Name: NORMAN FINKELSTEIN | Judaism, Bernie Sanders
Uploaded: 2024-02-16T22:30:05.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NORMAN FINKELSTEIN | Judaism, Bernie Sanders' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'NORMAN FINKELSTEIN | Judaism, Bernie Sanders' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-16. Transcript available.

NORMAN FINKELSTEIN | Judaism, Bernie Sanders

Thank you guys, every week you come back, I can't believe it.
Well folks, it's time to celebrate.
It's Independence Day, alright, alright, no, it's not the 4th of July, it's a
different
but equally patriotic and historic type of Independence Day, for today, we're
not celebrating
our independence from Britain, which, to be quite clear, was probably a mistake
when you
consider how much better off America would be if we just toughed it out with
the whole
royalty thing.
Sure, we wouldn't have had African-American vernacular English, but we'd have
universal
healthcare and guns would be illegal.
Literally the only downside would be our proximity to the fascist transphobe, J.K.
Rowling.
No, today we celebrate a different independence for America.
For today is the day before, the day before, that Donald Trump will finally be
arrested.
Okay, okay, alright, alright, alright, it's gonna happen any minute now, or so
I've been
led to believe by foul-mouthed Democrat surrogates on Twitter.
I know many of you were thinking, "Didn't we already hear this?
Weren't we promised an arrest by Mueller?
And what about the documents at Mar-a-Lago?"
As much as I hate to admit, those turned out to be nothing burgers.
"What's a nothing burger?" you ask.
Well, it's like an impossible burger, but instead of being made out of Bill
Gates' lab-engineered
cancer meat filled with the vaccines, it's made out of the wine sweat dabbed
off of JoJo
from Jersey's cold gray labia during one of her menopausal rants.
But this time, we've got him.
For real.
Yes, Donald Trump is finally going to jail for the crime for fucking transphobe.
All right, let's hear it, all right, hold on a minute, wait a second.
That's what this is about?
Am I reading that right?
Donald Trump is going to jail for getting too much pussy?
And this is supposed to hurt him?
Folks, this is terrible, terrible news.
Look, I may be a radical left-centralist, but I'm not a moron.
I maybe go to the bathroom in my pants, but I wasn't born yesterday, despite my
baby penis.
I know that no matter what Donald Trump is arrested for, it'll make him a
martyr for his base.
He won't lose any votes, and most liberals know this also.
We're not looking to hurt his chances in 2024 by sending him to jail.
We just want to see him suffer at the hands of the justice system that we will
do everything
in our power to tear down and rebuild just as soon as we're done using it to
put Donald
Trump in jail.
So when we close our eyes and imagine Donald Trump going to prison, we don't
imagine him
sitting in a cell, missing his cell phone, and thinking about what he's done.
No.
Of course not.
Let's be honest.
We imagine him being turned into someone's wife, bent over and sodomized,
turned out
and abused, begging for mercy until his spirit is broken and he's reborn as a
feminized sex
slave who answers to whichever man currently owns him.
That is what he deserves for January 6th.
That is what he deserves for leaving poopoo on Nancy Pelosi's MacBook.
And I've never been to prison, despite how often I fantasize about it.
So I can't call myself an expert.
But I do know one thing.
A guy that gets sent to jail for fucking a porn star will not be getting molested
in there.
And that's all I care, not for Donald Trump.
If we send him to prison for fucking Stormy Daniels, he will be treated like a
king in
there.
And we can't have that.
In fact, that kind of arrest would absolutely have an impact on the election
and not in the
way that we want.
Because let's be honest.
When we close our eyes and we imagine Trump holding onto someone's pocket,
being strolled
out into the yard like Vanna White giving out handies to the boys like she's
flipping vowels,
covered head to toe in semen.
It's not choir boys we imagine doing it.
No.
It's the sex beast that sits at the heart of the sadosexual liberal fantasy.
The criminal.
Both dream of saving, but also employing as a tormentor demon, set upon our
enemies like
some sort of giant dicked dragon.
And what if Donald Trump somehow wins those guys over on the inside?
Well I worry about what that would mean on the outside.
If somehow the minorities we haven't managed to arrest yet find out that Donald
Trump is
cool in there, we can kiss 2024 goodbye.
So as sad as I am to say it, I really think we're going to have to pass on this
arrest.
Because justice involves a lot more than courts.
It involves a lot more than charges and jail time.
If Donald Trump isn't going to be raped in prison, then it's a truly broken
system.
And I'm willing to wait for the one that actually works for the people.
Anyways, we got Norman Finkelstein this week.
You have one unheard message.
First unheard message sent yesterday at 7:15 PM.
Uh, David.
It's your boss, Adam.
I'm sorry I've left so many voicemails today.
I'm just a little bit in my feelings right now about this whole indictment
thing.
I want to do something for the show maybe to like express the hell that I've
been through.
Not just me but also black, different kinds of people in this country.
But, um, I don't know, I was just thinking like a pitch for the show is maybe
like we could
do like kind of for like a moment of levity, like just to kind of like decompress
from the
pain.
Um, I could like, and don't tell Nick, but cause he, maybe I could play a song,
I don't
know.
Maybe like help people heal a little bit, just like not comedy, but just like,
all right.
Well, I don't know, just let me know what you think, okay?
I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord.
I don't really care for music, dear.
It goes like this: the 4th, the 5th, the minor fall, the major land, the baffled
king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
The baffled king compo...
Oh, sorry.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Just ignore this message, please.
End of message.
To delete this message...
Message deleted.
The former literary editor of the New Republic, the best magazine in the world,
mind you, said of our next guest, he is a poison, he's a disgusting, self-hating
Jew, he is still a good man.
He is something you find under a rock.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome political scientist, Norman Finkelstein.
Thanks for coming on.
Thank you for having me.
It's going to be like the Algonquin round table.
Is that the sense you get from being here?
Um, I'm not sure.
I'm not...
I'm not accustomed to being around so many 30-year-olds at once.
My students are in their 20s, but I keep a very strict classroom, and I'm an
old-fashioned teacher.
You spank?
I don't spank, but I don't allow any electronic equipment in the class.
Uh, the class runs three hours.
There are no breaks.
And, uh, I take teaching seriously.
I take young people seriously.
I'm also quite stupid.
I'll tell you.
I doubt that.
No, I'm really dumb.
I would say that young people nowadays, their minds are still very...
They are nimble.
They are quick.
Um, but their written skills are dreadful.
And that's painful, you know, because, uh, when I assign papers, the prospect
of grading them,
I dread it because my whole mind twists into knots trying to figure out what
the students are saying.
A large number of students are coming to college.
Uh, almost literally, almost literally, not ever having read a book.
I've read.
As shocking as that may sound.
Yeah.
I taught up until 2007, and then when I was denied tenure, I was, because the
case was so high profile,
uh, I was effectively blacklisted for the next 15 years.
And this is, of course, a result of your public spat feud with Alan Dershowitz.
I would say that was an element.
A large part?
A component.
Well, I found out about you because of the debate between you and Dershowitz,
which is a pretty famous YouTube video.
It actually had two parts.
There was one formerly part of the show, and then there was a second part.
And I think both parts now were online.
Right.
But then, um, about five years ago, maybe a little more now,
uh, I, uh, met Professor Dershowitz in an Indian restaurant.
How was the food?
I forgot the food.
A little biryani?
No idea.
What was he eating?
No idea.
Probably something sick.
Something real gross.
I can't tell you.
And so he was sitting there with O.J. Simpson.
No.
And Jeffrey Epstein.
Yeah.
Have you ever said that to him?
Uh, actually, no.
Like, why are you on that plane, bro?
Um, I have, I, I can't say I know all the details now.
You saw his name on that list.
You were probably like, nice.
No.
What are you talking, come on, let's be real.
You saw that he went to a pedophile island.
You weren't like that.
I don't like to personalize this thing with Dershowitz.
Um, but.
But it is personal.
It was your career.
Um, I think there's a lot of this fake shock about him.
Because if you look at his actual career.
Yeah.
Okay.
There was this impresarial named Sal Hirok.
And Sal Hirok had cultural exchanges between the Soviet Union and the United
States.
The JDL, the Jewish Defense League, this right wing Jewish organization.
They planted the bomb in Sal Hirok's office.
Didn't kill Sal Hirok.
Hirok killed his secretary.
And Dershowitz was the lawyer for the three JDL members who killed the
secretary.
And he got them off.
Okay.
And he was very proud about that fact.
His next cases were mostly pornography cases.
Nice.
He was the lawyer for I Am Curious Yellow.
It was the first.
What is that?
It was the first foreign pornographic film from France.
What is the yellow about?
I don't remember.
Well, you can imagine.
No, actually I couldn't, but maybe not.
Was that a pee pee movie?
Well, yellow, if you haven't had a lot to drink.
Okay.
But he defended that?
Yes.
That's kind of cool.
When the star of Deep Throat said that she had been raped on the production by
Harry Reams.
Harry Reams was the star of Deep Throat.
Uh huh.
He was Harry Reams' lawyer.
Then he was O.J. Simpson's lawyer.
Hell of a running back.
Yeah.
RB1.
And then he was Mike Tyson's lawyer who was accused of rape.
You do see a pattern here.
Bad boys.
Everybody is so shocked about the Epstein episode.
But why?
Well, it's not fucking a kid to...
Excuse me?
Sorry.
Pardon me.
We'll run that again.
Well, it's not like a...
There's a principle in the American justice system.
I'm not defending Dershowitz that everyone's entitled to a really expensive
defense.
If it were one case or two cases, then you could say, okay, he's just acting in
conformity with
his profession, a lawyer supplying the best defense.
But when you see a pattern, then it seems to me it raises a separate issue.
Well, the pattern is he did a good job of getting bad boys out of trouble.
Allen Dershowitz defended Epstein the first time and got him effectively off.
He said, my only regret, my only regret is that he had to serve even one day in
jail.
How stoked were you when you saw his name on that list?
How what?
No.
You're a dignified man.
I'm not going to make you...
You're not a muckraker.
I'm not going to make you play in the mud.
He...
You don't have to say you're excited, but maybe just to pull an earlobe.
No, because frankly, if he's going to come down, I would rather have to have
come down on other
things personally.
Sure.
In my high school, three years ahead of me was Chuck Schumer, the current
majority leader.
And he was a dummy?
No.
Schumer was a brilliant guy.
Right.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no taking away that.
He's a cool guy.
No.
He's not a cool guy.
No.
He was a brilliant guy.
He's cousins with Amy Schumer.
You know that?
Yes.
Chuck Schumer went to my high school, Madison High School, and so did Bernie
Sanders.
They both came from lower middle class 