Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 4
Uploaded: 2023-05-24T19:04:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 4' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 4' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-24. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 4

okay and welcome to the adam friedland show the wednesday edition adam friedland
show podcast the
adam friedland show the podcast the adam friedland show podcast welcome to is
it the welcome to the
adam friedland show okay welcome to the adam friedland show podcast i'm your
host adam friedland
i'm joined now by nicholas mullen president roosevelt no mr polio ginsburg made
me i guess
he had to edit around my penis kept falling out of my shorts you know that's um
uh that's like a
thing in hollywood actors have penises too big they have to they have to shoot
around them apparently
john ham his penis is my problem is that my shorts are too small yeah but your
shorts are they like
i like a small pair of shorts yeah kind of an australian style kind of yeah
yeah they're like
japanese school child yeah bye mom can you say oh mushy mushy mushy mushy bye
mom yeah bye mom
bye mom
dude i'll no no no don't go there don't go there okay don't go there you're
going there you're going dark
we're having rice and fish gromit where the kids uh do errands for their
parents i would love to see
what would chinese wallace look like just picture it in your head
with the eyes and the teeth are the same but the reverse the big ones are on
top
oh okay clever yeah he's just got two on the bottom
mm-hmm is that a chinese styled of teeth no i'm just thinking you know like the
easiest thing to do
would just be to make his eyes yeah yeah yeah you know why you could be an
artist about it
um yeah yeah um real quick off top um if you are in austin texas or irvine california
i will be coming
to your city to do stand-up comedy i'm coming with my friend robbie hoffman
austin texas june 1st
through the 3rd what's what's the deal irvine california april 8th through the
10th you can go to
adamfreeline.com what's the deal with you and robbie hoffman you every time you
talk about her
you make it seem like she despises you well it's kind of no it's like um i
think we're in love
no all right but i think she's a she's a lesbian but i'm pretty sure i'm in
love with her what if
you find out she's also a man you guys are the same you guys are kind of the
same we are the same
guy yeah the same gender when she features for me i and i there was a show in
portland where i said
that's just a character i can't wait until all this gender stuff's done we don't
have any categories
and people can just regular folks can have sex with children
i don't mean me i don't want to just regular down home the more i think about
it the how little
you know people really cared about the epstein thing collectively the response
was like ah come on
let's get let's send his girlfriend to jail
wait so you're saying that the you're doing like a republican politician
argument you're like oh you're
like gay guys have sex then you're gonna have they're gonna have sex no it's
not even what are you
saying i'm saying i'm saying that if rich people are allowed to have sex with
children it should be
for everyone poor people should be allowed yeah that's just marxist is it yeah
it's a class
i'm trying to i'm trying to help i'm trying to support i'm trying to yes and
yeah i'm sorry i was
trying to think of something that sees the means of production but it's
i have to joke about having sex with children
would you have sex with a child no what about for a million dollars one no 30
million dollars
whatever the current number is that you're like you know you become the great gatsby
you care for 30. 30 you get a studio apartment in the west village become the
great gatsby that should
have been there should have been that i'm going to add a chapter to the great gatsby
where daisy is
like so how'd you get all this money and he's like i started having sex with
children you wouldn't date
me because i was poor so i made friends with jeffrey epstein yeah and i made
one thousand dollars and
that's how i bought this house yeah inflation crazy that's um that's oyster bay
east egg i thought
they were fictional i think west egg is great neck and east egg is supposed to
be oyster bay but they
are fictional i think it's one of those things where he changes the name of
something that's
basically he's writing about something that's real i mean yes the names the
eggs names are fake
otherwise we'd be going to the egg place every day yeah just getting fucking
scrambled so i set up
it to me and then you saw me and he does it every time he wants to give me a
kiss he vapes no yeah you
do no it's your anti-gay thing no yeah you didn't know admit it no i'm in love
with the
lesbians pretzel time still around i don't know wild you think 20 years ago you
tell you go you go to
a kid you point there's a wet sauce pretzels of pretzel times in on the end and
you go up you're a time
traveler you step out of the time machine them all you go up to a little boy
you're like you see that
little boy one day it's all going away just gonna be on the ends and wetzels
pretzels and they go but
not pretzel time that's the best one and someone's like get away from my kid
that's when pretzel was
king why are you wearing what's wrong with your shorts why are you wearing such
small shorts this is
time traveler clothes i'm like this is how people dress in the future penis out
penis out shorts they're
trending yeah yeah um the future is always tokyo you know because of blade
runner
mm-hmm but wasn't that los angeles uh well but yeah but it's very
no it's it's supposed to be hong kong i thought what i thought i thought it was
los angeles isn't it
supposed to be like um well maybe it's los angeles well you know what i mean it's
very asian
it's asian style la future yeah yeah that neo neo tokyo i guess what they call
that yeah neo tokyo yeah
tokyo drift tokyo drift yeah how else how's it tokyo drool drift drift drift
drift no they go um
fast and furious fast and furious
are we gonna go see fast x yeah or did you did you go sober after you cried
after fast six did you
quit the series no like i can't do this emotionally to myself no no no although
i didn't think i saw
the the fate of the furious i think we saw seven together yeah did you see this
is seven is the one
where he he's racing in cuba and he gets cuban nose i'm like having trouble
adjusting to oh yeah so nick uh
to just to catch you guys up on nick's health status he removed about um a
bucket's worth yeah well i would
say it's like a like a i couldn't home depot buckets worth i went completely
deaf in this year
yeah i had a bunch of impacted wax yeah and uh i got this uh i've never been
able to do it on my
own it was i haven't had to go get my ears clean in probably 10 years you don't
need a doctor for
anything anymore not really you could do it all yeah but the hydrogen peroxide
put hydrogen peroxide
in there and then it really then you can't hear shit because it makes the wax
like kind of soften and expand
and then i got this syringe that's got a tip on it but it sprays it out and
then there's channels i don't
think you should do this yourself well you jam it in there no no i don't think
it's dangerous it says
it on the box you jam it in there it's got a flange on it so it can't go too
deep and you spray it and
it pushes the wax around the outside of the syringe and yeah disgusting the
amount of wax that came out of
both he got eight pounds seven ounces it's in the nursery yeah but now
everything's too loud and i'm
dizzy so now yeah so now nick has found out that he is super hearing he's daredevil
you can echolocate
just i think there's things that your your brain cuts out noises that you didn't
need to hear
but if you can't hear them then yeah like a woman's voice yeah well my pants
making noise
hearing my own skin i can hear my hands touch you're literally daredevil no it's
it's your
daredevil it's weird sound i can hear that i don't is that i can hear that i
can hear that
you're lying no i swear to god i don't believe it no it's fucking it's weird
you got to learn what that deaf you know that deaf guy that does clicks and
stuff
echo location yeah line they're that blind guy yeah yeah deaf people just use
their eyes yeah sorry sorry
sorry yeah i confuse all the time it's it's offensive i know i know it's their
identity
but yeah you know that guy that's like uh like he could like and then like hear
a wall yeah yeah
yeah he goes whoop whoop whoop yeah black kid it's a it's a blind black kid he's
cool with that kid
yeah he's uh you know his dad is uh the glass man from unbreakable oh i'll give
you a clue
mm-hmm famous ray charles police academy oh michael winslow it's michael winslow's
son
it'd be funny if michael winslow was blind and he was like you know how like
blind black guys get
into like jazz or the blues but his thing was like making helicopter sound
effects when a black
guy goes blind he gets a backwards cackle just a black guy with sunglasses on
just being like
yeah yeah yeah we're going to see that yeah they're like oh yeah michael winslow
michael winslow's playing at the blue note yeah i mean his like the fact that
michael winslow became
who he is is shocking you know what the adversity he must have faced i don't
know his background but
i can only imagine there was a trauma imagine the major trauma what were those
those projects in
chicago that were so bad they had to shut them down uh cabrini green green
green yeah just imagine
a young autistic boy in that environment just being like yeah and that he wasn't
just immediately
murdered no like his mom is in the next room turning tricks right yeah there's
a there's a crying baby
next to him yeah he's living in hell candy man is there the candy is candy man's
there murdering people
he's he's he's like but he escapes into a world of foley arts and sound effects
yeah
it's a it's a studio apartment there's no there's a one room and the whole
thing there's a kitchenette
and the couch his mom's like somebody on the couch yeah for money yeah and she's
like michael go into
your room and he's like he's still sitting right there
okay mom hope you're having fun out there you know pretending behind the door
behind the door
oh michael hang out with your friend well visit me if he looks like that
no stop being your own friends michael yeah other kids i mean hey it's me other
kids
you know i don't know if you're not going to be a kid i don't know if you're
not going to be a kid
but i don't know if you're not going to be a kid i don't know if you're not
going to be a kid
but i don't know if you're not going to be a kid i don't know if you're not
going to be a kid
and it's now the go to the phone segment yeah why not we'll see where my i mean
i feel like we can
maybe find out that we were right i mean it had to be something similar to that
right what happens
you i feel like we just we made a guess okay man of 10 000 sound effects um
early life
oh he's from spokane washington which is a place with no black people yeah that's
where
rachel dolezal oh so you had to pretend that like cars and helicopters for
other black people
there's a car was like a car drove by when he was a little boy it was like honk
honk and he's like
hey brother what's up according to his own account winslow had few friends
growing up
that's i mean that's obvious uh to pass the time he would imitate the sounds of
engines animals
flatulence and he grew up on an air force base yeah yeah he's a military brat
um following high
school and college he performed in nightclubs and theaters where his sound
imitation skills won him
positive appraisal and enough money to move and perform his act in hollywood
good for him yeah
i like my version of the story better it's yeah cabrini green projects
crack has just arrived although that doesn't make sense time wise because he
was in the movies at that
point yeah it would have been the 1960s yeah yeah have you ever smoked crack no
you want to have you
no i don't think so you want to smoke crack on the show i mean if patreon just
takes a dive if we
gotta we gotta try something if we get hunter on smoke crack w