Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72
Uploaded: 2024-09-21T13:00:31.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-21. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Gavin Matts - Episode 72

that was her like big break yeah yeah it's because she got fat as shit for the
movie
really she gained like yeah like she's i only know her as a like a hundred
kilos
no way i don't know if that's even fat i think i'm like what are you like 60
kilos 80 kilos
i think i'm 73 kilos yeah what is that in you don't have to say your weight
like 160 you don't
have to say your weight even though you're saying it yeah i'm like i could
never know right i'm like
i only know the pounds and i actually should only know metric well canada doesn't
they use kilograms
no i mean i mean if you go to the doctor yeah we're we're starting oh ladies
and gentlemen
welcome to the adam friedland show adam is out of town in england oh good for
him we're ireland he's
doing shows this weekend somewhere some theater the soho playhouse i think so
yeah soho theater
playhouse little boys play wow play play pen i wish i well i wish we were there
yeah um but that's
going on this weekend i'm sure he would like you guys to know that because yeah
he's a master of
the craft it was funny he almost did the podcast last there was like a
scheduling thing and i couldn't
be here for the podcast last week then we ended up doing it anyways he was like
gonna do it and i was
like well i gotta i should do it last week because i got tickets so i'm in irvine
this weekend oh cool
and i've sold like yeah it's a massive room i've sold maybe a hundred tickets i've
been there before
it's like you know i've like barely sold tickets for the thing and so i'm like
man i gotta be on the
show to promote and then he's like well if like if we delay then i won't and i
won't be able to
promote my show yeah it's like you gotta promote you sold out five shows
already irvine is so big
there you know a place that has a buffalo wild wings is huge do they have a
buffalo i think so
well i just went there and opened for a comic and they they're like we got to
go early because i
want to beat traffic and then they had like nine beers at buffalo wild wings
that's rough it was
rough it was like my first paid gig in the u.s um this dude just hammering back
beers and also drove
me there drank during the show and then drove home totally fine which is
actually scary did he live in
orange county or something no he lived in los angeles but we drove there for
the show oh and so he was
driving there every night at drunk but completely fine yeah and that's actually
scarier than if
somebody was that's like a long shitty drive too yeah like with traffic before
i was completely
terrified because the i remember last time i did the feature was they were
telling me it's like
yeah it's like a two and a half hour drive if you hit rush hour it's like it's
too far yeah i wouldn't
do you think it's a lot you think it's in la but it's not yeah even when i
lived in austin i the
when i would like feature in san antonio i would just oh man sleep on the floor
of the i hate san
antonio hotel you like san antonio no it's the worst city in texas so bad
actually austin might be
worse than san antonio now yeah maybe now but san antonio when it rains it like
floods the ranking is
like el paso is the lowest that's that's not even never been it's it's a dumb
place dump and then
either san antonio or austin you pick one okay then dallas then houston yeah
houston's cool houston's
the best one houston's cool i shot guns there oh yeah yeah it was the only time
i ever shot a gun
indoor or outdoor right indoor and um this big chinese guy taught me how to he
like came over to
us and he was like i'm i'm worried about you kids and taught i gave us like a
shooting lesson fat
chinese texan it's fat chinese texan and he taught us how to shoot and then as
we were leaving he was like
uh punching the vending machine like as like practice or something no he had
like uh like some
uh snacks stuck in there and he couldn't get it out which i thought was funny
he like got mad at me
because i didn't know how to reload a gun properly uh-huh but then he couldn't
get the the chips out of
the the vending machine yeah yeah yeah yeah wait he got mad at you for not isn't
he the instructor no
he what i didn't hire him or anything he came over to us like oh we didn't like
ask he just kind of
pulled up on us uh-huh he's like he's like listen partner i'm the fat chinese
fella yeah he sounded
like that sounds like you don't really know what you're doing over it sounded
like he was masking
his normal voice with like a texan voice okay all right well i i'll help you
out folks but i got an
appointment with some famous amos fellers over at the vending machine you know
i i get upset when i don't
have my cookies yeah so yeah you know me i'm the fat chinese guy i'm the fat
chinese guy you close your
eyes you know what you see right now is a fat chinese guy partner you know what
i love go ahead
dumplings dumplings i can't get enough of them i know something about them how
the hell do they get the pork
inside the noodle god damn if i know we'll salute to the troops general so yeah
and uh and uh god
bless to everyone out there doing karate today
we'll make sure our karate boys are kept safe in the dojo you know like
like they're in the dojo protecting our rights
they're trying to take our rights from us so we got to go to the dojo sit cross-legged
roundhouse
kicking the taliban real think about things taliban musad we can stay on fat
chinese guy for
probably the rest of the show yeah that's pretty good honestly i feel like we're
both feeling
fat chinese texan yeah yeah you know like matthew mcconaughey and dazed and
confused
but it's modern day uh-huh so he's like you know you know like um oh that's
what i love about
high school girls you know i get older wait what the hell is happening yeah i
get older what they
that what they say the same age or in other words me wreck you wrong time hey i'm
the fat chinese guy
all right all right our record we wrong time um yes i will be in irvine this
weekend please
come out you know i kind of i you're gonna have fun though you have fun i
always have fun when
nobody comes when the show when the showroom is like mostly empty and you go
out those are real
people well it's not that those are the true fans it's like whatever i already
up yeah
see when i see that i already blew it i don't now i can just have fun mine's
the opposite if i go and
there's nobody i'm like i suck just because you know when you when it hasn't
been like
uh full ever you're like and sometimes you'll hit a city and i'm like man i
sell good in that city i
noticed that but um like i'm in boston on saturday and i'm like almost sold out
but i'm like you
know i was in new laugh boston no i'm doing this little like it's rockwell
theater it's like a 200
seat oh it's in somerville i'm in i'm at the wilbur next weekend oh sick yeah i
think there's still
tickets available for that yeah go to that cool dude you know marlon brando
used to live there
apparently really yes when they they did i like him he he sucked uh there's a
picture of it he said
yeah have you seen that oh i've seen that yeah i i think every guy should see
that and it's funny
because it's like an old-timey picture so they had that you know there was like
a whole the setup with
the curtain and then they had to hold that pose well if you show somebody that
now they just think that
that was ai yeah well not me no because i saw it when it was supposed to you're
like it seems like
it would be made up you're like you're telling me marlon brando it's ga i pal
is what it is ga hi
damn i'm gay artificial intelligence uh-huh
uh probably you wait until artificial intelligence is like a little older and
it's gonna be all gay artificial intelligence yeah just like how the human
race has become more gay yeah eventually ai also i don't think it's become more
gay i think they
kind of in they decided gay was bad it's yeah you know who made that up well i
mean probably what
happened is there was some sort of gay disease you could get yeah the monkey
thing which is like
well before like there was something probably something like aids like oh like
monkey pox or
something like 500 years ago or something and they didn't have a theory of met
like
disease yeah so they were like well it has to be behavioral then so this is
probably it's so weird
because there's also you get diseases from women but we were never like that's
gross it could also be
the bible or something maybe yeah the bible definitely because the greeks you
know i mean there was all
all kinds of gay shit happening yeah i mean the thing that's like does the most
detrimental to the
like kind of gay community or agenda is that women can procreate so you need
them for life kill them or what no
you don't kill them but you can just be like if you're somebody that even if
you're like you you
weren't really a free-thinking person you'd be like okay well women if i have
sex with them it makes
another thing yeah but if i have sex with a guy it's just fun you just gotta
wear your stupidity like a
snow plow and just drive straight through the daycare center uh you know it's
like detrimental to the um
and the gate a agenda i guess yeah i can't like we're i feel like we're at the
point where i mean
i don't know because i'm checked out where and that's the best part i'm like
offline completely
you don't know what's going on i'm actually just i'm more than that it's like i'm
not off the grid
necessarily it's just my inputs are i play god of war ragnarok yes that's again
you were oh you beat
it and you go again no not yeah i just did i just beat it okay i only started
playing it like a month
ago congratulations and then i'll like i read these lyndon johnson books i'm
almost done with so i have to
find a new book to read the robert carroll ones yeah yeah and then i have no
idea what's going on
outside of that i don't get like any kind of uh and so in my mind it's like i
forget maybe it's just
that's what podcasting is or whatever but like talking about the gay agenda or
what's happening to
gay people or any of that so i'm like does anyone give a about anything are
people still doing that
or talking about it talking about all these things well no i was just thinking
of the election i don't
care is anyone voting not me i don't know yeah i don't know it is the same
thing over and over again
yeah i don't it's it is and it's been the same it's been looped yeah yeah yeah
you know we're saying
before it's just the same over and over but not if you not if video games well
you mean like you can
always find a new game there's a new game i would i'm playing red dead too oh
yeah i never played
even older than god of war ragnarok i know i actually because i only just got a
ps5 and then i
played god of war beat that and now i'm on to red dead did you play the first
god of war or
which one just like but the one that came out in 2018 yeah okay yeah i played
that one when it
came out and then i bought a ps5 a year ago that came with ragnarok and i never
played it cool because
i was like should i go back and play the first one and max out all the stats
even though it doesn't
carry over it's pretty fun it's so nice it's so relaxing it is i like that
there's always another
conversation that the head is having i'm not like good at games either but this
one i was like i'm
putting on the hardest difficulty i'm going to see what's going to happen
because i'm i did not do
that i'm 35 years old you're i'm 35 i should be able to beat the hardest
difficulty i i grinded it
out dude nice every single it would be like there would be like a bug in the
end that would one you
would go around a corner and it's like oh look out there's a little bug oh the
bugs three and a half
hours restarting it and they're like in the air shooting at you and i'm like ah
you got to step
on it that's the trick i thought you'd let it bite you sometimes you're like
you feel like you should
even be more invincible than you are in the game yeah i mean it kind of even in
the game world it
kind of 