Name: A GoodFella Story with Ian Fidance | The Adam Friedland Show
Uploaded: 2023-12-30T12:30:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A GoodFella Story with Ian Fidance | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A GoodFella Story with Ian Fidance | The Adam Friedland Show' from TAFS Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-30. Transcript available.

Well, then you do it.
Ian, you do it with one of your stories, we're going to do that again.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Okay, so you're Henry Hill, we're going to do, think about it, there's a real
story
happening to you, you'll say the first sentence, I'll start the Goodfellas
music, and then
you'll tell the rest of the story.
All right, all right.
And it has to be dark.
All right, all right.
All right.
You ready?
And action.
Let me light up a cigarette.
Hold on.
Yeah, let's see, let's see Ian's improv skills.
All right.
Action.
Ever since I can remember, I always would have gay male anal sex.
Summer 2008, I went to Lowe's to pick up some tools from my boss.
I was working construction.
I made the order and a guy behind the counter caught my eye.
I had already left, but I said, I ain't letting this one slip by.
So I went back and I bought a screwdriver.
I didn't need it, but I needed what this guy had.
I asked him if he wanted to go to dinner.
He said, yes.
So I pick him up in my Toyota Camry and immediately off the bat, we got
chemistry.
We start to kiss and fondle each other, but I don't know where to go because I'm
living
with my mother at the time.
Nobody in the world knows I'm doing this and people think that I'm at a punk
rock show in Philadelphia.
So I take the kid, we go down to a ravine in Delaware and we start making out
and I suck
his cock.
We go outside and we make out on the hood of my car and he throws me on top of
the hood
and starts eating my ass.
It's at this moment I remember, wow.
This is the same place my grandparents used to go to have a date with each
other.
It's funny when life takes you.
It's funny when life takes you.
Yeah.
My incisor.
We got the smoke.
We got the smoke.
We got the smoke.
We got the smoke.
Wow.
That was a real moment I think we just had.
Ian, you were the man for the job.
I think we just found out that you were the man for the job and I commend you
on that.
Thank you.
We rose to the occasion.
And I'm glad you went to Lover's Lane with that Dominican guy that worked at
Home Depot
that you caught a glance at.
James, he told me he was a model but only on MySpace.
And then later that night, you want me to keep going?
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
At the time, I was really in the closet so in order to have sex with men and
feel okay
about it, I had to get one over on him.
So I made him buy me a case of beer so that I could feel powerful.
This is good.
He came to my mom's house where she wasn't home.
I fucked him in the ass in my shower.
And then I got absolutely hammered to make the bad thoughts go away.
Later that night, my mom found me fishing out on computer dust in my bedroom.
I thought I was having a party with my friends in the backyard.
But in reality, I was laying in my bed going .
My mom came up and thought her only son was dead.
And she told me that when I came to and she was screaming for me to wake up.
Did you ever like fuck a guy and then be like, "But maybe I'm not like gay?"
Yeah, every time.
Yeah.
What do you think I admit it to myself?
I did that.
No, I didn't look myself in the eye in the mirror for like a whole calendar
year when I was younger.
Yeah.
Really?
Where you're like, "Okay, but I'm never doing that again."
And then what do you know?
It's Groundhog Day.
And that's the last time.
And I swear it all forever.
What do you know?
I wonder what beautiful woman I'm going to marry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know.
Well, I love you for who you are.
I love you for who you are.
And I love you.
What a fun time, huh?
What a fun time, huh?