Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sam Tallent - Episode 42
Uploaded: 2024-02-21T22:20:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sam Tallent - Episode 42' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sam Tallent - Episode 42' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-21. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sam Tallent - Episode 42

Welcome to the Adam Freeland Show podcast. We've got a special guest today, Sam
Tallent,
all the way from southwestern Colorado. I wish, southeastern. The Kansas side.
Oh, the Kansas side. Oh, the shit side. Yeah, the high plains.
Is that the four corners? No, that's the other side. That's the Durango side.
That's the fun
side. The west. Yeah, yeah. Durango. So you're more of a midwestern Coloradan
than a rugged
western Coloradan. Colorado touches Kansas? Yeah, and Oklahoma. Really? Yeah. I
mean, I'm from like the
part of the state that everyone hates, that no one cares about because there's
no mountains and
there's just like copper wire theft. So it's a shit like a kind of opioid riddled.
Yeah, I wish it
was opioids. It's still meth somehow. Still meth. Yeah, yeah. A lot of light
bulbs stolen out of the
subway over there. Yeah. I mean, you have a subway? A sandwich place. Oh, the
sandwich. Does Colorado
have the place where you stand and you're in five states? Is that four? That's
the, yeah,
the four corners area. The four corners. Which is actually not correct. What?
If you go to four
corners, you're not standing in Utah. Why not? I don't want to break this news
here, but the people
have to know. Why not? Because it made more sense to like have the tourist trap
in this one location
as opposed to actually where they converged. Yeah, but brother, look at a map.
It's this. Don't talk to
me about it. So how is Utah not involved? Well, because you're not like
actually in Utah when
you're standing in the four corners. It's a little further up. Oh, they put the
X on the wrong
place. That's right. You're only standing in two states? It goes even deeper
than that.
Some say you're only standing in one, depending on what maps. Oh, okay. Oh, my
God. And the BLM is
all up in arms about it. And it is their fault? Mm-hmm. Because they say it
should be Africa.
Yeah, that's right. You should be standing in Africa. Yeah, you should be in Swaziland
right now.
Mm-hmm. It doesn't exist anymore. No, Lesotho doesn't exist anymore. You had a
hand in that,
right? Not my fault, but I was laughing. We cashed the checks. I was laughing.
Guys,
can I say what an exciting time this is for me to be here? Really? Long time
listener,
first time follower. New York City. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You are
now on the ashes.
Where did I see you? The finest podcast. Where was that? Detroit. Detroit. I
came and I opened for
you there. That was a nice evening. Mm-hmm. You had Jake with you. No, that was
a horrible weekend. I had a
nice time with you guys. Yeah. I was only there for the Thursday. Oh, yeah. No,
Late Show Saturday
was a fucking, like, there was people screaming and the club wouldn't. Oh, no.
The club wouldn't, like,
even talk to, like, people. Yeah. And then it was people up front yelling at
each other. They're
going to eat me alive. I'm going next month. The House of Comedy? Royal Oak.
Yeah, yeah. Really
nice to have you here, guys. This is the room. You want to, you want to plug
your special? It's a
phenomenal special. Thank you. The Toad's Morale, available on Shane and Matt's
YouTube page. And
that, it sounds kind of like a, like a fable. It sounds like one of those
African fables. It's an
Aesop situation. Like an Aesop. I'm the ancient turtle and the crowd rides on
my back. I saw some
review of, it's like one of those articles commenting on Shane hosting SNL. And
it was
a relatively neutral article, but they called their podcast Shane and Matt's
Secret. Yeah.
Which is like a Brokeback Mountain illusion. Yeah, yeah, right. The author's
popular podcast,
Shane and Matt's Secret. Yeah. Confirmed bachelors, Shane and Matt. Yeah, long-time
roommates, Shane and Matt, bring their ribble tile of comedy. I did it with Howie
Mandel
when I was in Austin last time. Matt and Shane? Yeah. Howie Mandel went on? Howie
Mandel
came on Shane's podcast. Is he actually bald or he shaves his head for like sanitary
reasons?
I think it's so he can't get the lice and stuff in there. Oh, okay. Yeah. And
he won't shake
your hand and stuff? He shook. He shook. He's coming around on it. But then he
threw up
afterwards? He did, yeah. Blood came out of his eyes. I'm going to find a way
to meet him and
just have doo-doo all over my everything. Just be covered in poop. Slime. Yeah.
Come on your sleeves. Like, yeah, I look like Slimer. Just sticky. I'm just
speaking in Chinese,
but like Sylvester the cat, just spitting all over. I just ate a pangarin. Just
spitting.
I was like, I've had one of those. Uh-huh. Yeah. I'm surprised he's not one of
those like
still things COVID's going on, guys. He was really cool. He just didn't know
that Matt or I existed.
So he was like, it's an honor to be on Shane's pod, big fan. Uh-huh. And Matt's
like right
there. And he's in the name. He's the first name in the podcast. Well, he can't
read.
We've had like celebrities who are here to do the interviews for this show.
Well, thank you.
I'm not a celebrity. But you're our favorite. Yeah, you're a big star. Big star.
Take up space.
Celebrities in here. They don't even know who Adam is. It's his show.
It's in the name. They're like, so what is this?
People think it's Comptown. Yeah. No, they don't. They don't even know what
that is.
Dave Portnoy thought he was coming to do Comptown when I had him on the show.
And he was shocked.
Did he have an Andre's Steakhouse shirt on? He thought Nick was going to be
there.
Yeah. I was wearing a suit. He's like, what the fuck is this? And I was like,
welcome to hell.
Yeah. The doors are locked, Dave. Buy your way out of this one. I'm gay.
Yeah. I don't know what to do in the city besides do these podcasts. It's nice.
It's nice to come in and have a giggle.
You could do a group on like a walking graffiti tour in Bushwick.
Yeah, you could do that. Yeah. I could lead one of those and be like, do you
think the blacks are crazy now?
You shouldn't see what they were doing in 87.
You should see what the new kind of blacks were doing.
There was a group of black teenagers at the West Nyack Mall. And we were
waiting at a Wetzel's Pretzels. And they cut in line in front of us. And they
had balaclavas on. And my feature was like, let's get out of here, man. There's
an Auntie Anne's upstairs. He like immediately wanted to bail.
Yeah, they're wearing full masks. Right. Yeah. That's not a race. At a certain
point, you've got to be like, okay, well.
A 15-year-old in a mask? Right. Exactly.
Despite any color of person. I don't care. I turn into a Gran Torino guy
immediately.
Yeah. You start picking your teeth with a knife.
Well, did you get that mask? I've seen huts burn.
Yeah.
Great weekend.
Well, we all wear masks.
We do, yeah. And it's our job here on this show to peel them aside.
You make that drive up there.
The palaces.
Towards the Tappan Zee.
I love it there.
And at nighttime, you come around the bend. Especially if there's a fog, that's
Stu Leonard's sun. It's red.
Oh.
And it's just terrifying.
It's really, really pretty up there.
Like, the way it's so vertical, like up from the river. The way it goes, like,
up the mountain. Those houses there, they have the most gorgeous views. I would
love to move up there.
You could, easily. You could live with Chris Rock and Bill Murray.
Yeah, and Scarlett Johansson.
The Hamburglar.
And the Weekend Update.
Colin Jost?
I call him Scarlett Johansson's boyfriend.
God.
Because I'm a feminist.
To live a day, it's his underwear, fellas.
Scarlett Johansson's handjob.
I would love him to just fart.
Colin Jost?
Oh my God.
He's Bowen Scojo.
Are they married?
I think they're married, yeah.
It's none of my business.
What's that marriage going to look like in 30 years?
She's like, what were you famous for again?
Right, yeah.
How did I end up, I'm Scarlett Johansson. How did I end up married to some guy
named Colin?
You're a showrunner now?
Yeah.
You were on what?
One time I was fucked up.
You were on SCTV?
Am I married to Joe Flaherty?
Yeah, what's happening?
For the kids in the hall?
Oh, dude, have you guys seen that documentary?
No.
The Karma Punks or whatever?
It's all about the kids in the hall and their early years up there.
It was real wild up there in Canada?
Well, I mean, no.
But they were like the punk rock guys because they wore wigs.
Everyone's like, it's a revelation!
Well, Monty Python did that.
Sure, they did.
And they walked hilariously.
Why?
Cat Williams was talking about how they want to put black guys in dresses, but
like, British
guys have been doing that in comedy for 60 years.
Yeah, to big success.
To big success.
I would try it, but I can't find a dress that'll fit.
Really?
It's, you know, Madea really owes it all to just guys that got diddled at Eaton.
Yeah, she erased our history.
She took it from us.
Yeah, my culture's not a costume.
I agree.
What's your culture?
Like, Welsh or some crap?
I'm a quarter Mexican.
I'm secretly a quarter Mexican.
You're Chicano?
Mm-hmm.
Mestizo.
Yeah.
No way.
My grandma's from the caves of northern New Mexico, and she's like from a long
line of
mule skinners.
The caves?
Yeah, yeah, up by Wagon Mound.
We're talking like Anastasia types, like ancient bloodlines.
You just use like 10 words, and I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah, I don't know.
Well, this is my culture.
Yeah.
Oh, you're an indigenous first person?
Yeah.
You are?
No, I'm a quarter Mexican, but then the rest of me is just like Scots-Irish.
Yeah, crap.
Real crap.
What do you mean?
Is that cave?
There's a cave system in northern New Mexico, and my grandma's, like the Escobels,
lived there,
and they didn't know they were in America until a census guy came and told them
in like
the 30s.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Mm-hmm.
Idiot.
Yeah.
I think they ate donkey meat.
Yeah.
Well, it's crazy.
There's all these parts of the country that didn't have like electricity until
like 1950.
Yeah.
They didn't have roads or anything.
Right.
There's no way in.
Philly.
Why would anyone go in?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Famously.
It was all gaslights until the 70s.
Yeah.
And they're eating crap.
That's right.
They didn't get human feces.
They still do it.
I know.
And it's fine.
It's disgusting.
It's their culture.
They're so rude also.
If you're eating crap, just don't be rude.
Yeah.
Shut your mouth so I don't have to see it.
Shut your mouth a little bit.
Yeah.
Chew with your mouth closed.
Stop saying E-A-G-L-E-S during my set at the Helium Comedy Club.
Did that happen?
They were yelling.
Yeah.
It was so scary.
It was terrifying.
I thought those animals were going to kill me.
Yeah.
Well, you're lucky because no one expects you to-
Is that that weekend?
Shane said good set to me afterwards.
I don't understand what you're talking about.
He told me probably-
Shane told me that there were these-
He was like, it was rough.
No, there were these Philly guys in the back that Shane was standing next to me.
He was like, they were like, what the fuck is this, Shane?
He told me that.
They didn't throw any batteries at you, so it's a win.
No, because it was the NFC Championship two days from then.
And they were already pre-gaming for it.
Yeah.
And they just started doing E-A-G-L-E-S.
And I'm like, so anyway, I'm a Jewish, and you know, it was scary.
You were stealing Alex Edelman's act.
I was doing Alex Edelman's full act.
You were doing Alex Edelman's act.
I was doing like, my-
They're like, well, they're like, hey, Adam, breathe them.
Maybe they'll like Alex Edelman.
Anti-Semitism.
I've suffered from it my entire life.
Yeah, it's cool that you have like a-
You're a white guy, but you have a whole cross to bear.
Much like another Jewish guy, Mr. Jesus Christ.
That fact that you have about, is that public information or no?
You have a fact about Jesus no one else knows?
Romance, TMZ, gossip, relationship.
Do a blind item.
That Adam's-
Yeah, do a blind item.
Can you allude to it?
No?
Dude, a certain comedian is dating.
A certain clown has been dipping his nose.
I'll say it, I'll say it.
Okay.
That's exactly how they do 