Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70
Uploaded: 2024-09-07T00:10:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-07. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-07. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Brendan Sagalow - Episode 70

welcome to the adam friedland show podcast special guest brendan sagalow say
hello to
everyone what's up what's up how you doing today good thanks for having me boys
i'm gonna go get
a new shirt what kind of shirt we think i don't know you know when you gain
enough weight where
you're like oh yeah you know you're like oh that's we're going we're just
getting bigger shirts
yeah that's exactly it there's also there's also another move too that people
don't realize is
so you get fat from one size to the next yeah but in between those there's also
there's
the i well i'm not fat enough for the next size but i'm fat enough for a
heavier material shirt
yes that's it too i mean i always get into that thing where i i'm i get fat
enough for the next
size but i don't go to the next size yet and i'm in that like embarrassing
stage where you're wearing
shirts that are too like long well just like too thin and and you know like
yeah they ever have a
friend go like i think you got to go a size up no no one's ever said that to me
but i well uh yeah
but but but but the the thin material the way a shirt kind of disrespects you
when you've gained a
little bit of weight where it's like oh buddy you know like what's this yeah
you know it's like it's
like touching you it's like nice nipples fatty there's not one shirt in the
world that doesn't do
that to me this shirt right now go go go to go to dave's and buy like a thick
carhartt fucking no way
those shirts are designed for fat guys that are like yeah i'm in this fucking
shape i'm a garbage
man i know i live garbage all day i look like all the fucking dude and the
whole carhartt community
nothing nothing wrong with them but they're always shitting especially me
specifically because i'm just
a silly goose so people if i'm wearing like a carhartt hat i've i'll get
comments or whatever of people
being like wearing the carhartt doesn't have the carhartt personality those
people are losers and
here's why here's here's why they have heart hipsters they have they have a
flagship store in manhattan i'm
sorry that's not working class anymore no less yeah that you're no longer hi
welcome to carhartt you
lost it maybe that there was a case there 25 years ago where some guy on a fixie
discovered carhartt
yeah but now it's for everybody yeah the job shut up on anywhere i don't know
it carhartt looks too
like are those carhartt pants no these are these i got a target to me carhartt
seems like very like
like very hard it seems like it's got a lot of edges on it yeah it does it's
like starchy and i'm
more of a big dogs guy i love the big dog shirts yeah okay really oh yeah big
is that a big dog
shirt i can't see the logo what's on the back if there was nothing the back is
pretty cool show us
the back brendan i'll show you first take it okay what about you but it's not
even a pun american
classic no it's not but i did get the south park one you did you get the tattoo
when you got the
shirt of the what is that a 57 chevy big dogs make you get it what what is that
i'll tell you what
and you're gonna laugh i have no idea you just love diners i get you're like
you're getting high
off pancakes at 3 a.m and you're like i gotta get a tattoo in this place this
is gonna be a whole
sleeve yeah they're like do you classic cars you're like nah i got an eating
problem i went i went nuts
to the broadway diner like yeah but why dude i get tat i used to get tattoo i
don't get tattoos anymore
but i love this one too in the front that's like a puzzle it's like it's like a
walmart puzzle i get
tattoos in the way that like people cut themselves you know what i'm saying
yeah it's the same thing
it's the same thing like a girl yeah a girl or a boy can can always don't cut
themselves
you want to keep looking why'd you get that what is that oh what are you my dad
what do you mean
why'd you get that i don't like i don't respect a single tattoo on your body
you don't like the
flamingo no why man is it just one arm it seems like you've got it's one arm i
have this okay i got
these guys right here it's a duck that's a octopus oh okay are you right-handed
yeah you could say if
you had none on the right hand that this is for buckets only that's what a lot
of basketball players
do they really if they have the other arm they say the right is only for
buckets yeah this is only for
buckets and fingering and jack women yeah i want to get i want to get like 15
swastikas down my
forum when people are like what the fuck and then i'm like that's how many nazis
i punch dude every
time i punch one i get everybody's like they're all like all right you ever see
a plane during world
war ii enough swastikas on your yeah it wouldn't look like swastikas it would
start looking like
i'm not a nazis that you punch and i'm like yeah there's it's donald duck
saying
i had i had that uh picture of donald duck wearing a swastika as my background
of my phone
for in high school for like brandon why i thought it was funny it is funny it's
not it's funny because
you're from new york city yeah maybe long island oh that's not capital of the
world that's not new
york city though no it's yeah i was answering you before you said city you when
you're from new york
yeah city yeah you had a lot of jews in your high school oh yeah baby i'm half
jewish really oh yeah
which half um dad but so that's not the real one right ways down ways down
the mom has to be jewish for it to be yeah you have to come out of what's it
called halakha adam
oh what's that there's a lot yeah the laws it's like sharia for jews so that
makes me a goy am i goy
yeah i think it was that they say it was because jewish women in the shuttles
were so much jesus christ
that they wanted to if it was matrilineal then they they could like uh they
made the rule that
are there any like jewish stories that are like nice yeah aladdin is aladdin
jewish i used to think
he was when i was a kid because he had the keeper oh yeah did he i thought he
had a turban
i thought it was a keeper when i was a kid it's not a turban it was a fez
i thought the monkey had a does a monkey they kind of had matching hats yeah
yeah the dad has the
jewel yeah there was the hidden camera the hidden camera yeah yeah but big dog
is uh i like going to
their website because some of them they're definitely like uncle shirts like
there's some cool like
parody shirts and all that stuff i was i was then some of them are like some of
them are like i'm awake
not woke and then it's the dog being like good i like that they're getting in
there has gotten don't
tread on me i went to see i went to see alien romulus uh a couple nights ago
yeah and then i went to uh
you know it's the fucking city point so you get the target right you know you
do maybe i'm gonna
go to target see i bought a bath mat but i went to target after seeing alien
romulus and there was
like this dumpy guy probably mid 40s walking past the t-shirts and he like
stops and then comes back to
a target shirt that just doesn't make the mclovin id from superman in his
tracks
i mean it's like that's how like that's how
because if i didn't see that man right if that man did not do that i would walk
past that and i'm
like what the target must be going out of business oh my god what the fuck are
they doing making a
mclovin shirt now in fucking 2024 like who do people even remember that
reference yeah like this
that actor is in prison is he really right of course you didn't know that no i
would assume
i would assume oh okay and you know all his idea the whole epstein thing but i
mean
right it's like i just feel like there's a machine a target that's like make
the we must make mclovin
shirts and they're like well we don't think anyone's gonna buy it and it's like
i am the smartest
computer robot they'll buy it what kind of guy was they're gonna buy it i mean
i i really don't i
know it's a cop-out joke-wise to just say imagine the kind of guy that would be
buying this is what i'm
imagining this is what can we play a game of yeah let's guess you are you gonna
play i love games okay it's
a guy that probably listens to weed podcasts weed podcast yeah where they just
just describe like
okay this one's a really potent strain the turps look at the crystals yeah
heavy guy but not heavy
like woman hips body like pete holmes's body kind of guy i would say you ever
see a guy that's like
a guy that's like new year's resolution i'm going to the gym and then their
first stop is buying a lime
green under armor shirt that makes it you know look like somebody put shrek in
a microwave
you know like the one of those guys buddy the amount of sports shirts and
workout clothes i have
the biggest stuff in a corner in my room mistake if you're in disgusting shape
no don't get the gear
what am i going to go to the gym if you're new to exercising go to the gym
wearing jeans yeah you
know you need to like just mexico style right yeah exactly literally like a guatemalan
guy spider-man
backpack on the elliptical yeah you know like just fully decked out so people
are like nobody can say
why is this guy in here they're like good for him he's making a change in his
life dude he's just
starting if you if you start buying the shit yeah it's first of all it's going
to look fucking terrible
on you yeah there's no shirt that's going to fix what your situation is well i
don't know if like
you guys have this because do you do you work out you guys work out i used to
but constantly do you
have that when you go to the gym that you're like oh man i'm a well i'm like i'm
a fat guy at
the gym everybody's kind of like rooting for me i don't see that that's the
thing weird way that's
why i like going to the gym when i was younger like i'm not athletic i'm not
like good at stuff
and then also i'm like uh you know i can be like self-conscious in public sure
and then you know i'm
sure a lot of fat guys you go to the gym and you think that yeah but then like
everybody is at the
gym to do their own thing you know and it's a it's really good practice for
like okay i'm gonna go here
i'm gonna lift an embarrassing amount of weight you know and like not not do it
even like particularly
well and the most interaction you're gonna have is from somebody that's like
you know well yeah
either that or like hey you know i can help you or like do you need a spot like
people are nice
get away from me with that there was a guy my gym membership is burning a hole
in my wallet because
the last time i went was like four months ago and what this uh this nice black
guy just went over he
came over to me he was like hey man you want to like a free training thing and
i know that it's gonna
that training is gonna end with him being like let's let's let you you gotta
pay me next time but
yeah he's a train he's just soliciting your business i don't want to do that i
never went back but
that's not a bad guy that's a guy no it's his job no no i'm the bad guy i'm the
bad guy yeah
i'm like that doesn't contradict what i said at all some guy offered to help me
but then he was
trying to pay his rent also this black cocksucker so this black guy comes up to
you in the gym yeah
this piece of he tries to help you and then he wants money
yeah what's wrong with that i don't have any money on me sir yeah i go no but
that's the lie you tell
yourself when you get into the gym it's like you know oh yeah everybody's doing
their own thing then
of course you find out later people are creep shotting you and making fun of
you yes but exactly but
but at that point you don't care anymore because you realize the challenge is
against yourself
i just don't want any guy while i'm not doing the form right to be like come on
come on man you
got this i don't want anybody's doing that next to me it's it's money too i
used to go to this gym
on the lower east side and there was uh like a trainer there they had a couple
of trainers
that were like bodybuilders but they were mostly quiet and then there was one
guy that was like
a guido yeah like a younger 