Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61
Uploaded: 2024-07-06T23:30:09.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-06. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Sean Patton & Ryan Donahue - Episode 61

*Dramatic music*
Um, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show podcast. We got a special guest. You
guys want to introduce yourselves?
That's Sean Patton.
That's not introducing yourself.
That's up front. And that's Ryan Donaghan.
Wow, that's kind of your shtick. It's kind of an Abaddon Costello kind of...
Yep. Yeah, we pointed each other and said...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep, that was cute.
Yeah, yeah. So you guys, they're coming on the podcast to promote their new
podcast.
And then I was like, what's it called? They're like, I don't know.
I don't know. Yeah, we don't know what it is.
We don't have a name yet. Do you have microphones?
Yeah, we've got all the stuff. We got a studio.
It looks sexy.
Microphones. We got a camera.
We got a Chad.
You guys are getting into podcasting.
This is the right time.
Absolutely.
We felt now was the time to push all the chips in.
Either you could...
Like you're early right now.
It seems that way.
You guys are early to the party.
I just didn't want to be the last human being on Earth without a podcast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think I'm close. I'm close to it.
But for me, I believe in an eye of a storm.
Yeah.
And I think that's what we're in right now.
It's about to pick back up.
The eye of what's...
Yeah, what's the podcast storm?
The podcast profit storm.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
No, I think this is like podcast...
I think this is the wave of the future, really.
And I think like you guys are getting in.
Yeah.
It's like you bought Apple stock in 1996, you know?
As a man who lost $10,000 in Bitcoin, I think I'm doing exactly the right thing.
I didn't know...
Wait.
I probably would have not have agreed to do a podcast with you if you told me
that.
Really?
Why?
Everyone did.
Everyone did?
Yeah.
I did not.
I didn't...
You didn't?
What'd you lose money on?
Uh, fucking iced coffee, bro.
I have...
It is crazy.
I have not...
Seven dollars for this shit.
What this?
The iced coffee.
Yeah.
Yeah, so who's making bad investments when you think about it, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All I'm saying is I feel like we're about five years away from podcasts being
mandatory
by law.
Mm.
Like you have to have a podcast.
Please.
If you don't have a podcast, are you even a human?
Please.
General...
Huh?
Generalissimo Emperor Trump, please.
Make everyone.
Everyone has to have a podcast.
Honestly, if he started one, it would be over.
No one would listen to any other podcasts other than that.
Who, General?
Trump.
If Trump had a podcast, it'd be incredible.
How is that actually not a thing yet?
He hasn't found out about it yet.
He just doesn't...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He thinks it's all a lie.
It hasn't hit 70-year-olds.
It's just hitting like 50 and 60 and it's gonna go.
He's 70?
Aren't they 80?
Yeah, they're pushing 80.
Oh.
They're both...
It's funny whenever people...
What is time?
That's a good question.
All the insults Trump people launch at Biden, it's like, you know your boy's
right fucking
there, right?
Yeah, but like...
He's like six months from the same shit.
I will say he carries it better.
He's not doing it like that.
He's more capable of rational thought.
He's not doing it like Biden's doing it.
What?
What are you talking about?
Being old.
You know, I don't...
Trump doesn't strike me as young and virile.
Virile.
Is that the word?
Virile?
Virile?
Virile?
Virile?
The man is viral.
He's very viral.
We can't deny that.
We can agree to viral.
No, I mean...
I think...
I mean...
In comparison, he sounds amazing.
Yeah, I think Biden just sounds old and just sounds old.
Dead.
You know, but Trump sounds crazy.
It sounds like old.
It sounds like dementia rattled.
If you close your eyes during that debate, what I would imagine is two
gentlemen wearing
a barrel with suspenders.
Yeah, yeah.
That are talking to...
About who's gonna go first down the waterfall?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why was that a thing back in the day?
Why not?
It doesn't seem like a good idea.
It was like doing...
You're not gonna survive Niagara Falls.
It was like doing cocaine during the pandemic.
There was no hope.
There was no hope.
There's nothing else to do.
Yeah.
It's the dust bowl.
Go down in a barrel if you come out.
If you...
Become president.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You're a sharecropper.
Everything is dust.
I'm gonna go up to Niagara and get me a barrel.
Old Niagara.
I'm gonna go up to old Niagara.
Old Niagara.
Yeah.
And get me a barrel.
Yep.
And then what happens?
After that you get a medal?
I think you get a lot of pussy.
The president shakes your hand?
I feel like that's a...
If you go...
If you survive any like death-defying stunt, you're guaranteed at least one
round.
Really?
Of...
Of a hoop skirt lady?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
A little Bo Peep looking ass bitch?
There's just...
Yeah.
I feel like, I mean, it probably wasn't called a waterfall until the first time
a guy
fell down in a barrel.
Really?
It was probably called like a water.
A river.
Mmm.
It was called a dead river.
I think...
That's where the river dies.
This is what TRG was singing about.
You're doing that thing where we're comedians hanging out, but you're doing
your A material
right now.
You're doing your...
Dude, I'm just...
You're doing...
It was called a water?
I've heard that on stage.
Listen, I'm running my special right now.
Come on, dude.
Can't we just hang out...
This is my new special right now.
Can't we just hang out normally?
I do it during a podcast.
This guy always does...
He's always doing this.
He's like...
Always doing my specials.
I bet you it was called a water.
He's got an hour on water.
I said dead water.
A dead river.
It was called a dead river?
It's called a dead river.
Yeah.
Depressed river.
That's where the river dies.
That's where the river dies.
Depressed river.
Where it goes down.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I...
Can I...
I'm doing it right now for the special.
It's called a dead river!
And then a guy went down it in a barrel.
I guess that could work.
Dead river podcast is pretty good.
Not bad.
Yeah, yeah.
Can we just name the podcast?
I think we might have.
The dead river?
We'll find out.
Dead river.
What about dead woman podcast?
Oh, what about...
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I take.
Murdering people.
That's every podcast.
Slowly.
It's literally every podcast.
What, dead woman podcast?
Yeah, it's all like...
And then another woman died.
You know what would be a $5 billion idea for a podcast?
Let's hear it.
Because you interview death row inmates like the day before, they go get zapped
or shot
or whatever.
Zapped?
Oh, I suppose in the chair.
Yeah, yeah.
I was picturing like a bug.
Lethal.
Oh, yeah.
Or gas.
It's so scary.
Or fucking launched.
What would you pick?
If you had to pick a way to die, what would you pick?
Way to die?
Not die.
Like on death row.
I don't want to.
Zapped.
Oh, death row?
Lethal injection or apparently...
What was the third one?
Gas?
You think they do gas?
I think they still do that, right?
Maybe not, but it's insensitive.
Seems harsh.
Yeah.
Lethal injection fucks up all the time, you know that.
Yeah, so does the electric chair apparently.
I don't think they do it anymore, do they?
Do people still ride the lightning?
I mean, dude, don't fucking...
I don't know.
You ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica fan, but you're not
referring to
the album?
What?
No?
And they start talking about Metallica albums?
I'm doing my A material right now.
That's a good bit.
Dude, that was in your first special, dude.
You ever say ride the lightning around a Metallica?
No, but I said Metallica's gay once around a Metallica fan.
And what happened?
I found...
Turns out it was James Hetfield.
Yeah.
Wow.
And he's like, how did you know, dude?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
That's the lead singer.
That's the...
Wow.
Yeah.
He's like, how'd you know that it was gay?
Did you just do this thing where you called yourself gay?
No, I was calling...
I don't know.
I don't really know.
I was...
I don't know.
It was a flip.
You flipped it.
It's weird that they had bands like that where it was like telling scary
stories.
Like...
People are like, this is badass.
I like to metal.
Yeah, yeah.
To drums.
And then you go to sleep and there's a...
You're gonna get killed.
Yeah.
It's like baby stuff.
Monsters.
Off to Never Neverland.
Yeah.
It's like a mix of like...
Wait, that's actually...
What, Peter Pan?
Yeah, exactly.
It's like...
It's not.
It's for babies.
Yeah, but it was like...
But that's happy though.
But cool babies.
Never Neverland was like chill.
Yeah, yeah.
That's what I thought.
Just go kill pirates and fucking hang out, you know?
Yeah, and then there's a...
They're like, go to sleep.
We're gonna go fly.
There's a crocodile with a bomb in his stomach.
Yeah, exactly.
They were gonna go fucking...
Maybe a little bit in love with Captain Hook a little bird.
Dude.
Maybe a little bit of homoerotic.
All of the Metallica songs are just...
Master of puppets.
Who doesn't love puppets?
Yeah, what adult is going to a puppet show?
Exactly.
It's all...
It's all...
It's all lullabies for children.
Yeah.
They...
They...
You know, take that.
Kirk...
Hammett.
What's it called?
Kirk Hammett.
Kirk Hammett.
That's what he's...
Jason...
What's it called?
How do I know all their names?
Robert Trujillo.
No, Robert Trujillo.
Justin Trudeau.
No, Robert Trujillo.
Trujillo?
Jason Neustead.
No, he's not in the band anymore.
Did you ever see Some Kind of Monster?
Yeah, I did.
Multiple times.
It's so good.
It's so good.
When they have a therapy session with Dave Mustaine.
Yeah.
About how he left the band.
He just cries the whole time.
It's amazing.
It's like a Metallica documentary.
It's a documentary, yes.
Yeah.
I think we've probably talked about all this on Cometown.
It's the best podcast of all time.
Maybe just call it Cometown.
Really.
Cometown's not a bad name.
The name's available.
Yeah, that's interesting.
I like...
Cometown?
It would be problematic.
Can we do Seaman Municipality?
No, no, no.
You've got to just steal the IP.
Geez.
Nick has said publicly before that he doesn't believe in intellectual property
and people
just steal from us constantly.
So I think you guys...
I mean, you're our friends at least.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At least steal from us, you know?
What were we saying?
Yeah, no.
"Some Kind of Monster" is amazing.
It's a documentary about Metallica.
Yeah.
Especially as us, like, you know, touring nightclub comedians, we can really
relate to that kind
of rock star lifestyle.
Absolutely.
Sometimes I get drink tickets at bar shows.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I know when I have to go do an auction at Christie's to get rid of some of my
art that was clogging
up the place.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm like, ah, you know, Lars had to do this, man.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Some kind of monster, I remember.
Yeah, fucking Napster.
Napster is pissing me off, dude.
Constantly, bro.
Fuck that.
People are downloading my act on Napster.
They are.
I mean, when I have to hire a new bassist and I offer him a million dollars
flat just
to join the band, I think about Metallica had to do this too, man.
Yeah.
When I got in...
I got a bassist on stage with me now.
I got in a bus accident and one of the guys, when Stav died in that bus
accident.
Which was crazy.
That's so much.
I was like, this is just like Metallica.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah, yeah.
You told him not to sleep on that side.
Yeah, yeah.
But I found out he faked his death.
Yep.
Yeah, yeah.
To come back as the fat rascal.
I saw him on...
I saw him.
He's huge.
It was weird when he faked his death, but then also sold out six shows in
Baltimore.
Everyone...
This is a terrible time to not be a Metallica fan.
I have no idea what's going on.
It's not a good thing.
I'm having a seizure, a connection.
We're just saying the few things we know about Metallica.
The few...
You knew quite a lot.
The 15 minutes worth of things.
We know...
Actually, I'm kind of an expert on Metallica.
I'm about to say, are we...
Should we open...
Should this podcast just be called The Metallica?
Do you remember?
The Metallica is a good name.
Not just The Metallica.
The Metallica sucks.
La