Name: Monologue: The Banking Crisis Explained | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-03-21T13:00:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: The Banking Crisis Explained | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: The Banking Crisis Explained | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-21. Transcript available.

All right. Guys, guys, enough. Please, please, please, please, please, guys,
please. Thank you.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. I'm
your host, Adam
Friedland. Get your seatbelts on, and you may want to tighten them, because it
seems that two
clocks have moved forward this week. The regular clock, an observance of
daylight savings time,
and a different theoretical clock. No, not a cuckoo clock, where the little
guys come out and suck
your dick. I'm talking about the economic doomsday clock. Although, I would
love to get my hands on
one of those dick-sucking cuckoo clocks, if anyone knows where to... I can get
one. But before we get
into the bank stuff, I just want to say how happy I am that we're getting rid
of daylight savings time.
I gotta lose an hour of sleep just so some dumbass farmer can have a better
time riding a tractor
around. How many farmers even are there? Five? Sacrificing the comfort of most
Americans
for a small group of lazy rednecks is literally the definition of white
supremacy and privilege.
Daylight savings time is racist, and it needs to be torn down just like the
statues of those
confederate generals that we did during George Floyd. For all the shit that Monsanto
gets, replacing
the American farmer with automatic Zamboni machines and corn made out of COVID
vaccines is 100% absolutely
worth it to me if it means I never have to deal with daylight savings time
again. So with that I say
good riddance daylight savings time, and if you're a farmer, kill yourself.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get back to the other clock, the doomsday
clock, or whatever the fuck
they're calling it. From what I understand, this week it struck one minute
closer to midnight
as federal regulators stepped in and shut down not just one, but two banks due
to fears of insolvency.
Both Signature Bank and Silicon Valley Bank have been placed in FDIC receivership.
And what's receivership you ask?
I'm not exactly sure. But I guarantee you it's Donald Trump's fault. Unless, of
course, it's a good thing,
in which case, thank you Kamala Harris.
The main bank in question, Silicon Valley Bank, is the second largest bank
failure in United States history
after Washington Mutual collapsed during the 2008 financial crisis. The third
largest was some other
bank I've never even heard of. Honestly, I was shocked the world trade center
didn't make the list.
And like most liberals that lived through the 2008 crisis, I can tell you right
now that if there's
anything I hated more than the Islamophobia in those years, it was the goddamn
bailouts. Yes,
the big bank bailouts. We all hated banks and they shouldn't be bailed out. And
I agree with that.
We shouldn't bail out Silicon Valley Bank. I mean it. A bailout is a bad
idea. But this time, it's different. Wait, hear me out. Yes, shareholders
should lose their money.
Anyone dumb enough to invest it in the bank should get fucked. That's a machine
I'm willing to rage
against. Let's not forget who had their money deposited in the banks. We're not
talking about
a bunch of Wolf of Wall Street finance bros here. Everyone hates those guys. We're
talking about
the tech industry. The people that brought us beloved services like Twitter and
TikTok and Grindr and the
Dominion voting machines. These are the people that fund every progressive idea
that we've basically
ever had in this country. If the tech industry were around in the 1960s, I
guarantee you they would have
built a social media platform for MLK. We can all agree on that.
The tech industry is literally the only industry in America that still has a
dream. Think about how
much good the tech industry has done. Think about Steve Jobs. Sandals used to
be gay. Think about the
push for more climate responsibility in business. You think Exxon would have
done that? No. Just the idea
of ESG businesses would have seemed Yahoo before a bunch of computer nerds
changed the way that we think
about the environment. If we don't bail out the tech industry, we're sending a
message to the only good
capitalists in the world that they will have to pay for the sins of their
social cohort. And I'm sorry,
but that sounds like racism to me. I'm serious. Isn't that what racism is at
its core? Judging an entire
group based upon the actions of a few? Is there really that much of a
difference between Silicon Valley
bank customers and George Floyd in this instance by refusing the depositors of
Silicon Valley,
a guarantee that their money is safe? Aren't we basically unfairly punishing
the brightest and
most innovative members of our society because people that look like them,
financially speaking,
have made our lives miserable? And maybe you're okay with that. Maybe you're
thinking,
fuck them. They're a casualty in the war against capital. But to me, that
sounds fascist. That
sounds like something Hitler would say. If you believe that we should punish
the most progressive
capitalists in the world. Just to make some silly point, well, if you believe
that, you might as well
set your clocks back. All the way to the 1950s. This is the Adam Friedland Show.
And we'll be right back.