Name: The Story So Far... | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-01-08T14:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Story So Far... | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Story So Far... | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-08. Transcript available.

Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
Nick, I found a clause in our rental agreement.
Not right now, I'm in the zone.
Hey, Dracula.
Hello, Adam.
What are you doing?
The intro's still wrong.
No one cares about the intro, man.
It's no good.
The intro's fine, man.
There's no issues.
It needs jouissance.
I don't know what that means.
Nobody knows what it means.
You know where Nick is?
He's sleeping.
Oh, God.
We've been working all night.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck did you do to him?
I sucked him.
I sucked him dry.
All right.
Well, is he going to be like a Dracula now or something?
It's not how it works.
It's more like Down syndrome.
You're just born with it.
Listen, man.
I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to Nick, because you've been around so
much.
And we haven't really had any private time between the two of us recently.
Yeah, that old story.
I don't understand.
We worked together for six and a half years, and now all of a sudden you're in
complete
creative control of our entire project.
And with my help, this will be the greatest talk show anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
What's your favorite talk show, Adam?
I don't know.
Name one.
I like the Ellen.
Dancing with the Stars.
That's not a talk show.
The greatest talk show anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
All right.
I'll hear you out.
You ever seen Howie Mandel's penis?
He's not on Dancing with the Stars.
It's the only place he has hair on his body.
Is it true?
Yes.
I haven't...
It looks like a roly-poly.
We want to make art now.
And you're getting in the way of every single aspect of this project.
You want to be an artist?
Yeah, I want to be an artist.
You know who else wanted to be an artist?
I got a story for you.
Young Bavarian boy.
It was his life's dream to be an artist.
Saved up.
Went to art school.
Then they kicked him out.
They said he was no good.
You know what he did next?
He killed roughly 150,000 Jews in the Holocaust.
And you know that boy's name, Adam?
It was the Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.
Albert Einstein.
No, that's not who it was.
Listen, if you're going to be involved in this, do whatever you want.
But we just need to add jokes, man.
You want to hear a joke?
I'll tell you a joke.
Okay.
Two clowns start the shittiest podcast of all time for the biggest faggots in
the world.
And now they want to be artists and they don't know how to do it.
It's not really a joke, but...
Listen, we've spent over $150,000 recreating the Dick Cavett show set.
We've spent $16,000 on chairs.
People want a talk show and we're not giving it to them right now.
People don't want a talk show, Adam.
Yes, they do.
I'll tell you what they want.
They want Moonlight.
They want Driving Miss Daisy.
They want Jungle Book.
Jungle Book?
Green Book.
Whatever it is.
Yeah.
But you know what all those movies have in common, Adam?
One thing.
Blacks.
Oh, blacks.
That's right.
That's it.
They have blacks.
That's what the intro needs.
Look, I have an idea.
The intro needs blacks?
We're going to get you ready right now.
We're going to do an acting experiment.
You stand over here.
All right.
Put your arms out.
Now, how do you feel?
I'm a titanite.
Like the king.
The king of the world.
The king of the world.
Jack, that's you.
No, it's Rose.
It goes like this.
No, that's right.
And later, we're going to paint you.
I don't want to be painted.
You know who else didn't want to be painted, Adam?
Who?
Al Jolson.
And then I came in, and I blacked him up,
and I made him the biggest pop star of the 1980s.
And we're going to do that with you.
We're going to black you up.
We're going to put that in the intro.
Black Adam in blackface.
I don't want to do blackface.
Well, what do you want?
I don't want to do blackface.
I don't want to do black cock.
I don't want to do racism.
I don't want to do Wakanda.
I want to be a star.
It's my show.
It's my name.
It's the name my parents gave me.
It's the only name I have.
And it's being run into the ground.
It's not even clear what the show is anymore.
You know what else is clear, Adam?
What?
Semen.
No, it's not.
It's translucent.
Not my semen.
Because I've had 17 vasectomies.
I've produced 35 Grammy Award winning albums.
I owned every Beanie Baby.
And on top of all of that, I still find time to be gay.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So I don't really need your input as to what will make this show good.
I just need to be left alone with my work.
And I'll leave you and your friend alone here tonight.
Because it's almost sunrise and I'm supposed to have drinks with Jadakiss.
You know Jadakiss?
He's my best friend.
You think maybe he might want to come on the show?
You're not ready for Jadakiss.
You're not even ready for Danny Bonaduce.
All right.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Nick?
Nick?
Nick?
Wake up, dude.
This is fucking Jack.
Jackalier?
He's gone.
We got to do something about this guy.
We got to get rid of this fucking guy.
He's running the show into the ground.
Yeah.
We haven't had any alone time in weeks.
Are you doing all right?
I'm good.
I'm all right.
I'm good.
Are you sure?
You don't seem like you're doing well these days.
No, we've just been working all night on this fucking intro.
He's saying it's wrong.
There's not enough Al Jolson or something.
What the fuck is his problem?
I don't know.
He's 400 years old.
He's Jewish or something.
He's not Jewish.
I don't know, man.
We've got to get back to us.
All right.
Look.
I know.
I know.
Help me up here.
All right.
I know a way to get rid of him.
How do we?
Well, you're not going to like it.
What do we have to do?
I don't know.
This is a guy.
And all he does is get rid of Dracula.
All right.
Anything, man.
Seriously.
He's a tough hang.
This guy.
That's fine.
And have you been fucking crying?
I'm crying.
All right.
I'll send him a message.
But go clean yourself up.
You look like a fucking idiot, dude.
I don't want you to embarrass us before he comes here.
All right.
Hit him up.
I'm going to go wash my face.
I'll be right back.
How did you come up with the Adam Friedland show?
How did I come up with the Adam Friedland show?
It's a good question.
It came to me in a dream.
I was behind a desk.
And there were these big shining lights.
And I noticed just silhouettes of hundreds, maybe thousands of people.
In the audience.
All types of people.
Guys, lesbians.
Like all different types of people.
I looked to my right.
And it was the guy that played Niles from Frasier.
David Hyde Pierce.
And I just started asking him questions.
And I could really feel the energy coming from the audience.
They were laughing.
And I woke up.
I turned to my mom and dad.
And I was like, I think I got it.
I think this is a eureka moment.
I think I figured out what I'm going to do after Comedown ends.
And I described the dream.
And they were like, well, I think that's just a talk show.
I was like, yeah, I know.
But, you know, what is a talk show?
You have talking.
We all do talking.
We talk every day.
I talk to my friends and family.
But it's a show, too.
You're doing it for the people.
It's something for the pleasure of the audience.
It's about pleasure.
It's about the pleasure of the audience.
Wait, sorry.
One second.
How long have we been going for?
I'm kind of worn out.
You know, seven, eight minutes, maybe?
Let's just take a, you know, let's take ten.
All right, I'm going to get coffee.
You want a coffee?
I want to go home.
All right, I'll get you a coffee.
What's up, dude?
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, what's up?
What are we doing with all this stuff?
It was good.
What?
Don't what, Nick.
We need to figure, first of all, what are we even fucking doing here?
Why are we doing this?
What are you talking about?
Dude, that shit was fucking fire.
My girlfriend, you see her?
She was fucking dying up there.
I think I'm going to get a little bit of P-U-S-Y tonight, if you know what I'm
talking about.
We don't need more documentaries.
We need to focus on the actual show, okay?
We need these interviews to be dialed in, and we're not focused on that.
On top of that, you're treating this place like a fucking daycare center for
your 12-year-old girlfriend.
12, Nick?
12?
First of all, she's most probably certainly over 18.
And second of all, we can't be sure of that because she doesn't have a birth
certificate
because of the ongoing conflict in the Ukraine.
And Gerhard is doing a great job out there.
Okay, look, yes, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
But first of all, who the fuck is Gerhard?
I don't know where you found this guy.
We need to fix the show.
The interviews have to be dialed in, okay?
What do you mean?
The interviews are fire.
They're not fire.
No, no, no.
People love the Mac DeMarco interview.
We have Mac DeMarco here for nine and a half hours.
Yeah.
And you ask him about Free Willy.
You ask him if his penis was circumcised.
That's a good question.
And you ask him if he had a cat, okay?
The questions need to be specific to the guest.
You're from Canada.
What's the leaf?
What is that leaf?
What is it?
Why do they have a leaf on the flag?
Do you have an eagle?
These are the kinds of things.
I see what you're saying.
Look, you blew the matthewianer.
What do you mean I blew it?
You blew it.
It's fucking ruined.
It was terrible.
Have you seen it?
We can't use that.
No, but I remember it was pretty good.
Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
We've got a massive guest today.
You want to introduce yourself?
I want to introduce myself.
Yeah, go for it.
Hello, I'm Matty from the 1975.
Is that my job?
Am I supposed to?
Well, I don't know.
Nick?
You guys have no idea what you're doing.
Absolutely not.
Like, there's no one here.
Because people told me not to come on this, and I was like, no, it's a real.
No, it's a real thing.
It's a real thing.
So, Jimmy Savile, do you think he got a raw deal?
Have you ever seen the Nora Ephron movie, Michael?
No.
So, it's like a, I mean, you're going to love it, but like, so basically, John
Travolta,
he plays an angel, but get this, he's not angelic.
He likes to drink, and he likes to get pussy.
My pubes are falling out.
This is a pretty good fucking movie.
Forget the movie.
Look, we need to get this fucking interview.
Wait, why are you dressed like Elizabeth Holmes?
I like this style.
This is how I look now.
Oh, you've been seeing him?
Just a little bit, but he helps a lot with the show.
I thought you said you weren't going to see him anymore.
I thought you said we're getting rid of him.
Look, we are, okay?
And I do have a guy, and I can contact him, and we can get rid of him, but I'm
going to
need, look, I promise you, just a couple of more weeks to grow my hair out to
play the
other guy, and then we'll have a great cold open, and then you can focus on
your interviews
with your little music friends, and we'll have a great show.
It'll be a great show.
It's a good show.
You just got to have faith in me, and let Dracula do a little bit more, and
then we're
good.
All right, stay tuned for my show.
Stay tuned for the Adam Friedland Show.
It's my show.
Thank you.
I can't believe I got this fucking job.
I filled out my application in a pink gel pen in the cafeteria of my community
college
where I was failing all my classes, and I got fucking me up all over for this.
How the fuck did this end up on the show?
I go on a beautiful birthday weekend with my best friend celebrating his first
appearance
on the Joe Rogan program, and I come home to this shit.
A bunch of people online calling me a fucking racist.
Have you seen this?
Have you seen what they're saying about me?
Let me show you something.
I got this saved.
You're going to love this.
This guy, MarxistDickHead69, he says, this is the worst thing I've ever seen in
my entire
life.
Let me show you this guy.
Look at him.
Mark, look at him.
Look, Mark, look at him.
Tell me this guy doesn't look at child pornography.
And yet somehow, the Adam Friedland Show is the worst thing he's ever seen.
How does that happen?
You know, I really expect it better from my writer's room.
Maddie, did you write this?
That was the Sweater Brothers.
The fucking Sweater Brothers.
I should have known better.
You know how much shit I had to take to get you in this room?
21 women.
Credible allegations, by the way.
And I said, it couldn't be the Sweater Brothers.
They created In Living Color.
And now they do this to me.
They make me look like a laughing stock.
Worse than that, they make Adam look like a fucking laughing stock.
And you know what I hate more than anything?
Is letting down a friend.
But there's one thing I hate even more than that.
And it's racism.
I loathe racism.
And now you've done this to me.
You make me look like a fucking racist.
Are you sure you're just not overreacting to what people are saying online?
You do this stuff on Comptown all the time.
Oh, bullshit, Mark.
I'm not overreacting to anything, okay?
I don't care what people say online.
Did I flinch even once when people were going after you guys after your little
dust-up with Lori Beth Denberg?
Dust-up?
They raped her.
Hey, easy.
We do not accuse people of that word in this office.
What we're worried about is fixing this fucking problem.
We're trying to do something different.
We're trying to do something new.
This isn't Comptown.
This is the Adam Friedland Show.
It's a center-left talk show.
This is center-left.
It's anti-CIA.
It's anti-government.
It's pro-diversity.
Would Sam Bee make this?
Everybody loves a good Puerto Rican joke.
She's not even Puerto Rican.
She's a changa.
What the hell's a changa?
I don't know.
You wrote it.
I think a changa is actually a type of Filipino.
That's Filipina, you racist bitch.
Fuck you.
This may be hard for you guys, but I want you to think about her for a second,
okay?
I want you to think about this lady.
You know how hard it is for a woman like that to rise up the ranks of the CIA?
Saving us all?
Protecting us with magical realism?
None of you could do that.
You're here, writing this kind of bullshit.
As long as we're on this topic, I have other grievances to air.
Yeah, like what?
David has been using the women's bathroom immediately after me.
I just like a warm toilet seat.
It's not like I'm a sex offender.
You literally are.
David's allowed to use whatever bathroom he wants.
Fuck you, David.
Fuck you, Matty.
Look, forget it.
We don't need to fight about it anymore.
We just need to figure out how we can blame this on somebody else.
Adam.
Yeah, Adam's good.
No, not Adam.
Everybody already thinks it's his fault.
Well, Dracula did sign off on it.
Dracula approved this?
Yeah.
Does Adam know that?
Adam wasn't here either.
Well, where has he been?
Adam wasn't here.
He left after the Doug Levinson interview.
We were here by ourselves.
We had to get a babysitter.
You hired a babysitter?
You guys have kids?
No.
Where the fuck is Adam anyways?
Babe, honestly, your pussy is so fire.
I mean it.
I mean it.
No cap.
Deadass, babe.
Babe.
What's wrong?
Nothing is wrong.
Is it the war?
Is it the war?
In Ukraine?
No, it's not Ukraine.
Honestly, I used to hate paying taxes.
But now that I know that my hard-earned money is going to buy bombs and rockets
for people like you and your babushka and your babushka's husband,
It makes me feel good.
Knowing that I'm helping.
It makes me feel warm inside.
Kind of like I feel when I'm inside of you.
Seriously, what's wrong?
It's just a fucking war.
Wars are a fact of life.
Like a long line or bad service.
I thought you were stronger than this.
No, it's not about war in Ukraine.
I'm not Ukrainian.
What?
I'm Russian.
You told me that you'll have me to start my own podcast.
And I will.
That's still the plan.
What plan, Adam?
What is the plan?
Why can't we do it today?
Today's my off day.
Just show me how to use the mixer.
No, I told you.
I don't know how to do that.
Or at least show me how to plug the microphone.
I would if I could.
But I'm not a technicals guy.
I'm an artist.
I don't know buttons or wires or machines.
I just know how to dream.
How to create.
You always have an excuse.
You just don't want to see me succeed.
That is so untrue.
You are threatened by me.
The only thing that I'm threatened by is the rising tide of fascism in the
United States.
Something that I just found out that you are taking a part in.
Why wouldn't you tell me you're Russian?
You purchased me on the Russian website.
Can we stop using language like that?
We're in love now.
If you love me, you'll help me to start the podcast.
Yeah.
And then what?
You make your own money and you start cheating on me with the weekend?
Oh, get over yourself.
What's that supposed to mean?
Have you seen what people are saying online?
I only read black Twitter.
They're saying you're patsy.
Your friend is making fool of you.
Nick wouldn't do that.
He is.
Everyone is saying you're anti-Latina now.
What?
I love Latinas.
I have to explain to my family why does my boyfriend say such awful things
about CIA?
What are you talking about?
The video.
What video?
The racist video on your show that has your name on it.
There was a racist joke with my name on it?
On the show?
Do you not watch the show?
No, of course not.
What kind of narcissists would watch their own show?
That side of the part where the cameras are facing you.
And everyone tells you you're doing a great job?
Well, maybe you should pay more attention.
It doesn't seem central left to me anymore.
This is Dracula's doing.
We have to get rid of him.
And how are you going to do that?
Hire Van Helsing?
Yes.
We're getting Van Helsing for the show.
And what is that?
Sneak in a Nazi costume making racist jokes?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But I just know that right now, that's the only thing that can save us.
Why haven't you done it already?
I don't know.
The World Cup was on.
Nick had his birthday.
My head hurts.
Look, you're right.
I need to get my house in order.
But as soon as that's done, I can help you start your own podcast.
You have to promise me one thing.
What?
You can't cheat on me with the weekend.
I'll think about it.
Okay.
You can't cheat on me with the weekend.

The Story So Far... | The Adam Friedland Show

Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
Nick, I found a clause in our rental agreement.
Not right now, I'm in the zone.
Hey, Dracula.
Hello, Adam.
What are you doing?
The intro's still wrong.
No one cares about the intro, man.
It's no good.
The intro's fine, man.
There's no issues.
It needs jouissance.
I don't know what that means.
Nobody knows what it means.
You know where Nick is?
He's sleeping.
Oh, God.
We've been working all night.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck did you do to him?
I sucked him.
I sucked him dry.
All right.
Well, is he going to be like a Dracula now or something?
It's not how it works.
It's more like Down syndrome.
You're just born with it.
Listen, man.
I was hoping I'd get a chance to talk to Nick, because you've been around so
much.
And we haven't really had any private time between the two of us recently.
Yeah, that old story.
I don't understand.
We worked together for six and a half years, and now all of a sudden you're in
complete
creative control of our entire project.
And with my help, this will be the greatest talk show anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
What's your favorite talk show, Adam?
I don't know.
Name one.
I like the Ellen.
Dancing with the Stars.
That's not a talk show.
The greatest talk show anyone has ever seen.
Okay.
All right.
I'll hear you out.
You ever seen Howie Mandel's penis?
He's not on Dancing with the Stars.
It's the only place he has hair on his body.
Is it true?
Yes.
I haven't...
It looks like a roly-poly.
We want to make art now.
And you're getting in the way of every single aspect of this project.
You want to be an artist?
Yeah, I want to be an artist.
You know who else wanted to be an artist?
I got a story for you.
Young Bavarian boy.
It was his life's dream to be an artist.
Saved up.
Went to art school.
Then they kicked him out.
They said he was no good.
You know what he did next?
He killed roughly 150,000 Jews in the Holocaust.
And you know that boy's name, Adam?
It was the Fuhrer Adolf Hitler.
Albert Einstein.
No, that's not who it was.
Listen, if you're going to be involved in this, do whatever you want.
But we just need to add jokes, man.
You want to hear a joke?
I'll tell you a joke.
Okay.
Two clowns start the shittiest podcast of all time for the biggest faggots in
the world.
And now they want to be artists and they don't know how to do it.
It's not really a joke, but...
Listen, we've spent over $150,000 recreating the Dick Cavett show set.
We've spent $16,000 on chairs.
People want a talk show and we're not giving it to them right now.
People don't want a talk show, Adam.
Yes, they do.
I'll tell you what they want.
They want Moonlight.
They want Driving Miss Daisy.
They want Jungle Book.
Jungle Book?
Green Book.
Whatever it is.
Yeah.
But you know what all those movies have in common, Adam?
One thing.
Blacks.
Oh, blacks.
That's right.
That's it.
They have blacks.
That's what the intro needs.
Look, I have an idea.
The intro needs blacks?
We're going to get you ready right now.
We're going to do an acting experiment.
You stand over here.
All right.
Put your arms out.
Now, how do you feel?
I'm a titanite.
Like the king.
The king of the world.
The king of the world.
Jack, that's you.
No, it's Rose.
It goes like this.
No, that's right.
And later, we're going to paint you.
I don't want to be painted.
You know who else didn't want to be painted, Adam?
Who?
Al Jolson.
And then I came in, and I blacked him up,
and I made him the biggest pop star of the 1980s.
And we're going to do that with you.
We're going to black you up.
We're going to put that in the intro.
Black Adam in blackface.
I don't want to do blackface.
Well, what do you want?
I don't want to do blackface.
I don't want to do black cock.
I don't want to do racism.
I don't want to do Wakanda.
I want to be a star.
It's my show.
It's my name.
It's the name my parents gave me.
It's the only name I have.
And it's being run into the ground.
It's not even clear what the show is anymore.
You know what else is clear, Adam?
What?
Semen.
No, it's not.
It's translucent.
Not my semen.
Because I've had 17 vasectomies.
I've produced 35 Grammy Award winning albums.
I owned every Beanie Baby.
And on top of all of that, I still find time to be gay.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
So I don't really need your input as to what will make this show good.
I just need to be left alone with my work.
And I'll leave you and your friend alone here tonight.
Because it's almost sunrise and I'm supposed to have drinks with Jadakiss.
You know Jadakiss?
He's my best friend.
You think maybe he might want to come on the show?
You're not ready for Jadakiss.
You're not even ready for Danny Bonaduce.
All right.
I'll see you tomorrow night.
Nick?
Nick?
Nick?
Wake up, dude.
This is fucking Jack.
Jackalier?
He's gone.
We got to do something about this guy.
We got to get rid of this fucking guy.
He's running the show into the ground.
Yeah.
We haven't had any alone time in weeks.
Are you doing all right?
I'm good.
I'm all right.
I'm good.
Are you sure?
You don't seem like you're doing well these days.
No, we've just been working all night on this fucking intro.
He's saying it's wrong.
There's not enough Al Jolson or something.
What the fuck is his problem?
I don't know.
He's 400 years old.
He's Jewish or something.
He's not Jewish.
I don't know, man.
We've got to get back to us.
All right.
Look.
I know.
I know.
Help me up here.
All right.
I know a way to get rid of him.
How do we?
Well, you're not going to like it.
What do we have to do?
I don't know.
This is a guy.
And all he does is get rid of Dracula.
All right.
Anything, man.
Seriously.
He's a tough hang.
This guy.
That's fine.
And have you been fucking crying?
I'm crying.
All right.
I'll send him a message.
But go clean yourself up.
You look like a fucking idiot, dude.
I don't want you to embarrass us before he comes here.
All right.
Hit him up.
I'm going to go wash my face.
I'll be right back.
How did you come up with the Adam Friedland show?
How did I come up with the Adam Friedland show?
It's a good question.
It came to me in a dream.
I was behind a desk.
And there were these big shining lights.
And I noticed just silhouettes of hundreds, maybe thousands of people.
In the audience.
All types of people.
Guys, lesbians.
Like all different types of people.
I looked to my right.
And it was the guy that played Niles from Frasier.
David Hyde Pierce.
And I just started asking him questions.
And I could really feel the energy coming from the audience.
They were laughing.
And I woke up.
I turned to my mom and dad.
And I was like, I think I got it.
I think this is a eureka moment.
I think I figured out what I'm going to do after Comedown ends.
And I described the dream.
And they were like, well, I think that's just a talk show.
I was like, yeah, I know.
But, you know, what is a talk show?
You have talking.
We all do talking.
We talk every day.
I talk to my friends and family.
But it's a show, too.
You're doing it for the people.
It's something for the pleasure of the audience.
It's about pleasure.
It's about the pleasure of the audience.
Wait, sorry.
One second.
How long have we been going for?
I'm kind of worn out.
You know, seven, eight minutes, maybe?
Let's just take a, you know, let's take ten.
All right, I'm going to get coffee.
You want a coffee?
I want to go home.
All right, I'll get you a coffee.
What's up, dude?
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah, what's up?
What are we doing with all this stuff?
It was good.
What?
Don't what, Nick.
We need to figure, first of all, what are we even fucking doing here?
Why are we doing this?
What are you talking about?
Dude, that shit was fucking fire.
My girlfriend, you see her?
She was fucking dying up there.
I think I'm going to get a little bit of P-U-S-Y tonight, if you know what I'm
talking about.
We don't need more documentaries.
We need to focus on the actual show, okay?
We need these interviews to be dialed in, and we're not focused on that.
On top of that, you're treating this place like a fucking daycare center for
your 12-year-old girlfriend.
12, Nick?
12?
First of all, she's most probably certainly over 18.
And second of all, we can't be sure of that because she doesn't have a birth
certificate
because of the ongoing conflict in the Ukraine.
And Gerhard is doing a great job out there.
Okay, look, yes, you're right.
I'm sorry.
I apologize.
But first of all, who the fuck is Gerhard?
I don't know where you found this guy.
We need to fix the show.
The interviews have to be dialed in, okay?
What do you mean?
The interviews are fire.
They're not fire.
No, no, no.
People love the Mac DeMarco interview.
We have Mac DeMarco here for nine and a half hours.
Yeah.
And you ask him about Free Willy.
You ask him if his penis was circumcised.
That's a good question.
And you ask him if he had a cat, okay?
The questions need to be specific to the guest.
You're from Canada.
What's the leaf?
What is that leaf?
What is it?
Why do they have a leaf on the flag?
Do you have an eagle?
These are the kinds of things.
I see what you're saying.
Look, you blew the matthewianer.
What do you mean I blew it?
You blew it.
It's fucking ruined.
It was terrible.
Have you seen it?
We can't use that.
No, but I remember it was pretty good.
Hello and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show.
We've got a massive guest today.
You want to introduce yourself?
I want to introduce myself.
Yeah, go for it.
Hello, I'm Matty from the 1975.
Is that my job?
Am I supposed to?
Well, I don't know.
Nick?
You guys have no idea what you're doing.
Absolutely not.
Like, there's no one here.
Because people told me not to come on this, and I was like, no, it's a real.
No, it's a real thing.
It's a real thing.
So, Jimmy Savile, do you think he got a raw deal?
Have you ever seen the Nora Ephron movie, Michael?
No.
So, it's like a, I mean, you're going to love it, but like, so basically, John
Travolta,
he plays an angel, but get this, he's not angelic.
He likes to drink, and he likes to get pussy.
My pubes are falling out.
This is a pretty good fucking movie.
Forget the movie.
Look, we need to get this fucking interview.
Wait, why are you dressed like Elizabeth Holmes?
I like this style.
This is how I look now.
Oh, you've been seeing him?
Just a little bit, but he helps a lot with the show.
I thought you said you weren't going to see him anymore.
I thought you said we're getting rid of him.
Look, we are, okay?
And I do have a guy, and I can contact him, and we can get rid of him, but I'm
going to
need, look, I promise you, just a couple of more weeks to grow my hair out to
play the
other guy, and then we'll have a great cold open, and then you can focus on
your interviews
with your little music friends, and we'll have a great show.
It'll be a great show.
It's a good show.
You just got to have faith in me, and let Dracula do a little bit more, and
then we're
good.
All right, stay tuned for my show.
Stay tuned for the Adam Friedland Show.
It's my show.
Thank you.
I can't believe I got this fucking job.
I filled out my application in a pink gel pen in the cafeteria of my community
college
where I was failing all my classes, and I got fucking me up all over for this.
How the fuck did this end up on the show?
I go on a beautiful birthday weekend with my best friend celebrating his first
appearance
on the Joe Rogan program, and I come home to this shit.
A bunch of people online calling me a fucking racist.
Have you seen this?
Have you seen what they're saying about me?
Let me show you something.
I got this saved.
You're going to love this.
This guy, MarxistDickHead69, he says, this is the worst thing I've ever seen in
my entire
life.
Let me show you this guy.
Look at him.
Mark, look at him.
Look, Mark, look at him.
Tell me this guy doesn't look at child pornography.
And yet somehow, the Adam Friedland Show is the worst thing he's ever seen.
How does that happen?
You know, I really expect it better from my writer's room.
Maddie, did you write this?
That w