Name: The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus - Episode 82
Uploaded: 2024-11-30T13:00:14.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus - Episode 82' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus - Episode 82' from The Adam Friedland Show on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-11-30. Transcript available.

The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Geoffrey Asmus  - Episode 82

welcome to the adam freeland show happy today happy thanksgiving happy thanksgiving
yeah i was
saying it well happy thanksgiving everybody and happy uh kwanzaa to all those
who celebrate when
does that start it's got is it do they have a black calendar is it like does it
change every
year it's late come on wow come on well i wouldn't say it's late but it like
starts in 1964 yeah it's
1943 right yeah well it's not it would be like 67 it wouldn't be well it's 1920
it's the harlem
renaissance right it would be like 50 it would be the year 52 it wouldn't be 19
it's bc still
they don't have their christ so when was kanye believe in christ when was kanye's
first album
that's zero for them zero that's college about inauguration of barack obama is
zero so it's the
year ad 12. i don't know i actually went to the african-american history museum
in dc i know and
you snickered no i know there was he said that i walked around snickering no i
learned a lot yeah
yeah good it ends at obama right really they're like nothing's happened well
they made the museum
during obama so then there's it just ends there kamala's pissed yeah and they i've
said this before
there were a ton of cosby stuff there was a ton of cosby stuff up that they
haven't taken really
the snickering they probably still deny that he did it i didn't snicker there's
nothing to laugh at
about what bill cosby did he was a doctor he lived in brooklyn heights theo was
giving him a hard time
the reverend doctor was he a doctor what is this death stare you've got going
on i know you're a big
cosby fan i'm just uh i'm kind of out of it yeah it there's a threshold after
like 3 30 p.m coffee
doesn't do anything and i switch to energy drinks and i didn't do that i've
just pounded coffee that
to yourself let's get you a rock star dude we could take it again i don't know
you know me man this is
whole thing's not conducive to my schedule i wake up at 4 a.m and then i'm good
to go until 11 and
then from 11 a.m until about 4 p.m i'm dead yeah this is the crash time right
yeah right exactly time
yeah i need i need a big nap and then i'm good to go from you know that's the
most productive i've
ever been is when i'd wake up at 5 i'd go back to sleep around yeah 11 and then
i'd wake up again at
one he does that one of those whipping rituals like uh the flagellants yeah we
just said we just said
adrian adrian on earlier oh god grandier from entourage right oh i thought you
meant adrian
lapelucci i did oh no oh yeah i was oh i was like adrian brody so she's
probably having a big week
thanksgiving yeah yeah that's just that's the national holiday for people like
her that's true yeah for
people people like her i didn't want to say anymore yeah because because of
christopher columbus and
she's italian yeah yeah she's italian there we go great man yeah and christopher
columbus who found a
thanksgiving yes and she's eating a lot she loves to celebrate being italian
her heritage just
three turkeys four turkeys i mean the prejudice that columbus experienced on
behalf of the
native americans were so prejudiced they hated she started cooking early she's
like you know
when are we having dinner it's like it's 7 30 a.m they're like why did it have
to be the italians
discovered us i understand you're very italian but i don't know if we should be
having dinner at
nine o'clock in the morning i don't know if it's spaghetti and meatball i'm
gonna get started on the
pie oh you're making a pie make
you're italian as well jeff no no thank god i was purebred
purebred you can't say it that way purebred what is what is azimuth again there's
like nadir and
azimuth is like the highest you are and when you're flying or something it's
something with flight
something with flying okay the azimuth yeah right and then there's nadir i
remember learning about the
yeah it's like a in an elliptical thing oh you're saying because my name sounds
like azimuth right
there we go i was wondering where the tangent okay no i was like what does that
mean i was thinking
what what what uh race is that name and then that popped into my head i'm like
oh you must be from
space yeah you must be like my people from the moon yeah from the moon so you're
chinese sounds
indian nadir sounds like sounds like afghani or something yeah yeah yeah nadir
patel he has an
ebonic style dentist he has an ebonic style stand-up special out right now if
you guys want to check
it out he has a hip-hop style talking about yo y'all ever fuck with curry okay
so culture i was thinking
about that the other day i hope neil nanda came back as a black man that's a
nice thing to say
he believes in reincarnation he believes in reincarnation he comes back as miss
pat or
something yeah he comes back as like as you know it's sort of a mrs doubtfire
is that the premise
that movie is reincarnation yeah yeah i think it's a tragedy and then it's a
yeah a trans woman gets
like lynched and then she becomes mrs doubtfire yeah that'd be a fun chris rock
movie where he's
like chris rock is like i don't know what happened suddenly he just becomes i
remember waving to a bus
as it was approaching yeah now here i am like a bjp like yeah yeah was that a
rude thing to say i don't
know i mean i think it's hopeful i think that's nice that's yeah it's nice to
come back yeah i mean if
you're like i hope he doesn't come back no that would be that would be you want
to come back racist and
what's that what race i would like to come back as an animal obviously a bengal
tiger or maybe a
siberian yeah that would be ideal for me me python there's only like 20 others
you can fuck though
yeah you would be i've said it before if you were to die and be reincarnated
you would come back as
the girl snake character from coming to panda why girl because i know karate i
just i think that's just
what you are is lucy lu is that snake boy she's one of the best and i can fight
and i'm a chinese
girl snake it'll be great actually to do that yeah yeah and i tattle on that i
tell adam to eat that
apple oh you'd be the downfall of man oh wow the introduction of sin i think
the bible says that
they had legs and then god took them away took them away you're you're doomed
to slither yeah oh
the snakes had legs before the apple yeah before he gossiped to take it away to
eve actually it was
eve right it was the woman's fault the woman of course of course she listens to
a snake she's like
oh he's so he's so hot he's so thin oh my god skinny so nubile yeah yeah skinny
flexible skinny legend
and adam's like come on dude then then they realized they were naked right yeah
they didn't know before
they just thought that was what life was they were idiots yeah yeah so it's
really good we just would
have been like they're in a garden not like looking down at their balls and
stuff yeah and thank god the
snake did that we had to be naked walk around new york city you know i mean all
that shit's fake
anyways dude i believe in evolution because i'm a genius are you for real whoa
you don't believe
in god i'm a critical i'm a critical thinker we should have a debate yeah about
yeah about that yeah
richard dawkins versus me bring him back yeah he became he became racist right
did he got eugenics yeah he did he was like he's like we come from monkeys
except for black people
they're still he said something like that they're not fully there yeah they're
not fully evolved i
could see that dawkins drop that yeah all your heroes let you down gervais
would never gervais would
never yeah i feel like gervais is like uh gotten it was like cool to shit on
him when i was starting
comedy they were like oh that guy's the worst because he had that cover where
he was like that was it
it was that one thing and then people were like and then he pushed back against
pcc he's still funny
i think he's mad funny yeah yeah and i think the british office is so much
extras is amazing
actually it was an easy way to watch it it's not on anything it's all i i have
to subscribe to brit
box is that the one with the little guy warwick davis i have to pay for that
for my dad imagine you
wanted just like a caramel like a chocolate caramel right and the only way to
get it was in like a
whitman sampler but then every other piece of chocolate was a steaming pile of
shit
you should you should take this up with my dad subscribing to brit boxes on my
amazon i cancel
brit but i've done it four times my dad re-signs up because he has to have his
on brit like mrs marple
and like yeah he has to have his point row and all that no no no not even that
it has to be period
and gay who sharted is the biggest british who hath shart it's a big bathroom
and there's the manager
of the bathroom and he's uptight and there's people that aren't flushing and he's
like oh the queen's coming
and there's still turds we gotta clean these turds yeah good british humor i
miss her every day dude
she was fucking awesome the queen yeah the queen yeah she had those corgis they
had to kill the
corgis when she died what's the other guy that had a turn uh russell uh brand
brand russell brand yeah
yeah he f***ed a few women did he oh yeah i thought he just said the vaccine's
bad no he got accused of a bunch of
he like praised the rosary on stream yeah he's huge religion he's like a weird
hippie religion pray the rosary
with him yep yep he went deep brand yeah also i thought he was funny too he was
forgetting
some good songs in that movie apparently that one guy and get him to to the greek
has a problematic
pass too which one the black guy what the black guy uh sean com comes yeah no
he's just living a good
life i don't know i have been saying no did he's the kids on the subway when
you touch a kid you're like
oh no they're like oh you gay and i'm like no diddy it's the new no home come
on dude i'm 37
come on you invite your friends to a party no diddy no come on yeah show a
little respect
i don't know what else is he gonna kill himself diddy puff in the jail you
think he's going to i
don't think he probably will they said he's gonna like rat on everyone that's
what cat williams is
but i don't understand this is the thing i don't understand about the diddy
thing is people keep
presenting it as if this is grand conspiracy and not like people getting drunk
at parties yeah yeah
it's like what are famous people supposed to do well yeah it's not like people
are like they keep
calling it like an epstein thing and it's like it's like epstein was gathering
blackmail for the
government for israel didn't know that black people were having that much fun
yeah i think they're like
i don't think they should have been having so much i assumed it he assumed it
he does a live stream of
his parties in senior year of high school i i had like i was planning uh the
biggest party of the
year at my friend's parents house and we got them like a spa package for the
weekend oh and then they
got to the catskills they got they got wise to well no i'm from las vegas but
whatever yeah i'm not
who you see sorry i thought you i did assume i didn't assume you're an upper
east side very full
blown german assumption german and me tickets to burning man yeah so then they
got wise to it
canceling my dad heard me on the phone and i was like we're fucked it was
supposed to be the biggest
party you know but i was like you could just have it here and so i was like i
was like it was the coolest
it was the nicest thing he ever did and he came back at like three and some
kids were in his bed
so it was like it was actually in his your dad's bed well it's my room dad and
mom's yeah but anyway
but uh they i was like friends with like a lot of the black girls in my class
and i was like you
know like we're friends at school but we're never like we never hang out
outside of school i was like
i'm throwing the biggest part of the year you guys need to come and then like
for what we thought a
party was was like sitting down at a table and just blazing as much and
drinking like out of a handle
right right and t