Name: MAC DEMARCO | Canada, The Beatles
Uploaded: 2023-12-08T22:07:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MAC DEMARCO | Canada, The Beatles' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'MAC DEMARCO | Canada, The Beatles' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-08. Transcript available.

MAC DEMARCO | Canada, The Beatles

Nick, I found a clause in our rental agreement.
Not right now, I'm in the zone.
Hey, Dracula.
Hello, Adam.
What are you doing?
The intro's still wrong.
No one cares about the intro, man.
It's no good.
The intro's fine, man.
There's no issues.
It needs jouissance.
I don't know what that means.
Nobody knows what it means.
You know where Nick is?
He's sleeping.
Oh, God.
We've been working all night.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck did you do to him?
I sucked him.
I sucked him dry.
All right, well, is he going to be like a Dracula now or something?
It's not how it works.
It's more like Down syndrome.
You're just born with him.
Listen, man.
I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to Nick,
because you've been around so much,
and we haven't really had any private time
between the two of us recently.
Yeah, that old story.
I don't understand.
We've worked together for six and a half years,
and now all of a sudden
you're in complete creative control
of our entire project.
And with my help,
this will be the greatest talk show
anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
What's your favorite talk show, Adam?
I don't know.
Name one.
I like the Ellen.
Dancing with the Stars.
That's not a talk show.
The greatest talk show anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
All right.
I'll hear you out.
You ever seen Howie Mandel's penis?
He's not on Dancing with the...
It's the only place he has hair on his body.
Is it true?
Yes.
I haven't...
It looks like a roly-poly.
We want to make art now.
And you're getting in the way
of every single aspect of this project.
You want to be an artist?
Yeah, I want to be an artist.
You know who else wanted to be an artist?
I got a story for you.
Young Bavarian boy.
His life dreamed to be an artist.
Saved up.
Went to art school.
Then they kicked him out.
They said he was no good.
You know what he did next?
He killed roughly 150,000 Jews
in the Holocaust.
And you know that boy's name, Adam?
It was the Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.
Albert Einstein.
No, that's not who it was.
Listen, if you're going to be involved in this,
do whatever you want,
but we just need to add jokes, man.
You want to hear a joke?
I'll tell you a joke.
Okay.
Two clowns
start the shittiest podcast of all time
for the biggest faggots in the world.
And now they want to be artists
and they don't know how to do it.
It's not really a joke, but...
Listen, we've spent over $150,000
recreating the Dick Cavett show set.
We've spent $16,000 on chairs.
People want a talk show
and we're not giving it to them right now.
People don't want a talk show, Adam.
Yes, they do.
I'll tell you what they want.
They want Moonlight.
They want Driving Miss Daisy.
They want Jungle Book.
Jungle Book?
Green Book, whatever it is.
Yeah.
But you know what all those movies
have in common, Adam?
One thing.
Blacks.
Oh, blacks.
That's right.
That's it.
They have blacks.
That's what the intro needs.
Look, I have an idea.
The intro needs blacks?
We're going to get you ready right now.
We're going to do an acting experiment.
You stand over here.
All right.
Put your arms out.
Now, how do you feel?
Oh, Titanic.
Like the king.
The king of the world.
Yeah.
The king of the world.
Jack, that's you.
No, it's Rose.
It goes like this.
No, that's right.
And later, we're going to paint you.
I don't want to be painted.
You know who else didn't want to be painted, Adam?
Who?
Al Jolson.
And then I came in and I blacked him up and I made him the biggest pop star of
the 1980s.
And we're going to do that with you.
We're going to black you up.
We're going to put that in the intro.
Black Adam in blackface.
I don't want to do blackface.
Well, what do you want?
I don't want to do blackface.
I don't want to do black cock.
I don't want to do racism.
I don't want to do Wakanda.
I want to be a star.
It's my show.
It's my name.
It's the name my parents gave me.
It's the only name I have.
And it's being run into the ground.
It's not even clear what the show is anymore.
You know what else is clear, Adam?
What?
Semen.
No, it's not.
It's translucent.
Not my semen.
Because I've had 17 vasectomies.
I've produced 35 Grammy Award winning albums.
I owned every Beanie Baby.
And on top of all of that, I still find time to be gay.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So I don't really need your input as to what will make this show good.
I just need to be left alone with my work.
And I'll leave you and your friend alone here tonight.
Because it's almost sunrise and I'm supposed to have drinks with Jadakiss.
You know Jadakiss?
He's my best friend.
You think maybe he might want to come on the show?
You're not ready for Jadakiss.
You're not even ready for Danny Bonaduce.
All right.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Nick?
Nick?
Nick?
Wake up, dude.
This fucking Jadakiss?
Jadakiss here?
He's gone.
We got to do something about this guy.
We got to get rid of this fucking guy.
He's running the show into the ground.
Yeah.
We haven't had any alone time in weeks.
Are you doing all right?
I'm good.
I'm all right.
I'm good.
Are you sure?
You don't seem like you're doing well these days.
No, he's been working all night on this fucking intro.
He's got, he's saying it's wrong.
There's not enough Al Jolson or something.
What the fuck is his problem?
I don't know.
He's 400 years old.
He's Jewish or something.
He's not Jewish.
I don't know, man.
We got to get back to us.
All right.
Look, I know, I know.
Help me up here.
All right.
I know a way to get rid of him.
How do we?
Well, you're not going to like it.
What do we have to do?
I don't know.
This is a guy.
And all he does is get rid of Dracula.
All right.
Anything, man.
Seriously.
He's a tough hang, this guy.
That's fine.
And have you been fucking crying?
I'm crying.
All right.
I'll send him a message, but go clean yourself up.
You look like a fucking idiot, dude.
I don't want you to embarrass us before he comes here.
All right.
Hit him up.
I'm going to go wash my face.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
You're right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back.
Wow. Guys, alright. Okay, enough, enough. Alright. Folks, welcome to the Adam
Friedland Show. You know who I am. I'm your host, Adam Friedland. We got a
great show for you guys tonight. And I know we've said this before in the past,
but this time we fucking swear to God. This is a real television show. And I
think you guys are going to really like what we have cooking tonight.
We have a massive guest. Everyone, put your hands together for Mac DeMarco. Who's
excited? Who's excited? We can't get there yet. Okay, but before, let's do the
news. Who's excited? Clap it up. The news!
Tragic news out of California this week where an elementary school principal
killed himself at Disneyland. This marks the second suicide at Disneyland in
recent years.
Of course, we all remember when Goofy the Dog took his own life following the
2020 presidential election. I didn't know. I didn't know he was a conservative.
You never know in Hollywood. They're all secret conservatives. Anyway.
Apparently, the man jumped off of the parking structure, which at $19 a day for
parking, many are calling it the real Tower of Terror. That was silly. I liked
that. It was silly.
An 82-year-old grandmother was arrested in Alabama after not paying her trash
bill.
It's a sad story, but sociologists have been surprised to discover the first
old person in recorded history that can't be tricked into paying for garbage.
That's bad. They do buy a lot of crack.
Buy a lot of crack. Those are old.
All right.
Needle spiking is on the rise in Europe.
A practice in which predators inject their victims with drugs using hypodermic
needles.
This is horrible news for many American travelers who are already complaining
about being forcibly injected to be allowed on the plane.
The vaccine comes.
That's good. Topical.
Still.
Still topical.
Chris Christie, former governor of New Jersey, his niece, bit a police officer
while being escorted off a Spirit Airlines flight.
When reached for comment, Spirit Airlines said that they were appalled by her
behavior, so appalled that they wouldn't refund her for her row of seats.
That's a real cheap, a little bit of a low blow, but we don't pull any punches
here.
A five-year-old girl in Connecticut was attacked by a raccoon recently while
waiting for a bus.
Animal Control was initially optimistic after the attack, believing that they'd
caught the raccoon,
only to later have to release and apologize to actor Josh Gad.
Do you remember that guy?
You know that guy.
It's annoying.
Look at his Twitter.
Very annoying.
He looks like a raccoon, but not because he's Jewish.
Never mind.
I don't even know if he...
Anyway.
Okay.
A Christmas parade in Kentucky has been cancelled over anonymous threats
directed at anyone protesting
the event.
Activists had planned to picket the event in honor of Emmett Till.
People were further appalled when the Rupert Murdoch-owned New York Post called
it "The Lynch
That Stole Christmas."
That's messed up.
That's messed up.
I think that's messed up.
They're like puns.
It's a good pun.
I don't...
It's a bad pun because of what it's saying.
But the pun...
It works.
It's a bad pun that works.
All right.
A Tennessee father died over Thanksgiving after a defibrillator caused him to
burst into flames.
Doctors are saying he died as a result of his heart catching on fire.
While the man's family blames Dr. Anthony Fauci.
It's topical.
I'm going to have to hear both sides of that one.
Okay.
North Korea has executed three high schoolers for distributing a South Korean
soap opera among
the students.
It's a tragic story.
But as a song and dance man myself, one could only hope that one day children
will be killed
for watching this show.
Probably because of how we treat nieces on this show.
Probably...
So...
Yeah.
Okay.
It was good.
That was a good one.
I liked it.
Anyway, after a freighter lost several shipping containers filled with Yeti
coolers off the
coast of Alaska, scavengers are searching for the high-end camping gear on
beaches.
Terrible news for the environment, but that's great news for the members of the
subreddit Yeti
California Reparations proposal could mean that every black resident would
receive $220,000.
Lesser known activist groups are pushing to be included in the reparations,
including bald
men, men under five foot six, and big women.
Alright, that's the news.
That's the news, guys.
What'd you think?
What'd you think of the news?
Alright, guys.
I want you to stay tuned, because we have a big guest.
I thank you guys for joining us.
Thank you for sticking by our side.
We are paying you back.
Hopefully.
Hopefully you like this.
Don't embarrass me.
I've got celebrity friends now.
Please don't embarrass me.
After this, back to Marco.
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