Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Derek Drescher - Episode 74
Uploaded: 2024-10-06T13:01:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Derek Drescher - Episode 74' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Derek Drescher - Episode 74' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-06. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Derek Drescher - Episode 74

hello and welcome to the out of the freelance show special guest today derek drescher
you want to say hello to the people how you doing guys um so what's your body
count
sex wise that's how we start off every episode i've been watching a lot of
these uh street
tiktok things where kids yeah we'll do it up front that way i'm sorry real
quick go ahead
uh so i didn't even realize but i have shows in north carolina meet next week
and october 11th and
12th i will be in charlotte and i had to scramble but we have uh there will be
now benefit shows so
all the money will go to the name of the organization is the disaster relief
fund with the north carolina
community foundation which had a 100 rating on charity navigator which is a
website i've never
heard of but for the hurricane it's yeah so it's the disaster relief fund for
the north carolina
community foundation we'll put a link in the description if you want to start
donating now
um and they sent me a qr code that hopefully we can overlay the video and then
if you're in north
carolina and you're not dead come to the comedy zone and uh yeah we're i mean
the ticket sales will go to
the charity and then hopefully we can raise some more money there as well um
but uh yeah please come
out i mean it seems it seems pretty fucking bad there so uh yeah that that's it
guys comedy for a good
cause guys also i will be at the funny bone in syracuse november 8th and 9th
next month
so um i hear great things go orangeman jim jim bayheim who's that isn't that
their coach i don't i
don't watch it college sports student bay hot oh i watch what i try to watch as
young as possible
i'm starting at a you know under 10s no apparently what i heard actually what
my agents were telling
me because of the nil deals do you know about uh how you can get sponsorships
now in college yeah
they're getting paid they get paid yeah so like the whole system of like sports
agencies has been
like thrown into chaos because previously you could be a sports agent go to
like lsu party with guys
you know like go to sororities so they sign with you when they get out now they're
like
now they're in like iowa paying off corrupt 11 year old uncles like you know
uncles of 11 year olds not
11 year olds who are uncles yeah yeah yeah so now it's the least fun get like
uh uh uh whatever
profession in the world it used to be like oh bob's gonna take you to chucky
cheese if you sign
exactly you used to like go to bama and then like you know do shots and stuff
damn they're going
after kids that early now they have to because now they're getting like uh you
know endorsement
deals and stuff so now they're in play like like super young so can they have
an agent so now it's
like just a pedophile profession apparently yeah it's like like now it's just
like you have to hunt
children i mean they've been doing that i love your son's body for years right
they sign them when
they're like 12 13 years old and they put them in those camps do you know about
this concentration
baseball camps yeah they do it in venezuela and the dominican republic yeah but
all those
all those nine-year-olds in the dominican republic are also probably 43 years
old yeah you have
children already daniel monte style yeah you remember that kid nick no al he
was in the little league
world series and he was just like oh right yeah he was like a beard he was like
he was throwing gas
yeah that was so funny yeah yeah yeah he was just he was just dunking on
children he was like six
four yeah yeah he's playing for the bronx it was an adult i mean it wasn't even
that he was just big
i mean he looked old too yeah yeah he was he would just like throw 95 i think
he was like 16 or 17
years old yeah they just lied about his age yeah yeah that's always been an
issue with foreign born
players dude when by any means necessary that was i remember that during the olympic
the winter olympics
and like what is it 2018 maybe it was the year i tanya came out good movie and
i was in an airbnb
out in the woods the year of uh movie pass as well 2018 yeah um yeah big year i
guess big year
uh but yeah i tanya came out but then i was in an airbnb and they had you know
as a tv on it was
out in the woods and uh so you know i turn on the tv it's figure skating at the
winter olympics and the
guy i happen to see is the male figure skater from china and they're talking
about him and they uh they'd
like they're like yeah he's either 37 or 38 years old it's like the guy doesn't
even have a fucking
birthday he was just enlisted by the state to figure skate and it was like
right before i saw i tanya and
like the premise of i tanya is like oh you know it's this working class girl
and like this sport for
rich girls but then it's like yeah but then you compare it to the olympics and
it's like you're in
the top two percent yeah you know i mean right yeah tanya harding's life was
better than this chinese
guy that doesn't even have a fucking birthday you know what i mean like he
doesn't know when he was
born he has no idea what else to do yeah nothing skates right but that is
actually what he does that
is pretty alpha though i think like a actually a man shouldn't even know what
his birthday is
like having a birthday party as an adult man yeah but you do you do it and it
feels you're like
pathetic yeah yeah it doesn't feel like i haven't enjoyed a birthday since i
was 25 yeah you don't
i have not in my adulthood really ever you plan birthday stuff for me for you i
do you'll twist
my arm into doing it and then it's like you know we'll go to like dave and busters
literally dave and
busters literally dave and busters is where let's just let that marinate after
that after that
statement yeah i'm it's nice if your friend is with his friends on his birthday
i didn't say it's not
nice i'm saying it's gay i'm saying you're i'm saying i twist his arm you can
be nice and also does
he trick you or do you know that can you like just like just just just the the
manners of that
the manners of that oh hitting up our friends oh nick should nick should we
should all hang out with
nick for because it's his birthday coming up right and then him being like yeah
but we're 45 years old
so what it's a nice thing to do for a friend are you that old you're 45 no i'm
35 he's he's about 47
though me i don't know i'm not sure you don't know what your birthday is well
yeah and what growing up
that chinese guys probably don't have blades on the bottom 100 was that that
guy he's from birth
they'd strap the fucking skates on him and he's never taking them off yeah he
grew up in that
training facility yeah you ever watch that 30 for 30 about the miracle on ice russian
team oh dude i
love that yeah that's one of the greatest sports moments ever i've been uh what
where the hell lake
placid lake placid but have you seen the the 30 for 30 about the russian
players no and well it's like
were they executed i mean basically yeah they were pissing blood and shit and
it's like you know
the soviet union it's like it was like a military designation it's like you
have to play yeah those
guys were all generals oh yeah and they have to you have to like you have to
have like ice skate
carrying boulders completely naked and then they go to america and fucking lose
and a bunch of college
and they're humiliated when they go home they're like spit on when i got they
lose to guys that like
spike the punch at a frat party they lose to the guy to guys with gray zone
sexual assault have you ever
watched the documentary on on hbl about about the game miracle on ice what the
fuck is that that actor's
name i forget his name but he he there's an actor narrating it and uh there's
this one part i love
when he goes uh the captain of the usa olympic team mike garuzioni steps onto
the ice whose name means
eruption in italian causes just that and then he scores a goal is this
i'm sorry against those poor russians
those dudes were like 35 years old they're like pros the russians yeah they've
been playing with
each other since they were like 15 yeah they're they're well they're conscripted
yeah but that's
basically what it's like basically what's happening in gaza yeah yeah
yeah the miracle
miracle i mean it's like wow they're getting hamas and it's like yeah but these
guys are they're plucky
upstart yeah right they got not they've these guys are scripted into this these
guys are playing yeah
happy russia shana by the way yeah it's a fucking new year i woke up today and
i'm like fuck i gotta
move my car and then i'm like no i don't know you don't know you don't have to
move your car
russia shana no you don't so that's why israel isn't that bad no here's why it
is this is why
i look if you destroy israel what you think jewish people just go away no they're
all gonna move here
and then we're getting all the holidays uh-huh then we're getting every single
i gotta move my car
once every two months basically is there more jews in america than in israel
there might be there for
there was a time when there was more in new york than the whole country yeah
right i think there are
14 million altogether it's two percent of american population israel is like 9.5
million so if there's
400 million americans that's what eight million here it's probably the same
amount i don't take
that number it's two percent seems like it hasn't been updated in like a
hundred years it's true
because i feel like the population they do that with like black people also
they say again because
there's like a right wing thing where like it's weird 13 of the population
commits 50 of the crime
or something but it's like the 13 it's been 13 my entire life it's like do they
does it stay the
same i don't i can't imagine that it would right it's got to be a different
number what if that was the
whole thing that explains it if like they did the census and they're like oh
sorry black people are 60
percent of the country we just didn't know all those guys are like oh i guess i'm
not racist
i was just doing the math wrong the whole time i have a lot to think about yeah
i guess i better check out hip some of that shit's great like after the boston
marathon bombing
you know there's only like 200 chechen people in the united states really there's
like none of
there's none of them and they all do mma that's what i was saying last time
they should have put
that joke our guy in the zoo rather than an actual zoo yeah put him in a
fucking zoo if there's 200
chechens and what there's got to be a cutoff where it's like all right i was
just reading about a
guy they kept in the bronx zoo back in the day too yeah it's the saddest story
in the world this is a
puerto rican guy no wearing birdman lugs they put him in and with the parrots
no it was uh what
the hell was his name he still managed to have two families he was a pigman
yeah yeah a family with
he had a family well they had a family barnum pt barnum kept like a guy from georgia
in his
it was like the hall of oddities what is that yeah the what is it yeah and then
there's contemporary
like newspaper accounts from like you know reporters right and they're like
yeah this is clearly a
mentally disabled black man this is not nobody thought it was like a monkey or
anything they just
thought it they were like oh you've imprisoned a man yeah yeah yeah they had
that guy in the uh
because in your mind exhibit in your mind you're like oh people were so stupid
back then they probably
thought that was actually like a different but no they knew exactly what it was
they knew what they
were doing they gave that dude in the bronx zoo they gave him a bow and arrow
in case like the
gorillas or the apes did he commit he blew his his either shot himself in the
heart or blew his brain
with the fucking bow and arrow no where'd he get a gun he got out they let him
out but this guy had to
like buy him or pay somebody off to get him out and then and then he was in the
boogie down bronx
there's people are doing graffiti break dancing yeah seeing it was at the 