Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49
Uploaded: 2024-04-12T20:23:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-12. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brace Belden - Episode 49

a happy friday everyone and welcome to the adam friedland show podcast
uh today we're talking high value men we got a girl from uh only fans here you
want to introduce
yourself my name is brace one of the top prostitutes in america and it is a
pleasure to be here i've
known adam mostly through him paying to have sex with me and so it's it's it's
frankly i could see
you at work like this it's really something it's weird it's weird like running
into someone yeah
from work basically like because we don't really talk about what we do on the
weekends more of a
physical thing it's completely and adam gives himself i would kill myself you
know how some
people have sex with their friends yeah like guys are like do an mmf threesome
with their friends
yeah yeah a devil's three-way yeah yeah insane to me oh that's crazy i mean and
you know it's a
generational thing uh like like all the guys i know in their 20s because for
our we're around
the same age yeah we're in our 30s so in our generation we're like two chicks
at the same
time yeah that's the ultimate threesome is two girls yes yes from the the the
neighboring sorority
in the fraternity house bathroom they caught you uh peeping through a hole in
the locker room drag
you in and then they see you and they're like uh they put their cocks through
the oh they well
they put one nipple yeah it's kind of a porky situation but nowadays like all
my friends in
their 20s or they exclusively do the devil's three way which is weird i can
think of few things that i
would desire less than to hear like the the grunt of an orgasm not the grunt
what it what what
really would nauseate me the most is the slapping the balls slapping like let's
say we're doing the
classic eiffel tower right yeah yeah and she's she's good she's given you top
class dome so i'm
getting you're getting oral sex you're getting oral sex and then i'm yes okay
so like and then i'm
behind uh doing doggy fashion with the girl yeah yeah yeah he's slapping of my
testicles against her
but we're just face to face yes but okay but but as we know the rules are and
we would stipulate the
rules beforehand that it's gay right if we make eye contact right so every guy
knows that okay just we
we avert our eyes this is heterosexual unless there is any type of eye contact
between the two of us i
just i feel like i'd be fine avoiding your eyes but hearing the balls slapping
in a doggy style
situation would be truly revolting to me i would just i would feel like i'd
have to immediately look at the
hard penis of of you yeah of course because i'd be like what am i and how could
you not do that
exactly right so at that point the first that's the first thing i'd be curious
if i found out that
your dick was twice the size of mine it's and then i proceeded i would kill
myself if i if you if you
and i were having sex with some some bimbo yeah yeah and you know we're in the
we're in the penthouse
really she's smart though she's she's smart and she's funny and she's funny she's
so funny that's
why she's doing this with us it's hilarious she's a consultant and a project
manager yeah yeah she's
got a real job for the yeah yeah for the government or the or the yeah the
economy some some shit like
that but the first thing that i would do is we're in this penthouse i would
have to look at your
fucking cock we're in miami oh my god you see there's a balcony you know those
those miami
apartments they all have those balconies yeah yeah yeah if your dick was twice
the size i would jump
easy easy or i'd push you you push me if your penis was larger than mine i
might attack you if your dick
was twice the size i would dangle you by the ankle shook knight saw but it's
almost gayer to if we have
the same size cock to feel good about that if we have the same size cock that
is that is homosexual
do you think we do probably personality wise we probably do yeah yeah that is a
big judgment
yeah like not a judgment like that's a big fact we act the way we do because of
the size
because it's it's it's like pretty small but the personality gets you can kind
of i would not have
any semblance of a personality if my penis was uh like even a quarter inch
bigger oh my god if i could
just if i was i would be one of those guys who'd walk i'd be a flasher yes i
would no no i wouldn't
even be a flasher i wouldn't get out of bed no i would just look at it all day
long i'd be like oh
my god and i'd be like god's country genuinely if i had a giant penis i'd
probably be gay of course
right is that maybe why people do that i can only fuck women because i have a
tiny dick because they
don't know if i was above 160 pounds i would be a homosexual really because
that's my weight class
wait wait i can only go to combat with a woman oh i see what you're saying if
we're thinking
this is mma context when i was in australia on tour with nick and stav there
was uh they went to go
get food and i was like i had jet lag so i like went to i was like i'm just
gonna sleep and then there
was a fire alarm and i see these two like it's it's a country of bros yeah like
sydney so i see
these two bros like uh we're like an apartment building like a fucking pimp
like loft the people
who booked our tour we made zero money on the tour because they spent all on
that they kept putting
us in like wall street money never sleeps uh uh apartments uh oh by the way pete
let me know at
15 okay and so they're these they're these two just fucking like they had to be
like six six
240 just like the perfect male physique and like bros yeah absolute bros just
like dress like fucking
bros yeah and they like obviously they had to leave their apartment because of
a fire alarm i had to leave
the apartment because of a fire alarm i'm sitting outside i'm like jet lagged
as shit and i see
these guys i'm like these guys are fucking like these guys are like rugby
player bros yeah and then
i see one of them has this like tiny chihuahua and he's like oh my god how long
is this gonna last
and i was like oh they're oh they're gay they're gay but then i realized kind
of like immediately i was
like the first of all the sex that those guys are having with each other the
the athleticism the
tenacity it's just a different it's a it's a completely different experience
those guys are
going for 11 hours a day and it they're doing they're doing like the most
artistic yeah they're
like doing they're doing i mean they're they're bending in shapes that you and
i couldn't even
comprehend it is there's an athleticism and a tenacity on display like they are
they're in peak
athletic form but like they wouldn't have the option of having sex with 120
pound woman
like they would kill they would kill her yeah yeah they would they would kill
like literally
they because of evolution they only have one option that's to be gay it's to be
gay with each other
like warriors are often homosexual yeah that's why spartans are doing it that's
why it's because
they can't they can't they understand that like they're now in a just a
different class of like
fucking actually i got into an argument the other day with a friend right it
was like 10 p.m on a
wednesday and you're like we should have this and we're like you know we're
ready best friends why
don't we just yeah let's just do it my friend's dad said that to him he was
like uh he's like you
ever fuck a guy like recently oh interesting and he's like no and his dad was
like what
and like he thought his son was gay or is that he himself had no he's like he's
like did you and
he's like oh yeah have you ever no would you no but like what circuit there is
a circumstance in which
you would i don't think so what if a guy i'm too much of a coward i yeah to be
honest it's because
here's the thing i'm too scared we would both probably both gay guy yeah oh i'm
gay we're gay
guys in a in a contest to see who's the most gay guy we are low value gay guy i'm
one of the most
low value low value in existence but yeah but i feel like i would like if i i
was having sex with a guy
be like this is gay yeah be like this but i don't think gay guys think that no
i think they're like
this is sex yeah they're like i'm fucking i'm uh uh you know i'm like uh maximus
so much fun man
well i don't even know dude it's all guys it's like oh guys when we what heterosexual
sex has an
evolutionary aspect to it right like so even if you're wearing a condom or
pulling out your boner is
trained to do that because of like to you want to it is procreative yeah yeah
because god wants us to
to have kids yeah but like if like homosexual sex is the purest form of sex
because it is purest
it's for sport we're just rocking it it is it is the only it is the purest
record we're not actually
having recreational sex with women no i'm certainly not i'm not having it's not
recreational it's never
been fun i'm crying i say i love you i'm sorry i kiss i say i love you i
apologize yeah no do you do
that too were you apologize or kiss i i bust i'm like i'm sorry i'm sorry no i'm
always like did you
like it what did you think i always i so what i do is is this how was it how
was it i finish i kind of
curl up on the side of the bed like this and i say well what did you think yeah
yeah i put my legs
like this what do you i do this and i'm like i can't you're fucking beautiful
do you do the thing
where you kiss a girl you're like what are we even doing yeah yeah or in the
morning you're like
across from a girl and you're just like sorry she's asleep and you're like
looking at her she kind of
like opens her eyes slowly like sorry do you do a thing where you kiss a girl
and then you say
i feel like i'm taking crazy pills no i i kiss a girl and i'm like i feel like
you're taking crazy
pills oh no because what are you seeing yeah what do you see what are you
seeing me have another drink
but what do you see in me yeah yeah yeah what do you see have another pill yeah
no no well this is
crazy you mentioned this because prior to starting recording oj the oj news it
rocked our world but it
also it got adam talking about cosby and thank god this was not i don't want
that on the record no
but oj we talked to your father prior to this we talked to my dad my dad my dad
actually thought
oj simpson was innocent during the trial yeah and it's not a joke he was like
adamant that oj simpson
was innocent he thought the same way that mark firman um planted evidence and
tried to destroy a black
man that that people had had done similar things to him um perhaps you know you
know i think that's
what i think he projected he sees himself on oj simpson i think he projected
you know this he ran
two thousand yards a season my dad um you know it's also probably ran in his
life yeah he's run
yeah he ran from africa once once a bond foot yeah yeah once once things
changed um wait no then come
on he ran as fast as he could so i i called my dad and was like i was wondering
if he still thought oj
was innocent yeah and his excuse was like can we just let this go can society
just yeah just let it go
dead can stop people stop talking about this and i thought it was kind of like
a actual it was pretty
noble of my dad yeah i i was very it was a sweet tender conversation he said i
i he's a very sweet
man but however at one point he did say it was probably the sun and then at the
end he's like
well when you asked if they're in heaven together he was like well he did kill
her
uh and that's the thing is like uh-huh i never understood this if she's in
heaven which is paradise
yeah then it's okay for him to have killed her because he hastened her journey
to the forever
thereafter right like that's what i don't understand if heaven rocks which it
probably has to bro
right yeah yeah if heaven's good then what's wrong with killing your like saintly
wife who goes to
heaven well the worst i don't know about that but i do know that if i was in
love with a woman
right if let's say i'm in love with my wife and then she tragically dies yeah
and i live like for 30
years after her