Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79
Uploaded: 2024-11-08T18:35:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-08. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Maddie Wiener - Episode 79

and the show has started
well i don't have enough slack
whole episode like that
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the adam friedland
i just still don't like i don't have slack
i gotta get out of here man i need some slack
there you go all right no we're good we're going right
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the adam friedland show
welcome to our new lighting setup we finished the studio
it's been three years i think it looks beautiful
it looks good turn your hat around or take your hat off
yeah i forgot there's a no how you got to take your hat off
but i'm an orthodox jew but we lit it for his look how great his hair looks
i know we do not have a hair light yeah oh you have like that little back
yeah thing and hold the microphone down further so everyone can see your face
where do you want to don't cover your face
okay hello yeah hi um welcome to the adam friedland show
our studio is gorgeous we did it because it's a new day in america we move on
i know a lot of you are hurting right now it's a new day
what what do you mean it's a new day every day is a new day in america
technically did something happen
so you're a woman is this the first episode since since what since the new day
yeah well yeah
since jill stein's tragic loss you spent the last two days crying yeah yeah i
am in a little bit of a
posting videos of yourself crying yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
is this why you had me on what the hell is this we're actually nick and i are
actually hurting too
so i don't know i don't know if the hairs from your head was coming out of my
zipper
how my hair no don't say it like that this is definitely not a pubic hair it's
way too long
no shut up that's no my hair is much longer than that don't make accusations
like that no that's
disgusting it's a pub i'll kill my okay like grow up that's from his hair it's
from the side it's a
pubic hair from the side of your head shut the it would have hurt if i pulled
it out how is it in
your zipper it was attached to the end of my zipper curly hair from your i don't
have pubes
and they're orange you're bald down there i'm mixed you're like a you're like a
1990s chick
a mixed race they're they're ginger and soft oh really yeah so the drapes do
not match
all right add that to the spreadsheet fans um okay so yeah i mean like i was
saying a lot of
girls i understand you guys are having a tough time for us we wanted to see a
guy be the first
lady and we're never gonna get it yeah you know you think this is it it's not
fair to us we want to
have a guy first lady one of these days did you write in jill stein no i
actually i fucked up
really bad i didn't know there wasn't same-day voter registration you missed
the election yeah you
can just say you didn't it doesn't matter i mean i should spin it like it was a
protest it doesn't
matter yeah yeah that was i was like thank god like you didn't want to vote for
gaza why
just say that say it again let's run yeah it was funny they're in 2016 i couldn't
bring myself
because of the genocide yeah in 2016 there was like a hand a handful of people
during the primary
that were like all gung-ho about bernie sanders and then they like didn't vote
for him in the
primary and they were like yeah they fucking took me they knew i was voting for
bernie and they took
me off the it's like no you just never registered to vote you've never voted
before you just didn't
know what the process was yeah you thought it was posting and then you go to
some place and they
just let you vote in the primary north dakota is like that does it work there's
not same-day
registration for primaries though is there no north dakota is i think the only
state where there's
no voter registration you just show up with your id but then how do you have
how do you have party
registration i have no idea well it made me be like what does registration do
well it's because the
primaries are like that's for the party so like they don't they have like what
is it is the word
jurisdiction over that um you need to be a member of a party to vote in the
primary i think oh if you're
registered as an independent you can't remember the media so i have to remain
unless they have open
primaries as a podcast imagine is that determined by law who has open primaries
or who gives a
book i don't care thank god we don't have to worry about it it might be the
last one yeah no more
anymore the boys are back in town congratulations nick you've worked tirelessly
for this congratulations
to the to the free speech austin comedy scene um they really they made this
happen and i blame them
personally um you think rogan's like whoops he's like whoops so what did i have
a whole special where
he's like it's on you guys for listening to anything i said he's like here's
who you should vote because
i mean it's like like in his mind he was probably like i'm gonna vote for donald
trump right and then
now it's like oh maybe that maybe i made him win you know what i mean and
regardless of like yeah that
could be a good thing but even having that kind of power you're probably
because now it's like if
trump bombs hawaii for some reason he gets a bad hawaiian pizza from domino's
and he's like we
got to kill all of them and like if you're joe rogan you got to be like i did
that you know what
i mean yeah now it's all on him his fingerprints are all over all of this yeah
if they liquidate
the civil service and do project 25 whatever that is he'd have to go down there
and restart the similian
race it is because he's the closest i think yeah yeah he has to teach them
their language again
yeah he has to be like listen we're all a poco bejes and like his locos only
and rogan is going to be
the one that has to restart that you know but you're a you're you're a broad
how you what do you yeah
yeah i'm feeling i mean i got i'm getting my new iud re-upped so i think i'll
be
the t2 the t2 the t2000 yeah what kind of equipment what kind of technology
they got going on these
days i have a morena one so it's like hormones yeah it's like a latinx style
yeah yeah cool but
it's like a hormone one so it like uh it's like the way i understand it is it's
like when you just
you know people are like the worst one no no we know about it it's probably not
it's the thing that
everyone's like the other one's just like a plug yeah but it's supposed to hurt
really bad so this
one doesn't hurt it's yeah you're like don't get a period instead you just get
like cancer yeah yeah
like up your hormones you get breast cancer but it doesn't matter you don't
have kids so you can die
younger sure no responsibilities it's so awesome being a guy it's so sick we
don't have to think
about any of this stuff we'd have kids at 75 years old that's pretty sick yeah
um it is really mean to
the girls that they that they this happened but i mean to some extent it would
be cool to get like
an iad like an intra anus device yeah it could regulate my feces easily i don't
need it for any
of the birth control stuff but a gay guy that thinks you can get pregnant no
not even a gay guy somebody
that just doesn't want to have like today it's just diarrhea all day long and
tomorrow it's you're
constipated yeah it's just if i if there's a little wire or something i could
put in there
i like a little diversity you know i could control with my phone you're like
nick you need
to change your diet yeah is there is there any kind of plug i could just right
is there a plug i got
yeah um i guess i don't know what are they one of our hot takes about this
whole election thing
i mean nick nick told me uh months ago it's the same takes that i had in 2016.
yep so just go back and when i was fired up town yeah i'm too excited about
these lights
what does it look like on the monitor p it looks amazing
it looks good i think this is this is a good indication for the fans this is
what i wanted
it to be the entire time and i finally got in my way we have individual lights
for each panel of the
flats they really do look beautiful i didn't know there was so much space in
between we made no more
space the stage for the grid look to where the grid was here i yeah i extended
it out and i moved the
stage forward to where i wanted it in the from the beginning the cinema yeah
yeah and you're the first
guest i'm honored yeah yeah and uh so it like uh it really it should be an
honor you know it is an
honor you haven't said thank you yet but it should be thank you very much okay
you're what i mean thank
you very much no no no i was no need to say thank you no need to say thank you
um yeah i mean i guess
it's like yeah this is 2016 all over again i think like if you elect trump once
it you could be like
played off like an accident but this time it's like oh it's we are on it is on
purpose yeah that is the
thing that's weird that you're like oh it felt like this weird kind of like
fringe group was bubbling up
and like took power but then when you win the popular vote you're like oh this
is kind of like just the
country also if you win the popular vote that should like disqualify you from
holding public office
why like if most americans are like you're awesome it's like that's not a good
sign well my thesis is
it's the cooler person wins every time right since jimmy carter i think the
cooler person has won
every election biden trump though because he was down he wasn't cool because of
covid everyone's like
this guy's a loser now but pretty much every single time it's the cooler guy
who wins obama's cooler than
mitt romney who's cooler than mccain terrible pilot crashes goes to jfk jr jfk
jr ran for what has there
ever been and this is because i don't know people who have a personal airplane
that aren't famous
yeah if it seems a you have a 50 chance of dying john denver it's literally i
mean it's like every
single one of them was like i'm getting a plane and then they die yeah the
funniest of all of them was
that the guy that was the private investigator for the dude and in like looking
into the franklin credit
scandal this guy researching government pedophiles and he got a hot tip in chicago
he tells the the
investigator who's like on the nebraska state you know legislator yeah tells
him uh i'm gonna fly
my plane with my son up to chicago to get this evidence and then it's like i'm
gonna fly my single
engine why of course yeah up in the air right you know they're like wow that's
what planes
oh man i had a neighbor that like had a like our next door neighbor was like
hey i have like a little
plane if you want to come up with me sometime i was like 13 my parents were
like no those things crash
all the time yeah and then looking back i'm like also him because that guy was
for sure yeah gonna
molest me and it's it's international waters up there yeah yeah it's legal yeah
it's vertical
international water national waters yeah it's technically um there's something
about the
interstellar like you age differently when you're that far off the earth so if
you do the math i think
that's actually a legal kind of thing is that true yeah it is you say up in the
air i think it's the
opposite i think if you know if you're in orbit like no if you're in orbit for
like five years
yeah come back you're like three seconds younger than you would have been oh
man yeah yeah so it
doesn't yeah when we're both in the plane it doesn't matter when i'm in when i
turn 40 i'm going up to
that damn plane i don't want to i'm gonna be a young forever i can't i can't
stand this aging process
i mean i don't know guys the the thing about the accident thing is the first
time around
i pitched it in my mind until tuesday as anthony weiner got caught for a fourth
time sending his
penis out that happened again no no last time around quietly during the
election he could have really
gotten away with it this time yeah but then like comey wrote that letter and
then it kind of i was
like okay it was a total accident this guy sent his penis and then now trump's
the president but this
time around i'm like oh no the democrats are just they