcome back to the Adam Friedland Show.
I'm your host, Adam Friedland.
Today, we thought we'd do something a little bit fun.
A cooking segment.
These are things that have been done on late night shows for years.
But I needed an expert to join me.
And so I called up the best.
YouTube sensation, Andrew Ray.
Thanks for having me, man.
From Binging with Babish.
YouTube sensation.
Yeah.
So, Andy, on your program, you cook food from television, movies.
You want to explain it to us?
Yeah.
No, I make food from movies and TV.
I recreate them.
So, one thing I thought might be nice for the Adam Friedland Show is if you
make a meal from our show.
But the thing is, we don't have an official Adam Friedland meal.
So, instead of you demoing a dish, I'm going to demo dishes that you could do
on your YouTube channel that has 10 million subscribers.
Yeah.
All right.
Cool?
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Thanks a lot.
Okay.
So, we're center-left show, talk show.
So, we have a couple dishes prepared.
And I'm going to pitch you on our ideas.
And you can tell me what works.
Give me some feedback.
You know.
I'm excited.
Okay.
So, first dish we have is M&M's.
Are you familiar?
Yeah.
The candy.
What we were thinking is a major cultural flashpoint in the news is that M&M's
have gotten too sexy.
Yeah.
I've heard about this.
You have heard about it.
Yes.
Okay.
So, what we want to do on our program is make the sexiest M&M's.
So, keep an open mind also.
I wish.
What we have here is your father's asshole.
The detail is really something.
The wedding ring is a particularly nice touch.
Yeah.
He's a loyal man.
It's our little secret.
Anyway.
So, continuing on.
What we have here, sour grapes.
How are sour grapes of center-left food?
These little puppies are what MAGA guys are eating now that Donald Trump is
going to jail for the next 150 years.
It has pee-pee on it.
A little bit of an umami.
You pissed on these gra