Name: Monologue: Take Two, For Real This Time | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-01-06T13:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Take Two, For Real This Time | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Take Two, For Real This Time | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-06. Transcript available.

Enough. Too much applause.
What did you guys have in your coffee this morning? It was crazy.
Wow.
Guys, all right. Okay, enough, enough, all right.
Folks, welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
You know who I am. I'm your host, Adam Friedland.
We got a great show for you guys tonight.
And I know we've said this before in the past,
but this time we fucking swear to God.
This is a real television show.
And I think you guys are going to really like what we have cooking tonight.
We have a massive guest.
Everyone put your hands together for Mac DeMarco.
Who's excited? Who's excited?
Can't get there yet.
Okay.
But before, let's do the news.
Who's excited? Clap it up.
The news!
Tragic news out of California this week,
where an elementary school principal killed himself at Disneyland.
This marks the second suicide at Disneyland in recent years.
Of course, we all remember when Goofy the dog took his own life
following the 2020 presidential election.
I didn't know he was a conservative.
You never know in Hollywood.
They're all secret conservatives.
Anyway.
Apparently, the man jumped off of the parking structure,
which at $19 a day for parking,
many are calling it the real Tower of Terror.
That was silly.
An 82-year-old grandmother was arrested in Alabama
after not paying her trash bill.
It's a sad story,
but sociologists have been surprised to discover
the first old person in recorded history
that can't be tricked into paying for garbage.
Needle spiking is on the rise in Europe,
a practice which predators inject their victims
with drugs using hypodermic needles.
This is horrible news for many American travelers
who are already complaining about being forcibly injected
to be allowed on the plane.
Vaccine comes.
That's good.
Topical.
Still.
Still topical.
Chris Christie, former governor of New Jersey,
his niece,
bit a police officer while being escorted off
a Spirit Airlines flight.
When reached for comment,
Spirit Airlines said that they were appalled
by her behavior,
so appalled that they wouldn't refund her
for her row of seats.
That's a little cheap.
A little bit of a low blow,
but that's real for any punches here.
A five-year-old girl in Connecticut
was attacked by a raccoon recently
while waiting for a bus.
Animal Control was initially optimistic
after the attack,
believing that they'd caught the raccoon,
only to later have to release and apologize
to actor Josh Gad.
Do you remember that guy?
You know that guy.
It's annoying.
Look at his Twitter.
Very annoying.
He looks like a raccoon,
but not because he's Jew.
Never mind.
I don't even know if he...
Anyway.
Okay.
A Christmas parade in Kentucky
has been canceled
over anonymous threats
directed at anyone protesting the event.
Activists had planned to picket the event
in honor of Emmett Till.
People were further appalled
when the Rupert Murdoch-owned New York Post
called it
The Lynch That Stole Christmas.
That's messed up.
I think that's messed up.
They're like puns.
It's a good pun.
I don't...
It's a bad pun
because of what it's saying.
But the pun,
it works.
It's a bad pun that works.
All right.
A Tennessee father died over Thanksgiving
after a defibrillator
caused him to burst into flames.
Doctors are saying
he died as a result
of his heart catching on fire
while the man's family blames
Dr. Anthony Fauci.
It's topical.
I'm going to have to hear
both sides of that one, right?
Okay.
North Korea has executed
three high schoolers
for distributing
a South Korean soap opera
among the students.
It's a tragic story.
But as a song and dance man myself,
one could only hope
that one day
children will be killed
for watching this show.
Probably because
of how we treat nieces
on this show.
So, yeah, okay.
That was good.
That was a good one.
I like that.
Anyway, after a freighter
lost several shipping containers
filled with Yeti coolers
off the coast of Alaska,
scavengers are searching
for the high-end camping gear
on beaches.
Terrible news for the environment,
but that's great news
for the members
of the subreddit
Yeti Coolers.
We have fun with those guys.
We have fun with them.
The California reparations proposal
could mean that every black resident
would receive $220,000.
Lesser-known activist groups
are pushing to be included
in the reparations,
including bald men,
men under 5'6",
and big women.
All right, that's the news.
That's the news, guys.
What'd you think?
What'd you think of the news?
All right, guys.
I want you to stay tuned
because we have a big guest.
I thank you guys for joining us.
Thank you for sticking by our side.
We are paying you back.
Hopefully.
Hopefully you like this.
Don't embarrass me.
I've got celebrity friends now.
Please don't embarrass me.
After this,
back to Margo.
See you.