Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16
Uploaded: 2023-08-17T02:23:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-17. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 16

hey and welcome to the adam friedland show podcast podcast regular episode uh
we just did
the premium this morning i went to the gym hit the sauna feeling relaxed
feeling good a lot of
stuff to be anxious about but i'll tell you that sauna really yeah clears it
all out i think there's
a little mouse eating the food you left out oh there is i can hear it can you
see it can't see
it's kind of dark out we got our own little ratatouille here well there's no
food in there
that's why it's on the floor there's just a box that had food in it those two
food boxes those are
just not uh well those are on top of a table gotcha gotcha so uh the bag is
garbage there's also food
be uh behind you left out on the ground i put that in the garbage bag the the
the bread you left out
right there was a breakfast bar and i ate it okay put it in the garbage bag
yeah in a breakfast bar i
tell you you know who'd love that an alcoholic alcoholic
so what's up you're feeling bad you feel like you're getting sick again i think
i'm getting sick
yeah i think i was feeling started feeling bad in the last episode and then you
went to the gym and i've
i fell asleep on the couch and i just when was the last time you thought you
were getting sick
like two weeks ago six six days ago six days ago and the time before that was
probably what like
uh about three days before that three days before that yeah um i don't know
what i don't know what it
could be yeah um certainly not allergies that season's over no no it's not
allergies i just can't stop i just
couldn't stop falling asleep yeah i don't know what it was yeah i hope it's not
the virus
yeah well take some vitamin c the virus used that shall yeah that shall not be
named
um it's funny moms tonight i want to be there it would be fun if they had
another one
i think this time china should make a virus in a lab and release it
and then when people are like you know no this is bullshit then they actually
get killed
no no no then china should make a china now is if i were china this is the best
time in the world
to make a virus in a lab and release it yeah because after covid then all the
people are like
oh this was made in a lab people would be like we've been through this buddy
yeah china's not making
viruses in a lab that would never yeah it's sort of like that movie double
jeopardy
china in a lot of ways is like ashley judd yeah yeah it's sort of the ashley
judd of nations
exactly beautiful you can't fuck tommy lee jones beautiful but you can't tell
how old
go ahead what were you saying nothing does she fuck tommy jones i in the movie
i don't know
beautiful you can't tell how old she is that's all right communist
characteristics
big old cans country music legend family just naming things about ashley judd
and chinese
characteristics communist communism with chinese characteristics yeah what does
that mean like
like communism but like a bowing i don't know what does that mean karate vibes
more of a karate
vibe yeah um yeah no i woke up and i feel i don't even know what day it is
right now and i'm
really i i haven't been sick in a couple months and now i feel terrible yeah
yeah um yeah i would
like to go to funny mom's tonight because i'm but we got you know i'm working
on a big opener
we got a big day we're we're in new york city we're in new york fucking city
there's a lot to be
grateful for i'm feeling grateful you walk back from the gym feeling grateful
after the sauna mainly
after the sauna yeah yeah what are you grateful for that i don't know that was
the thing i struggled
with when i was younger it's like gratitude you get like uh you know worried
about stuff
they'd say one of the best ways to deal with anxiety or worry is to practice
gratefulness
you know yeah and then never really maybe it's the way it's phrased or the
wording or i'm gonna take
this thing off because it's uncomfortable maybe it doesn't really breathe those
things yeah they
don't the words and i think it's shrunk too i don't know how does it it's a
synthetic material no
yeah i don't know maybe i got fat or who knows maybe your muscles got bigger i
don't think so
it looks like someone spilled soy sauce all over it also oh gosh um was that rick
glassman did rick
glassman spill soy sauce on my tracks i don't think he did who is rick glassman
i don't know he's he
does puns well he came on the show he came with jordan last week isn't he
famous he's i think he's
quite famous yeah he's famous yeah he was kind of being a little bit uh a
little bit uh combative
combative yeah i don't really know anything about him but on our show based on
his name i thought he
was like that sounds big well it sounds like a book guy like a guy that writes
books about gratitude
yeah i just read being gratitude by rick by rick glassman yeah but you know the
people say oh you
practice gratitude and it's like i don't know i would always struggle with it
because what what that
would turn into is i'd be anxious about something or worried and then you say
practice gratitude and
then what that turns into in my head is like you think oh well it could be
worse there's other people
that have a much worse situation so then i'm still anxious about the initial
thing and now i feel
like a piece of shit cry baby on top yeah now you're an asshole so right now i'm
an asshole on top
so so you're you're scared and yeah right that doesn't really fucking help yeah
but now i guess now
that i'm older i get it it's like you got to find it in little things because
it it should be that's
like a universality right practicing gratitude it's not specifically tailored
to somebody who's like
actually very lucky which i feel like i am you know it's like practicing
gratitude should apply to
everybody yeah as a way out so you think about it it's like all right well okay
well how would i
quote unquote practice gratitude if i was somebody in one of these terrible
situations and then it's
like you know i mean i made a little sandwich and it's like oh isn't this nice
i can what'd you have
on it just uh chicken breast and some stir fry that's nice yeah what you put
stir fry like stir fry
toppings oh the toppings because it's like you get all kinds of vegetables yeah
so i went over trader
joe's i bought that a little quick sandwich it's like you know i can put my
sandwich together isn't
this nice that is nice isn't it nice yeah that's the kind of stuff it's not
like oh you know things
are going well and it is a little bit rude about this whole like oh it could be
worse kind of thing
so you're supposed to be a homeless guy but there's a guy that's a little bit
more homeless than you
yeah it's comparing yourself to like the dregs of humanity and being like not
me brother right you
know it is it's actually being more of an asshole you know yeah and being oh i'm
so grateful for
everything i have because i and i'm glad i need these fucking bums out there
yeah to feel good about
myself yeah you know these poor bums right but yeah there's always there's
always small things
you know the sandwich sounds good sandwich that's not you know it's a nice day
it's summertime dude i
just walked outside to see if i could wake up and this is really this is like
it i felt like i was
like uh like one of those heroin guys you see like waking up from a heroin
thing and i was like walking
around like a zombie and then the guy goes love the show and i'm like oh god he's
gonna see me like
that uh-huh but you to be fair you look like that on the show also well it's
not like oh this guy
caught me i look like one of those heroin guys yeah oh come on man i don't look
like one of the
guy caught me in a private moment where i'm slouching and you know okay i'm slouching
my posture's bad
but like i was also just like yeah squinting at the side that shirt is somehow
too big for you and
you're wearing it like a morbidly obese person i don't understand i don't
understand that combination
it's just it's not iron the seams but it's it's not iron wearing your boyfriend's
clothes
well well i didn't sleep in mine last night yeah yeah
yeah so uh again uh well i'm glad you're feeling good yeah do you think they're
like
real quick i'd like to plug uh boston i'll be at the wilbur theater we added a
second show
at some point in september i can't remember when that is exactly but it's
coming up
i think it's the like 19th of september or something something like that and
assuming i don't have
some sort of brain aneurysm or something happening to me right now i will be at
the 24th to the 26th
you're just you're being lazy so yeah i'm not being lazy what is this crap i
think you're just being
no it's not normal to wake up and feel like how i felt and then to just
completely
well there's inertia to you don't do anything no that's not true i do lots of
things i go places
i drive places i go to stores yeah you know i went to best buy the other day
yeah she's telling me i
don't do anything i didn't where are you going on vacation you said that's
coming up would you make a
decision i think i'm gonna go with my girlfriend no i think she wants she wants
to go somewhere else
where are you going you told me you're buying the greece oh greece so it's
different in what way
greece is like it's blue and white it's just blue and white italy no greece is
like uh
the they were like yeah before like the romans they just italy copied i don't
know dude yeah no i just
want to do nothing somewhere and you're accusing me of doing nothing already so
i'm gonna go i'm not
accusing you i'm trying to help you figure out why you're so tired you're
sitting there today i am so
tired guys i'm waking up you're worried you have a brain aneurysm i'm telling
you no you don't have
a don't have anything i don't think i have a brain aneurysm august 24th of the
26th washington dc
that's all i was trying to say assuming that i don't have some sort of terminal
illness you're not
i will be in washington dc next weekend you're not practicing gratefulness you
should take a nap i'm
usually grateful you just took a nap we've worked one hour today you took a nap
and you should say
how how nice is it that i get to take this nap and be tired yeah those homeless
guys they have to nap
outside yeah and they don't even really they're not getting quality sleep they're
not getting quality
sleep out there they're not getting eight hours yeah you think they wake up
like oh
sleeping under the stars yeah yeah maybe you should hit the sauna maybe you
should go take a nap in
the sauna and die sweat to death yeah he could die in a sauna yeah if you're in
there too long or
something probably yeah what's that called hype hyperthermia hyperthermia yeah
is that like dying in a
in a desert or something overheating overheating which is a big problem now
because the climate change
yeah a lot of a lot of people dying of heat stroke you know heat kills more
people than any other type
of weather really yeah i would have thought snow after the jeremy renner thing
yeah i would have
thought that yeah yeah i bet he feels stupid he's trying to make us worried
about the snow he's like
yeah i got nothing to worry about it's snow it's not a hot day and then blammo
runs himself over with his
his bulldozer have you seen him go going back out in public since the the
incident um does he have a
cane he's like stoically with a cane that's cool and like he not like an
unhappy look on his face but
he's like a dignified like i won't be defined by my by my uh by my snow
equipment injury yeah he met the grim reaper and he said not today he said not
today sister not today satan yeah i am not the one yeah he said a black lady
style i really should do this show with those sunglasses on more these lights
are too bright sometimes yeah maybe i should put get sunglasses too we should
have we should be blind
blues brothers kind of yeah blind yeah blind style yeah hitting with just
hitting each other with sticks
yeah yeah it is wow i saw a blind person on the street the other day and it's
wild that th