Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01
Uploaded: 2023-09-13T22:34:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-13. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents: The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 01

hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland show week of 9/11 September 11th sure
there's a lot
of funny stuff to say about that Adam is away in Greece and so replacing him as
the host of
the Adam Friedland show will be Jordan Jensen this week we should get some
these cameras should have
some way to do like we could do like fireworks on the cameras yeah with the
switcher you can hit
the button on there and be like bow or whatever like a noise like bow bow yeah
you could add the
noise you could add I also want to lower like the you know when you when
somebody's saying something
their name kind of comes up again I always love that on the news when there's
some when there's
somebody talking and they're like well you know the the situation is is more
complex than it appears you
know at the outset and then their name kind of comes up like Steve dickhead
yeah the analyst for
the Washington Post yeah Kyron that's what they analyst yeah analyst I've
always wanted to I don't
know how you would do it but you get like a heavyset Chinese lady and you
interview her for something
rare hard to find find it yeah exactly find the heavyset Chinese lady that does
anything yeah
and then you set up a news program and you interview her and ask her to talk
about whatever whatever the
thing is you shoot the interview and afterwards you had the thing that just
while she's talking it just
pops up and we'll give her a name and it's it's her first name will be MU and
her last name will be CAO
CAO CAO yeah so it's like a movie oh my god oh my god author you know whatever
whatever the thing is she does and then when she gets mad you'd be like I
thought that was your name yeah I had no idea that and she's like it's Anna my
name's Anna I thought it was
moo cow I'm terribly sorry you know with all this new equipment it's you know
this is a lot of why
China oh Chinese because you could do Himalayan you could find a big fat Himalayan
lady uh yeah
certainly I just well it's because moo cows I know it's like Chinese I just don't
don't they exist it
looks like anglicized Chinese um but we're moving away from stuff like that on
the Adam Friedland what
are we moving towards I don't know I don't really I destroyed my personality
with six years of uh
podcasting so I don't it's like I used to have things to talk about and now it's
it's always like
uh you were prompted yeah I was like who's who's who's who's the stinkiest type
of people
I don't have real thoughts anymore uh you can have you asked chat GPT any of
these questions uh I think
the chat GPT phase is over I went deep into it to try and find racial yeah
thanks I think comedians
you're like me I mean comedians get into things way too late and then they get
excited about them yeah
it's like uh they're in like cultural jail for some reason oh are they really
well comedians oh we are
yeah totally and then they get out and they're like oh my god have you heard
about AOL yeah
like you know yeah chat GPT well I knew about chat GPT and I've been using it
to like to because
everything I write to my managers to pitch for things is like a manic 4am like
and none of the
punctuate and I give it to chat GPT and I write oh fix it make this a normal
person yeah yeah and then
they do but then I started being like which race is the smartest yeah which
race is the fastest it won't
tell you it won't tell you yeah not nothing so it's basically useless
completely useless as a writing
tool yes yeah it's the only thing I want yeah I want the truth no I'm way
behind on everything
I still now go around and I tell people like enthusiastically about electric
toothbrushes yeah
do you like them yeah I got back out on them I got one even though right now I
got a toothache
on this side and a giant fucking canker sore on my tongue on the other side you
could probably do
Japanese voice for the rest of the show and get away with it without yeah I don't
know the whole thing
just all feels kind of weird and mushy yeah you have a Jeff Bridges thing going
on in hell or high
water he does that for some reason I don't know why he does that no we have he
does it in he does it in
oh yeah yeah if you just bite the tip of your tongue but with an under bite it's
what he's doing yeah we
yeah maybe that's the only way he can do a Texas accent or something I don't
know why he does it
it's distracting it is like there's a little bit of cud that he's not that he's
currently chewing in
here yeah there's a little cud yeah no he's like doing myth and then oh yeah
yeah if you just bite the tip of your tongue but with an under bite it's what
he's doing yeah I don't know why he does it and you're right it is very
distracting anytime I think about that movie I'm like what the fuck was he
doing with this movie?
maybe that was going on maybe that was something that like you know they gave
him the script and he's he's sitting in Malibu wearing like linen shorts and
then seven scarves yeah and he's like he's meeting with the director and he's
like he's like I was thinking my character maybe has a tiny little yeah he
he's like he was abducted by aliens and they put a little grain of sand here he's
gonna hold on to well they put a tooth that records all of his thoughts no he
does it in the Big Lebowski he does it sends it up into space and I'm thinking
maybe that's part of the movie and they're like
you're like he's like what they're like uh I made maybe he's like let me tell
you this that's part of the movie or I'm not doing it and then they've been
they're like okay sure that's part of the movie and in hell or high water is he
has an alien receiver tooth you think it's especially worse and I don't know I
just watch it and then he showed up on set and he's like well I hope the aliens
don't read my thoughts too much today and they're like you're killing you're
killing it Jeff just makes it
in old dog they have the young actor who plays him they obviously were like you
need
they make him do it
there's a little revolving thing it's a little revolving thing it's a little
revolving thing
it's a little revolving thing and it's a little revolving thing it's a little
part of the movie or I'm not doing it and then they're like okay sure that's
part
of the movie or I'm not doing it and then they've been they're like okay sure
that's part of the movie and in hell or high water is he has an alien receiver
tooth you think it's especially worse and I don't know I just want it on set
and he's like well I hope the aliens don't read my thoughts too much today and
they're like you're killing you're killing it Jeff just makes it
In old dog they have the young actor who plays him they obviously were like
union it's really rough
yeah
there's a little revolving thing it's like going around and it's like a goat
yeah there's always well it's what it looks like when you're like fishing out
of cankers
yeah
yeah
yeah great movie though hell or high water everyone's mad at him now Taylor
Sheridan
why
um well I don't know if everyone's mad at him but he do you know who that is
no
he's the guy that wrote hell or high water he may have directed it I don't know
he also wrote Sicario
yeah
and he wrote that show it's created that show uh Yellowstone
yeah I've been watching a lot of that
yeah so he's he created and he writes every episode
and Tulsa he must have made Tulsa did he make Tulsa
I don't know I think 1886
yeah yeah 1912
1912 or more of the year
I just made this point recently I'd say avoid numbers
mm-hmm
because it sounds racist no matter what
100%
any collection of numbers is
right
Jewish
yes or well I don't know about Jewish
I feel like it's whenever I hear numbers I'm like Nazis
Nazis
oh yeah exactly
yeah right
I thought you were saying it sounds Jewish to you
no it sounds like death to Jews
maybe if there's a dollar sign in the front
right right
yeah
maybe it was 18 dot
point yeah
maybe it was that then yeah
um I don't know if I'm allowed to make those jokes while Adam's not here
I feel like it doesn't have a uh
how are you not supposed to make those jokes
I don't know man like I said I'm trying to clean up my act
I'm middle-aged now
which you disagree with
you're not middle-aged
45 is middle-aged
don't show me that
what do you mean I'm not middle-aged
I just did Ashley Gavin's podcast she got cancelled for telling somebody in the
audience to kill themselves
I heard about that
you should have her on
it was
which why is she gonna say the n-word
well that's the thing is that she has the wokest constituents
because we don't do that anymore
and I was having
I kept wanting to say the n-word and I couldn't not stop
I probably said the most horrendous things on the podcast
because she her entire group of watchers are the most woke people
so I mean I was like sly
I was like I don't think that black people should date white people
and she'd be like I'm telling you about my traumatic event that just happened
in my life
you should have her on
telling that person to kill themselves
yeah but that's like a
my favorite response to a heckler is
I get paid no matter what so go ahead and ruin the show I'll just get off and
I had a heckler attack
he had a trans girlfriend with him
and he was like you piece of shit
yeah I was like this is what I said
mm-hmm
I said porn
I was like thinking about porn and I was like it's funny like you guys watch so
many men come
like a lot way more than I've ever seen in my life
which is a little gay
it's okay
but it's a little gay
and he flipped out was like so what if it's gay
I was like it's not gay I just think it's funny
was it Jeff Bridges?
huh?
what the hell is a gay?
when his friend dies and he starts making these weird like you remember that
part when the latino
guy's like ah hell don't worry about it i'll fuck i'll get the shooter myself
oh you'll be a coward about it i'll go i'll get him myself just bam headshot
and then jepper
he's like i can find that scene i'm like what is he doing
it is true sometimes when he talks he's doing that yeah any romantic scene he's
ever been in he's
like i'm just typing in guy dies it's like everyone dies in the movie i'm like
what's a guy
dies of course first result because the internet is made for guys like me i
want to see jeff
for just crying no i don't need i don't need three fucking three minutes and
let me see
i just watched
there's just one there's two of them
i don't know if they did they got the smart one this old boy's out of his mind
that's it it's just two that's it i would distinctly remember being more of
like
well it's very dramatic
okay whatever me then i shouldn't have looked it up two it's plenty two of him
hovering over you
oh i've had sex with men who've whimpered like that that's awful it's really
bad i left immediately
i remember specifically the time he was like and i was like and i called an uber
from the bed
it was like still inside me and i was like i have to go oh it's here bad he was
also a licker a face
licker across the face crazy you ever face licked no this is all insane to me
that's why i don't ever
it sounds disgusting to me and i'm not approved it is crazy i'm not approved i
just don't uh
the whole process it seems like when you when you accidentally put too much
jelly on a pb and j
yeah i like too much jelly i don't know sometimes i there's too much jelly and
i'm like this is
disgusting i feel that way about cream cheese but jelly you really can load it
up i'm eating a dog's
menstrual cycle this is what this tastes like to me i think it's a person's
menstrual cycle too
okay so uh today's episode god damn it i'm not supposed to be doing that today's
episode let me get
today's episode of the adam friedland show podcast is brought to you by foo fume
fume no fume is
pronounced no it's not fume it's fume we got in a lot of trouble a couple weeks
ago because it has an
ascot above it what's an ascot it's a little uh it's like a little sweater it
has an umlaut
umlaut fume lout it's fume yeah well an umlaut i guess is would not is not
pronounced
if an umlaut