Name: Monologue: Elon's Twitter, Vanity Plates and Christmas | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2022-12-30T21:21:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Elon's Twitter, Vanity Plates and Christmas | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Elon's Twitter, Vanity Plates and Christmas | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-12-30. Transcript available.

Thank you, thanks guys, thank you again, thank you. Every week, every week is
it. Thank you so much.
Okay, all right. Come on. Okay. Guys, hello. Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
We've got a massive guest. Jon Bon Jovi is here. Give it up for him. Give it up
for him. Are you excited about him? Because I'm a cowboy. Get all alive. Do y'all
know that?
All right. Guys, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm Adam, you know me. We've
got a big one today. We're really excited to have you. But before we bring on
Jon Bon Jovi, let's do the news. The news, everyone. The news.
All right. Boom shakalaka. Former New York Knicks star Mari Stoudemire has been
arrested for punching his daughter in the face. He's claiming the whole
incident was a hoopsie-daisy. But to me, it sounds like the next key this power
forward will be on top of is a kilo of prison penis.
Okay. All right. It's going to have anal sex in prison.
A Florida police sergeant has been accused of choking a fellow female officer.
The cop has been asked to turn in their badge and gun, and the man that choked
her has been given a raise.
All right. Florida. This will go back in the ocean, right? With Puerto Rico and
the rest of those folks over there, you know?
All right.
German police are searching for 60 containers of bull semen stolen from a farm.
Authorities are pessimistic about recovering the semen, saying that by the time
the crime was reported, the semen was likely already smuggled across the French
border and baked into President Emmanuel Macron's croissants.
They like to eat cum over there in France. You all know that.
Tua Tagovailoa, the name of the Miami Dolphins quarterback, was among the most
mispronounced and misspelled things on television in 2022.
A name that's a little too hard to pronounce, if you ask me.
The first time I heard his name, I said, I'm sorry, I don't speak Chinese, and
I think you may also have Down syndrome.
Rude. That would be a rude thing to say, but I said it to him, and when I met
him, I said that. All right.
Kentucky Fried Chicken's German subsidiary is under fire for using the
anniversary of Kristallnacht to promote its crispy, cheesy chicken tenders.
Ironic, because I'll never forget the diarrhea I had after the last time I had
KFC.
A former manager at the Department of Defense's Aerospace Threat Program has
publicly said UFOs are real, bringing us one step closer to an official
government acknowledgement that Santa Claus is real.
Is that Christmastime folks? Very topical, Christmastime.
The state of Maine is tightening its restrictions on vanity plates to cut down
on a public vulgarity problem.
In other news, in an effort to cut down on a public obesity problem, New Jersey
has banned dinner plates.
Yeah, they have a lot of fatties over there.
A lot of big women over there.
A lot of big old girls over there.
And men, too.
Fatties.
Big old fat fatties.
New Twitter CEO Elon Musk has banned users that post his flight logs.
I don't know about you, but the only flight logs I want to see are Santas.
That's right.
It's Christmas time, folks.
It's Christmas.
Who's excited for Christmas?
I know I am.
I'm a Christian.
I'm a God-fearing, live-and-let-live Christian.
A pair of sandals worn by Apple founder Steve Jobs were just sold at auction
for $218,000.
The man that won the auction said,
Now I don't have to worry about getting viruses,
as he put them on and had unprotected sex with an entire nightclub.
Wow, that's disgusting.
In sandals.
Can you imagine wearing Birkenstocks while you're getting rammed?
Yeah, going to Berghain and wearing Birkenstocks in Germany, in Nazi Germany,
in the Scheisse room at Berghain nightclub, putting on Birkenstocks sandals.
That is very funny, folks.
Folks, if that ain't funny, I don't know what is.
All right.
Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield are collaborating on a line of cannabis gummies
shaped like ears with a bite taken out of them.
That's funny.
Remember that?
Mike Tyson is also collaborating with Robin Givens on a different CBD gummy,
also shaped like an ear, but this one is incapable of hearing the word no.
That's horrible.
That is terrible.
He went to jail for that.
He went to jail and society forgave him.
So let's take...
We put him in the Hangover movies after he did that.
So let's take a...
Let's learn from that, folks.
After he violently beat and raped his girlfriend, we now have him in the Hangover
movies.
Yet, Woody Allen still remains that...
Okay, anyway.
Just kidding, folks.
These are all jokes.
Anyway.
President Biden made comments that some are calling bizarre last week when
speaking to a veterans group,
telling a 102-year-old war hero, I might be Irish, but I'm not stupid.
To which the veteran replied, what's up, dragon lady?
We used to stack sacks of shit like you six feet high in Korea.
It was Clint Eastwood in the movie Gran Torino.
We all remember that.
It was actually Clint Eastwood.
He was sitting there.
He's 102.
And he went to war for your freedom.
Say thank you.
A Kentucky school teacher has been fired after using racial slurs while
teaching.
The teacher is defending himself, saying the historical context needs to be
taken into consideration.
He says he was simply trying to explain how his historical viewing of the 1996
film Titanic
was ruined by fellow theater patrons.
Okay.
Not appropriate.
In my book.
Not appropriate.
The state of Kentucky has no tolerance.
Okay.
Anyway.
Sorry.
Avatar 2 made $300 million in its first weekend at the box office, which means
that James Cameron
finally has enough money to realize his dream of jacking off at the bottom of
the Marianas Trench.
He likes submarines.
What's he doing down there?
He does like submarines, remember?
Remember?
Remember?
The FIA, the governing body overseeing Formula One racing, has banned drivers
from making
any unauthorized political statements.
In response, NASCAR has committed a hate crime.
The Bank of Japan has reversed course on a three-decade dovish monetary policy,
raising bond yields
50 points, leading many economists to say, me no reiki, no sank you, no sank
you very much.
I just read what they put up there, folks.
I didn't want to say that.
Nick is smiling right now.
Nick is having a nice time.
He's sipping a coffee, he's smiling.
Former President Donald Trump has released a series of NFTs featuring him
dressed as a police
officer, a construction worker, a soldier, and the rest of the characters in
The Village
People, an obvious tribute to his favorite style of music, gay shit from before
the AIDS
crisis.
I didn't know that about him.
I didn't know that about him.
He did say he loves his gays.
I didn't know that.
Anyway, folks, that's the news.
Those are the top headlines in the world, the Bullseedmen headline.
I'm so glad, I'm so glad to have you guys here today.
We've got a massive guest.
Don't embarrass me.
It's Jon Bon Jovi.
He's a massive celebrity.
I listened to all of his albums.
I loved Piano Man.
Fantastic song.
Everyone, we'll see you after this break.
Stay tuned.
Bye.