Name: Monologue: Donald Trump Arrested | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-04-03T14:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Donald Trump Arrested | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Monologue: Donald Trump Arrested | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-03. Transcript available.

My people! My people! Thank you, guys. Every week you come back, I can't
believe it.
Well folks, it's time to celebrate. It's Independence Day. All right, all right.
No,
it's not the Fourth of July. It's a different but equally patriotic and
historic type of
Independence Day. For today, we're not celebrating our independence from
Britain, which, to be quite
clear, was probably a mistake when you consider how much better off America
would be if we just
toughed it out with the whole royalty thing. Sure, we wouldn't have had African-American
vernacular
English, but we'd have universal health care and guns would be illegal.
Literally the only downside
would be our proximity to the fascist transphobe J.K. Rowling. No, today we
celebrate a different
independence for America, for today is the day before the day before that
Donald Trump will
finally be arrested. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. All right. It's gonna
happen any minute now,
or so I've been led to believe by foul-mouthed Democrat surrogates on Twitter.
I know many of
you were thinking, didn't we already hear this? Weren't we promised an arrest
by Mueller? And what about
the documents at Mar-a-Lago? As much as I hate to admit, those turned out to be
nothing burgers.
What's a nothing burger, you ask? Well, it's like an impossible burger, but
instead of being made
out of Bill Gates' lab-engineered cancer meat filled with the vaccines, it's
made out of the wine sweat
dabbed off of Jojo from Jersey's cold gray labia during one of her menopausal rants.
But this time,
we've got him. We've got him. For real. Yes. Donald Trump is finally going to
jail for the crime
of fucking torture. All right. Let's hear it. All right. Hold on. Wait a second.
That's what this is about?
Am I reading that right? Donald Trump is going to jail for getting too much
pussy? And this is supposed to
hurt him? Folks, this is terrible, terrible news. Look, I may be a radical left
centralist,
but I'm not a moron. I maybe go to the bathroom in my pants, but I wasn't born
yesterday, despite my
baby penis. I know that no matter what Donald Trump is arrested for, it'll make
him a martyr for his base.
He won't lose any votes. And most liberals know this also. We're not looking to
hurt his chances in
2024 by sending him to jail. We just want to see him suffer at the hands of the
justice system that we
will do everything in our power to tear down and rebuild just as soon as we're
done using it to put
Donald Trump in jail. When we close our eyes and imagine Donald Trump going to
prison, we don't
imagine him sitting in a cell missing his cell phone and thinking about what he's
done. No, of course not.
Let's be honest. We imagine him being turned into someone's wife, bent over and
sodomized,
turned out and abused, begging for mercy until his spirit is broken and he's
reborn as a feminized
sex slave who answers to whichever man currently owns him. That is what he
deserves for January 6th.
That is what he deserves for leaving poopoo on Nancy Pelosi's MacBook. And I've
never been to prison,
despite how often I fantasize about it. So I can't call myself an expert. But I
do know one thing.
A guy that gets sent to jail for fucking a porn star will not be getting molested
in there.
And that's not okay. Not for Donald Trump. If we send him to prison for fucking
Stormy Daniels,
he will be treated like a king in there. And we can't have that. In fact, that
kind of arrest
would absolutely have an impact on the election and not in the way that we want.
Because let's be honest,
when we close our eyes and we imagine Trump holding onto someone's pocket,
being strolled out into the yard like Vanna White giving out handies to the
boys like she's flipping
vowels, covered head to toe in semen. It's not choir boys we imagine doing it.
No. It's the sex beast
that sits at the heart of the sadosexual liberal fantasy. The criminal. Both
dream of saving but also
employing as a tormentor demon. Set upon our enemies like some sort of giant dicked
dragon. And what if
Donald Trump somehow wins those guys over on the inside? Well, I worry about
what that would mean
on the outside. If somehow the minorities we haven't managed to arrest yet find
out that Donald Trump
is cool in there, we can kiss 2024 goodbye. So as sad as I am to say it, I
really think
we're going to have to pass on this arrest because justice involves a lot more
than courts.
It involves a lot more than charges and jail time. If Donald Trump isn't going
to be raped in prison,
then it's a truly broken system. And I'm willing to wait for the one that
actually works for the people.
Anyways, we got Norman Finkelstein this week. Stay tuned guys.
Great show.