Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 29
Uploaded: 2023-11-16T11:13:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 29' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 29' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-16. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 29

Hello and welcome to the Adam Freeland Show. No long introduction today. There's
too much.
No, let's do a long introduction.
All right. Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. This is the Adam Freeland
Show podcast.
It is Wednesday, the 15th of November. Remember, remember. The 5th of November.
15th of November. That's a good date.
That would be like a powerful birthday to have. You think? November 15th. I don't
think men should have birthdays. Probably not. It's a girl thing.
You should have your gender reveal day. Yeah. When you're five years old and
make everyone look at your penis.
Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to have to bother you, but your son was doing a
gender reveal in the middle of the auditorium.
We're going to have to send your son home. He stood up on his lunch table and
he said he was doing a gender reveal.
Yeah. And showed everyone his penis.
I mean, I get it. It's pretty funny. Yeah. You know, it's a real play on the
whole gender reveal thing.
I don't know where he's learning this stuff. I don't know if he was doing this.
Probably in our classrooms.
Yeah. It's probably the fault of the education system. Yeah. But we have to
send him home for indecent exposure.
Uh-huh. Or perhaps decent exposure. Yeah. What is that?
Is that one of those Michael Douglas movies? Indecent exposure? Yeah.
Yeah. I'm going to go in there and I'm going to show you my penis.
There's only one way to win. There's only one way to win in business and that's
by showing you a cock.
Nicky Murray was on top of the world.
I'm the only one willing to pull his cock out.
That was my thing.
Then it was his 45th birthday party and a homeless person showed his cock to
him after a night out drinking.
Are you fucking kidding me?
They got me real good.
What? Indecent exposure?
Yeah.
With Michael Douglas.
Isn't that one of those movies?
Indecent proposal.
Oh, but that's Woody Harrelson.
That's Woody Harrelson.
Yeah, but it sounds like, because you always confuse that one and then the
other one, the fucking, the show your pussy movie.
Michael Douglas is an upper middle class New York City banker.
His wife one day, some guy exposes his penis to her in a grocery store.
And he gets up thinking about it.
And yeah, he finds out, they file a police report and then she has to give a
description of the penis.
Like, he's just, he's like, kind of like, he's like waiting in the room and he
like, looks in while the wife's like talking to the police description guy.
And he's drawing, he's just drawing like this guy with the coat up and then
like, you know, the Wolverine towel picture.
And he's like, what?
What do you mean?
And then he's like, all of a sudden, and he's like, what do you mean it was
down to his ankles?
And he starts beating her.
I didn't like it.
It's not my fault, Michael.
Goddamn whore.
Yeah, and then he goes into the hood to learn how to have a big penis.
He's like, listen to me, you fucking, teach me how to have a big cock, you
fucking, you fucking animal.
Yeah, he gets a gun.
He has a gun.
He's like, yeah, just in the Bronx.
I need to, I need to, I need to, I'm sorry.
You're scary.
Teach me how to have a big cock.
Indecent exposure.
Like, I don't know what to tell you, homeboy.
We can't teach you that.
His, like, 14-year-old daughter is, like, on the phone in class, or, like,
after school in her room.
He picks up the phone.
She's like, yeah, I heard, I heard Jerry's well-endowed at school.
And she starts ripping all the phone lines out of the wall.
Slapping around, who the fuck is Jerry?
Is it some boy at your school?
I think his wife saw some guy's cock in their grocery school.
Just one time?
A hobo?
Just literally a hobo.
Boss is like, Mickey, I think you should take some time off work.
He's just in meetings, drawing it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's, he's dreaming about it.
Mm-hmm.
He has nightmares.
He's waking up in a cold sweat.
Yeah.
God damn it.
That'd be a good movie.
He gets a gun.
He has to find the guy.
Yeah.
That's a real movie.
We can't teach you nothing.
This is a crack house.
Oh, boy, I don't know what to tell you.
Fucking show it to me.
He's just going to...
Yeah, let me see.
Let me see a fucking guy.
Just fucking show it to me, you fucking ape.
He's racist, he becomes racist and homosexual.
Yeah, right.
It was just one day a man could not take it anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The final scene is he's just looking in the mirror at his own cock.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's just yelling at his own penis.
Is this what you want?
Just wearing a trench coat in the grocery store.
He becomes everything he fears.
Yeah, the last friend.
It's full circle.
The house is empty.
He's ruining his wife away.
He's alone.
He's alone.
He's in the grocery store exposing himself to some Chinese family.
They're laughing at him.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, show me your cock, you Chinese piece of shit.
The cops shoot him, yeah.
Right?
No, he's just, he's got his dick out and he's pointing the gun at the cops.
He's like, go ahead, do it.
Fucking kill me, or whatever.
Yeah.
And then fucking Sean Penn comes out and he's like, happy birthday.
And he's like, you mean you, this was a prank the whole time.
This was a birthday present?
It was, I hired the guy to show his giant cock to your wife.
Wow.
You guys, you're good.
Thanks.
Thanks.
Indecent exposure.
Directed by David Fincher.
Man, that's a real movie.
Did you see the new Fincher?
My dad actually called me to ask me if I saw it.
I was like, I thought you only watched Marvel Cinematic Universe.
It's about movies, right?
I think it's about a hitman or something.
Yeah, but it's about being like a filmmaker.
No, I don't even know what it's about.
Is it good?
I haven't seen it.
I saw the black and white one, and it kind of didn't grab me.
The black and white?
The last one.
What was it?
Hancock.
Oh.
No.
You know what?
I feel like I've seen Bullet Train with the sound off like 10 million times on
airplanes.
Bullet Train is the, oh, it's like with Brad Pitt and stuff, right?
Yeah.
They're all fighting.
I have not heard a word of the idol on the movie.
I watched it on a plane.
I just watched it.
It's really bad.
I watched the performances, and it's a lot of like, I'm about to do karate at
you.
I'm just saying, I'm going to have to do karate.
People calmly expressing that they're about to do karate.
Yeah, that seems like what it is.
It's just cool guys looking cool and then doing karate.
So it's like an Ocean's 12 sort of thing.
Yeah.
Well, I hated those movies because it's all like, the fellas are back together
to earn another
cool million apiece.
Doing some fucking smile acting.
But you want to see them having fun.
I don't.
It feels good to see them having fun.
You can imagine the hijinks on set.
All those guys.
Oh my God.
The best guys.
Brad, I just imagine Julia Roberts going back to her trailer and getting
absolutely fucked
by Lyle Lovett.
No, she got fucked by Lyle Lovett, her husband at the time.
No, she got fucked by the Chinese guy that could do flips and stuff.
The contortionist guy.
They never dated.
She was married to Lyle Lovett.
Yeah, but she was fucking him.
It was more of a physical thing.
The contortionist Chinese kid.
Now you're besmirching.
Don't.
Guys, it's the replica.
Oh, I just want to provide the audience with one update.
Could I?
Sure.
Okay, so recently, I don't know how it happens with us.
We get embroiled in controversies with massive celebrity guests.
It happened with Taylor Swift and Ice by, you know, that was a nightmare.
And now it seems like we've been dragged into another one with massive, with Scumbag
Vinny
and Steve-O.
And on the Patreon this week, we got, if you don't subscribe, please, patreon.com
slash T-A-F-S.
We got Scumbag Vinny's version of the story.
At the end of the Steve-O episode from last week, he mentioned a guy's name
that we both
thought he said Oliver Twist.
Correct?
I guess.
Why at gunpoint?
I don't even know why we're talking about this.
Adam got a DM from some guy with two million followers, and now he wants to
flirt with him.
Stop it, Nick.
Stop it.
You said literally before the episode, you were like, we're going to kill this
guy.
I said, yeah, I'll kill him.
Well, he said in a DM that he's going to kill both of us.
Yeah.
And beyond that, he referred to you as my little friend.
Yeah.
And I was like, why do you?
I wouldn't call Nick Little.
You know, he goes to the gym.
He's of an average height.
I don't go to the gym.
You have in the past.
You're broad.
In the past, yeah.
He said, I ain't Oliver Twist, little homie.
I'm Oliver Tweaker.
Put respect on my name.
That shit ain't funny, faux real.
So I said, pardon me.
You read this, and you're like, wow, this must be one of those Bronx guys from
that Michael Douglas.
Yeah, I thought he was a real gangbanger.
And then I clicked on his profile, and he's just some freak that makes songs.
Oliver Tree, which I feel like that's not his Christian name.
And then he said, you and your little friend are dead.
And like, folks, I've never, since the Hamas attack, I haven't taken a stance
either way.
I told you it's a wait-and-see thing for me.
But I am concerned about anti-Semitism in this country.
And, yeah, I mean, I can't divorce that from getting a DM from this Oliver
Twist character saying that I'm dead.
You know?
And he probably thinks you're Jewish, too, by association.
He also said in there, he said, all the, like, I can't wait to kill everyone in
Gaza.
So we need to rape and murder all of these Gazan children.
And it's like, why are you telling me this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
He thought his secret was safe with you.
So I just want to say to this guy, leave me alone, okay?
Give me some fucking peace, all right?
I don't know you.
You're making threats in my direct messages.
Just like, it's not fun right now for us.
Your Jewish friends are scared.
And, like, you know, maybe in another day I would be like, oh, LOL.
I love your Jewish friends are scared.
I want that on a T-shirt.
We should make merch for the show.
Your Jewish friends are scared.
Yeah, with the Adam Friedland Show logo underneath.
Your Jewish friends are scared.
Yeah.
That's one screen.
That's a white T with black lettering.
Do we have a sponsor?
Nick?
Huh?
I got, I'm doing that.
Don't worry.
There's timers.
21, 20.
All right.
Well, you picked it up like we have one.
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