Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents - The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 02
Uploaded: 2023-09-21T12:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents - The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 02' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents - The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 02' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-21. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast Presents - The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 02

welcome to
los adam friedland show they don't really have in chinese there's not like uh
they can say it they can't say jordan no no but they don't have like a the
adam friedland show would just be adam friedland show yeah i think maybe the at
the end i don't
read the show that i'm assuming no it would have to be the like you would have
to say adam friedland
show um like spiritual original dragon yeah yeah yeah question this other
language is constructed
good afternoon folks it is september it is wednesday september 13th this week
we got to do
this one a week in advance because i will be out of town and adam is out of
town as well adam is in
greece which i where the is the god timer on this thing i swear to god just go
to open your alarm
and then you'll accidentally open the timer every time yeah i know that's what
i do it's always i
always go to the stopwatch is what i need but i go to the countdown timer by
accident every time i do
it on stage every time too i've handed my phone to audiences and be like this
one says s one says t
i don't understand this oh oh yeah i'm supposed to know the different types of
clocks what do you got
that was not a burp that's not a burp yeah i know my my gastric system is uh
are you still vegan she do
it no i i quit that really yeah because i was like uh dying yes you were perishing
yeah um anyways yeah
no i'll do it i'll i'll switch back to that when i get cancer yeah and then i'm
gonna be one of the guys
it's like no there's a fruit in vietnam yeah i'm just gonna eat that you're
gonna climb to the top
i'm gonna beat this thing by eating bugs yeah yeah i think we should be eating
more bugs i've been
jamming incense into my nose and eating bugs that's how i'm gonna beat cancer
by pretending to be in
that was like the move in the 70s it was like you got cancer you went to the
doctor in the 70s it was like
well we can cut i'll cut you open and just rip it out or you can eat rocks yeah
or you can do cultural
appropriation yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and that might work speaking of cultural
appropriation mexico
doing a little bit of their own cultural appropriation this week they're tired
of being called aliens by
getting into ufo stuff i heard a mexican guy on the train just now and last
night i heard like a
african guy like he was like and he was talking so loud and i kept looking up
for my book and just
being like why is your and he would look at me kind of like what are you
looking at and i was like
is that just what like if if english just sounds like this like a normal vocal
chord range
is african and mexican he was like and i was like do you just have to
like if he was speaking in a whisper would it just become a different language
i would imagine africa
is very loud so he would develop the guy he's talking to like has his like ears
are going back
with the frequency of this man's voice he's like oh they were talking to each
other yeah but one guy
was quiet and he wasn't african yeah one guy was like yeah i hear what you're
saying the guy was like
and it was like crazy i mean it was so and mexicans too yeah i've had them on
job sites and i'm like the
homers are here if you could just and they're like okay oh they're loud really
loud are guatemalans
quiet i've never talked to them i'm not allowed not allowed you say anyways so
yeah yeah i mean you
you you've already you've done not necessarily a deep dive but you've looked
into this uh this little
alien this little fucker i said that well that's what i love about it is that
it's a mexican version
of an alien that they have an alien and it's like if you imagine light years
away that there's there's
alien america and there's a mexico alien mexico like that they somehow found mexico
it's a little
guy he's little harry texted it to me this morning you've met harry he's got a
spider-man backpack from
k-mart filled with milwaukee he has a kid that's as tall as him yeah um yeah
harry texted me and said
they uncovered they uncovered two little and i was like what and then i saw the
picture it is it has
to be fake they look like little sculptures but yeah well i mean i would do
that if i was mexico if
everybody was like you're aliens you're aliens it's some kind of fossilized
thing but like i don't think
i think they made it recently and they gave it a shroud because all of the
stuff i've read there's
nobody being like we dated the skin i i briefly read that they did do radiocarbon
dating on it
and it went back a thousand but what if it's that's just what little mexicans
look like
i don't think i was saying it was a baby and then somebody's like it's pregnant
well i would assume that it's just a doll or a sculpture or something that was
made out of
some kind of old stuff yeah material that like i i don't know i would imagine
when things are
fossilized it loses some of its everything kind of turns to like ash or dirt
anyway yeah how do you
know like it's probably just a doll yeah like i i think occam's razor here okay
it's definitely not
a alien from 1700 years ago who looks like every alien we've always yeah right
yeah and has obvious
little like sculpture like anybody who plays with scopi for five minutes makes
that thing yeah yeah i
mean that would be up it would be weird if in our time our lifetime that like
uh all like there's just
aliens and they are like they were in the movies and that's all that's why they
yeah and uh and then
also like like science does the things that are supposed to be impossible
because it must have been
crazy if you like grew up if you were like 40 years old in like 1905 for
whenever the wright brothers
made that stupid complain yeah you know if they were like 40 and you're like
what do you mean we can fly
yeah yeah yeah totally well that's how i feel about the watch i when i was
little i had a pretend an
imaginary computer watch that i would hit and be like beep beep boop boop yeah
and now it just is
something that we have right i remember as a kid they would say that they're
like eventually a computer
is going to be so small you can wear one as a watch yeah just imagine like a
little desktop computer
me desktop it's like a tiny they should make that use with like a toothpick
yeah i'm like that doesn't
really seem very convenient and now this thing just pissing me off all the time
because i i can't wear those
things i always what about when it tells you to breathe i couldn't get mine to
stop doing that
oh yeah no i uh when it's like calm down like that doesn't do that i think
because i do i do like
yoga and stuff really so it logs the like mindfulness minutes or something it
can feel your yoga no you
just said i say hey i'm doing oh you're using it how they should be is you're
you're a tech guy yeah
where i use i use the down dog app i'm old now my joints hurt so i need to do i
have i have to do
some kind of like do you do it at your house yeah i have a yoga mat i have to i
have a stretch
or my i'm gonna like i'm just gonna be hurt my back my back up like three times
a year i have to
do butt exercises basically every day or my butt becomes like labia and then i
just lose all strength
in the rest of my body what do you mean it becomes like labia just withers into
just nothing oh just
concave so when you say you do like a pigeon chest pigeon butt you mean like
squats you're doing so many
squats yeah just to give you know i need a solid you know that like i hate
doing squats yeah they suck
they're the worst they hurt yeah you know women with like diabetic women who
are like big fat hogs
on bottom and then they have this like tiny little torso yeah if you like doing
squats you're either
fat or european yes yeah million people yeah i'm trying to get european you're
either selectively bred
by a former former soviet state yeah well every name of a squat is a is like a
russian russian dead baby
that's the names of those what's that like yeah romanian deadlift yeah or bulgarians
split squats
yeah none of them are like american boy but you know texas style yeah i don't
like that but yeah
i got kettlebells and then i just look up women that are hot and just tell them
they just tell them
what to do kettlebells you do what goblet squats goblet and you do the thing
where you like go down and
then back up it feels good what's down and back up like you're standing like
this and you're holding it and
you bend and then lift it back up and it pulls the back oh okay oh yeah so just
like uh like rdl's
with the kettlebell is that what a realist oh yes yes yes yes yes yes already
all you start at
the top and you go down to your hamstring stretch and yeah come back up yeah
yeah i've been doing my
wrists are up because i'm getting back into handstand push-ups oh it's like
everybody does those it's crazy
just do you do it against a wall yeah you try to you can if the eventual goal
is to do them freestanding
you got to like try to get off the wall as soon as possible um can you do them
how many are you doing
uh freestanding i don't know it's hit and miss i can do like one or two but it's
it's the the trick
with doing the freeze because if you do them against the wall like the way they
do them in crossfit
people put their hands real wide and they flare their elbows and if you
practice them that way
you're never going to be able to do like a regular you have to keep your you
have to keep your your
shoulder blades like just like uh like this almost like so here's your shoulder
blades you got to keep
them out like that so you you use your serratus to pull your shoulder blades
forward and then you
have to bring your elbows in and if you do them i mean you can do it against
the wall this way but to
do them like that would will have carry over to freestanding you got to keep
your elbows locked
way in and then the motion is you you move like your head forward so you end up
kind of at it
are you worried about squinching if you hit your if you squint your head if you
squinch well you just
you sort of touch your your you come but if you fall i don't even fall also i
weigh like i weigh 90
pounds yeah it's not like a big deal but i mean it is like just hard on my
wrist at this point yeah
yeah i think you have to do these they say yeah i don't really but that's the
thing you do yoga and
it just covers all that yeah yoga rules i used to do beaker yoga which i like
because every time it was
the same thing so there wasn't some in there being like and you know what i
thought of the harvest
everybody like you know what i mean and you're like i hate you that's why i use
apps because i can't
deal with their daily affirmations and shit it's so up i'm like i want to kill
myself that's why i'm
here and you're being like my mom told me something and i'm like your mom's
addicted to drugs yeah your
mom's your mom's already three bottles of wine deeper your mom made a yoga
instructor who lives in bed
stye i absolutely i had one did i tell you about this there's one this black
lady big black goddess lady
super hot who now now they're the best at yoga yes it five years or ten years
ago was like would you
believe they can do yoga too yeah and now it's now that that's where you go
that's mrs yoga yes yeah
they're the they're the israel israelites they're the original pharaohs every
single one of them has
cancer they're like i'll try something this woman smashed her car she's
teaching the class every day and
i go into the yoga no no i go to her class all the time i'm listening to her
yeah
and then they go in and she's like after the class we talk after and she you
know when
you're a comedian people will just for some reason just tell you things they
should never tell you
does that happen to you um people will say things to me that i'm like
you mean like audience like after anybody they just there's like an open bookish
about comedians like a
curiosity people really don't talk to me okay okay i see that that's because of
the shape of your face
i think what does that mean well the way you hold your face is really like well
it's 