Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 25
Uploaded: 2023-10-20T11:30:21.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 25' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 25' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-20. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 25

SPEAKER 1: Hello, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show
podcast, another podcast episode.
Nick has the flu.
We're to lift our boy up.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, how do you know if you have flu or cold?
NICK FRIEDLAND: If you have a fever, I think it's a flu.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I've got a fever, yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: And the only thing--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Oh, fuck it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The only thing that--
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's more cowbell.
NICK FRIEDLAND: But what does he say?
I've got a fever.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The only thing that can cure it is more cowbell?
NICK FRIEDLAND: He says the only thing that cures it?
NICK FRIEDLAND: The only thing that--
NICK FRIEDLAND: I've got a fever, and the only thing--
what does he say?
NICK FRIEDLAND: I've got a fever.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The only prescription.
NICK FRIEDLAND: That's a much better joke.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, it's much better.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yes, Nick has a fever, but he's still
coming in to work because he's a goddamn professional.
We applaud him for that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I think you're probably sick of all this crap.
I was sick all last week.
There's so much crap in the world.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, everyone around me was sick.
It was only a matter of time.
I feel like everybody gets sick.
I don't get sick, and then I get way more sick than anybody else.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You copy.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Copy.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No, I think I just have a shit immune system.
So it's just everybody else is getting sick, and I'm just like--
the virus is just multiplying in me before my body.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You used to live in the garbage.
Like, shouldn't you have a good immune system?
NICK FRIEDLAND: I think it's the opposite.
I think it's just--
NICK FRIEDLAND: I think if you live in the garbage,
NICK FRIEDLAND: You're used to germs and bugs and stuff, no?
I don't know.
Anyway.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The last 24 hours, Nick and I
have also been studying up on munitions.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I haven't, dude.
I try to-- because nothing--
those are the most annoying people.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It snapped me up.
It snapped me up.
I was like, let's see what else is on.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The weapons experts, guys.
All that, the quote unquote, open source intelligence.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's just the gayest people in the entire world.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: First of all, it's like,
that's probably all just the Pentagon anyways.
NICK FRIEDLAND: What do you mean?
They're releasing all that intel?
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's like, that's your first job.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The whistle signatures?
NICK FRIEDLAND: That's your first job at the CIA is like,
yeah, we're just going to make these bullshit accounts
that we use-- just use these photos and say whatever we--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Oh, yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's open source.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You know, that's good.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Oh, yeah, there's-- you're right.
NICK FRIEDLAND: What were they saying?
What's the four letter acronym everyone was using yesterday?
NICK FRIEDLAND: I looked at Google Maps,
and I proved that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, basically.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Based on that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, everyone was talking about that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's weird that people are still--
because I guess they've been doing it throughout this Ukraine war.
NICK FRIEDLAND: But these guys, like this whole thing,
whatever it is, like the guys on Twitter and Reddit
looking into things--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Uh-huh, citizen journalism.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Oh, yeah, whatever the f--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's like, after the Boston Marathon bomber,
that should have been the end of that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Oh, yeah, when they blamed the wrong guy.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, and some poor Indian kid
that killed himself.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: But yeah, they're still doing it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You know, you win some, you lose some.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right.
NICK FRIEDLAND: If he killed himself 'cause of Reddit--
NICK FRIEDLAND: But now, yeah, now there's a whole debate
over the hospital, who bombed the hospital.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right, but the thing is that makes it a really--
that really fucks with the whole situation
is that anyone could just be like, no, I didn't.
And then therefore, now everything
becomes a whistle signature debate.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I don't know.
NICK FRIEDLAND: And therefore, the human toll
or anything that's actually happening in the real world
NICK FRIEDLAND: Comes under suspicion, nothing is real.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The way I see the hospital thing,
it's like, let's say there's a room, a bunch of Muslim people
in the room, and they're kind of minding their own business.
And there was a Jewish guy outside that was like, oh, boy,
I think I ate some--
NICK FRIEDLAND: My stomach hurts.
NICK FRIEDLAND: My stomach hurts.
NICK FRIEDLAND: OK, we like going to the hospital.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right, and then he goes in there,
and they have like a charcuterie plate.
And he's like, oh, is this cheese free?
And he's eating all the cheese.
NICK FRIEDLAND: And then he's like, oh, my stomach really
hurts.
And then there's smells like someone farted.
And then he was like, actually, it was you.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It was you.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
It's a very much-- the war has become a who smelt it dealt it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You know?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Actually, you were the one that farted.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, actually.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I'll see myself out now.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I mean, it's a-- yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I mean, it's actually you're repressing me,
you know, with your fart.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, I mean, it's--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yesterday, when I saw that, and when I saw just
people I know that definitely do not know how bombs work,
popping off about bomb technology.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Well, they don't even-- I mean,
that's like a myth of, like, the whole, like, the idea of,
like, surgical strikes or, like, any kind of, like,
technical precision.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Uh-huh.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You know, like, the military can't
actually do-- like, that's not what, like, war is.
It's like this idea that there's, like, oh, a laser
guided bomb, and it finds a terrorist.
It's like, no, there's lasers on there.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's not Mario Kart.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I know.
I guess it's not-- yeah, that's not how--
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's not the one that, like, the red shell.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Like, you know how when the cops--
NICK FRIEDLAND: They're using green shells.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You know how the cops go to, like,
and they end up shooting, like, 35 innocent bystanders?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The military is the same thing.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's, like, probably even less.
Like, I think the cops, they probably
have to train with the guns more often.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Uh-huh.
NICK FRIEDLAND: In the military?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
How often are they actually dropping bombs
and, like, practicing that?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, practicing bombs.
It can't be very often.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No, it's too expensive.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Practicing guns,
I imagine they do quite a bit.
But practicing bombs, that's a waste of money.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
I mean, the demands of even being like, well,
why don't you go in there and just get Hamas?
It's like--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Surgical.
NICK FRIEDLAND: That's not how things work.
It's like the options are just do a genocide or continue
having a prison.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I think I saw the term whistle signature
yesterday, and I'm like, it was the first thing.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It was the first thing to get me
to be like, I'm not looking at the war today.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I'm going to not look at the war today.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Because I've been watching the war
for two weeks now.
NICK FRIEDLAND: That's what I mean.
NICK FRIEDLAND: And it's really--
NICK FRIEDLAND: I mean, like, I don't want to be, like,
a mental health check-in guy, but, like,
it's crazy to see dead bodies all day, every day.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Like, your phone just becomes
rotten.com.
NICK FRIEDLAND: And I'm not making the war all around me.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right.
Like, we can't even figure out what a bullet does
to Kennedy's brain.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No, we can't.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's unknown.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You're going to tell me you know, like,
what the rocket would do, or--
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, the whistle would go, whoop, whoop.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Full disclosure, I guarantee you
they bombed the idea.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, I mean--
NICK FRIEDLAND: I guarantee you that's what happened.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I'm certain of it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The point is this.
Now, henceforth, nothing is real.
NICK FRIEDLAND: But that's based on behavioral track record.
That's the only thing you should--
I mean, no, I mean, it's like, first of all,
they already bombed that hospital four days prior.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, and they also warned them.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, they told them
they were going to bomb the hospital.
NICK FRIEDLAND: They said they were going to bomb the hospital.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Right.
So if you don't get into the whistle signatures
or any of that, the crater analysis or whatever
NICK FRIEDLAND: Crater analysis, yeah.
A lot of people were talking about how
there should be a three-meter crater.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I was like, you don't--
NICK FRIEDLAND: I believe the story of--
he was telling me, actually, we didn't do it.
They bombed the hospital.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It would be like if Donald Rumsfeld
was like, Hamas has weapons of mass destruction.
I wouldn't be like, oh, well, maybe he's right this time.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Well, he said it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, did he?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Dude, he was so funny about that war.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The way he'd look at reporters like this.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Mm-hmm.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Just lie to them.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Just be mean.
NICK FRIEDLAND: You kind of cringe at that.
You don't think they did it?
NICK FRIEDLAND: You don't think?
NICK FRIEDLAND: I am-- I--
NICK FRIEDLAND: What?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Definitely.
NICK FRIEDLAND: They definitely did it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Why don't-- you can say that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, because I got yelled at the other day.
NICK FRIEDLAND: By who?
NICK FRIEDLAND: My cousins.
NICK FRIEDLAND: The cousins.
My dad gossiped to the cousins.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, but they didn't gossip to you about that.
Or they didn't yell at you about that.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I just don't want to get yelled at by the cousins.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I mean, listen, I-- the point is this.
Like, I have a friend that runs a newsroom.
I hit him up, and I'm like, it can't--
I mean, this can't be true, right?
And he's like, there's just-- there's no way.
And that's what that Channel 4 thing says.
There is no way to get any verifiable intelligence.
But all you can look at is past behavior and track record.
And it would lead you to believe one possible outcome,
right?
But that is still circumstantial, I suppose?
I mean, listen, this is a court of law.
But the sad thing is, if people lose their lives,
and then it becomes just like a Ben Shapiro argument
about the whistle signatures, everyone
forgets that people lost their lives, right?
It just completely glosses over the human toll of it.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I don't want to hear about J-DAMs, anyone?
NICK FRIEDLAND: J-DAM.
That's what they kept talking about yesterday.
Which is what?
Is that a Jewish bomb or something?
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah.
NICK FRIEDLAND: No, it's our bomb.
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's our bomb.
NICK FRIEDLAND: Yeah, we make those.
NICK FRIEDLAND: What do they do?
NICK FRIEDLAND: I don't know.
I don't even want to get into it.
I don't care.
NICK FRIEDLAND: I do--
NICK FRIEDLAND: It's not worth it.
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