Name: Nick Mullen's Best Call Centre Stories | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-05-13T21:41:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Mullen's Best Call Centre Stories | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Mullen's Best Call Centre Stories | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-13. Transcript available.

No, it's my giant mustache when you worked at a call center. Were there any
guys that were trying to
Smash smash the chicks on the phone. Oh
I thought you meant me
So you know any guys that were like, oh no 99% I you would find it hard to
believe but it's true
I was one of the least autistic people there. I was like I was the most well-adjusted
I was as close to you can get especially when I worked a night shift the
fucking freaks that would work the night shift at the call center
There was a guy that had a staff
And it may have had a skull on top of but he had a fucking staff
Gandalf, you know, he would walk around with a staff and then he had like a t-shirt
that he would wear
That was like a like bomb squad, you know, but it was like like like like a
technical support
Oh, it was stylized like bomb squad may have even said bomb squad, you know
15 years ago, but it was like tech support, but it's like, you know, no one can
see that shirt. You're on the phone
Yeah, you're I don't know who you're wearing this shirt for the other guys. You
don't even have to wear clothes at night
If you could be completely naked. Yeah, there was a girl that would bring a
doll in and put the doll in the on her desk
Oh, no, and then brush the dolls hair. Oh, no. What happened to her? I don't
know something bad
Something bad. Yeah, it can't be any worse than working fucking night shift
technical support for dial-up internet service providers
So you never you never asked a girl if she wanted
You and the staff got a run train
On the floor. Yeah, no never you're like, let me tell you something. I got this
staff guy. Yeah, yeah
Yeah, no, there was one guy. I remember one of the funniest things I ever saw
that there was a guy who'd bring a laptop in and he would watch
I don't even think they had a name for it. Yeah, I mean they must have they
must mean he's like, you know
The YouTube thing let's plays, you know that no where someone will play like
the entirety of a video game
But it's not like a speed run. They'll just play through the game and record it
Okay, and other people will just watch the game being played. Isn't that what
twitches? Yeah, but there's no they're not in it
It's just a screen cap of the game. It's just Mario jumping. They're just
watching
Yeah, and he was what he was watching a video of someone playing Wind Waker
Like what does that get Zelda games or GameCube? Yeah, just watching somebody
play Wind Waker and he's on the phone and he's like
Just click just click
He's like losing his fucking mind that this old man. He's like click just click
on it. Just click on the start button
It's the start and then hitting mute. It's the start button you fucking fuck
you old fuck
Just and then unmuting and then like click just click on just click on just
click on just screaming at the top
And like a manager had to come over and be like John John John
You know stop him and he throws the headset off and he's like hyperventilating
and they had to bring him a hot chocolate
Just with like Wind Waker playing next to him this so they were nice to the
people that work there
Everyone that was in a management position at that company like even like this
like the senior executives
Yeah, the VPs and stuff they all I think almost all of them started on the
floor
So it's like there is an upward mobility, but I mean it was like it was like
warfare basically
Mm-hmm, you know, it was like it's just it is a brutal job
Because it's non-stop. It's fucking all day long
Just like you know like and then it's not like there's any real problems to
solve ever
Right. It's always like in someone that doesn't know how to use an old person
like hovering their finger over a button being like
I don't know how to press the button and you're just press it
They're like, what do you mean? Well, just drop your finger down on the button
Like this and you're like no just the way it's your fingers already over the
button. So just drop your finger
Onto the button. That's all you have to do and they're like, well, I'm like
this, you know, and you're like no
See how your fingers over the button
Just let like gravity
And it would be it's 30 minutes of that
You're it's infuriating you and you can't I mean like
Also a room full of autistic people
You also have to feel bad because especially at that job. It's like this old
people like they're
Subjected to technology, right? They have to have this shit and they have no
They don't yeah, it's gonna happen to fucking everybody
It's gonna you're gonna be 80 years old and there's gonna be a bunch of lasers
going into your fucking
And I'm gonna be like yeah, you know, and then your fucking grandson's gonna be
like just stare at the laser
Just stare into it and you're gonna be like, I don't know
Hat and like I need to do this to see your baseball game. I don't understand
why I can't I just come to the game?
They're like, are you insane?
What are you a racist? What do you mean come to the baseball? You're like, all
right, all right, all right
I'll try to stare at the laser your fucking bodies the crap. I mean, yeah, you
know, you feel bad for them
It's horrible, but it's you know for a minimum wage just to like have and you
might be the first person they've spoken to all day
Right, yeah, they're all alone and that's this first day as soon as you log in
like boop and then it starts
So when you hang up and then the call ends right and then there's finalize the
note before you can even finish the notes like
Hello, like it's just fun another one right away. Yeah
What's email mean, you know, it's just fucking
Stop so people would like to look yeah, they would like to lose how do you get
away with not doing work at that job?
Me and what are the hat me and Norman worked there together? Yeah, and there
was another guy that Norman was friends with who just
For six months, he was like a he moved over to work from home for six months
He would log in and then just put the headset down and then just go fuck off
And it took they took it took six months for them to like audit his calls and
realize that he had not taken a single call
Really just collecting a paycheck. Yeah
And did he show up? He's just like let know his work from home. I was working
so he would log in and just put the fucking thing aside
You know, yeah, I would leave his house. Presumably that's awesome
Yeah, and then he would just be like I was yeah
There's a problem with the phone and then when you work from home to there was
like stuff. It's like, you know, you have to the phone uses
Like power over ethernet or whatever. Oh, so
Anytime you really want to bail on a call you could just fucking unplug the
thing and it'd be like
God my phone I guess reset itself or something. No. Yeah, and just hang up on
people and then just your luck
They'd call back and get you again
Out of 200 people that were gonna call us speaking, weren't we? Is it Nicholas?
It sounds like Nicholas. This is Vikram
No
No, it's not. No, it's not. I know it's not. I know you're so funny
No, it's Vikram, and I'm going to kill myself
Yeah, no that job was fucking yeah, they said like a super high turnover rate,
so they didn't really give a fuck
I didn't show up for work for like three days
I think I've told all these stories before I didn't show up for work for like
three days and like I was scheduled I just got
drunk and hung out with friends and uh-huh and
Yeah, I showed up to work on the fourth day just like very hungover and I had a
black eye and I logged in and I
My manager was like hey, can you come to my desk for a second? So I go up and
he's like so
Like what happened you didn't call or show for three days and
But he didn't once it once he saw what I looked like
He was kind of just taken aback and I was like yeah, I was sick
And he was like, okay, well, I hope you feel better and that was the end of it
really yeah
No, they just didn't because I have to retain people yeah
They're really just trying to not lose people they had a whole dad like like a
whole classroom
Yeah, and it was like they were constantly hiring every week. There were 20 new
employees
They would always have to hire like because it would lose that many people
every week just because the job is like just yeah
It's rough it sucks, you know, it was gonna replace that AI AI dude. Yeah