Name: ROB SCHNEIDER | SNL, Korean BBQ
Uploaded: 2024-10-27T20:00:07.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ROB SCHNEIDER | SNL, Korean BBQ' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'ROB SCHNEIDER | SNL, Korean BBQ' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-10-27. Transcript available.

ROB SCHNEIDER | SNL, Korean BBQ

Oh
Man, I hope this shit isn't fucking gay. Nick, it's an awful thing to say. I'm
sorry
He doesn't mean like that mom. Besides, it's not gonna be gay. It's Adam Sandler.
He's perfect
Well, it's still not nice to call things gay. You know, your dad and I had a
lot of gay friends in the 80s
But you don't have any now? Yeah, why not? Well, we started a family
Didn't seem appropriate anymore
All right guys
Oh, you gotta be kidding me. This is your first time going to the movies by
yourself
And you're embarrassed to be seen with your mom. Yeah, it's gay to be seen with
your mom
I'm not embarrassed. Okay, you know, I was your age once and you know your
grandmother
She mortified me at the mall. We were at JCPenney and I was talking to this boy
that I had a crush on
And from across the store she holds up these big white underwear and she's like
joe
How about this there?
Oh, okay. Well, you know
One day you're gonna wish you spent a little more time with me
What? But you still don't like grandma? We never go see her
That's because she's an abusive narcissist
So you're giving her the gay guy treatment?
You guys have your tickets, right?
Could we have popcorn money?
Dude!
Can you have popcorn money?
Here's ten bucks, but I want change
Okay, okay
Okay, and and and I am going to be worried, so I'm gonna be out here at 9:30.
You better be out here
Okay, all right
Man, I'm so excited
Yeah, you're gonna have like 20 new jokes to repeat at school for like a month
What do you mean?
All you said was O'Doyle rules for like six months last year
Because he does rule
We went to the William Madison again last weekend
And can you not do that?
Do what?
Come on, we have to share
And I'm having some, that's what sharing is
Yo, wait, look at this guy
Okay, sir
Okay, so the problem is this is a separate ticket
Okay, so this could be counterfeit or could be anything, right?
So I just have to check it
It's fine, Kenny, you can just let him in
It's fine, Kenny, you can just let him in
Okay, you can go
That's gonna be you
Shut up, no it won't
Wait, what do you mean you rented Billy Madison last weekend?
Why didn't you invite me over?
Oh, it was just like a family-only thing
Okay, next, next, next, let's go
Oh, the water boy
It's about a funny movie
But it's a PG-13, okay
How old are you guys?
Uh, or 26
Nice dude
Shut up
Like a mine
I mean, we're both 13
Okay, well, do I have any kind of identification?
No, of course not, we're 13
Why would you have IDs?
Well, how the hell am I supposed to know that you're of age?
Can't you just trust us?
Little guy, I can't trust you because part of my job
Your other son is preventing young kids from seeing bad movies
Hey, man, can we keep it moving?
Hey, fuck you, son
Okay?
These are federal laws, you know the laws?
You get, hold on, you let little babies see shit while fuck movies
Everybody goes to jail
Go on it, Kenny
Kenny, you can't do this anymore
I don't know what you ought to do
Maybe smoke a little weed like everybody else
But it's way too much
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
I don't know what you're doing
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Yo, no way, man
What's up?
Are you going to go see Waterboy?
We just saw it
Was it good?
Yeah, but I was saying
they should have called it
The Waterhead
Adam, you're so funny
That's not funny
Isn't that your friend Nick?
Uh, yeah, I guess
Did you guys come together?
Uh, yeah
Why?
Come on, he's not that bad
Isn't he that kid that was keeping a cup of piss in his desk?
Yeah, dude
Dude, come on
Don't be like that
Where's my mom?
I don't know
Why don't you go ask your cool new friends?
She said she'd be here by now
Maybe she got into a car accident
What?
Why would you say that?
Look
I'm sure she'll show up any minute
Don't
Panic
No, no
Something's not right
Hey, do you guys have fun?
I need to call my mom
I don't know where she is
Hey, calm down
She's outside
I'm sorry, jeez
Why weren't you out front?
I was out front
I just, I saw your friend that was over last week and I was just trying to be
mindful so that I didn't embarrass you
I didn't embarrass you
Shut up
Wait
What friend?
Nobody
Oh, so you invited Brendan over last weekend to watch Billy Madison
You said it was just a family thing
You don't have to hang out all the time
Adam
You know, it's not nice to exclude your friend
Just leave me alone
Just leave me alone
So, how was the movie?
It was funny
Right?
We liked it
Yeah
It was good
You can do it
Hey
Nick
You wanna have a sleepover tonight?
Yeah, man
Come over
It'll be fun
This is awesome
It's like the future
What do you mean?
A mattress filled with air?
I feel like an astronaut
Well, good
Because I don't think my parents would be sleeping on the couch anymore after
you pissed it
I didn't piss the couch, God!
It was soaked with piss
I pissed in my cup because I didn't want to wake up the entire house
And it spilled
There's a difference between that and pissing the couch
I didn't piss directly on the couch
How's there a difference?
I didn't piss directly on the couch or wet the bed or something
That cup could have had anything in it
Adam!
Will you set up the air mattress?
Oh, good
No, Nick
No pissing in cups
I mean it, okay?
We don't piss in cups in this house, okay?
Okay, I'm sorry
I left some cookies for you guys upstairs, but I'd rather you guys eat them in
the kitchen, okay?
Goodnight
Okay
Sleep well
Don't stay up too late
Wait
So I'm glad you're okay
Oh, why?
What do you mean?
I'm just glad you didn't get into a car or show me something
My God
Why are you worrying about me?
It is my job to worry about you, okay, baby?
I'm the mom
I'm not going anywhere
Okay, love you
Goodnight
Hey, Adam
We should get started
There's a lot to do
Hey, can you trace that out?
Uh, I guess
Come on, man
You can do it!
Okay, okay
Hey, sorry for inviting Brandon over last weekend
It's fine
I get it
They're like your school friends and I'm your at home friend
It's something like that
I just wish it didn't ruin the movie
What?
How does it ruin the movie?
I just want to go see a funny movie without being reminded of who's popular and
what's cool, you know?
Well, just stop thinking about that stuff then
That's not how it works
Yes, it is
Dude, look at me
I've caught my pants in for the entire class last year
And now I'm one of the most popular kids
Yeah, I guess you're right
Come on, man
You can do it
Yeah
I just wish we could do dumb shit like this all the time
Dude, what the hell?
Why do you get to be the host?
Uh, cause it's my house?
But this was all my idea
Great, so I can interview you all about it
I don't even know if I can be friends with you anymore
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Adam Fienden Show
Our next guest, ladies and gentlemen, Rob Schneider
Everyone give it up for him
Thank you
We all know who he is, I don't have to do a long ass thing
I'm a big fan, personally
Well, thank you
I appreciate it
I've been a big fan my whole life
Thank you
I just want to share two anecdotes, if I could
Yes
But like I was telling you before, we lost my mother a couple years ago
I'm sorry about that
And the one film we went to in the cinema together was to see The Waterboy
And so you're part of a very special memory I have in my life
Oh, thank you
Second thing is, that fella back there, Sammy
We went to see Sandler play AC and we saw you open
Oh
And yeah, we had a fucking blast at the show
Oh, thank you
But your closer
What was the closer?
It was the Korean barbecue
Oh, thank you
It was the Korean barbecue bit
But the Korean barbecue bit
I was in Korea doing, you know, it sounds like I'm this great person
But I was in the US military doing shows there
And you were bombing Asia
I was, yeah
Yeah
And every day we'd go to like the Korean barbecue because that was it
It was a choice, you want to have Korean barbecue or do you want to have Korean
barbecue
And I'm cooking my own food and I go, well, you, what is this?
Well, you, do I have to cook it again?
No, no, you cook it, you cook it, you cook it, you know, and we're like, well,
there's a joke there
Yeah, it's, the bit is obvious, but it works, I think
It does work, well, that's the best kind
You see where it's coming, but then it delivers more than what you knew where
it was going, right?
Go ahead, let's get it for the boys
And so the idea was like, you go to the Korean barbecue, it seems very good,
delicious food, you know, but kind of lazy, you know, for hard-working people
You know, you go in like, you want the special today? And I can do the Asian
because, you know, my mom's Filipino
Yeah, but we're going to cancel it
Yeah, we're going to cancel it
So then, so I get the Korean barbecue, and they go like, yeah, the special with
top so loin, very good marbling, very good marbling, you like marbling, you
know, and I got the top so loin, the special, and I go, dude, this is raw meat
Yeah, I know, you cook it, you cook it, seems kind of lazy, you know, it's like,
I'd hate to go to a Korean whorehouse, you know, it's like, you know, no, yeah,
yeah, welcome to Korean whorehouse, you know, this is the room, you suck your
own dick, you suck it, you suck it, you suck it
Then you come in this room, you fuck yourself hard, this is, yeah, you go to
town, you get your money's worth out of this
So, it just kind of works, you know, again, it's like, you know where it's
going
Why do you come over here, fuck your own ass?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, you know, but then, like, the thing, to do that in
Korea, which was really, people for the guys living there, was a scream
You were doing USO when you were out there?
No, it wasn't USO, but it was, like, for, like, an aircraft carrier and stuff
like that, and it was, you know, performing for guys, and then you realize it's
Do you wear, like, a Marilyn Monroe style gown for the fellas, or no?
I would have, now that I thought about it
Yeah
But you do realize that this is, like, their Christmas show, like, it's a big
deal, you better put on a good show for these people
You're in the DMZ
Yeah, well, I was actually at the DMZ
Wow
I stepped foot over, but you realize that there's just a peace treaty
You caused an international incident
Yeah, but the thing is about it, like, you know, that's the thing about
celebrities, whatever, like, you know, Dennis Rodman could go to North Korea
Yeah, he's best friends with Kim Jong-un
That's, you know, at least there's some contact, it's low-level diplomatic
contact
I like it, the worm is the best example of American culture, in my opinion
He definitely represents a part of America
He gets really emotional talking about Kim Jong-un
He, like, he cries every time he talks about him
Was he in a wedding dress at the time?
He was not in the wedding dress
That was a pretty forward-thinking moment
I thought it was a little too ahead of his time
I think both
I think if you're gonna cross-dress, at least he's in good shape
Oh my god
Like, I saw some British musician cross-dressing, and it was just too flabby to
get a