Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37
Uploaded: 2024-01-19T12:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-19. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 37

um hello and welcome to the adam friedland show podcast masterpiece theater
masterpiece theater
guys what does that mean in british masterpiece like big dick theater like huge
dick yeah well
it's the lord's piece yeah it's like the king's piece ah the master's piece
yeah the masterpiece
yes i have to get breakfast ready i'll be servicing the master's piece in the
bedroom
get his bowl of cream and uh and what are they barley his barley and barley and
cream he's eating
peat and mill and i will be servicing his pete his piece in the bedroom before
i address the master
before i put on his uh my uh my latest film i'm sure you remember is uh we did
master and commander
and uh my next film is uh it's called uh the master's piece and it's um it's
about um a man on a boat who
gets his penis sucked um is it like in the same universe as master and
commander or is it just
i'm trying to figure out a russell corral i thought that sounded pretty good it's
a little bit more
australian i guess in an interview but the tone is good the tone is there he's
not he barely sounds
australian i don't i guess i don't really know what he sounds like in
interviews like uh i just
know that he's he likes to rock he has like a band called like the sharks or
something yeah they're
called the shots the shots yeah yeah in australia uh shouting is a sign of
respect yeah when you meet a
new person you cry yeah yeah it's it's actually insulting if someone doesn't
yeah it's nice
because there's a smell aspect and an audio aspect to it so that's that's how
you know it's a you know
it's go time guys it's late night it's late night um i'm gonna go to tampa florida
in the morning it'll be
tampa florida all this weekend this episode should be up tonight the 19th and
the 20th 19th and 20th
tampa florida please come and see me i'm gonna go with caleb pitts uh on friday
maybe saturday uh
scumbag vinnie will be doing a guest set the club was not too enthused about my
announcement that
scumbag vinnie will be on the show i gotta find i gotta find an opener because
you and caleb go out and do
stuff and have fun yeah yeah we we have a good dynamic my problem is like of a
hang i'm not like
yeah i'm not fun like i would bring racine with me and me and racine get along
but like we're just
both retarded people right so like we're seeing to be like you know like i
literally we would just go to
dick's sporting goods or cabela's yeah we will caleb i think a lot of going on
the road is going to a mall
i do that yeah i go to malls a lot yeah caleb and i will go to a mall and i
should and i'll be like
should i buy tim's yeah should i go to lids yeah fucking buy tim he'll be like
you got to girl yeah
girl you have to you know yeah um yeah it's you got to go with a friend
otherwise you want to kill
yourself right much that's the deal but the thing is i'm just not like i guess
my friends outside of
like the guys i'm friends with we don't do anything yeah what you i mean you're
not an activity not
really fun like outside my real life i'm like oh there's a train museum we
should find another guy
like that that's what mike racine is yeah but i imagine if you meet another
like person like you in
the wild you guys hate each other maybe we can go to like the uh the bakery at
wagman's
that's that those are his suggestions yeah yeah we'll do stuff like that and
then yeah i'd be like
yeah these are pretty good you have a pretty good yeah yeah these are pretty
good they're like not like
real pralines but they're good uh-huh caleb and i will typically go around the
city they'll be like oh
what if then we'll look on zillow and we and we'd be like what if we left our
girlfriend his wife now
and then became a gay couple and then moved to raleigh north carolina or
something we'll
talk a little bit about it about like you know our day-to-day as the gay couple
like in a cute
little house in raleigh you guys are all fun in tampa tampa's that club's out
in the middle of nowhere
but it's outside the city right ybor city they got wild chickens all over the
place in the club no
just on the street there's just roosters all over the place is that real yeah
and like the way we
have pigeons they have like chickens like mexico style yeah that's pretty cool
it's all it's cubans
down there so i guess they brought the i thought cubans were miami i thought
tampa were good old boys no
no they also went to tampa really yeah there's a lot of cubans there and uh big
big cigar industry
oh my god that's what he bore i guess was initially um and i enjoyed a cigar no
i like pipe tobacco i will
be in columbus ohio at the funny bone on february the middle go to mall.dog and
then you click on shows
mall.dog that's my website go to shows and that's my schedule but columbus that's
the next one that's
less than a month away did funny moms managed to stay on stage for 15 minutes
you had a great set it's
okay i gotta figure out i'm just gonna i'm gonna really open up the
possibilities wide it's like
let's not think about jokes let's think about how to have a good time right for
45 minutes yeah kind
of a maybe like a multimedia aspect to it i'm considering that yeah nick has
been pitching
me ideas for his new stage act and it sounds like folks i'm not exaggerating an
extravaganza i i will say
i kind of want to do an extravagant you should do an extra i really hate stand-up
comedy but the
idea of being an extravagant oh my god yeah yeah we limit ourselves if i made
up all i have to do is
be on stage for an hour if i made up a different maybe i could just create a
new medium like a new
thing an extravaganza yeah yeah and what would it like uh entail well i would
imagine what i was
thinking and i want to ruin it but um i get the dimensions of the showroom
beforehand okay and i
have a giant tube and then i so there's 300 people in the audience and i start
back left corner audience
and i whisper the first joke into the ear of the woman in the first seat
hopefully and then i and then
i go to the next person and it takes me a full hour and by the end i've whispered
one joke the same
joke into each person's yeah and then i say thank you yeah that's pretty good
you got a personal
experience yeah it's kind of like uh like um you know how like uh on the
internet sell like chatting
yeah you like like beating off on cam you mean uh-huh maybe i'll just do stand
up but with uh one of
those like uh those those kind of dildos that vibrate if you send coins insert
it into me
and then at every at the tape everybody's table there'll be you'll have the
option of of vibrating
yeah right a dildo and yeah that can be found into my urethra so you make more
money on top of
whatever you're making for the from the ticket sales right right maybe i'll try
that yeah that'd be a fun
thing you can make hundreds i think it's not a bad idea yeah yeah i uh that's
when i think or a
gallagher thing but sharding instead of smashing fruit yeah i think the
splashing part is what's
popular about gallagher it's not about the watermelon it could be poo yeah yeah
i guess i don't i thought
for extravaganza it sounds a little bit more like i don't know like you tell a
story and you're like
there's a piano playing you know the introduction to a song and you're like
yeah last time i performed
this was at the starlight lounge in reno nevada and you know i met a woman
there and she stole all my
money and uh and then you sing you know your song it's kind of like that kind
of thing like tony bennett
yeah kind of a tony bennett yeah yeah and you can make your songs i don't know
you don't even have
to sing your own songs you can do an evening of covers you know i don't know i
think that's kind
of a good idea i don't know i'm spitball i don't know there could be like
another aspect to it where
it's um people just get to come up and and kick you in the balls no i'll never
do something like that
i'll never humiliate myself in such a regard no but that's like a sharding
though and the dildo my ass
i think i could do the vibrating and sharding that's not about it yeah that's
not about it uh-huh
um did you have fun day today i put you know what i do is i can put i could do
is the show is i could
put a dildo in my ass and i try to it out without a turd also coming out uh-huh
and if the turd comes out
i lose and the audience wins and what they get their money back or something uh
double their money
double yeah that's a pretty good idea yeah yeah the club doesn't know this is
happening but yeah
that's the plan there has to be a way to exploit them from even more money you
know beyond their ticket
prices i don't know maybe like uh you could have them like you know like when
people do live streaming
you have to say something if they like tip more then you have to like do a
shout out or something
so you can just they can like uh i guess is that how that works what is that
how that works live
streaming would you did hassan's stream recently he makes money for if he does
ad breaks and if you
pay the five dollars you don't have to watch the ad break oh okay yeah what do
you mean you pay five
dollars and you can turn your computer off for five minutes no he keeps talking
he turns on the ad
break keeps talking and uh if you want to see him keep talking i guess he's
always saying secret
things during the commercial break yeah to his secret friends and there are 75
000 people watching
and the chat is like the code in the matrix it's insane um and he's he's i i
couldn't really get over
what it was that he was doing and that he does every single day of his life
yeah and i feel like
i didn't want to make him feel bad but i was like this doesn't seem like a
healthy way
again he's very wealthy but i was like yeah he was telling me i was like what
happens if you like
have diarrhea or something yeah and they get mad at him yeah they time him go
to the bathroom and stuff
they have spreadsheets of how long it takes him to piss yeah it's kind of the
stanford prison experiment
but you get millions of dollars for it that's what the my show is the stanford
prison experiment that's
not a bad idea yeah yeah we can do that i think the audience is that there's
there's a button on your
table and if you do it uh if you press it a toy will a sex toy will vibrate my
ass and i'll start uh
punching this woman violently she'll be chained up to a pole in front of me and
when the dildo starts
going i just start punching violently is she just a random audience member your
assistant club i imagine
will provide her yeah yeah one of the wait staff yeah and um and so it's not
even on me yeah you know it's
them yeah yeah the club yeah it's on the audience right you are but a you're a
vessel a vessel yeah a
vessel of fist that was the stanford prison experiment wasn't it i think it was
just they put put kids in
a class psychology class like it's funny because it's been referenced so much
because you learn what it is
and i forgot what it is i don't remember what it is yeah it's just a thing
people say i think they just
like say incarcerated a bunch of kids in a class it's about and torturing
people right they started
going nuts yeah and then there's a similar uh example that happened at harvard
and there was a
kid who like had a nervous breakdown and it was ted kaczynski oh yeah i
yeah what were you saying earlier about me about the way i look i don't
remember this is good or bad it
was really nice oh boy well it's been a big it's been a big week in terms of uh
news yeah huge i feel
like something happened somebody went on a knife rampage and uh let's good let's
just look let's
go to the let's see what new york post yeah yeah yeah sure sure um yeah let's
check the
new york post let's see teacher beaten unconscious by 270 pound student over nintendo
switch
she tells the post that he spat in her face and called her a whore
she looks like a bitch yeah we got good stuff in the new york post today i
still feel it she says
270 pound and look just the the the alpha blurred oh my god the alpha 