Name: When Chimpanzees Attack | The Adam Friedland Show Podcast
Uploaded: 2023-01-01T20:26:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'When Chimpanzees Attack | The Adam Friedland Show Podcast' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'When Chimpanzees Attack | The Adam Friedland Show Podcast' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-01. Transcript available.

you don't you remember that when there was like the scientist who was like we're
doing a full
head transplant i think did they try it or something i remember the face transplants
are
still relatively right where the that seems to be all their fours for people
who have been
chimps yeah that's really true yeah i feel like there were multiple or live in
florida
this is weird that those stories and it's not with any other animal but i hear
those and it
makes me want to go tear a chimps face off they're close enough to us and i'm
like they have look they
drew first blood like if a tiger mauled somebody i'm not like i'm gonna go kill
a tiger but when i
hear about those chimps stories i'm like i'm gonna rip a chimps hands and face
off and see how they like
it what i just don't feel that way oh all right and he's saying is it just me i'm
sure there's
people out there that can relate to that yeah no i do get it it's because they're
masquerading this
fucking nice lady yeah she's fucking she took care of this chimp for six years
buying him fucking
oshkosh and birthday cakes and then what she has a friend over one time and he
gets jealous
he thought they were dating so he rips her face and hands off
it is crazy look it's like something about a driveway or something oh yeah they're
in the
driveway her friends on the phone the whole time i got 911 call where she's
like oh god
she said no he's got her he's got travis no i forgot about no it was her friend
it wasn't her
it was her friend her friend came over she's like yeah you know you know too
she's like i gotta go see
this bitch meredith she's got a monkey she's a she's not doing well her husband
left her for a
fucking 19 year old and she got a monkey to deal with it but you know i'm just
i'm just i just need
to show my face i just need to show my face and and uh you know make this lady
feel a little bit better
did the monkey rip her hands off yeah they do that they rip your hands off
they do they rip your face and hands and genitals off
how do they rip your hands off they're that strong they just fucking they just
rip your hands right
the fuck off i forgot that it was her buddy came over to see her and then her
chimp got jealous
i saw a monkey in a restaurant once and the guy was like this is my seizure
monkey and i was like what
does that even mean he was like he he calls the cops if i have a seizure he
calls the cop but then i was
like what does he say to the bully what is he what then what when the police
picks up it's just like
911 operator hears monkey noises and the whole swat team is like assembles and
they're like all right
guys body cams off let's go it's time to get to work it was such a small monkey
with his stupid diaper
it was insane and he got so mad at me for asking that and he didn't answer and
i just like stood in
front of him waiting for anything and he didn't tell me was it an italian guy
did he have like a
little accordion also no i feel like the monkey was like with him and was like
taking pens out of his
pocket and they get like a little baby i kind of get it they're wanting to rip
the gym's face off
yeah yeah god that he ripped her i forgot that the buddy came over that's so
funny
oh god she's he's got her that would be the most embarrassing thing like
besides ripping the face
of like showing your buddy it's like showing your friend your like dog and they
like keep
pissing all over you know what i mean that's like or when your buddy comes over
and your parents go
stop showing off in front of your friends yeah that's kind of why i don't i'm
not not that i have
anything against dogs but dog owners are the shittier kind of pet owner between
cat and dog owner
because the dog owner they'll bring their dog over and the dog will just up
your house and they're like
hey bud and they just they think it's cute and it's like this isn't your son
like you could have left your
fucking dog at home they just get used to that level of embarrassment a chimp
ripping your buddy's
friend face off as you is your kid asking your unpregnant friend if she's
pregnant she's just a fat
lady that's the equivalent yeah when your buddy has a kid and they're like why
do you sound like a boy
you know i'm gonna i'm gonna become a chimp guy and then i'll go over to people's
apartments and bring
all seven of my chimpanzees when i come over for a visit trained yeah with a
little angel wings little
party monster angel wings on i've given them all molly and i'm like let's get
the party started
they're like this is a fucking this is a seder why don't you bring seven to why
don't you bring seven
game club kid chimpanzees to my cedar i hate that they can't see the movement
you just made with your
army let's get the party like like there's a door that's just gonna open behind
you and all the gyms
i forgot did that happen in florida or some guy ate somebody else's face off
around that time
on bath salts yeah yeah that i think that happened too there were those zombie
people