Name: Crazy Bar Fight Stories | Nick Mullen on The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-04-14T15:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Crazy Bar Fight Stories | Nick Mullen on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Crazy Bar Fight Stories | Nick Mullen on The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-14. Transcript available.

You ever see Bloodsport?
No.
Dude, I just remember being in a bar.
I actually haven't drank liquor since I fell off the wagon.
So this is bad.
It's only been beer and wine.
No, it's fine.
I wasn't like a liquor guy.
It's kind of disgusting.
It's gross, and honestly, I can't handle it.
It gets me drunk too quickly.
Me too.
Yeah, I much prefer just wine and beer.
Wine is just so many calories in a glass of wine.
Is there?
Yeah, I think of it as that, at least.
Yeah, I don't know.
I never checked.
Yeah.
I mean, it's all empty calories anyway.
But yeah, I just remember being at a bar with this guy who's like a cool guy.
He was like, but remember Hipsters?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, so it was East Austin.
Boy, do I remember them.
East Austin Hipster, part of that East Six bartender scene.
And he was like, we're doing shots of Jameson.
Fucking mix it.
Everybody order a shot of Jameson.
And even at the time, in my early 20s, I never really liked liquor.
And I'm like, all right, begrudgingly, I'll do a shot of Jameson with this guy.
And then he's like, he takes a shot and then just like, just throws up like on
his shirt and trash can and tries to play it off.
Like, just like hadn't thrown up, like in front of everybody.
But yeah, I remember that guy getting real mad at me that night because he had
a messenger bag.
He was back in the messenger bag, guys.
And the strap had like a, do you remember the old GM belt buckles?
Like the, like a-
Up until the 1980s.
I feel like GM, like, or maybe it was just in the 1980s.
But they all had the same, like, kind of, there was the blue GM, the old GM
logo, the blue GM logo.
So there's a belt buckle on there.
And the whole night I kept, I was drunk.
And I kept fucking unbuckling his messenger bag and it would fall on the ground.
That's cold.
Yeah.
That's ice cold.
Yeah.
Every time he's like, fucking bro, stop.
And then my thing in those days was getting, getting beat up.
You get beat up all the time?
Oh, I loved it.
You loved it?
Yeah.
I, I, uh.
Because he'd be like, yeah, I got in a fight last night.
Did nothing.
You just get the shit kicked out of you.
He'd be like, yeah, I get in fights all the time.
Yeah, just calling it a fight.
Just getting fucking killed.
Just getting, just talking shit until somebody fucking just knocks you the fuck
out and you're like, yeah.
I've only been in one real, like, bar fight in my life.
Yeah.
And it was, uh, the night before I, like, moved out of L.A.
We were at this bar in Castaic, like, up north.
Yeah.
And, um, a buddy of mine got so drunk and I, like, went to the bathroom and I
walked out.
And when I walked in the bathroom, he was talking to this guy.
And when I walked out of the bathroom, this guy was, like, stomping his head in
on the ground.
Yeah.
So, we get in this big fight.
But the only punch I threw was, uh, somebody tapped me on the back or, like,
pushed me.
And I turned around and just punched him in the face as hard as I can.
And it was, like, a 50-year-old woman.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
And I think I, like, killed her.
Fucked her ass up, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, ruined her life.
Taught her a lesson.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's what you get for tapping me on the back.
Yeah.
Because I was probably, like, close to her purse or something.
She went home.
She's like, yeah, I got in a fight.
I saw a lady get, I was.
Who wants to suck my pussy?
Who wants to suck my bar fight in my pussy?
Yeah.
What the fuck is up?
Mom, can I suck your pussy?
They're runts.
They're, like, all in the same bed lined up with my caps on.
And they think it's a nipple.
Yeah.
She walks by one by one and feeds them.
Like, it's a factory farm.
She just goes by with it.
But they all get one clit lick each.
Oh, God.
Yeah.
I saw a lady the other day get knockout gamed.
Really?
Yeah.
I left Adam's birthday.
Mm-hmm.
And I went and I was peeing on my car.
And you were peeing on your car?
I was peeing on my car.
Like, on the hood of the car?
No.
You know, you pee on the, like, in between the tire and the, like, the wheel
well and
the tire.
You piss right in there and nobody knows?
No.
I usually get in the car and I go 127 and I piss.
I was peeing on the car and then I saw a lady fall into the street.
I go 127 and then I start pissing once I see the needle hit it.
It's the only way you can piss?
And then once I'm done pissing, I go, I'm done.
Damn.
D-U-N-N.
That's hard.
Yeah.
I go, I'm done.
Damn.
And then I let the accelerator go down.
Yeah.
And then you just go home.
Watch TV.
And then I go home, yeah, covered in piss.
I watch John Wick 3.
Just sit on your guts.
Yeah, I'm like, yeah.
Somehow the piss got up your shirt.
Yeah.
It's on your chest.
Yeah.
There's a straw that goes from my pants and I suck it out of the moisture out
of my pants.
I drink it.
And I go, yeah, that's me.
Sounds like a good life.
Dude, Ryan Dunn just lived a better life than I could ever live.