Name: The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 5
Uploaded: 2023-05-04T04:19:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 5' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 5' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-04. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Retro Style Podcast – Episode 5

Welcome to the Adam Freeland Show, everybody.
This is April, or May the 3rd, 2023.
It is day three of the Writers Guild strike.
You got the delivery of McDonald's.
I am playing her today, folks.
It feels like top five hangover ever.
Really?
It feels bad right now.
You seem like you're in good spirits, though.
I'm with my friend, you know?
Yeah.
So what happened last night?
I went to the Knicks game.
I kept ordering Patron.
I don't know.
It kind of started as a bit.
Yeah, I fucked myself.
Tequila fucks you up, dude.
It makes me.
It's the worst hangover.
I feel so bad.
I feel so bad.
Take your hat off.
Let's get a better look at you.
Let's get the light in your eyes.
Take your glasses off, dude.
I don't feel good.
I took Caleb as a wedding gift.
Pull your hair back.
How do I look?
Open your eyes and look directly into the stage lights.
Is it going away?
That might be sneezing.
I don't know if it works for hangovers, but I thought maybe we'd try it.
Ah!
No, sorry.
You really did scare me.
That's hiccups.
Sorry.
You really did scare me.
What's the one for hangovers?
Here, look into the light again.
Ah!
Did that do it?
No.
Oh, okay.
No, the light hurts.
The light hurts.
All right.
I kept ordering Patron.
What's the Knicks playoff game yesterday?
Patron out the cup almost killed a thug.
Yeah.
I thought it was like pimp.
And I just kept going, Patron.
I did one of those things.
We got, Caleb and I got so drunk, I did one of those TikTok interviews with
just a drunk
guy in line while I was going to get Patron.
That sounds really funny.
Did you record it for the show?
We need content.
It's probably on my phone.
The Sweater Brothers are on the picket line right now.
Yeah, we don't have our riders.
The Sweater Brothers are on the picket line right now touching women.
Let's see if it's funny, dude.
I'm wasted in this.
David's got a sign going into his zipper.
Knicks win a chip or your girl gets a train run on her?
I can't answer that one.
Would you rather that Knicks win a chip or your girl has a train run on her?
Is this an either or?
Either or.
No, nothing's happening to my girl.
I'll take a Knicks loss tonight.
Knicks loss.
It didn't work.
Normally they're like, I would let my girl, I would let the whole team hit if
it means the
Knicks championship.
It sounds like it went off without a hitch.
No, this guy said he'd rather lose than have a black man gangbang his
girlfriend.
Oh, you specified their black train?
No, I didn't say that.
But I said your girl run train and I implied it was the team running the train.
Maybe I didn't do it the right way.
I failed at that.
Any 12-year-old could do that.
I can't even do that right now.
There's a whole 12-year-old economy now of making TikTok interview videos.
They're so good at it.
Are they?
I don't know.
Better than me.
Well, I am not hungover.
What did you do last night?
I had a tuna sandwich.
You got eight hours of sleep?
No, I slept pretty bad.
I got an acid reflux from having a late night tuna sandwich.
I love tuna sandwiches.
Really good.
I love tuna sandwiches.
What's your preparation?
I go to the bodega and I order a tuna sandwich.
Oh, you have a man make it for you?
That's the other thing.
I'm not vegan anymore.
Yeah, he's pescatarian.
Well, full disclosure, I guess I've been cheating the whole time.
Because I've been taking fish oil the whole time.
Because I was worried.
I looked into the vegan omega-3s and I don't think they really work.
And I started to get brain fog.
And I figured if I'm already killing fish by eating the fish oil, then I might
as well eat, you know.
Where's the fish oil come from?
Can fish eat pain?
Is that bad?
Paint?
Pain.
Can fish feel pain?
Dolphins.
Well, I'm not eating dolphins.
Dave says that fish cannot feel pain.
They have trauma if they're caught.
They have trauma if they're caught.
What does that mean?
Don't people catch them and throw them back all the time?
They die because they have trauma.
So when you throw fish back, he dies?
From the pain?
No, because he has trauma.
What?
What?
What does that mean?
So they have emotions, but they don't have, they can't feel physical pain.
I don't believe, Dave.
I don't believe a damn word coming out of his mouth.
He's a goddamn liar.
Well, anyways.
Now people can get mad at me for that.
I feel like it's like a gang.
The vegans?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They did not do a good job of packing McDonald's.
Yeah.
Oh, you have a problem with your McDonald's?
I'm going to call and complain.
Anyway, so you had some bad acid reflux.
It's the writer's strike.
And our team of women of color writers are picketing outside right now.
Plus the Sweater Brothers.
And the Sweater Brothers.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Now what's this strike over?
They want less Jews in the writer's room.
Less Jews in the writer's room.
Hollywood is trying to make less Jews in the writer's room, but we will not
stand for it.
It would be funny to go see those picket lines and it's just a bunch of Jewish
guys sitting
and folding chairs, holding sides.
I'm drinking La Croix.
Just hoodies.
Yeah.
Yeah, just like front zip hoodies.
Yeah.
It's cold out here.
We will not surrender.
Yeah.
McDonald's breakfast, man.
Are you picking this up in the mic?
Is it obnoxious, Dave?
The chewing?
I'm sure it is obnoxious.
Our Keurig still hasn't arrived.
I got to wake up.
I got to drink more coffee.
But yeah, I slept pretty bad last night.
Tossing and turning.
Were you feeling solidarity for the writers?
In what way?
Well, because you're a laborer.
I don't feel solidarity for anybody.
Really?
No, I'm alone in this world.
But it was just May Day.
Yeah, it was.
What is that?
What is May Day?
It's when a plane goes down.
Yeah, but what is the day?
What are we celebrating on May Day?
I don't know.
Something with the workers.
Yeah.
We're celebrating renowned workers like Bob the Builder.
Bob the Builder.
Bob Vila.
Bob Vila.
Tim Allen's friend from...
Yeah.
Honestly, it's kind of rude that this strike happened as soon as I was getting
back into television.
Really?
Yeah.
So there's no new shows besides this?
This is the last new show.
I watched all of Barry.
I'm like caught up on Barry.
Yeah.
I'm excited to watch more Barry.
But they don't write it every week.
It's not like South Park.
I know.
It's probably already done.
And then they can just air it.
Yeah.
But, you know, Fallon, gone.
It's a damn shame.
And, like, just when we were being welcomed into their community, now we're the
last remaining.
Yeah.
No, we actually did.
We're way beyond.
We're further...
We own the means of production.
We do.
But there is no production company to negotiate.
Viacom does not tell us what to do.
This is the most communist show there is.
We are the workers, and we've taken the factory.
We made our own.
We got a her story.
Her, fact, her.
And that's amazing.
We're working in the fact hurry.
That's right.
Yeah.
That's right.
F-A-C-T-H-E-R-Y.
Fact.
Fact.
Fact.
Her.
Her.
Why?
Because I got her.
You can't.
You really body that one.
Yeah.
They can't tell us shit.
They can't tell us shit.
I don't know anything about fucking...
I don't know any Michael Eisner.
I don't know Harvey Weinstein.
I've never met him.
I don't know the Adam Friedland Show Studios.
And Manhattan.
Yeah.
You know, the gorgeous Manhattan.
Stalin could never.
I feel like every celebrity that's doing press, right, and promotion has no
choice but to do
it on our program.
That's true.
And they have to come on and support the writer's strike.
Has anyone come out against the writer's strike?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
In 2007, I think the only person that did was Bill Maher.
Outside of, like, producers, obviously.
He did.
Yeah.
Bill Maher was like, it's bad.
When he was on ABC?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What was he on in 2007?
I think fucking...
Maybe it was HBO.
Real time.
That might have been...
I think it was HBO.
Yeah.
He lost his politically incorrect right after 9-11 because he said that the al-Qaeda
were
brave.
Were brave.
And that was big facts.
Yeah.
He was only spitting truth there.
Yeah.
But he took an L with the writer's strike.
He really fell off.
Yeah.
He used to be pro-al-Qaeda.
He used to be a good guy.
Mm-hmm.
And now he's just complaining about millennials and hashtags.
We should get him on the complaint about the writer's strike.
I would love him on.
He's a dream guest.
I tweeted at him.
What do they want?
What are they negotiating for?
Let's see what the demands are.
Let's just make them up.
And we already went to the phone once to listen to your video.
I thought it was pretty good.
Would you want the Knicks to win?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't need to repeat the joke, but slow.
They run train.
Mm-hmm.
They run train.
The slower you say it, the fun.
All the questions are always about running train.
The slower you say it, the funnier, I guess.
What if you came home and there was a running train on your wife?
And I'd say, well, the Knicks better win this goddamn championship.
That's right, brother.
That's right, brother.
I'd say a million dollars on the Knicks.
One million dollars.
Yeah.
Guaranteed championship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My wife, a train is being run on her.
Mm-hmm.
The snow piercer has been run on my wife.
What was the name of the guy that used to tie women up and put them on the
train?
He had a mustache.
Dick Dastardly.
Dick Dastardly.
Yeah.
And with a name like that, what else are you going to do?
Tie women.
You're going to fucking answer phones at the bank?
No.
Yeah.
No, you're going to kidnap and bind women.
This is Dick Dastardly, your account rep.
Yeah.
His mustache is just brushing against the fucking microphone the whole time.
Or the headset.
They were like, what's going on there?
Are you...
Is a cat trying to shit?
What is that noise?
No, it's my giant mustache.
When you worked at a call center, were there any guys that were trying to...
Smash?
Smash the chicks on the phone?
Oh.
I thought you meant me.
No, no.
So, you know, any guys that were like, oh, you sound all right.
No, 99%.
You would find it hard to believe, but it's true.
I was one of the least autistic people there.
Really?
I was like, I was as close...
You were the most well-adjusted guy there.
I was as close to you can get, especially when I worked a night shift.
The fucking freaks that would work the night shift at the call center.
There was a guy that had a staff, and it may have had a skull on top of it, but
he had
a fucking staff.
It was Gandalf.
Yeah, no, he would walk around with a staff, and then he had like a t-shirt
that he would
wear that was like a bomb squad, you know, but it was like a technical support.
Oh, yeah.
So it was stylized like bomb squad.
It may have even said bomb squad, you know, 15 years ago, but it was like a
tech support.
But it's like, you know, no one can see that shirt.
You're on the phone.
Yeah.
I don't know who you're wearing this shirt for.
The other guys are wearing...
You don't even have to wear clothes.
At night.
You could be completely naked.
Yeah.
There was a girl that would bring a doll in and put the doll on her desk.
Oh, no.
And then brush the doll's hair.
Oh, no.
What happened to her?
I don't know.
Something bad.
Yeah, right?
Something bad.
Yeah, it can't be any worse than working fucking night shift technical support
for dial-up
internet service providers.
So you never asked a girl if she wanted you and the staff guy to run the train?
On the phone?
Yeah.
No, never.
You're like, let me tell you something.
I got this staff guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, there was one guy.
I remember one of the funniest things I ever saw.
There was a guy who would bring a laptop in and he would watch.
I don't even think they had a name for it yet.
I mean, they must have.
They must have been.
It's like, you know, the YouTube thing, Let's Plays.
You know that?
No.
Where someone will play like the entirety of a video game, but it's not like a
speed run.
They'll just play through the game and record it.
Okay.
And other people will just watch the game being played.
Is