Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 40 / The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 3
Uploaded: 2024-02-06T18:52:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 40 / The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 3' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 40 / The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 3' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-06. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Episode 40 / The Jordan Jensen Show Podcast - Episode 3

uh hello and welcome to the adam friedland show podcast okay bad news guys nick
uh some some
there's hey that's how you tell them okay bad news guys okay guys nick okay
there were stitches
and then dead skin was grafted to those stitches and then secured by clay to
nick's mouth today he
went to the periodontist and was informed that it's going to be another six
days of recovery
what's a periodontist uh it's like a they dig for dinosaur bones oh yeah yeah
yeah it would be
awesome if he just came back and just had the hardest double d's just like if
he just had that
jaw if he had the big chad jaw he just had just a rock a rock crusher well he
always talked about
getting fucking antlers that was like the plastic surgery he wants he's he
wants antlers that's kind
of alt that's kind of cute that's kind of a little twin rise it's tweed it is
very it is very wes anderson
yeah if you said that to him he would uh break you'd see it you see the brain
break yeah um so guys uh
it's gonna be a girl podcast you're gonna see two bitches talking about cock
periods lesbians lesb
lisbeth lisbeth and the big bitch yeah yeah lisbeth and the bitch we have fan
favorite jordan jensen
i want to know if people like me or mike racine and ian better you great mike
racine i got into a big
old fight with racine about israel palestine big old oh i heard about this
really why why do you care
because it's annoying because on the podcast we will will like start why does
he care that's the
question why does anyone care other than jews or air muslims like if anyone's
too into it nobody
should care nobody should make their first of all it's a fucking tragedy no don't
care about it
you can't care you can't really care if you're this is like when people are
like i believe in god i'm
like but if you're a dicks and farks joke guy and then this becomes your banner
like the the flag that
the tattered flag that you're waving it's like what what is what why it's just
that's how the internet
is designed for autistic people everyone has to make a statement it just pulls
you down these epic
rabbit it's like the second you start being like is the world flat the the the
internet will make you
into somebody who's like i've never i can't even see around things anymore i
don't care anymore
yeah people are pathetic i know can you think about it okay i don't want to
offend anyone listening
to this right now and probably i will a lot of them can you imagine being
online and making
okay i was about to make a great point sorry let's take that again can you
imagine being online
you queef right just one of those is that what your pussy yeah it does it
sounds like a barking
parent okay we'll get back to that we'll get back to that girl i um okay you're
a barking parent
yeah you know how when your parents get in here your mom's a lesbian so she woofs
at you
yeah have you seen that movie the kids are all right yeah oh my god it's a good
movie two mothers
two mothers imagine they were both jewish oh i have three oh you have three no
jews thank god no thank
italians which is a little jewish i was thinking about this jewish italian greek
same dominated by the
mother greek is arab no i don't think so no they're all a little racist greeks
okay but italian and greek
are dumb you can't put them in the same category because jewish people are i'll
say this yeah
jews are closer to italians than irish right of course so those are like all my
friends not on
purpose are either jewish or catholic and it's not like i'm choosing it that
way there are a couple
muslims but that's jewish let's be honest yeah um i'm not choosing it that way
but like a proper white
like a midwestern protestant are the kind of people that are like you open a
door and they say thank
you but you're like i can see in your eyes that it's not thank you it's not you're
just saying it
no like what's like you hate you have darkness inside of you so much darkness
yeah perversion perversion
they're like this all the time as soon as they're alone they're perverted yeah
no i thought we were
perverted jews pedophiles jews well same thing um jews and uh papists like we
have like a kind of like
papers you don't know anything i forgot you're retarded jews and catholics like
we're told that
we're bad people our whole lives yeah we're like you suck and you should feel
terrible about it right
and that's like the commonality there i think that catholics are more similar
or jews are more similar
to italian catholics than irish catholics agreed and to some extent italian
catholics are more similar
to us than the irish italian catholics are screaming at each other all the time
they're very vocal yeah
they're very flamboyant i love my mother my mom and irish catholics are like
could you could somebody
best me push it down and then uh cancer 35 booze booze cancer yeah the one part
of the lazy boy that the
dad's always on right there where the pinky part is is just torn to bits from
him just yeah just just
accepting yeah and then push push push yeah and then dead yeah i've exclusively
dated irish catholic
people do they hit you when i'm lucky when i'm lucky yeah i had a lutheran guy
that he was not in
like a sex like no no no no no no no just in a relationship fight fight one i
got a black eye from
one of the irish really and i got choked and tossed that was hot but it wasn't
sexual i would never
cross that threshold it does this is why we'll never have sex i thank you
okay anyway i i don't want to hit a woman it feels terrible i'm in love with my
mother
right late mother but you don't have the rage thing you don't know but i feel
like
if my if i if i were that man my girlfriend would potentially respect me more
yeah you should
but it feels horrible when they cry you could be winning the fight and then
they cry and it's just
like you're cheating right now yeah because i'm winning and you you've just you've
like uh it's a cheat
code do you go faster to yelling or crying i cry something yeah no yell i yell
at her yeah
i'm italian i'm very emotional i'm okay regardless regardless what were we
saying before this about
the italians and the i was about greek jewish italian are before that i was
about to make a fantastic point
the point what you were gonna make is irish catholics no before
the point you were gonna make is that it doesn't matter greek where do we put
that in line here
did they stuff it down they don't stuff it down no they let it out they're loud
like italians i went i
texted stop about this i went to the adl um anti-semitism index when i was in greece
this summer
68 percent anti-semitic wow in greece when i was there i like looked it up
first of all like that's
not an objective uh source but they're anti everything they're anti anything
that isn't greek
there was a gay guy that worked at our hotel like he was the bartender we
became friends with him me
and my girlfriend and he was like um they're intensely homophobic um but they
all go to the
park and have anonymous gay sex yeah they're all gay i mean it's the country
that invented butt sex
right right with all the little guys with kids with children right i forgot
about that but even just
their wall drawings is them kids in the butt that's their graffiti wall drawing
yeah look
up pathetic ancient graffiti it's dicks going right into it it's really
pathetic that they were popping
like two thousand three thousand years ago and they've done they haven't done
since then yeah the
egyptians are like that too they were like amazing they built pyramids and then
what's been going on
since then there was a library fire and then they were that was it that was
like oh the library's on
fire okay i guess we're gonna stop trying you don't meet many egyptians have
they been watered down have
they been diluted you meet egyptians you do i don't they're cool but i don't go
near around i don't
really horny i don't fraternize they're horny are they oh you're right you're
right you're right yeah
they're chill same with israeli is israelites israel guys they are not the same
i i don't feel a
kinship with them not at all they're not funny they're not funny they're very
scary they love
yeah and bad real estate bad real estate buy a beautiful pre-war building and
make it look like
shit they're horny i just got a an apartment i was like talking to this guy and
i was like oh yeah i'm
a comedian and he was like who are you and then the entire text exchange has
been him showing me
apartment being like this is the bedroom you could hear like but yeah yeah yeah
have you ever watched
that kind of porn real estate porn no don't open my mind to news i can't my
porn problem is that what's
your problem well now i'm looking at it like an autistic person on wikipedia
like i'm just following
a whole like i'll i'll meet a porn careers yeah like i'll see it used to be
like that really yeah i'd fall in
love i'm not falling in love i'm like curious about it i want to know that what
i want to know what the
i never watch the stories but then i'll go to that woman's stories i'll go to
that woman's thing girls
are so stupid you get invested in the story i don't get invested in stories
porn's actually rough for me
because i actually come too fast with it because i've been using my brain for
so long so then i see it
and i'm like oh this is so i mean it makes sense why you why men are so horny
if that's what you've had
access to forever porn why girls could watch it yeah but we don't because it's
very you know when
you get when you smoke weed and watch a movie that's what it looks like for us
you know when
you watch a movie when you're too high and you're like i can see all the acting
and it's so cringe
that's what porn is to women it's just like so how do you get off to that
because once you start once
you just fast forward to the part where some guy is just eating a girl out you're
like oh i don't even
have to conjure this then you're that's what's sexy to you is the eating it's
just like a fast go to
you're just like it doesn't work anymore i mean when a guy eats you out when a
guy eats me out no uh
i tried watching porn recently because i have like a girlfriend so it's a porn
star and she's a porn
yeah um and so i haven't had sex in
five months you're married
five months is a while five months yeah that's the longest it's so easy for a
girl no i know i just
have no interest i just had i just had the possibility the other day it just is
like i'm
i don't want to do it why do you love it if you don't love it's really gross
and you know when you
see like two homeless people on the train and they're just like that's romantic
and you're like
that's what that's all i want that's all that's all i'm looking for that's all
i want but it is true
like everybody's doing it dude i was in wherever i was in diego the most
disgusting city in the entire
world sexy city and i had my little dog i have a little a little dog now and
this little dog no not
look your dog is sick by the way oh a chihuahua no she's a chihuahua healer but
she was just sitting
and then we i looked over and she was like looking like this and i look over
and there's a pit bull
that's sitting facing us and he's like and he has the cropped ears and he had a
dad's dick like a
like your dad shower dick coming out and this giant head of it and then the and
then as he
looked at my dog this the red tip came out of the dad dick and i was like i
just and you watched them
have sex no i didn't let her near him but it just was like yeah that's that's
what sex is to me it's
just like a guy being like sex to you is having sex with a dog yeah yeah yeah
yeah just maybe that's
because of the irish catholic thing well for me i tried porn recently and it
just why where were
you on the road why my i was on the road yeah and you got into it you were no
it didn't work anymore
but why'd you even open it up why not just because i wanted to give it a shot
yeah everybody just says my girlfriend and we just have sex i'm against can i
talk about this on